• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Still trying...

TheUltimateFixx

TheUltimateFixx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 8, 2021
Messages
3,929
Location
North Wales
... to make just ONE single day happen where I can simply relax, and everyone's happy.

I already can't take my DOC anymore. So I resort to a 4-pack of beer by way of piss - poor compensation. But I need to consume that in about 1 hr flat to get any effects 'cause my tolerance is quite high these days. You'd think 1 hr wouldn't be taking too much out of anyone's schedule but oh no. I can practically GUARANTEE that after the 2nd can somebody will interrupt me or lecture me on my consumption.

So I' m pissed off as fuck now, because in trying to accommodate the people in my life (my partner and my mother) I've YET AGAIN WASTED £10 worth of alcohol which failed to give me the desired effects on account of me CONSTANTLY being asked to do some shit or another, or discussing my so-called BEHAVIOUR which wouldn't be an issue if they'd just leave me THE FUCK ALONE; thus being interrupted, thus delaying the drinking, thus ending up with me having to pay for the privilege of pissing every ten minutes whilst only feeling AT BEST mildly intoxicated.

PS forget the £10 alcohol. It's mostly the £20 fucking TAXI FARE I paid to get to and from the shops in record time (alternative is walking for 2.5 miles / 45 mins each way) that truly irks me ffs.
If I'm spending THAT amount I think I'm entitled to enjoy

PSPS just been accused of 'dragging mud' into the living room when that was blood dripping off my leg, because I was in fact trying to calm down a bad PTSD episode WITH the fucking alcohol, before I got prevented from consuming the alcohol at the necessary rate to accomplish said objective. So I cut up as a last resort tactic, THEN got effectively blamed for trying my level self - destructive best to keep my shit together. YAY I love my life.
 
Last edited:
The UltimateFixx said:
... to make just ONE single day happen where I can simply relax, and everyone's happy.

I already can't take my DOC anymore. So I resort to a 4-pack of beer by way of piss - poor compensation. But I need to consume that in about 1 hr flat to get any effects 'cause my tolerance is quite high these days. You'd think 1 hr wouldn't be taking too much out of anyone's schedule but oh no. I can practically GUARANTEE that after the 2nd can somebody will interrupt me or lecture me on my consumption.

So I' m pissed off as fuck now, because in trying to accommodate the people in my life (my partner and my mother) I've YET AGAIN WASTED £10 worth of alcohol which failed to give me the desired effects on account of CONSTANTLY being asked to do some shit or another, or discussing my so-called BEHAVIOUR which wouldn't be an issue if they'd just leave me THE FUCK ALONE; thus being interrupted, thus delaying the drinking, thus ending up with me having to pay for the privilege of pissing every ten minutes whilst only feeling AT BEST mildly intoxicated.

PS forget the £10 alcohol. It's mostly the £20 fucking TAXI FARE I paid to get to and from the shops in record time (alternative is walking for 2.5 miles / 45 mins each way) that truly irks me ffs.
If I'm spending THAT amount I think I'm entitled to enjoy

PSPS just been accused of 'dragging mud' into the living room when that was blood dripping off my leg, because I was in fact trying to calm down a bad PTSD episode WITH the fucking alcohol, before I got prevented from consuming the alcohol at the necessary rate to accomplish said objective. So I cut up as a last resort tactic, THEN got effectively blamed for trying my level self - destructive best to keep my shit together. YAY I love my life.
Click to expand...
Damn mate, what can I say....life is a fucking struggle ugh.
We all have good and bad days but lately there has been too many bad days in a row not just for u. My life is still in a fucked up position(you are more informed about my current situation than the rest ppl here) sigh* but what can we do mate? We have to carry on anyway, there's a light at the end of the tunnel bro. Things will get better, trust me. I send u a hug and the best vibes buddy 💙💯💫
 
nznity said:
Damn mate, what can I say....life is a fucking struggle ugh.
We all have good and bad days but lately there has been too many bad days in a row not just for u. My life is still in a fucked up position(you are more informed about my current situation than the rest ppl here) sigh* but what can we do mate? We have to carry on anyway, there's a light at the end of the tunnel bro. Things will get better, trust me. I send u a hug and the best vibes buddy 💙💯💫
Click to expand...
... always steps up to the proverbial plate, my dear & cherished Peruvian mate 🤍💙

Thank you.
 
Gotdam, homie! I think I would be way pissed with all that $ going out and getting nothing really in return. That would eat at me for quite some time.
Givin up the DOC is fucking a huge endeavor, imo. I put down thc-o and kinda bugged the fuck out after 3 or 4 days. Never felt this from any weed product but this had me in what I describe as a mild benzo withdrawal. Just couldnt deal with my surroundings or the people in them in a sane way and everything was fucked up or so was my perception. It was horrible and got worse until I took a few puffs and most of the symptoms fell away. (No I am not saying go get a fix please dont, brother). If I have to deal with this again (which I more than likely will cause I just ran out) I will use other means to ease my head-fuckery rather than bow to this substance but at least I figured out wtf had me so run amok.
I have no clue what I am trying to say other than what you posted basically describes me about a week or so ago.
Loving life. :cautious:
Always the love, brother.
You a smart mf you got this.
1
 
jasperkent said:
Pardon my ignorance, but what is thc-o?
Click to expand...
A fully synthetic cannabinoid.
No worries I was ignorant of it 5 months ago but versed now. :LOL:
It is a strong sedative, in my opiniom. All may have their own experience with it but it really takes me down which I love. Had no clue it would kick my ass if I decided to put it away.
 
The last time I smoked weed, was back in 1990. Out in San Francisco, so it was chronic shit. Like, Humbolt County. I was so fucking naive to it, that I smoked a whole joint to self and completely disassociated from myself! I had a total freak out. I took myself, fucking somehow (I was very determined to save my sanity!) to the nearest hospital/mental health facility. I stayed 3 weeks!!!! So, I am scared to death to ever try again. I do not like anything that makes me feel out of control or anxious, as I am already anxious as fuck and have PTSD. So, curious about the THC-O.
 
To keep from derailing Fix's thread I wanna put a link to a thc-o megathread that can give a wider range of experiences with this product.
But yes; the thc-o is very much a "downer" for me. So much so that I do not work and smoke it (vape) as I really just dont want to be bothered and want to just chill with my inner thoughts. Sleep is nice (until a couple days pass without it).
lovemissile66 said:
Is THC-O sort of a downer?
Click to expand...
To me it certainly is. Trying to see what research has been done on receptor action but find very little so far. If weed set you off I would be cautious of any cannabinoid. Please be careful? Need you around. <3
lovemissile66 said:
10 days off
Click to expand...
Oh, hell, congrats! This is BOSS. ;)
 
6am-64-14m said:
To keep from derailing Fix's thread I wanna put a link to a thc-o megathread that can give a wider range of experiences with this product.
But yes; the thc-o is very much a "downer" for me. So much so that I do not work and smoke it (vape) as I really just dont want to be bothered and want to just chill with my inner thoughts. Sleep is nice (until a couple days pass without it).

To me it certainly is. Trying to see what research has been done on receptor action but find very little so far. If weed set you off I would be cautious of any cannabinoid. Please be careful? Need you around. <3

Oh, hell, congrats! This is BOSS. ;)
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for that!!!! Sometimes I forget how much it means to just get through an hour, let alone a whole day. Just a drought happening where my plug
is...But I am starting to feel soooooo much better this week. Had about 35 days a couple months ago. That was great too. But I miss the fuck out of heroin. It may
sound strange, but it has kept me alive through a lot of fucked up shit.
Anyway....THANK YOU, MAN!!!
 
lovemissile66 said:
I miss the fuck out of heroin
Click to expand...
lovemissile66 said:
it has kept me alive through a lot of fucked up shit.
Click to expand...
Oh I feel ya. I miss my benzos in a like manner. If/when we revisit may it be brief and safe. I know my tolerance is nil atm so to keep from ending up in a bad situation I have to remember to start low. Wont be long before I can put this to a test. :LOL:
When ya see this emoji ( :drama: ) poppin up ya know what it is. ;)
Most welcom, lm. See ya about.
One
 
Cheshire_Kat said:
It took me many, many attempts before I was successful.
Click to expand...
'success' rather depends on individual definition and what you want to achieve. I was 'successful' on my terms, in that I'd reduced my usage to a level where it wasn't negatively impacting my life, and I never once felt tempted to go back to using the way I was before.

... Unfortunately, my partner is very adamant about drugs.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top