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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

How do i feel? Insane, as always.

And frustrated. Many people actually think that the corona virus PLANdemic is real. And i can't help those brainwashed sheep. They are already too far in the dark side. Clown world. Clown people.
 
2 mg's now. Am I actually nuts? Kava is a godsend on high LSD for mellowing out. Makes both the weed and acid stronger too.
 
@Alisha Jean Miller
My brains a bit muddy as well today. Hope u feel better soon!

Took 20mg diazepam yesterday to try and calm down as I had some sort of addrenaline rush/panic attacks going on for ages to the point I fell the fuck over and have sprained my ankle lol was totally sober at the time - she fell over! - funny but equally painful. I literally didn't feel a thing from the diazepam which is weird because I'd usually feel something off of 10mg lol and haven't took any deliberately for about a week.
I've woke up and my thoughts are muddled and feel an intense mixture of fear and depression with major lethargy. Why does diazepam work a treat sometimes for me and not other times. Bizarre. Sucks as only get so many from the doctor and had to save them up. Apparently being sober involves taking panic attacks and not being able to function properly i.e. have a life I.e same as when physically dependant on the shit. Just incase I get dependent on them which I get to an extent but come on I'm not like this all the time I've just built a small tolerance to what they had originally prescribed to me which was peanuts to begin with. Hadn't felt the urge to drink again as strong as I had yesterday and I won't for personal reasons but I don't wanna be depressed all the time and they won't give me any antidepressants untill I've grieved a bit and even then I'm scared they will fuck with me and make me feel worse like they have in the past.
Think I may be adjusting to the lack of sunshine and the change in temperature though, grieving and can't think about it, and just angry and fed up with everything from "recycling" my rubbish (which the council just bung in the general waste tip anyway but enjoy fining people for e.g. a tin in the wrong bin) and the planets fucking dying! (Panic! Helpless!)....to not being able to sit in front of a GP but I can get my haircut and go to my dentist or local. Pissed off. Was pissed off with the government before but People are dying because they can't see their doctor face to face and it's a fucking joke.
Been getting quite paranoid recently too from smoking too much weed so maybe I should cut that down a bit from today. I really want a drink of alcohol but such is life. Wish my brain wasn't pandemonium. Get the violins out.
Maybe I should take the shrooms I picked but I dunno about it just now. There's just too much bad stuff in my head.
 
@iTry91

they're spot on on not giving you anti-d's at this point. You're only a small way into a major bereavement experience - grief cannot be treated, only experienced and, finally, processed - there's no getting away from it, no short cuts, no medicine that would really truly help. I know it's not what you want to hear

Of course, if we get overwhelmed to the point of personal danger etc...a little med here and there to take the edge off for a short time is helpful.

I'd pay attention to that voice that's urging caution over the shrooms - that's your intuition - listen to it. As healing as they can be, shrooms are a very unpredictable psyche and very powerful - they'll hand you your ass on a plate in some circumstances. Set and setting hugely important - and atm, from how you are coming across, your set (mindset) is very likely not conducive to a positive trip

You gotta feel those feelings m'dear, I'm aware they appear intolerable. Yet you will tolerate them, and they'll gradually become more manageable I guarantee
 
@ageingpartyfiend I know this is true. I have my moments when I can't not bawl my eyes out.
It's just for when I'm really bad and having to save up 2mg diazepam pills isn't great - could I have a cross tolerance still from librium they gave me for my detox... anyway it doesn't matter they are gonna stop them soon so I'll just need to get on with it even although I genuinely feel I need them in emergency situations. Plus it feels better having some there like a back up plan. When they were prescribing me them before they enabled me to actually hold a conversation irl without cringing at myself afterwards for days like the fear feeling you get with a bad hangover. I even made a couple of connections to some of the woman at my group work and haven't been able to text back since they cut my script to 2mg a day (as I would have normally took 10mg and space them out rather than three a day as prescribed) 😐. Then again I still don't understand how I feel nothing from the 10 2mgs. I already had crippling social anxiety and have GAD. I suppose I've been here before. It's the relief they provide an insight to how it feels to be a normal functioning human. I don't wanna be on them everyday cause I know they don't work like that but untill I can at least get on something else I don't feel like I'm being looked after properly. They said they would phone me yesterday on Thursday because I had very low mood but didn't phone me. Just feel like I have to do something to change how things are but can't you know. I've wrote so many times to my local MP about foodbanks etc etc. I'm just having a hairy fit lol. I'm angry at the way things are because we get robbed all our life's and can't even see a GP or rely on our health and social care system to work properly and they (the decision makers) just let places and people get worse and worse even before covid. Alot of healthcare workers are pissed off as well, there's not enough funding. Thanks a lot ❤️ and for the wisdom really does help and I take it all in.

And finally on a separate note and just to get it out of my head (lol I'm a pain in the backside) I'm pretty sure I have an underlying undiagnosed mood or personality disorder or something like that... definitely something going on. I'm just different. Wonder how many people would benefit from a face to face with their psychiatrist. I'm actually even lucky to have phone appointments.
 
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schizopath said:
Sooo, 2 years after my last psychedelic use finally went and did some shrooms 😁 Feel quite a bit more clearer and sharper now. Feel like I also overcame an old trauma and have new self-respect for myself 🖤
Click to expand...
Phyclobins are known to treat mental health issues. Good on you brother
 
Numb.. and a mess all at the same time my partner and I have split for the time being and it’s killing me quite literally.. truthfully I could die at any moment the real tragedy is I don’t. Complete apathy kinda sums up my life right now.
 
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