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Recovery The 2022 alcohol support thread

That's definitely a good sign. You need practice mate, like with anything. If your periods of abstinence are getting longer generally then you just need to keep this trend up, I suppose!

When you say you relapse spectacularly.... Like "2L of vodka then getting arrested, naked except for a layer of your own faeces" spectacular? Or just like 6 tins and a film?
 
Hello everyone..
I'm 2 months sober and it's been pretty rough.. I thought at this point I'd feel much better than I do.. Physically I still feel exhausted almost all the time.. I have wicked bad insomnia and pretty much no appetite unless I smoke some weed, which only helps with the appetite.. But I'm working on other lifestyle changes to help improve my overall physical health.

Now the mental part of my recovery is what has been absolutely agonizing...

I've found myself on the path of self discovery.. I feel like I am becoming more aware and in tune of and with my thoughts and feelings.. Maybe a little too much.. Normally you'd think that more self awareness would be a good thing but for me in means over analyzing EVERYTHING.. or at least feeling like I am.. Whenever I feel like I am in a good head space and I'm feeling confident, even the smallest thing will have me arguing with myself about how to handle that specific situation... Everything seems so much more stressful than ever before.. And sometimes I feel like I might just be down right crazy... My emotions are all over the place.. but I'm trying to allow myself to feel how I feel and I have been trying to communicate my feelings more transparently than I have in the past..

One of the problems I seem to be having is that when I try to openly communicate with people about my feelings (especially the negative ones) it gets mistaken or misunderstood.. I guess I might not be that great at communication.. I've been told my body language is , my tone of voice, and my facial expression is wrong or inappropriate for the situation.. My sobriety has even continued to be called into question as if I am lying about not drinking because I'm "too emotional"... It kind of sucks, especially when I am actually trying very hard to be sincere...


But this attempt at sobriety for me is different because I am truly giving this my all..
 
axe battler said:
That's definitely a good sign. You need practice mate, like with anything. If your periods of abstinence are getting longer generally then you just need to keep this trend up, I suppose!

When you say you relapse spectacularly.... Like "2L of vodka then getting arrested, naked except for a layer of your own faeces" spectacular? Or just like 6 tins and a film?
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Hmm, no nakedness or arrests as yet, but going to Tescos at 6:30am for a bottle of vodka isn't good. Especially when you're driving all day...
 
Nah that's definitely a bit much @F.U.B.A.R. mate, I'm glad you're deciding to stop. Just keep on trying and the gaps between relapses should hopefully start growing.

I don't know if this is a good idea, but do you have other less addictive/harmful psychoactives to keep you occupied? Like when you're not going on long countryside walks and doing jigsaws like sober people do...

What about your garden poppies this year? Will you bother or is that too dangerous?

I've drank the last 2 nights in a row but other than that I've been fairly content with kava (and a little bit of crack WHOOPS haha).
 
axe battler said:
Nah that's definitely a bit much @F.U.B.A.R. mate, I'm glad you're deciding to stop. Just keep on trying and the gaps between relapses should hopefully start growing.

I don't know if this is a good idea, but do you have other less addictive/harmful psychoactives to keep you occupied? Like when you're not going on long countryside walks and doing jigsaws like sober people do...

What about your garden poppies this year? Will you bother or is that too dangerous?

I've drank the last 2 nights in a row but other than that I've been fairly content with kava (and a little bit of crack WHOOPS haha).
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Yeh, it's definitely too much mate. I feel like I'm living on borrowed time now. All it takes is one mistake and I'm fucked. No job, no licence, no future. I've been taking the piss and being pissed at work for eight years now. I've just had a glowing performance review from my boss and I was thinking "if only you knew".

As for other substances I've got good weed on tap now, which does help. I spent a decade with no weed contacts and that's when my drinking went through the roof. But now my kids have grown up, that little problem has been resolved 😀

The poppy seeds are sown because last year I accidentally found how to get the best out of them so looking forward to a decent crop...
 
fubs have you considered getting any help for your drinking? like as you're able to do a few days/weeks easily, it seems like maybe antabuse might be helpful? so that you can't lapse. what is it that switches you from abstinence to drinking? and then to drinking at 6.30am?

i'm doing OK with drinking. i've drank both nights this weekend but NOT TO EXCESS. i had to go into town yesterday, was out midday-9pm and i wanted to not be in pain so that helped me on friday. then last night firstly i was back relatively late and tired but secondly i really wanted to do a long run today. especially as i won't run while i'm travelling for work this week cos i make myself feel really ill by being a fucking nutjob. though i'm going to try not to do that or at least not treat it like a foregone conclusion cos at the end of the day most people can be alone in a hotel room for a few evenings and not spend the entire time on self destruction that they don't even enjoy.
 
chinup said:
fubs have you considered getting any help for your drinking? like as you're able to do a few days/weeks easily, it seems like maybe antabuse might be helpful? so that you can't lapse. what is it that switches you from abstinence to drinking? and then to drinking at 6.30am?
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I would consider help if it wasn't for the fact that my sister in law is high up in the drug and alcohol services. In fact, that was one of the major contributory factors that made me determined to get off methadone. I just didn't want that stuck up bitch involved in my shit.

So medical help is pretty much out of the question. This is something I've got to do myself.

What makes me relapse? I don't know. I'm not so much of an alcoholic as a vodkaholic. Other booze is meh (except Karpackie). But vodka has a fuckin strange hold over me. I don't know why because I don't really enjoy it any more. I have to neck a whole 70cl bottle before I feel remotely drunk. But that first quadruple shot turns a switch in my brain and then it's full on for days or even weeks.
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
I would consider help if it wasn't for the fact that my sister in law is high up in the drug and alcohol services. In fact, that was one of the major contributory factors that made me determined to get off methadone. I just didn't want that stuck up bitch involved in my shit.

So medical help is pretty much out of the question. This is something I've got to do myself.
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can you not just get antabuse from your GP without involving the drug/alcohol services? i have had benzos prescribed to help me get off alcohol by my GP in the past but like a decade ago so i don't know if things have changed.
 
chinup said:
can you not just get antabuse from your GP without involving the drug/alcohol services? i have had benzos prescribed to help me get off alcohol by my GP in the past but like a decade ago so i don't know if things have changed.
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As far as I know, anyone presenting to their GP with drug or alcohol problems in my area automatically get referred to the drug and alcohol services. Perhaps if I explained the situation, they could help. But all of the GPs I've seen are frankly fuckin shit.
 
get the fuck in @RDP89 that is amazing!!

urgh i really want to drink. i've felt so ill today for no reason. felt amazing yesterday, like healthy and cheerful. shoulda known this was round the corner. i think i'll hold out though cos i don't wanna feel worse tomo and also money.
 
still haven't drank but wanting to just because i'm not sposed to.
gonna get some stuff outa storage to put in my pad and know that is prime time to drink and other (when moving shit with ya buds)
still havent slept there :p anxiety from being separated from those i been around daily since before the pandemic. im already thinking about grabbing some crack when taxes get here. lovely to have a place to get high by myself. ;) nothing better than a secret garden.
anyway....
i feel it coming. i do. and drink with it. dont wanna but there ya have it.
 
i am a literal fucking joke.

got downstairs after my last post to find my boyf had bought beer while he was supposed to be getting halloumi. so now i am drinking one. i'd told him to stop buying beer out the joint account cos it makes the money go down too fast. here we are, less than 12 hours later. i pay 65% of what goes into that account so no chances i'm not drinking my share.
 
seems like we always have a reason, no?
CCA98DA3-7F6F-4691-A39B-69199258C1FD.png

just posted kitty cause he/she is a cutie not using it for wtf

fuckin thinking if i need to go ahead and get the bottle of vodka to have it ice cold and ready for that day. i mean this is foresight, right? takes time to get it syrupy cold just like i love it. why the hell am i focused on this? havent thought like this in over a year.... doomed to repeat mistakes til the end? :shrug:
maybe i wont........ maybe i can focus on that. who am i kidding?
kinda depressing :cautious:
 
6am-64-14m said:
fuckin thinking if i need to go ahead and get the bottle of vodka to have it ice cold and ready for that day. i mean this is foresight, right? takes time to get it syrupy cold just like i love it. why the hell am i focused on this? havent thought like this in over a year.... doomed to repeat mistakes til the end?
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mate don't. if you've not thought about it in over a year, no good will come of thinking now. its not worth it. put that thought to bed before it does any damage.

managed to only have 2 small tins of punk ipa, which is a normal strength beer and doesn't really touch the sides. so even though in black and white terms i drank, which is not good, in shades of grey terms it wasn't a disaster. stomach feels like something has died in it so drinking more would have probably set me up for a night doubled over in pain.
 
chinup said:
its not worth it.
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True that. It always turns out worse mentally and/or physically after the fact. But on the other hand it does tend to keep shit in perspective. Seems a fuck up keeps me focused for a time after. ............ oh here i go tryin to talk myself into it instead of the other way around. can find justification in anything i wanna do, too. bad habit.
I just know its bound to happen at some point. This is not in question. A "fuck up" since birth. Fuckin up a hell of a lot less these days. This is ok with me. A lot less downs and rare "crisis".
I do hate those side effects when coming down so hard.
We will see.
Hope to not post while drunk and crackin up but wont hide it.
:heart6:
 
fucking hell i could fucking scream!!

i am so fucking fed up of my boyfriend undermining my attempts at sobriety every single fucking day. i have explained to him in the past that him drinking makes me want to drink. he still goes and buys beer. usually out of our joint account which barely gets enough money in it each month for food after all our bills and i put fucking £1400 a month in, which is more than double what he does, so of course i feel fucking entitled to consume shit that is paid for out of there. but more than the money its just so fucking triggering.

so i have lost it with him, he's tried to come upstairs twice and i just have to tell him to get the fuck out of my sight.

his excuse is that he didn't know it was upsetting me so much. i pointed out to him that if i sat and drank in front of him he would probably want a beer and he agreed. then he tries to shift responsibility by saying 'well you were upstairs when i opened it' well its MY FUCKING HOUSE TOO I CAN FUCKING COME DOWNSTAIRS WHENEVER I FUCKING WANT. i have tried to communicate it to him over and over again and he just does not get the fucking memo until i fucking lose my fucking shit. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

he agrees he does not want me to get back to how i was in december and then escalate from there. his mum is hands down the worst alcoholic i've ever seen and he knows i take addiction to extreme levels so this is not an idle threat. i destroyed him so much that he either tried to kill himself or just took a massively wreckless drug combo when i was on the light and dark so i don't know why he'd want to risk ending up like that again.

so now i wanna drink but i also will be so pissed if i give up after kicking this much of a fuss up. he tried to pass it off as 'its alright cos i only got one' well how the fuck precisely is that alright? tbh i feel like he just bought the one cos he knew i'd see it, then want to drink, and then get us both beer out of the joint account. but i am the one who inevitably tops up the joint account when it runs out of money and i'm fucking done paying for something i fundamentally don't want to be doing.

annoying thing is, its unlikely to change a thing. he will have some bullshit excuse next time. urgh i just need to calm down.

i know i have to do this on my own fundamentally but i could use some fucking help.
 
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