It's been 3 weeks since I did anything psychedelic so...
I took 450mg dxm at 185lb, then 20mg 4-ho-met 2hr after dosing the dex and it was a psychedelic experience I guess.... but it was so cold, devoid of any warmth, meaning, or value. No euphoria, just confusion, coldness, emotional distance, and numbness were taken to its greatest extremes. Things that should be fantastic, bizarre, and wild were turned cold, confusing, and voided Visuals weren't patterned enough to meld, shift, shimmer, or do any patterns, it's just what I saw was confusion. Like... it was the inability to identify patterns that caused confusion. The confusion wasn't scary it was just a distant and cold confusion. I watched a couple of movies and they had music and plots and stuff but I had no concept of music, plots, and stuff or even what an "is" is at times. I have to think hard to even remember the titles of the movies much less remember the movies themelves not that they matter in this experience, just to say the meaning and value of everything brought before me was dessicated, turned to confusion and then made cold and devoid of any feeling, warmth, or connection.
But there was intense immersion in movies, that is intense immersion into the making of everything there cold, confused, hollow, and null.
I simply existed with no understanding of anything in total confusion in a state of physical and emotional numbness at the peak.
I listened to music and watched visualizers and I saw the typical psychedelic stuff but it all felt so distant, cold, voidless, w/out meaning, context, or anything... Just random sounds and sights devoid of anything with merit. No fear, no apprehension, no calm, no euphoria, just.. weirdness.
At one point I was standing in my room in some weird pose without any realization how I got there with a severely warped sense of depth perception both in sight (lilliputian hallucinations) and feel or why I was there and I think the only reason I had any realization of an "I" at all was because there was a dog licking my foot. Granted, I only had the slightest inkling of what a 'dog' 'is' since I hardly had anymore understanding of what an "I" is much less a "human" is lol. I remember myself saying aloud and hearing it back in the 3rd person, "what is doggy???" In the most sincere, earnest way of asking that question expecting an answer back and in a flash like I'd been given a religious vision I understood!!! "Doggy wants me to open door" and without a will of my own my hand opens the door for her not that I even understood that hand is that which is of me Like WTF LOL It's hard to understand and recognize the meaning, significiance, and existence of an autonomous entity separate from yourself (aka "doggy") when your "self" is unknowingly and uncaringly fragmented into separate consciousnesses each doing their own thinkings and lost in their own mind's eyes like in a cold alien's dream that's somehow your own waking dream but you can't put your finger on why it's your dream or even what you are. But there was no passion, euphoria, or meaning, or connection to anything while this was happening! It was just all so distant... foreign... far... and away...... It was... so.. so... cold
Not depressing or scary just... very unpleasant nevertheless. Like wtf kinda trip is this LOL. It's t-9hr after initial dex dosing and sentences, words, and lines are still flowing, ebbing, contracting and expanding and I see color shadows behind the letters and my emotionality is so hollow and void i'm creeping myself out but it's okay b/c it's coming back and I am able to laugh at myself a little now from this experience

. Well... at least I know what letters are at this point. They're not just cold diffuse random curves and lines devoid of meaning that are just there to confuse and disorient me! :D Yay! I'm past that phase :D
I don't think I'll be touching the dissociatives + psychedelics again soon to say the least. I look forward to when I have some 5-meo-mipt coming in soon to combine with this one

The 5-meo-mipt is such the oppositve of a dissociative I think it'll be a delight after this trip that was just coldness and confusion :D
I'm really dissappointed... I thought the 4-ho-met would give me crazy visuals and euphoria combined with the robo. Not at all what I got. In the past dxm has been fantastic when mixed with morning glory seeds and lsd. Like I mean... couldn't I just have a normal bad trip like being taken to hell and back or some such instead of just this bizarre frozen weirdness :D