Developing Social Skills

[Michael_25]

I've read articles online; I've watched YouTube videos; and I've read books on how to develop social skills. The mantra is common in all: practice talking to people, all sorts of people, as often as possible. I have been trying to do this. For instance, at the gym. However, I often get quizzical looks and smiles of condescension when trying to maintain a conversation. Those who espouse this form of development (i.e. practice till you make it) fail to make one point: if you get nothing but looks from those to whom you're speaking, it kind of erodes your self-esteem and confidence. You need SOME success in order to develop social skills. However, as mentioned, I get looked at like I'm a fucking alien when talking to people. Conversation is usually quite stilted, and this hasn't improved over the years. It isn't improving like the gurus who wrote the books/articles claim.

Does anyone have any advice for an awkward, isolated dude to prosper socially?

Many thanks.

 

[negrogesic]

I would say that to begin with, don't talk to women at the gym.

I would say perhaps find a gathering place of women that share some interest you also have so you could engage in a more meaningful conversation.

 

[Shady's Fox]

Please watch this when you have some free time on your hands, and most likely you do since you're in this position, me thinks so. It's a kafka piece of work, why the term kafkaesque? because he never explained. It's an environment for the darkest hour glass of our brain which shows many things, one's that shown throughout it's our lack of communication. I think this movie should be played in rehabs, in all kind of heal ''facilities''.

 

[Joey]

Talking to anyone anywhere is a help. You have any family or friends otherwise? Make a point of small talking with your cashier. Get on a discord group and talk there video chat. Video chat is a way to talk to people:

Also, I wouldn't assume all those looks are condescending. Probably more polite than anything, or an "I'm busy" at the gym but not necessarily meant to put you down. you're going to get all sorts of growing pains and little conflicts dealing with people more on talk as you go so learning some resilience is a good thing too. Most confident people don't dwell on every little look people give and just roll with the punches as well. Pay attention to how you look too. Are you in a negative frame of mind expecting the worst? It probably shows.

It takes time. I've had to work on my social skills over the years too and still working at it. These things are a lifelong process growing into yourself and adapting to life as it comes.

 

[Michael_25]

I would say that to begin with, don't talk to women at the gym.

I would say perhaps find a gathering place of women that share some interest you also have so you could engage in a more meaningful conversation.

I agree with your first paragraph; I do NOT talk to women at my gym. When I mentioned that I talk to other gym-goers I was talking about speaking with other men at the gym.

My hobbies/interests aren't exactly and mainstream and are rather solitary and they don't appeal to women. So I'm kind of stuck in a bind.

Talking to anyone anywhere is a help. You have any family or friends otherwise? Make a point of small talking with your cashier. Get on a discord group and talk there video chat. Video chat is a way to talk to people:

Also, I wouldn't assume all those looks are condescending. Probably more polite than anything, or an "I'm busy" at the gym but not necessarily meant to put you down. you're going to get all sorts of growing pains and little conflicts dealing with people more on talk as you go so learning some resilience is a good thing too. Most confident people don't dwell on every little look people give and just roll with the punches as well. Pay attention to how you look too. Are you in a negative frame of mind expecting the worst? It probably shows.

It takes time. I've had to work on my social skills over the years too and still working at it. These things are a lifelong process growing into yourself and adapting to life as it comes.

Have little contact with my family and don't really have friends; they're more like "acquaintances" than friends.

I think you hit the nail on the head when your wrote "most confident people don't dwell on every little look people give ..." I agree 100%. My confidence is down the shitter because I haven't had many social victories in my life.

 

[ions]

You want to appear as if though you're in mid conversation. If you're talking to people you with which you're not previously aquainted, it's called a cold approach. Approach and open. Usually have 2-3 good openers like you need a female opinion on something, or if a mixed set, an opinion.

Read the game by Neil Strauss. It helped me become the player I am today.

 

[Michael_25]

You want to appear as if though you're in mid conversation. If you're talking to people you with which you're not previously aquainted, it's called a cold approach. Approach and open. Usually have 2-3 good openers like you need a female opinion on something, or if a mixed set, an opinion.

Read the game by Neil Strauss. It helped me become the player I am today.

Well, when it comes to talking to guys at the gym, are usually just start with questions about training and diet. But I guess it's a "cold approach" as I do not know them at all. But you gotta start somewhere, and we both have fitness as a mutual interest.

I've heard of the book you mentioned, but have yet to read. I'll see i I can hunt it down. You're not the first person I heard recommending the book.

 

[ions]

Well, when it comes to talking to guys at the gym, are usually just start with questions about training and diet. But I guess it's a "cold approach" as I do not know them at all. But you gotta start somewhere, and we both have fitness as a mutual interest.

I've heard of the book you mentioned, but have yet to read. I'll see i I can hunt it down. You're not the first person I heard recommending the book.

Yeah, when I used to go to the gym, I would run 2 miles on a treadmill. Being out of breath makes talking difficult. Being sweaty might turn some off. You wanna fly under the radar. Don't do the macho man routine and stuff. Have a clean towel, find a sweaty girl, and be like, you could use a towel. ANd give it to her.

Time constraints too, so you don't seem weird. "I only have a second, I'm to return to my friends"

 

[G_Chem]

Yea gym isn’t the place for guys or girls. When I’m at the gym I’m not there to socialize and would get annoyed if some distracted me too long.

-GC

 

[Michael_25]

Yeah, when I used to go to the gym, I would run 2 miles on a treadmill. Being out of breath makes talking difficult. Being sweaty might turn some off. You wanna fly under the radar. Don't do the macho man routine and stuff. Have a clean towel, find a sweaty girl, and be like, you could use a towel. ANd give it to her.

Time constraints too, so you don't seem weird. "I only have a second, I'm to return to my friends"

A little too brazen for me ...

Yea gym isn’t the place for guys or girls. When I’m at the gym I’m not there to socialize and would get annoyed if some distracted me too.

Indeed. 99% of the patrons are very focused on their training. They don't go there to socialize. It's strictly down to business.

 

[ions]

My last tid bit. DHV demonstrate higher value. Not to brag or anything, magic, anecdotes, etc.

Lowes and target are pandemic hot spots. Or they were last year. Still seem good.

I go grocery shopping with my dad, I don't really talk to anyone unless it's comforting. You gotta go back to these places, don't wanna burn bridges.

 

[RomanJ]

Having suffered with social anxiety all my life. Alcohol let me be myself around others, it was how I managed to get together with most of my partners. And also ecstacy helped, along with other drugs to break down inhibitions.