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'Honesty is the best policy' .... or maybe not.

TheUltimateFixx

TheUltimateFixx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 8, 2021
Messages
3,936
Location
North Wales
Apparently you gotta show your date the real you or the relationship will be built on lies.
In principle I agree but, er, I'm me.

'Hi!, I' m a total mental case with major depression, PTSD and autism. Oh and I'm also an IV heroin user. I think might be your dream boyfriend. '

... Watch them run for the hills XD
(or 2 miles down the road to the next pub to calm their nerves about what entanglement they just narrowly escaped)
 
Larimar said:
Yeah that’s a lot to take in . The iv heroine would bother me the most , worry about Hep and HIV .
Click to expand...
Honestly -? I used to be completely reckless and share needles all over the place. By rights I should have every single fixer disease and then some.
I DID contract Hep B once but somehow stayed clear of Hep C and HIV.
These days I'm strict about never ever sharing and using only sterile single - use equipment.
 
A
The UltimateFixx said:
Apparently you gotta show your date the real you or the relationship will be built on lies.
In principle I agree but, er, I'm me.

'Hi!, I' m a total mental case with major depression, PTSD and autism. Oh and I'm also an IV heroin user. I think might be your dream boyfriend. '

... Watch them run for the hills XD
(or 2 miles down the road to the next pub to calm their nerves about what entanglement they just narrowly escaped)
Click to expand...
The whole relationship isn’t built on lies when you’re selective about what you reveal. No one hands their whole self over all at once esp. that’s a toxic way of manipulating people into believe I am a liar.
 
I have a similar problem with finding a relationship in real life. The polar opposites between the qualities that might make me a good boyfriend and my regular descents into drug-fulled madness make being authentic from the get-go very difficult. And presenting just one side of myself long enough for the woman to fall in loved with me and then revealing the other side seems deceitful.

My only option is to wait until some Bluelighter falls for me. It’s only here I am really myself.
 
Perforated said:
I have a similar problem with finding a relationship in real life. The polar opposites between the qualities that might make me a good boyfriend and my regular descents into drug-fulled madness make being authentic from the get-go very difficult. And presenting just one side of myself long enough for the woman to fall in loved with me and then revealing the other side seems deceitful.

My only option is to wait until some Bluelighter falls for me. It’s only here I am really myself.
Click to expand...
... In my experience if you're more than just a casual user, only another user will put up with you. And THEN often the relationship just centres around the drug - taking which also isn't really great.

Also like in my case, even casual use of a drug like heroin is a deal - breaker for some. I might have to give up completely in order to live together and I won't like it
 
I personally lay a lot out there even in random conversation to let people know right away who I was and why I'm 📍here now.. If the person continued to talk to me, ok cool, if not , ok cool. Idc what peoples reactions are/were and what idea they put in their head about me If they chose not to continue a conversation and get to know me. My BF stuck around, we exchanged numbers, and we met the next day. I didn't think this date was going to last the first 5 minutes we walked in. I came face to face with an old acquaintance, (she still thinks I ruined her already "built on lies and deception" marriage). This girl was heckling from across the bar, calling me the typically Harlet names, and telling him I would screw him over, etc. I kept my calm and cool, but turned to him truthfully and embarrassingly explained what had happened and said "I understand if you want to leave" he said "what you've done in your past doesn't define who you are now, besides that bitch is fucking losing her shit and you're keeping your composure. Honestly I can see why her husband did what he did, I wouldn't want to fuck that either." So we continued our convo. I don't quite know how it came up, but he turned to me and asked if I do meth. I was shocked, stunned, surprised. I hadn't dabbled in a while. We went back to my place got high and have had a great summer this far.
But in your case the ultimatefixx, your choice is a little harder for some to comprehend because it's been construed as the heaviest and dangerous ways to do drugs. You seem pretty open and ok with it, which is better than most. My suggestion would be to hold off until the 2-3 date after you've gotten a feel for their vibe, opinions, and state of acceptance.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
... In my experience if you're more than just a casual user, only another user will put up with you. And THEN often the relationship just centres around the drug - taking which also isn't really great.

Also like in my case, even casual use of a drug like heroin is a deal - breaker for some. I might have to give up completely in order to live together and I won't like it
Click to expand...
I think I'd be accepting of a woman with a strong interest in drugs (probably any drug) so long as she continued to be highly functioning more days of the week than not. That's basically how I am. I lose a few days being high but I present pretty normally and nicely and productively on a majority of days. I could not imagine being with someone who had a daily habit of some all consuming drug like meth or heroin. Or actually I could imagine meeting someone like that and liking and caring for them as a person but I'd be encouraging them to switch to some other pattern of use or some other drug before I'd commit to a relationship with them.

When I was a daily meth user I lost the emotional bandwidth to genuinely love someone deeply and sincerely and I'd always feel that a woman using that way would be the same. At the same time I can't imagine being someone who was a 12 steps totally abstinent recovering addict either, no matter how tolerant she was of my drug consumption.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
Honestly -? I used to be completely reckless and share needles all over the place. By rights I should have every single fixer disease and then some.
I DID contract Hep B once but somehow stayed clear of Hep C and HIV.
These days I'm strict about never ever sharing and using only sterile single - use equipment.
Click to expand...
You are lucky. I know a polydrug addict who shared IVs, snorting straws, pipes, etc. had lots of unsafe sex both with men and women both partners and clients when she did sex work. She was so shocked when she tested negative for HIV and all types of Hepatitis that she did not believe it and waited six months and was tested again.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
You are lucky. I know a polydrug addict who shared IVs, snorting straws, pipes, etc. had lots of unsafe sex both with men and women both partners and clients when she did sex work. She was so shocked when she tested negative for HIV and all types of Hepatitis that she did not believe it and waited six months and was tested again.
Click to expand...
Yeah I bloody was ; but she sounds even more so
 
Honesty is the best policy in a relationship. Being on drugs and having issues with mental health is absolutely going to scare a lot of people off, but either it’s make changes for the better to deal with the addictions and stabilizing the mental health, or find someone who is able to accept us while we’re going through that. It’s really fucking hard to be the best we can be for someone when we’re so unhealthy, and that’s what ruined my last relationship too. He did (does still on some level) care for me but it’s not a good fit to have this worry I’m going to be on and off and relapsing forever. He said it broke his heart every time he saw me use. There was a lot of things going on, but ultimately I chose drugs every time. I’ve been really screwed up and heartbroken ever since.
 
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