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Advice How do you decide whether to have children or not?

Personally, I never wanted to have children. It was something unpredictable, and I hated going to checkups. The mere fact that I had to go to the gynecologist would choke me to death just thinking about it. But when my infertility problems started, I had to take a long time to get treatment. Almost three frozen pregnancies and lo and behold, a long-awaited baby. We nursed him often, rocked him in our arms, and he grew very attached to us. The second baby was laid alone in the crib. We gave him a pacifier, attached him to these interesting dummy clips, and slept through the night. It was a beautiful baby's childhood and my stay at home.
 
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It comes naturally.Both of us wanted girl-we got the girl.Ofcourse must have some basic stuff-house,apartment or at least a room and enough money for all nessesery for the baby.Glad that my child is far wise,focused and almost an addult person.Soon she can get her own life in her hands and I am grateful to God for such gift and feel content like a parent.Me and my wife got good job done.Peace for all.
 
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Same age as OP and I decided long ago that I'm never having kids, like I'll keep adoption on the table if a future partner is interested in having kids but I made my choice based on knowing how fucked my family is medical history wise among other things, really not interested in keeping my blood line in the gene pool.
I know I'd make a terrible parent so I'd honestly rather not have to worry about that tbh, cosmic nihilism + anarchism don't exactly seem like traits suited to raising a kid.
 
Fiori di Bella said:
My sister is nearly 17 years older than me.
Because my mom was busy getting her doctoral degree, my sister raised me.
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How funny, that’s almost identical to my situation with my mom & sister. I was like 17 when my sister was born, she’s 13 now. My mom was also getting her doctorate & I was basically my sister’s nanny during the day while my mom was at school lol
 
When I was a wild drug addiction, I was either ambivalent or against having children, but since I cleaned up, its become something I desperately want. It took a bit of convincing as my partner has had 4 miscarriages but we've been trying.

It's actually now probably sightly unhealthy in that I cannot imagine achieving satisfaction with my life if I don't have a child. But it is what it is. I just really want to be a father and teach a little human what I know and to love something unconditionally. But we're both 40 and I suspect this isn't going to be easy and I'm not sure how to come to terms with this possibly (probably?) failing.
 
Recently remembered this thread and thought I'd post a reply now we are a few years down the line. I'm 32 now, feeling less depressed and though I'm not certain I increasingly think that I would be quite happy living my life without kids.
JoshLobbs said:
OP one of the main factors that made me want to be a father was the feeling in my gut that I got when I fantassed about being a father, or even when I said to myself "...my son...". It gave me pangs of pride and longing.

And if you are worried about not being ready for a fatherhood , trust me you are.
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I'm recently dating someone and we've discussed kids, when she told me that she didn't want children my overwhelming feeling was of relief. Which I think says a lot and shows me that I probably don't want children.
birdup.snaildown said:
What do you do for other people? Most people I know who don't want kids just live life for themselves... Maybe you're one of the exceptions?
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I coach kids at a sports club, to be honest I feel like that's enough kids for me but I do also feel like I'm giving something back. Occasionally I'll get that rewarding feeling where I've successfully taught something as well.
 
I'm a man and literally for as long as I can remember I never wanted kids. Could never really pinpoint why when I was younger. I mean I never really like dealing with kids and their immaturity. Hell, I couldn't get along with my younger brother till he was like 17 or 18 (I was always more mature than my age, always hanging out with friends 3 or 4 years older).

However, now that I am older I actually think I made that decision subconsciously watching every male on my father's side of the family deal with severe alcoholism. Due to his drinking, I actually rarely drink. Unfortunately, that addiction gene within me found out that I enjoyed opiates.

Long story short, I think I subconsciously bade the decision long ago that I want the cycle of addiction that actually runs on both sides of my family to end with me. Thankfully, my younger brother learned from my mistakes and doesn't have any substance use problems. Maybe his kids can carry on the family name. But as far as I am concerned, it ends with me.
 
Maybe later in life, but sure as hell not now with my current substance use pattern. If get a son I sure as hell hope he doesn't share my traits and proneness to use substances with total disregard for social consequences and my inherent ability to hide my use so that the abuse will not be exposed untill shit has really hit the fan.
 
Both of my daughters opted not to have children for health reasons on both sides of the family. Both of our daughters were a surprise to us...14 months apart. My parents shouldn't have had children, they were ignorant and not suitable for parenting.
 
M!$TER-ED said:
Both of my daughters opted not to have children for health reasons on both sides of the family. Both of our daughters were a surprise to us...14 months apart. My parents shouldn't have had children, they were ignorant and not suitable for parenting.
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Wow, that last sentence is brutal,lol.
 
SoCalShordie said:
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I was born during the Ford administration. So like many, from my when I was born or older, our mothers probably smoked, drank and did who knows what else, when they were pregnant.

Seriously, I kind of repayed her by accidentally breaking her nose ( car seats were not a thing in the 70's), getting her fired from a job, and shoplifting when I was in the terrible two's, lol.
 
bornabuser said:
Maybe later in life, but sure as hell not now with my current substance use pattern. If get a son I sure as hell hope he doesn't share my traits and proneness to use substances with total disregard for social consequences and my inherent ability to hide my use so that the abuse will not be exposed untill shit has really hit the fan.
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if you can afford to; if your life is good, stable, fun, not too much arguing or drama with your partner(s); and you have thought about how it's gonna impact your whole life;
and
if you don't have terrible or poor health. if you cannot improve your health, don't breed.
 
I have have 2 sons in college, they're good guys, everything I ever wanted. I'm pretty optimistic.
 
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