This happens because a reliable friend would want to be friends with someone they also rely on and does figure out that they do have to look out for themselves.
Maybe they have tried or are not calling as they don't want to deal with the same thing again, call them and tell them you're working on yourself and catch up when you have? This probably won't work but its closure at least.
You say you have no self control but you must fo as you've realised that you are screwing up and not doing what you know you need to.
Life is not all party party and no one can just do anything they like to themselves and expect to have reliable self sufficient people around them.
Ive lost people i respected and that's on me, nothing can change that, you might have to have a think about what you are doing that isn't great for your friends, stop trying to find an excuse or self diagnose and go to see someone professional to help you.
Cognitive behavioural therapy is a long term not fun way to learn to do things differently and make better choices.
Im as impulsive as it gets and its hard but a distraction that can delay doing anything dumb can make that impulse go away.
I turn on episodes of House MD when I want to call my dealer and watch that, then forget I wanted to call.
See a psychologist, they can help if they're good, no harm in trying, maybe find new friends and be the reliable one too.
I highly doubt you are as impulsive or reckless as me, anywhere near. Evil kenivle would be flabbergasted if he heard my mind on those days/weeks.
As for the friends, idk, some of these people DID rely on me HEAVILY, and I go to extreme lengths sacrificing personal comforts, resources, safety, to help the moment they ask, in fact I offer, which they readily accepted. I even do those things for strangers, which as I keep getting hurt by my good will, ive helped strangers less tho I can't help myself and today wasted even more money, at least a hundo, feeding 4 homeless people (letting them pick like 20$ worth of groceries each).. not that I expect others to do anything ive done for them, I know most people don't have the means (neither do I at this moment), or even the emotional energy which is fine. I just expect, say, over the course of like, 2 years, simple, very simple compassionate communication and an ear. That's all. Just someone to listen, to give advice. Paying someone to pretend to care doesn't do it for me. Its almost like blasphemy. I'm going to go to therapy for CBT and DBT, actually made an appointment today for next Friday, virtually. Still though, therapists are an adjunct to a support network, not a replacement for one.
Thank god for BL because as soon as I bit the bullet and started reaching out to people who don't actually know me (well, I hope most of you don't but ive met a lot of druggie all over the world and tend to leave an impression
) and it surprised me how much an avatar of an anonymous user and their compassion and relatability, very well may have saved my life, or at least, decreased the chances of all this killing me sometime soon, at my own hand or otherwise.
Its also not entirely their or my fault, I haven't stayed in the same city/town for more than 6 months in over a decade, so I didn't get the chance to nurture or maintain existing ones. Especially because I focused all my love and energy into my romantic partners. Ive always made friends with females easier, and nearly all of the ones I got close woth, eventually became romantic, so really that also didn't help.
I've only binged on it like 30 or 50 times, never longer than a week, in general I am reckless with whatever is available while I'm in that state, Crack is the worst financially, meth is worst mental health wise, and heroin the most dangerous.
