• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

I Just Realised I am Ugly! Makes sense tbh.

Can I give you some tough love brother?
I'm not trying to minimaze your feelings - although I might come across like that.

First; beauty subjective. Highly subjective.
Second; in my experience, men are more shallow than women (like you proved yourself in your own post).
Men are animals, like fucking crows that loves shiny shit. Women, most of them, have more depth than that.
Third; I myself look like a skeleton draped in pale skin, black bags under eyes harboring an empty, homicidal stare.
My tattoos looks like the scribblings of a chimp on to much coke, I got fucking black clusters of hair on my shoulders and I'm socially awkward.
Fucking catch, huh? Still I've had relationships, fucked an amount of chicks that makes me feel like a worn-out, jaded whore.

You need to forget all the bullshit spewn out by society as regarding to how one should look.
It just doesn't apply in real life. Would you really want to look like a fuckboy from a Calvin Klein commercial?
There's nothing as boring as conventional beautiful people (sorry to those who are).

You said your ex was stunning. You did it once, you can do it again.

Embrace whatever you are man. If you feel good about yourself, that will shine through.
Stop beating yourself down. Being attractive on a physical level is a genetics game.
Being intellectually, mentally attractive is a skill you cultivate.
You said it yourself; a girl told you she hadn't experienced that connection mentally with anyone.
And I swear, if you show yourself love, it will come to you -
that shit attracts more than anything, someone who's comfortable in their own skin.

All this being said, I'm sorry you feel this way.
But for you own sake, practice a little I-DON'T-GIVE-A-FUCK.

Sorry if it came off harsh. It just gets me going that we live in a fucking society where people feel this way because they don't look like Tom Hardy or Brad Pitt or some shit.
Much love brother- it'll sort itself out.
 

Psychedelic Chemistry

For those on Facebook that continue to discuss Psychedelic Chemistry. I guess the group got shutdown for violating rules. That and Advanced Psychedelic Chemistry got shutdown too. There were a lot of psychedelic researchers and advocates in that group. Anyway, feel free to blog on psychedelic...
www.bluelight.org www.bluelight.org

Otherwise on topic please my peeps
 
I'm 37 as well but I've never married. I've made out with girls who basically just jumped on me at clubs who were very attractive, like 7s and 8s on the model scale. I never thought of myself as attractive because I don't have muscles or anything I'd think of as being attractive to women, besides things they wouldn't know about like my dick but otherwise I'm just a thin guy of average height with blue eyes and blond hair; whether or not that's attractive I don't know

The problem I've run into looking for girls even in the range of my age now is that they all have kids and they're crazy. I mean crazy as in they look crazy and I wouldn't even want to approach them for a date. This puts me off thinking about dating at all, even though I've never strictly dated anybody and only had sex with two women at university

Feeling attractive comes from within. Once you get validation from your friends/social circle it gets easier to accept that you're attractive but this comes with practice. It works the same way confidence does, basically. I worked on my confidence quite a bit before I felt like I was attractive and once I felt like I was accepted by people, I was able to talk to people like I already knew them and I knew what to say without thinking about it. I don't know if this will help you but it's my personal experience

I'm sure trying to start up a relationship with somebody is going to be tough, although I don't know your history. Actually I don't know anything about intimate relationships so I'm going to stop here
 
I feeling much the same way—ugly, unwanted and unlikely to be in a loving relationship again.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up in August 2020 after 9 years together. He’d hit rock bottom with the loss of his job, he was drinking a handle of Jim Beam every 36 hours, he lost his home, business, drivers license, both cars, contact with his daughter, etc. He didn’t help me pay rent. We stopped living together, he moved away to live with his sister where he’d have no rent or responsibilities. I had known him my entire life. Our mothers were BFFs.

I had heard recently from a mutual friend, that he’d been addressing his alcoholism and was attempting to get his shit together. He’s been living in a tiny southwestern town for the past 5 months. This town is so small that there are no cell towers, and all communications are via US Mail, landline phones or internet. I was delighted to hear from a mutual friend that he was working towards reclaiming his life before alcohol hijacked it. All the crappy things he’d done in the past, had been committed while drunk. My friends and family were clear that he was, sans alcohol, a real sweetheart.

While we lived together, he used my laptop for his social media + email pursuits, while I used my iPhone. Early last week, I opened that laptop, and saw a message to update a few passwords. I clicked on Facebook and his page opened. What glared in front of me was the most upsetting sight I could’ve imagined. An entire relationship with some girl was in front of me. All communication had taken place via FB chat/messenger. She’s 3 years younger than me, she lives here and she appears to be one of the girls that would hang around after his band played a show. All the things a couple would have said by text/mobile phone, were glaring at me from my laptop.

They pledged their undying love to one other. They spoke in great detail of what they longed to do with each other sexually. They spoke of their bodies and added pictures, asking if one partner’s organ(s) would blend/accommodate well with the other’s, given the dimensions as shown. He made a video of himself ejaculating, while she filmed objects she chose to place into her various orifices, that she then licked clean. She would question him as to my experience and/or skills with performing the same acts upon myself. He stated that I performed these acts in a vastly subpar fashion, compared to her.

Interestingly, the two of them have yet to meet in person, but per their statements, their relationship began the day we fought and broke up. These two may never meet, given the 1,000 miles that separates them. I was able to see that she’d sent him a Happy Birthday message back in 2019. She is married, has a young daughter and wants to get a divorce in the future. In addition, she is 100% sober and he describes himself as a infrequent drinker of fancy IPAs and Porters. She says she doesn’t drive, the reason(s) for this are not clear.

I’m trying to tell myself that at some point in the future, someone will find me attractive again, and I should not worry that my bedroom skills are subpar with someone else’s.

But for now, I just feel heartbroken 😞.
 
Gormur said:
The problem I've run into looking for girls even in the range of my age now is that they all have kids and they're crazy. I mean crazy as in they look crazy and I wouldn't even want to approach them for a date.
Click to expand...

LOL.

I always feel bad for this guy.

I know that look. It only get exponentially worse as you get older. Some girls stay looking really young, though. You can easily find a mature girl a few years younger, though. Late 20's early 30's. Catch them before they go crazy. I know older guys that are into super young girls. I remember this dude was like 45, and would use his sons ID and say he was 24. Looked like him too. Shaking up molly in the hennessy at the club. Going after young girls. But its almost predator like, but I guess 21 is still plenty legal. But that is just too young. +/- 5 years is usually best. Otherwise just too much age difference and you will lose interest quickly. Most guys just trying to have sex and move onto next anyway.
 
pulverstaden said:
Can I give you some tough love brother?
I'm not trying to minimaze your feelings - although I might come across like that.

First; beauty subjective. Highly subjective.
Second; in my experience, men are more shallow than women (like you proved yourself in your own post).
Men are animals, like fucking crows that loves shiny shit. Women, most of them, have more depth than that.
Third; I myself look like a skeleton draped in pale skin, black bags under eyes harboring an empty, homicidal stare.
My tattoos looks like the scribblings of a chimp on to much coke, I got fucking black clusters of hair on my shoulders and I'm socially awkward.
Fucking catch, huh? Still I've had relationships, fucked an amount of chicks that makes me feel like a worn-out, jaded whore.

You need to forget all the bullshit spewn out by society as regarding to how one should look.
It just doesn't apply in real life. Would you really want to look like a fuckboy from a Calvin Klein commercial?
There's nothing as boring as conventional beautiful people (sorry to those who are).

You said your ex was stunning. You did it once, you can do it again.

Embrace whatever you are man. If you feel good about yourself, that will shine through.
Stop beating yourself down. Being attractive on a physical level is a genetics game.
Being intellectually, mentally attractive is a skill you cultivate.
You said it yourself; a girl told you she hadn't experienced that connection mentally with anyone.
And I swear, if you show yourself love, it will come to you -
that shit attracts more than anything, someone who's comfortable in their own skin.

All this being said, I'm sorry you feel this way.
But for you own sake, practice a little I-DON'T-GIVE-A-FUCK.

Sorry if it came off harsh. It just gets me going that we live in a fucking society where people feel this way because they don't look like Tom Hardy or Brad Pitt or some shit.
Much love brother- it'll sort itself out.
Click to expand...
Wow. Thank you. I totally get what you're putting out there. Everything you said, I agree with. Which is rare for me hahahaha.

I have a feeling the issue is with me. Current example, and sorry for the boring you with my ridiculous life, but anyway... So I run a podcast, focused on exposing regional towns hidden secrets. Don't ask how I fell into it, but it's become super popular blah blah. So I've been talking to a chick who would be the classic 20 something blonde stunner. Now, we've just clicked over a subject and have been chatting flat out since we first started. There's obviously an initial attraction of some kind... Of course not physical, we haven't met. So it's more a chemistry of the minds. So I don't have a million selfies on my FB or insta but the media have flooded Google with horrible mid sentence screen grabs that makes me look worse than average. Anyway, so I made a comment about how attractive she was and I hadn't realised due to not doing the whole creepy insta scroll thing, until tonight that she was so ridiculously gorgeous. She thanked me, we kept chatting and everything was normal. She mentioned she had to go to sleep early midway through the convo, then pretty much said goodnight. All normal shit... Then, I start thinking, "maybe she saw the shit pic of me on Google from whatever tv network and thinks fuck his not for me" like, wtf! That is the most ridiculous way to think, right? So dick head me messages her asking if I said something that offended her. Ummmm why? She replied super fast and said no definitely not, and she can't wait to chat more tomorrow, and asked if I was ok lol. I told her all was well and I ended it there. But...

My fucking paranoia, which may or may not be valid, probably the latter, almost fucked up something which is possibly heading in a decent direction. All because I'm worried she mightn't think I'm good enough looking.

You're right, men are very superficial creatures. It's actually terrible when you think about it. The majority always go for gold. But women... Can someone perhaps answer that one? Are women (generally speaking) as superficial as men? Because going by comments here and even this current situation, I'm thinking that even if a man isn't George Clooney, if said man can make them smile, feel good about themselves and hold an intellectual conversation or two, from time to time, they perhaps overlook the whole 6pack and not care so much about the whole physical side. I'm not like an obese whale, I'm more current Toby Keith (country singer) body wise.

So after all that rambling. I believe I have the problem and I need to work out how the fuck I can fix it.

Godbless all of you who replied so far, too. 🙏
 
G_Chem said:
OP, this is one girl..

Also remember some people just don’t take good pictures, you may be one of those.. When I was briefly single I tried social media and dating apps but felt like I didn’t do well cuz I’d never up to that point taken any pictures really. And it’s hard to learn social media etiquette when you’ve never been into it before.

When I was younger I wouldn’t smile at all for pictures and often hide my face. I thought I was some tough guy or some shit I guess. But then come time to take good pictures where I look approachable it was difficult.

In contrast I have zero problems in person, I can have a somewhat intense mean look (I’m a smaller guy but my eyes pierce through people) but soon as I smile that all goes away. I’ve actually been told I’m someone who looks way better in person than pictures too. Maybe your the same? How often do you approach women in public?

Also as others have said, use this as an opportunity to live single and work on yourself. You can’t change your face but you can change your body and style. If your body is ripped that’ll bring up your physical attraction quite a bit.

-GC
Click to expand...
Interesting. I notice a lot of women look at me, and even speak to me when I'm out. Like very casual friendly stuff, but they approach me. Even driving, I get the odd stare from a woman crossing the street and what not. But online... Bupkis. Absolutely Nada.
 
Speaking for myself as a woman, a male’s appearance is not generally a big deal for me, assuming he is clean (showers/bathes regularly, unrelated to his drug use open-mindedness), healthy (i.e., no infectious wounds being ignored), inoffensive and appropriate in his wardrobe (no KKK or Nazi t-shirts, and no surf trunks to a nice dinner). I’m pretty flexible in the looks department.

We must all stop worrying about pics that catch us mid-sentence, or in the midst of chewing, etc. Humans are animated and no still photo is reflective of any of us. A photo is, at best, a millisecond arrangement of our face/body whilst engaging in something human! I take horrible pics. I’m not freaking out about all of those pics that could be floating in my cloud, or multiple clouds.

Women, or at least I, love men with passions. Months ago, someone here gave me flack because I admitted to collecting ViewMaster reels. I collect those that are historical, and I favor such topics as inaugurations, canonizations, weddings, ships’ christenings and dozens of interesting events. I love these, and I have a few reels that are nearly 75 years old. My ViewMaster passion makes me unique and gives me something interesting to share with others. I have several other passions, too, but I think this one best illustrates my point.

Guys with passions plus a sense of humor are absolutely unstoppable in the attractiveness category. I know you have a passion, be it collecting Hawaiian shirts or carving antlers. Embrace your passion(s), they separate you from the herd! Share them with others you meet. Passion is infectious and if nothing else, I can guarantee you, a woman or two will start to notice you and your passions, however dorky they may seem, and with a dash of good humor, you’ll be unstoppable.
 
AyahuascaSeeker said:
Wow. Thank you. I totally get what you're putting out there. Everything you said, I agree with. Which is rare for me hahahaha.

I have a feeling the issue is with me. Current example, and sorry for the boring you with my ridiculous life, but anyway... So I run a podcast, focused on exposing regional towns hidden secrets. Don't ask how I fell into it, but it's become super popular blah blah. So I've been talking to a chick who would be the classic 20 something blonde stunner. Now, we've just clicked over a subject and have been chatting flat out since we first started. There's obviously an initial attraction of some kind... Of course not physical, we haven't met. So it's more a chemistry of the minds. So I don't have a million selfies on my FB or insta but the media have flooded Google with horrible mid sentence screen grabs that makes me look worse than average. Anyway, so I made a comment about how attractive she was and I hadn't realised due to not doing the whole creepy insta scroll thing, until tonight that she was so ridiculously gorgeous. She thanked me, we kept chatting and everything was normal. She mentioned she had to go to sleep early midway through the convo, then pretty much said goodnight. All normal shit... Then, I start thinking, "maybe she saw the shit pic of me on Google from whatever tv network and thinks fuck his not for me" like, wtf! That is the most ridiculous way to think, right? So dick head me messages her asking if I said something that offended her. Ummmm why? She replied super fast and said no definitely not, and she can't wait to chat more tomorrow, and asked if I was ok lol. I told her all was well and I ended it there. But...

My fucking paranoia, which may or may not be valid, probably the latter, almost fucked up something which is possibly heading in a decent direction. All because I'm worried she mightn't think I'm good enough looking.

You're right, men are very superficial creatures. It's actually terrible when you think about it. The majority always go for gold. But women... Can someone perhaps answer that one? Are women (generally speaking) as superficial as men? Because going by comments here and even this current situation, I'm thinking that even if a man isn't George Clooney, if said man can make them smile, feel good about themselves and hold an intellectual conversation or two, from time to time, they perhaps overlook the whole 6pack and not care so much about the whole physical side. I'm not like an obese whale, I'm more current Toby Keith (country singer) body wise.

So after all that rambling. I believe I have the problem and I need to work out how the fuck I can fix it.

Godbless all of you who replied so far, too. 🙏
Click to expand...

I glad you took it the way I intended, I was afraid I might have been a bit harsh!
Cool that you have a podcast man, that is awesome. I want to PM a link, that would be cool!
And chemistry of the mind is always the one to prefer, IMO. Pure physical attraction gets old fast, you know?
Or, at least I'd rather have someone to talk to, get mentally stimulated by, than a meat puppet to fuck, to put it bluntly.

Dude, I've been there myself sooooo many times. Or I used to. One of my exes kind of fixed my head in that way, and made me feel alright with who I was... for a while.
Then other shit happened, but what she taught me remains ingrained in me. I can never thank her enough for that.

Let her make the decision. Just... be yourself man, that seems to be working out fine. :)

Yeah, we are weaker mentally in so many ways. From my experience, they're definately not.
I have of course met exceptions, but most women I've talked to (some of my friends are not lookers, ya know) and they have a diff perspective.
I have 3 sisters aswell. I talk to them alot, about everything. You nailed it; if you can make her laugh, you are on your way down the right road.

Well, I more like Iggy Pop on to much heroin back in days, without being a rockstar, haha. But I'm currently gaining, eating like a pig and working out.
Hey, don't apologise man! Shoot me a PM if you ever wanna talk!

Take care man, good luck with the girl. You got this bro.
 
AyahuascaSeeker said:
Since I've been divorced, I'm yet to find that one woman who I can share my life with. I'm 37, divorced, prob 10kilos too heavy, have two kids and am just the average blue collar worker. Not rich, not poor. Don't have a great deal to offer but me. Problem is, even if I find someone who likes me, it's as friends. It's almost impossible to meet anyone on dating apps as it's all images. My ex wife was stunning, I felt great with her, confident, happy, I guess good looking, she never told me, but I presumed she found me physically attractive? Now, I can't even attract gutter trash, and don't even feel like I could bother if that's all I could get. I actually haven't had sex in around 3 years.

Had an argument then with a girl I've been talking to for a while when she said "you're not ugly you have an amazing personality and you're so funny"... Um... What. Then she's like "I never click with anyone on a mental level like I do with you, looks don't matter to me"... Seriously? Why not just say "you've been friendzoned". Maybe it's a flaw with the way I look at relationships, but I can't see me being with anyone that I'm not physically attracted to. You can't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't arouse you.

I feel like shit. I'm in bed, Saturday night, alone and on the verge of crying my eyes out... Which I never do. I feel useless, unwanted, unloved and for the first time in 37 years, I know for a fact, I'm ugly. It's a horrible feeling, almost like mourning someone.
Click to expand...
You can change your body really quickly.

I just focused on asceticism during a very hard point in my life, focused on self-destructive OCD-like behaviors (that I feel I have no control over as I'm essentially going unmedicated), ate a bare minimum I lost at least 30 pounds. Yes I was using hard drugs obviously.

But that's not the only way.

You can try just bringing food, and water, and a tent and a sleeping bag and maybe 1 creature comfort like toilet paper to wipe your ass with and a plastic bag for the garbage of said food/etc.

Just connect with nature. You might realize there's so much we miss out on because we're trapped in our behaviors.

I can understand having limited time, but don't chase her, let her chase you.

Someone suggested to me monogamy was not natural for human beings and I immediately disagreed. I've known many totally happy monogamous couples - however do note that one failed marriage = higher odds of next marriage failing.

You need to ideally work on yourself, find some inner peace, learn to let it all go. I know you have it in you if I did because there was a lot for me to let go of.

Think about yourself as #1 and naturally people will be attracted to that.
 
Audiobook said:
Some men cheat...
Click to expand...
I didn't cum for 3 weeks (as a guy that was incredible... when I did it was like an overload of sensation and it was still amazing) and the guy I'm seeing is basically giving me permission to go for anyone else (and he's saying he's not, essentially because of covid) and I'm not... essentially because of covid. As far as I know... but he was hanging out with family (etc which is why they're having higher rates; it's the family members without the antibodies; likely we are harboring the virus and it will resurface semi-regularly like the flu) if that is true then I'm glad I'll never be that sick again. That was a living hell. I think some people might experience it like just a runny nose for a moment (that's really all it takes for your immune system to fight something off yet the virus can still escape unscathed sensing it is losing the war) so proper hygeine, mask wearing might be here to stay, especially to curb other upper respiratory diseases.

And I've had offers by hot guys... just didn't want it. I'm not in the mood because of covid, and of being alone.

I can enjoy being alone. I dive into the deep inner world I have a lot.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You can change your body really quickly.

I just focused on asceticism during a very hard point in my life, focused on self-destructive OCD-like behaviors (that I feel I have no control over as I'm essentially going unmedicated), ate a bare minimum I lost at least 30 pounds. Yes I was using hard drugs obviously.

But that's not the only way.

You can try just bringing food, and water, and a tent and a sleeping bag and maybe 1 creature comfort like toilet paper to wipe your ass with and a plastic bag for the garbage of said food/etc.

Just connect with nature. You might realize there's so much we miss out on because we're trapped in our behaviors.

I can understand having limited time, but don't chase her, let her chase you.

Someone suggested to me monogamy was not natural for human beings and I immediately disagreed. I've known many totally happy monogamous couples - however do note that one failed marriage = higher odds of next marriage failing.

You need to ideally work on yourself, find some inner peace, learn to let it all go. I know you have it in you if I did because there was a lot for me to let go of.

Think about yourself as #1 and naturally people will be attracted to that.
Click to expand...
Yeah it was me that suggested that to you and also pointed out how many times you’ve cheated on your bfs. So yeah, monogamy isn’t a natural state of being even if you know a few “monogamous” couples who’ve managed to make it work.
 
MsDiz said:
Yeah it was me that suggested that to you and also pointed out how many times you’ve cheated on your bfs. So yeah, monogamy isn’t a natural state of being even if you know a few “monogamous” couples who’ve managed to make it work.
Click to expand...
ok I WARNED HIM his IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER MUST be gay due to genetic determinism and I warned him like 5,000 times and it was a SPECIFIC QUESTION I ASKED HIM but no he INSISTED that HE WAS RIGHT.

normally in a committed relationship you are just with them. I had to move on from my ex and right now I'm in a relationship where the other person is giving me the go ahead and I really don't want to.

I waited 3 weeks to cum (I don't like masturbating anymore).

You're criticizing me a lot lately and I've been deliberately stockpiling food (which I don't have the money to pay for) and eating enough. It's also genetic determinism. Body types are. My mom and one sister have "my mom's" body type. Me and the other sister are naturally thin (the sister with the proper amount of bf%, almost her whole life; mine has fluctuated over the years, needless to say as a fully grown adult (starting at least at 20) it has fluctuated from 130 to 185. I like to eat. Sometimes things are just really not OK in my world. Do you know what I'm trying to say?

I have an insane amount of things I'm worrying about in tandem all the time right now. Specifically right now and for many specific reasons. I'm not asking for sympathy or anything, just maybe a little understanding.
 
Last edited:
MsDiz said:
Yeah it was me that suggested that to you and also pointed out how many times you’ve cheated on your bfs. So yeah, monogamy isn’t a natural state of being even if you know a few “monogamous” couples who’ve managed to make it work.
Click to expand...
I do, though, and I'm surprised you don't.

I'm thinking of HETEROSEXUAL couples, obviously, who are like TOTALLY committed to one another in a really deep way.

That seems to happen easily for them.

Not in the gay world, is what I'm saying.
 
cduggles said:
No. Note the women here don’t rate men on a 1-10 scale all the time.

Hot guys are nice, don’t get me wrong, but if a guy who can make me laugh or is intelligent, well he’s got the edge.
Click to expand...

Very good point and I completely agree.
I'd take an "unattractive" guy I have a lot of compatibility with anytime over the attractive but boring or dickish guy.

In a lot of ways, for me at least, I don't think personality and attractiveness can be entirely detached. It's such a big part of what makes someone attractive.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top