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If you caught you’re long time partner/wife having an affair...

Could you be with them?

  • Yes

    Votes: 7 25.0%

  • No

    Votes: 17 60.7%

  • I’d be in prison

    Votes: 4 14.3%
  • Total voters
    28
OpiateKiller

OpiateKiller

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
2,370
This is pretty hypothetical, but somewhat relevant to my life.

If you caught your longtime lover having an emotional bonded affair (not just a sexual thing) but like an ongoing long term side relationship / sexual thing...

And the guy or vice versa knowingly engaged in this affair and disrespected you blatantly by doing things like sleeping in your bed with her....

Would you hurt him? Would you kill him? Would you hurt her?

And ultimately; could you ever forgive them? Say you cheated too, say you did wrong with drugs and lied, manipulated, traumatized them through drug use...

Could you forgive them? Could you stay with them and not have trust issues? Could you still love them?

Say there perfect wife material minus this event. Caring, loving, would do anything for you, college grad, hustler good job, would be a great mother...

Could you make it work?
 
I actually have had this experience, and no I did not hurt or do anything to the other person who I actually had met, and it is why my ex and I broke up.

The sex with the other person was not the problem, but the lying was worse.
 
Last edited:
OpiateKiller said:
If you caught your longtime lover having an emotional bonded affair (not just a sexual thing) but like an ongoing long term side relationship / sexual thing...

And the guy or vice versa knowingly engaged in this affair and disrespected you blatantly by doing things like sleeping in your bed with her....

Would you hurt him? Would you kill him? Would you hurt her?

And ultimately; could you ever forgive them? Say you cheated too, say you did wrong with drugs and lied, manipulated, traumatized them through drug use...

Could you forgive them? Could you stay with them and not have trust issues? Could you still love them?
Click to expand...

depends on the boundaries of the relationship - which i assume you have discussed at some point?

is your relationship strictly monogamous? or is there some room for extramarital activity? if so, what's allowed? what's not allowed? was there lying? etc.

alasdair
 
This isn't fair because it assumes that the relationship is all about love. If you're married to somebody they can take your assets, which is kind of a legal issue. I'd probably make the other person sign paperwork before we got married. If I caught them having sex, I wouldn't care because either they're going to leave me or they aren't. My bet is that cheating often has to do with money issues, so if I eliminate that it won't even be an issue when it comes up; if it ever did/does
 
Interesting, so far I'm the only one who said yes.

So long as I believed he still loved me, and made an stupid mistake, I'd be hurt yes, but I'd get over it and I'd still try to make it work yes.

If I didn't believe they still loved me though, then no.

So that would essentially be the deciding consideration. Because that is the factor that to me determines if there's a future worth fighting for here.

He'd have to end it though. I'm not prepared to share. :P
 
I don’t believe relationships can be successful if both parties are lying to each other. It takes a long time to earn trust and a second to lose it. Once it’s gone it’s rarely the same again.

Move on and find someone you can be honest with, show them the real you, warts and all. Those are the relationships that last.
 
alasdairm said:
depends on the boundaries of the relationship - which i assume you have discussed at some point?

is your relationship strictly monogamous? or is there some room for extramarital activity? if so, what's allowed? what's not allowed? was there lying? etc.

alasdair
Click to expand...

I’ve never been partial or allowed lying and always confessed when accused of things or evidence was brought against me. This is what really seals the deal for me. She won’t get honest about it even when it’s as clear as day.

This happened during a exclusive dating relationship period. But I was relapsed shooting heroin and somewhat emotionally unable. Which adds difficulty. But I wasn’t cheating
 
JessFR said:
Interesting, so far I'm the only one who said yes.

So long as I believed he still loved me, and made an stupid mistake, I'd be hurt yes, but I'd get over it and I'd still try to make it work yes.

If I didn't believe they still loved me though, then no.

So that would essentially be the deciding consideration. Because that is the factor that to me determines if there's a future worth fighting for here.

He'd have to end it though. I'm not prepared to share. :P
Click to expand...

She does still love me and I believe it has been ended but since being clean a lot of emotions have come forward for me I’m not sure I can handle. She hasn’t told me the truth about it all though or any of it.
 
MsDiz said:
I don’t believe relationships can be successful if both parties are lying to each other. It takes a long time to earn trust and a second to lose it. Once it’s gone it’s rarely the same again.

Move on and find someone you can be honest with, show them the real you, warts and all. Those are the relationships that last.
Click to expand...

I think this is ultimately the correct answer and there’s no saving this ship anymore; especially now that drugs aren’t making me forget about the past
 
Granted she can forgive me for overdosing and having to revive me, countless random texts and conversations with girls and random one night stands mostly while we took “breaks” though.

But for me 1. The emotional connection 2. The length it occurred and 3. The lies seem overbearing
 
Gormur said:
This isn't fair because it assumes that the relationship is all about love. If you're married to somebody they can take your assets, which is kind of a legal issue. I'd probably make the other person sign paperwork before we got married. If I caught them having sex, I wouldn't care because either they're going to leave me or they aren't. My bet is that cheating often has to do with money issues, so if I eliminate that it won't even be an issue when it comes up; if it ever did/does
Click to expand...

Money is in no way an issue or involved
 
If it’s been over a year and she hasn’t come clean? If she really cheated she’d tell you. Like seems off and one sided to me. She’s perfect in every other way?
 
This seems to be a very one-sided ( Male) on this issue? We seem to demand a higher level of forgiveness for our bad behavior (Illegal drug use, ODs, blackouts ,A total selfish self-centered behavior) is not as bad as a partner having am emotional relationship with someone else ( how strange that would happen when we are deep in our addiction Lol Lol ) , Not to mention a sexual relationship with someone who is present???
I have been in this situation, after a relapse, with a 20 year marriage, the hurt and need for forgiveness, was Huge??
 
Iceman1216 said:
This seems to be a very one-sided ( Male) on this issue? We seem to demand a higher level of forgiveness for our bad behavior (Illegal drug use, ODs, blackouts ,A total selfish self-centered behavior) is not as bad as a partner having am emotional relationship with someone else ( how strange that would happen when we are deep in our addiction Lol Lol ) , Not to mention a sexual relationship with someone who is present???
I have been in this situation, after a relapse, with a 20 year marriage, the hurt and need for forgiveness, was Huge??
Click to expand...
I only say one sided to be objective. My alcoholic ex boyfriend used to accuse me of me cheating when I didn’t. He laid out every detail on ‘how I cheated’
 
Newdawnnewday said:
I only say one sided to be objective. My alcoholic ex boyfriend used to accuse me of me cheating when I didn’t. He laid out every detail on ‘how I cheated’
Click to expand...
Sorry for that!! I am a true beliver that whenI am being accused of something, and we are not having an open and Honest discussion about a topic. My partner is most likely engaging in that behavior !! LOL LOLHa Ha
 
Newdawnnewday said:
I only say one sided to be objective. My alcoholic ex boyfriend used to accuse me of me cheating when I didn’t. He laid out every detail on ‘how I cheated’
Click to expand...

I saw a naked man in her room on FaceTime, and the video is screen recorded, let alone she couldn’t even have sex with me one time her pussy was so sore from getting banged out.

Imagined?

And before you judge me I was in a bad relapse as this was happening and there’s a lot to this story but I was incapable of breaking up with her in that moment
 
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