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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Tripping Thread: Tripping Past 2020

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I never knew a full blown narcissist, only people with obvious narcissistic tendencies but none that would be classified as such by psychiatric definitions.

I have known two (suspected by me) sociopaths, one was honestly insane. You always read about how psychopaths leave a path of destruction behind, they really do. I was one of her first victims and she did some insane things to me that most wouldn’t believe (in a year that I was already very depressed), when I got out of the depression and after some other things I could see the monster in her. It’s striking once you see someones way how she would manipulate every situation, it’s chilling when you see it, it’s exactly the things you’d read about sociopaths/psychopaths (I’m not clear on the difference). So, I tried exposing and explaining to people because I was not the only one, and that shit haunted me for a full more year, lies, manipulating others in ditching me, whole school ‘knew’ about things that weren’t true.... lonely year.
Then people forgot and I got real and fun friends. Any experiences here with other ‘evil’ persons? I’m kinda drunk so I might have phrased it all somewhat wrong but the gist of the story is there I believe :)
 
i have met narcissist socipaths and psychopaths. murders and everything. There some truly fucked up evil people walking around who would kill you just for the fun of it and the high they get it.
 
My ex wife was pretty narcissistic, but in a borderline personality disorder sort of way, not in a true narcissism way. She was just unable to admit to her flaws, and projected what she secretly hated in herself onto others, mostly me. She was awful to me when she was angry and was extremely manipulative and cruel, but ultimately she was suffering very badly for it. And so was I.
 
fucking smoked two huge king size joints in the last 4 hours with the bros tripping fucking balls on good friday. I use to take LSD alot on good friday in previous years but i cant anymore it takes to long to recover. But the weed makes it feel mega tripping without the acid.
 
I think narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, can in a sense be spectra that we all fall on somewhere.

One of my exes, in fact the most serious, longest relationship of my life thus far, suffered from BPD (not that she told me, I just figured it out really - actually I am almost certain she also suffered from a type of complex PTSD, but while I was with her she was never treated for it and in some ways I regret my natural tendency to constantly try to deeply probe the minds of my significant others. I asked her questions with answers I didn't know how to deal with... I should perhaps have just waited for her to tell me what she wanted when she was ready, rather than question from a compassionate place, but inviting an unexpectedly weighted answer, while on MDMA - which is how I really confirmed this latter conclusion). Anyway the entire second half of the relationship was an incredibly toxic, mutually destructive disaster. I had never imagined it possible, and have not, I hope, experienced this any other time before or since, that someone - especially supposedly an intimate partner - could blatantly, convincingly lie, while on a very heavy dose of MDMA, about something which was not trivial. Prior to experiencing and processing this - I would barely have believed it was possible.

In the process of conducting research to unfuck my head I notice there is a lot of overlap of the "Dark Triad" personlity traits, most of which also manifest in BPD, to a greater or lesser degree - and at that point realised I had another Dark Triad Personality in my life that I had not previously noticed for what it was.

But for a while I ignored this knowledge, dismissing it somewhat when things were good and focusing on the painful collapse of my recent relationship otherwise. But as time went by and my relationship with this person continued to go south I started to take it more seriously again. My first sttempt to extract myself was, I think 2017. But I wasn't psychologically equipped to handle the manipulations and did not succeed.

I started writing this post last night but didn't send it and just deleted a good few paragraphs out of a slight worry about oversharing and also not to just bore anyone. Long story short, this is escape attempt number 4. This time, things are in motion and this will be the last, soon it will be over.

It's taken me this long to grow enough emotionally and spiritually to be capable of truly blocking the insidious, continuous, deceptively subtle manipulations that narcissists - intentionally or not - do, repeatedly, possibly not even voluntarily. So, this has been a hard life lesson for me but if I've learned it, I guess all those years of stress and suffering and self-doubt were worth it.
 
All of those fall on the spectrum of personality disorders. You’re right in that we all have some traits of those disorders. And they all share certain traits amongst themselves.
Im almost certain that my ex had Histrionic personality disorder. I’ve talked with her parents about it and they agreed. She would often exaggerate and lie to get attention. She would think that her relationships with others were very close when in reality a lot of people had a hard time maintaining friendships with her because of her personality. Research has shown that 2/3 histrionics also have antisocial personality disorder (aka sociopathy).
 
Vastness said:
I think narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, can in a sense be spectra that we all fall on somewhere.

One of my exes, in fact the most serious, longest relationship of my life thus far, suffered from BPD (not that she told me, I just figured it out really - actually I am almost certain she also suffered from a type of complex PTSD, but while I was with her she was never treated for it and in some ways I regret my natural tendency to constantly try to deeply probe the minds of my significant others. I asked her questions with answers I didn't know how to deal with... I should perhaps have just waited for her to tell me what she wanted when she was ready, rather than question from a compassionate place, but inviting an unexpectedly weighted answer, while on MDMA - which is how I really confirmed this latter conclusion). Anyway the entire second half of the relationship was an incredibly toxic, mutually destructive disaster. I had never imagined it possible, and have not, I hope, experienced this any other time before or since, that someone - especially supposedly an intimate partner - could blatantly, convincingly lie, while on a very heavy dose of MDMA, about something which was not trivial. Prior to experiencing and processing this - I would barely have believed it was possible.

In the process of conducting research to unfuck my head I notice there is a lot of overlap of the "Dark Triad" personlity traits, most of which also manifest in BPD, to a greater or lesser degree - and at that point realised I had another Dark Triad Personality in my life that I had not previously noticed for what it was.

But for a while I ignored this knowledge, dismissing it somewhat when things were good and focusing on the painful collapse of my recent relationship otherwise. But as time went by and my relationship with this person continued to go south I started to take it more seriously again. My first sttempt to extract myself was, I think 2017. But I wasn't psychologically equipped to handle the manipulations and did not succeed.

I started writing this post last night but didn't send it and just deleted a good few paragraphs out of a slight worry about oversharing and also not to just bore anyone. Long story short, this is escape attempt number 4. This time, things are in motion and this will be the last, soon it will be over.

It's taken me this long to grow enough emotionally and spiritually to be capable of truly blocking the insidious, continuous, deceptively subtle manipulations that narcissists - intentionally or not - do, repeatedly, possibly not even voluntarily. So, this has been a hard life lesson for me but if I've learned it, I guess all those years of stress and suffering and self-doubt were worth it.
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This really resonates with me. It took me 12 years to grow enough as a person to finally successfully remove my ex from my life. There was always an element of toxicity, and my self esteem was not strong enough to realize the abuse for what it was. I would deny to myself (and others) that she was manipulative, and invent other explanations. I'd tell myself that her angry and violent outbursts were not who she really was, and later on, that they were my fault. Like you, as time went on, it got more and more toxic. We did kratom together a lot for the first 6 years, and then I decided I wanted to quit. I realized then that opiates had been masking the full pain of the ramifications of her abuse, and started to enter a period of leading a total double life to keep using and hide it from her. As she began to realize how much I was lying, it made things exponentially worse. She broke up with me eventually but still lived with me and convinced me to keep supporting her, and then once I started to transition from feeling devastated and sad about it, to feeling hopeful and excited about not being together anymore, she flipped the script and said she wanted to get back together, which was very confusing. Then shortly after that, she told my friend she had feelings for him, which he promptly informed me about, and that was it, spell broken. Why that was what broke the spell, and not the years of physical and emotional abuse, I will probably never know. Actually I guess it was just the straw that broke the camel's back, it made me angry enough at her and feel enough of my own sense of righteous indignation that I finally made the final push away.

After that she made some attempts to insinuate herself back into my life and actually succeeded in convincing me to buy her a plane ticket back, but thankfully her mom called me and was like why the hell would you do that? She needs to stay here! She was in the middle of a mental breakdown at that point. She also managed to get me to remember her fondly by pretending to not want anything from me in the divorce and acting very respectful, and she got 3 years of me paying for her cell phone, health insurance, and auto insurance for her, while stringing me along and dangling the carrot in front of me of "eventually" signing a no-fault divorce settlement and not trying to get anything from me. Finally after a bunch of nonsense and attempts to make it happen, and 5 years, I filed divorce papers and she flipped on me totally and took me for half my net worth at the time of split, which fortunately, was far less than it was when the divorce happened. Still, I had to buy her out of "her" portion of the house equity, $12,000 approximately, which was so shitty since she never contributed anything at all the whole time and I had been supporting her even since we broke up, for years. Despite that, I'm quite sure she believes I'm the bad guy in the whole situation. But I'm 100% free and have been for quite some time now, so I no longer care at all.

Thanks for being so appealing to her, @Delsyd! I still owe you one 😁
 
just heard DMX is fighting for his life from a overdose :(. He was my #1 rapper always jamming him in dark times he had certain soul and spirit in his lyrics which is harder to find these days. I hope he pulls through.
 
TMA-2, I'm on 80mg, so, deep in DOx territory, it's a good drug, it really has a lot of character, I'm tripping hard so I'm not gonna think about things all too much and just type.

I deleted a message I wrote before for god knows what reason, but uh I've been very manic, and it weighs on me a ton, as the weeks go by I'm slowly losing more and more touch, in that sense it wasn't wise at all to dose this high a dose of a psychedelic amphetamine, in fact there was even half an hour where I feared I might've been going psychotic. I was getting all these weird flashbacks to my AL-LAD trip, and feelings I can't explain, suddenly the whole environment changed but I think I'm fine now and out of the woods, I do understand how that psychosis came to be and what I was trying to solve. But that should never even have to be a consideration of course. Scary man. That's kinda my dilemma with being here, I feel very uncomfortable showing directly or indirectly what is going right or wrong in my head, but I'll always do it without fail.

Anyway TMA-2, good time, it took like more than 5 hours to really manifest itself, the peak was very cool, a very high pressured deep amphetamine environment, but with the TMA-2 touch, quite impressive. It's not as rough or long as DOB so in that sense it would probably even be a good introduction at that dose. That does give away how I truly feel about the matter though hahah. But I give the drug a lot of credit, it manages to avoid many of the DOx pitfalls and makes you believe that their way is the way, and in no way that way is superficial, I might be driving this too far.... I do think that TMA-2 was misunderstood by people, or at least me misunderstanding reports, it's not a less deep mescaline. It's a full on DOx and it has a surprising amount of character, surprising in that I was annoyed for the first 5 hours because the headspace felt so transparent until it finally hit me that all that I had been worrying about had been a whim of the TMA-2 spirit, and from thereon I was off. I think most people just dose too low, it might give a wrong impression, I'd say 80mg was probably 2.5mg of DOB, you just have to push to shoot straight past some levels, you'll know exactly what I'm talking when the time is there. As opposed to DOB that is the epitome of perceived clearheadedness, TMA-2 is more cloudy, not necessarily slow, but 'sticky' would be a great word.

This message took about three hours, by now I'm almost ready to go to sleep. That's what I'll do I guess. All in all an interesting time but I do regret not taking something else tbh.
 
My psychotic episode did hit me deep, and I often experience moments or glimps of deja vu, this trip in particular was extreme because it was many minutes of it but super serene, like I understood the deep shame that was in me and how I was trying to solve it at the time. The answer at the time was that as long I was with my body on this planet (the circumstances of which were a literal gift), what I ever do with it is in all my hands, everything I ever do will always be MY responsibility.

That image, of me (free will), body & world will be forever engraved in my mind and it is by far the most beautiful thing I could ever hear. I go to sleep with it it, and I wake up with it, and the day I won't shed tears thinking on it will be the day I'm dead. Overly sentimental, my bad, that's what TMA-2 did to me, good night dudes
 
Buzz Lightbeer said:
That's kinda my dilemma with being here, I feel very uncomfortable showing directly or indirectly what is going right or wrong in my head, but I'll always do it without fail.
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This is just dumb, I just have to get over it, there's like zero negative consequences, ever.. jesus christ, wanna say something, say it, wanna leave? do it.

This was an important continuation of my inner dialogue.

TripSitterNZ said:
i still get flashbacks to my psychotic trip after years aswell. Its something that will be with you forever and should be integrated all parts of it.
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Yeah, this time was different though, the room and colors shifted, I started getting really hot and seeing myself as fully orange, I thought that I was fucked by I stayed calm and just observed, then things slowly went back to normal.
 
during intense flashbacks i will fully be back in lysergic psychotic hell convinced nothing exists and that im still dead in hell. But as each year passes it fades more but for two years it effected me heavily. Especially the first year after.

So last night was acutally the anniversary of my psychotic trip which is why i think the weed hit me so hard while i was sitting outside it was like this landscape in the distance fully turned into demonic stuff and i saw that conjuring nun demon pop the fuck out of reality for a second it scared me shitless.
 
TMA-2 has got me thinking however, and that's that I've gravely misunderstood DOM, because the same was happening here at first. I need to experience 2-3x that intensity, get into that DOM space and then make my judgement. I'm just unlucky that I'm insensitive to the drug. I've only experienced DOB, DOPr and TMA-2 at this level and they all have their purpose, I'm yet to see how DOC fits in this picture and that'll likely take a quite heroic dose but one day I will.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
So last night was acutally the anniversary of my psychotic trip which is why i think the weed hit me so hard while i was sitting outside it was like this landscape in the distance fully turned into demonic stuff and i saw that conjuring nun demon pop the fuck out of reality for a second it scared me shitless.
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Jesus... it even scares me shitless =D

Good luck introducing your girl to acid, won't be an easy day, make sure to establish that your rapport is one of a lot of mutual respect , with that knowledge not much can go wrong.
 
Buzz Lightbeer said:
Jesus... it even scares me shitless =D

Good luck introducing your girl to acid, won't be an easy day, make sure to establish that your rapport is one of a lot of mutual respect , with that knowledge not much can go wrong.
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i think she is just going to be a close friend and nothing ever further than that. So i have to make sure i get rid of any feelings i do have which will hurt for now but is necessary going into this trip.

Acid will be truth revealing. There is some risk aswell i am taking on but eh i think the age makes those risks low i.e psychosis or anything.

So far how i have treated her and her friend makes them highly impressed and always say i do to much as a host but thats its cute. women confuse me though.

but stuff can get heavy on acid ima make sure i dont get lost on just 100 ug. But i will also play music that will bend time and space and have a enlightening experince. but the main focus is on her having a good trip she is going to have to ride this trip with me for 12 hours and its my responability to make sure she has a good trip and feels safe. Plus she kind of knows nothing about LSD. I told her some basics but said it can never be explained really til you have done it. Idk what time at night to drop it though yet. Maybe 9 pm or something but i need to make sure she doesnt take phonecalls or stuff while tripping because people these days are glued to their screens lol. So ill make it clear don't use ur phone during a trip.

I have quite a few really good looking women as friends who love me as a close friend/brother. But i can never find a relationship which fucking dumbfounds me as its is a running pattern in my life. maybe deep down i don't want my trust to be destoryed again and i just subconsciously don't let people any closer to me.


But whatever she thinks of me will 100% change after doing acid together. All my closest friends when we took acid we became closenit family to this day.
 
Wow Buzz, that might be the highest dose of TMA-2 I have heard of. I'm looking forward to trying it, myself. I have I think 120mg. I am probably going to start with 40mg.
 
Xorkoth said:
Wow Buzz, that might be the highest dose of TMA-2 I have heard of.
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It was actually 40mg + another 40mg 90 minutes later, I felt that it wasn't gonna be enough and I was probably right, given how long it seemingly needed to click for me (5 hours), I don't know why it did but all started to make sense suddenly, I said the exact same things about DOB & DOPr
It's not an insane amount or anything, I think it's mostly because people take it at 25-30mg, don't see all that much in it and write it off, similar to how you might 'write off' DOM, or get comfortable with a dose and stick to it. Interesting drug but not all that fun imo, people would talk about the MDMA resemblance but apart from the somewhat eye fluttering headspace, I don't see it.
It does however deserve credit for being a DOx that can easily and safely be pushed to the 'required' doses with minimum extra bodyload, you'll for sure enjoy it :) in my DOx land they will however always fall short of OG DOB, I cannot get the comparisons out of my mind.
 
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