AutoTripper
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2019
- Messages
- 10,196
I can empathise. And you know, I would join you in that. Similar reasons, I just seek comfort and an absence of pain.I am starting to think that i could try this shit. Heroin. I have nothing to lose anymore, and i simply don't care. About myself, my shit, and my well being. And i am not well anyway. Never been, never will be. So why not graduate to heroin? I don't even use any opiates though... But i want relief. Away... From mental pain... Would that not be harm reduction, when everything is fucked up anyway?
Except I would be deathly allergic to the heroin unless via syringe. And I would not manage my conditions for many days any which way.
So I'm kinda stuck, being conscious, feeling sick, pain, trauma, exhaustion indescribable, and way much more.
So heroin no possible option for myself. If it was viable, free, pure, non allergenic. I'd be on it today, I admit, as the lesser evil.
So I push on. The determination and resilience it has taken to reach here, makes it seem like a waste to give up now.
I've sort of made a pact with myself. I will get well, or die trying. And I'm really really trying not to die.
First premise = it's not allowed. Under any circumstance.
Which is both incredibly motivating but also traumatic as hell. Like, constantly fighting to not die, against odds. And it absolutely must, cannot happen.
Yet!
It's really traumatised the hell out of me and still is but like I say having done 59 rounds with Mike Tyson just for breakfast I feel like I've achieved something and just maybe it will be easier one day it could be next week?
I care for you @Did someone fart? I'm really sorry you hurt, feel sad, hopeless.
I wish I could give you hope. I am sorry too for my failiure to recognise your identity and accusations of insincerity.