What you said there... that's cool. It makes sense. I've been crying for hours. My fists are so swollen from punching inanimate objects, my voice gone from screaming... but seeing some logic in this pointless world helps. Thanks,
I sure hope I never use it. But I'm a betting man and if I had to bet... well... let me just say I hope my expectations are wrong. Oh, righ,don't expect!
This I believe is also at least potentially true and certainly has been countless times to us that no matter what you have been through or others have before it doesn't mean anything necessarily going forward it doesn't necessarily have to this is the incredible power of the mind and imagination and the healing we are capable of granting ourselves through realisation and appreciation and release.
And philosophy as well as psychology looking at life from different angles and saying okay let's say I did just for example take a teaspoon of caffeine powder which I have in my downstairs cupboard but I'm allergic to I've just happened to discover that just 1 teaspoon of that powder it's almost insured to be I'll say very harmful because I don't want to be a bad example but (perhaps I should delete that?)
It would not be very pleasant and there would be many better alternatives which people would already know about I'm really not actively looking to take such an approach my own would be starvation making peace with my self and life and my focus would be on basically trying to ensure that I was as physically comfortable and able to rest and pass time going into it because I fast a lot and I live on the edge of life physically battling allsorts of things which only I overcome by hacking the reality and finding Jumps for every hurdle continuously until now....
And a strange thing is how it has taught me a kind of appreciation for things like when you have put some hard work in to improve or save something it can improve your outlook a little so this is another reason why I try to just encourage that little angle or room for the unknown to be positive for all we know because otherwise we are being unrealistic and biased so it kind of has to be included anyway and what you focus on grows so that 1% Could become 99% in your reality in an effective way again this is the power of the mind it's science and I don't tout science although I do use it mentally but not so restricted in a material sense.
I mean I've done some incredibly crazy stuff myself I currently have broken ribs in my back after falling backwards into the bath tub last week after an accidental massive overdose of benzodiazepines I also after seeing a chiropractor yesterday had jammed the small of my back and diaphragm both of which were in spasm completely preventing digestion and elimination and I can't describe the week I went through just to survive I still managed to somehow take 1 mg of pure LSD on the weekend.
I also have a fractured right hand which was actually self inflicted but not in an uncontrolled way, week before.
There is so much more to the situation is indescribable just the last week nine days since the injury and I am astonished that I survived and have actually every chance of fully healing from this injury let alone everything that's happened in my 41 years so far this is just an example but has been the most difficult and testing time.
You see I'm putting so much incredible hard work into living yet I still have the very same view and ideology not a potential brash sudden checking out decision it would be more like euthanasia by starvation after making a very firm decision that the other ways are not viable enough I'm just looking to take the most viable way.
But I haven't given up yet and even when I thought I had I somehow came back and in my mind if I did give up tomorrow and my ashes perish into the ground within a month then that will be but it isn't yet and I am not as big as I feel to myself.
Time will pass and things can change even if it is only from within which is where it will be ultimately however that change comes about.
Well done for keeping going for a moment I know how hard it can be. For anyone I mean.
r if you have something useful aside take a little bit.Dont think about suicide.Its a torment
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