Heroin detox at home

[Jabberwocky]

the first 2 months is pretty well guaranteed to be a nightmare. after that it should start getting better. but it depends heavily on the effort you put in. for my first 6 months i treated my recovery as a full time job. i was going to NA meetings (did more than 90 in 90), courses at the drugs services, therapy, weekly key worker meetings, gym, all day every day. it was fucking exhausting but over 2 years later i have a decent job, a holiday booked and paid for when i can leave the country, and am hoping to buy a house this year (i did have one before but i had to sell it to pay my parents back for rehab and i still owe them £40k).

before i went to rehab i thought i was done, i was just waiting to die really, i thought i'd never leave the country again, couldn't imagine being able to do a real job again, and was so fucking bored of being around other addicts and 'the life' in general.

 

[Jabberwocky]

the first 2 months is pretty well guaranteed to be a nightmare. after that it should start getting better. but it depends heavily on the effort you put in. for my first 6 months i treated my recovery as a full time job. i was going to NA meetings (did more than 90 in 90), courses at the drugs services, therapy, weekly key worker meetings, gym, all day every day. it was fucking exhausting but over 2 years later i have a decent job, a holiday booked and paid for when i can leave the country, and am hoping to buy a house this year (i did have one before but i had to sell it to pay my parents back for rehab and i still owe them £40k).

before i went to rehab i thought i was done, i was just waiting to die really, i thought i'd never leave the country again, couldn't imagine being able to do a real job again, and was so fucking bored of being around other addicts and 'the life' in general.

thats badass but u lucky to have ur parents i have no one i mean i have friends but for what?
its weird that they charging you for that tho
by the way how did u end up in rehab and 5 hours away from ur home if u didnt want to quit dope?

 

[Jabberwocky]

its their retirement money. i rinsed them for everything i could.

my parents drove to my house and changed the locks. they'd been paying my mortgage for months by that point and i'd just been getting worse. so i had a choice of being homeless with the clothes on my back or going to rehab.

its a bit different to me cos i got really bad on crack. if i'd have just stayed on heroin, which i managed for 5 years without losing my job or really any bad consequences except hating myself before i got on the light, i probably would have never got bad enough to need to go into treatment.

 

[Jabberwocky]

its their retirement money. i rinsed them for everything i could.

my parents drove to my house and changed the locks. they'd been paying my mortgage for months by that point and i'd just been getting worse. so i had a choice of being homeless with the clothes on my back or going to rehab.

its a bit different to me cos i got really bad on crack. if i'd have just stayed on heroin, which i managed for 5 years without losing my job or really any bad consequences except hating myself before i got on the light, i probably would have never got bad enough to need to go into treatment.

Guess im lucky for never liking any other drug just heroin i mean haha its pretty fucking bad by itself but damn

 

[PaintTheTown]

i hate that, so many addicts i know get bullied because of that, i mean the endless fight to stay sober, what's there to bully someone for about that? i condone violence i really do and im sorry that im not sorry

Right! I don't judge you because you can't forget that cheesecake you are salivating over and about to eat. Same shit!

 

[Rio Fantastic]

@strangeaeon How are you doing today?

Dude, don't talk yourself into letting this guy stay in your life because you're scared of being alone. Do you have any other supportive friends/family that you could just talk to in his place? You can live alone but not feel lonely by just regularly phoning people and not letting yourself feel isolated. There's also online meetings - 12 step, SMART, LifeRing etc - and the latter 2 I can tell you are super friendly, supportive and you can quickly find people that you get on with that you can talk to outside of the meetings too, and the meetings themselves will stop you from feeling alone. It just seems insane to have an actively using junkie in front of you every day when you're trying to get sober with the rationale that you'd be lonely without him. Do you really need this guy so much that you are willing to risk continuing your heroin addiction for his company???

If I read you right we are in similar situations by the way - I'm 27, about to turn 28 (fuck me! that sounds so old) and I started using H when I was 20. I think now is a great time for us to quit - we can salve what's left of our 20s and go into our 30s actual functioning adults!! I don't know about you, but because of drugs mentally I still feel like the 20 year old I was when I started using. In the periods of sobriety I manage to achieve I can literally notice myself maturing. This may sound strange but until my last stint of real sobriety I still felt 18-19, like someone who was about to start their 20s, still a teenager basically, and then during that time clean I started to feel 20-21, so I do catch up to my actual age with time spent clean, but then it's all frozen when I start using again.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@strangeaeon How are you doing today?

Dude, don't talk yourself into letting this guy stay in your life because you're scared of being alone. Do you have any other supportive friends/family that you could just talk to in his place? You can live alone but not feel lonely by just regularly phoning people and not letting yourself feel isolated. There's also online meetings - 12 step, SMART, LifeRing etc - and the latter 2 I can tell you are super friendly, supportive and you can quickly find people that you get on with that you can talk to outside of the meetings too, and the meetings themselves will stop you from feeling alone. It just seems insane to have an actively using junkie in front of you every day when you're trying to get sober with the rationale that you'd be lonely without him. Do you really need this guy so much that you are willing to risk continuing your heroin addiction for his company???

If I read you right we are in similar situations by the way - I'm 27, about to turn 28 (fuck me! that sounds so old) and I started using H when I was 20. I think now is a great time for us to quit - we can salve what's left of our 20s and go into our 30s actual functioning adults!! I don't know about you, but because of drugs mentally I still feel like the 20 year old I was when I started using. In the periods of sobriety I manage to achieve I can literally notice myself maturing. This may sound strange but until my last stint of real sobriety I still felt 18-19, like someone who was about to start their 20s, still a teenager basically, and then during that time clean I started to feel 20-21, so I do catch up to my actual age with time spent clean, but then it's all frozen when I start using again.

I get much stuff done when im sober yet when im done with that I feel some sort of emptiness that am used to fill with dope, and about that guy I hope he dont come over anymore, he is in his mamma house, but he left all this crap in my house that he gotta pick up. I havent left my house in a few days only to get food and the cold makes my phisical pain more intense. I had a horrible episode today, you see I went to get tramadol and they gave me one you can inject so I tried and failed because no veins I called that guy he said he didnt have any dope left and invited me to get some tomorrow i said fuck no so I shot the tramadol in my right buttcheek and woah i fell asleep almost instantly i just woke up, man my muscles hurt i need to go training please what the fuck how can i stop this and why has the fucking withdrawal not stopped what the fuck i aint even on methadone anymore and i just took the tramadol because my back hurts

 

[Jabberwocky]

unfortunately at this point using any opiates at all will draw out your withdrawal. what is up with your back? have you had it seen to by a doctor?

back pain is super fucked up i had some before christmas where i could barely even walk but it was cos my work setup was shit- my desk is way too low. i've just bought a standing desk thing that i can adjust to any height so hope that doesn't happen again. actual pain when you are trying to come off opiates is the worst. do bear in mind that opiates in the long run make you more sensitive to pain, so your back likely feels worse than it is.

i'm glad the guy didn't have any dope left.

it seems from your posts like you feel like quitting will just cause you to crave all the time and be in various sorts of mental and physical pain. it really isn't like that, i promise, but if you feed those sorts of thoughts they become a self fulfilling prophecy.

the emptiness needs filling with something else. healthy. there is a psychological need that heroin was addressing, that need is still there and if you don't address it you're not going to be able to move forward with your life and will be at risk of going back to drugs. it might be worth trying some mindfulness/meditation, it helped me no end in early recovery (still does to this day), was good for finding out actually what the fuck was going on in my brain.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I really need to meditate for a while. My back has been fucked since I was 6, my mom kicked me, its beyond repair, I can move and all it just hurts. So like.... if I can take no opiates can you please suggest something else?

 

[Jabberwocky]

i'm afraid i can't advise- you need to speak to a doctor about that and be open about your opiate issue. all i know is that opiates are contra-indicated for chronic pain because they make the situation worse over time. there is a lot of evidence for mindfulness for chronic pain.

i don't know if you have tried but i smashed my elbow and it hurt a lot for years and i found strong topical ibuprofen to be better than mild opiates.

 

[Jabberwocky]

my doctor advised against tramadol but he gave me methadone instead so i said no
im just gonna get wasted on aspirins then

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Don't IV, the withdrawal is much worse. You can actually get out of heroin acute withdrawal with very little pain. If you are IVing 10 bags a day and get cut cold, it will be bad. but if you are tapering down (and able to resist sticking a needle in you) the withdrawal won't be that bad. Of course its the after withdrawal that is really going to get you. Yeah, when its cold outside you gonna be 20x more cold. Thinking of the times you were high on dope in 30 degrees wearing shorts thinking how nice the weather is today. Its the allure of opiates.

The truth is that is all images in your head. Your mind is looking for something. To beat opiates you have to submit to it. It will go away. The other option is to use.

Hard to follow where you actually are. You are on an opiate? Tramadol wouldn't do anything but piss me off. I would throw that shit in the garbage. Or use tiny doses to maybe get some relief. If you had a couple weeks and took a tramadol you would feel something.

I did catch you are coming off methadone. How much of a dose did you come off? How long were you on it? Once 2 months passes with no methadone, things should be getting better. But if you are trying to come off 60mg or so cold turkey and then used some dope, you are basically fucked and need to get back on methadone and stabilize. That is opiate withdrawal at the worst it can get (short acting with a long acting under it). Also you have to remember you are kicking every opiate you took. You will be kicking that methadone for years in some way. Now adding tramadol you are kicking 3 opiates. You need to stabilize on a small dose of methadone at least for now. Or be clean. Living this kind of life sounds miserable.

A that dude in your house. Throw his shit in the street. He isn't your friend. Those people only pull you down. Don't fuck with dope either. Its garbage. Only from the doctor.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Don't IV, the withdrawal is much worse. You can actually get out of heroin acute withdrawal with very little pain. If you are IVing 10 bags a day and get cut cold, it will be bad. but if you are tapering down (and able to resist sticking a needle in you) the withdrawal won't be that bad. Of course its the after withdrawal that is really going to get you. Yeah, when its cold outside you gonna be 20x more cold. Thinking of the times you were high on dope in 30 degrees wearing shorts thinking how nice the weather is today. Its the allure of opiates.

The truth is that is all images in your head. Your mind is looking for something. To beat opiates you have to submit to it. It will go away. The other option is to use.

Hard to follow where you actually are. You are on an opiate? Tramadol wouldn't do anything but piss me off. I would throw that shit in the garbage. Or use tiny doses to maybe get some relief. If you had a couple weeks and took a tramadol you would feel something.

I did catch you are coming off methadone. How much of a dose did you come off? How long were you on it? Once 2 months passes with no methadone, things should be getting better. But if you are trying to come off 60mg or so cold turkey and then used some dope, you are basically fucked and need to get back on methadone and stabilize. That is opiate withdrawal at the worst it can get (short acting with a long acting under it). Also you have to remember you are kicking every opiate you took. You will be kicking that methadone for years in some way. Now adding tramadol you are kicking 3 opiates. You need to stabilize on a small dose of methadone at least for now. Or be clean. Living this kind of life sounds miserable.

A that dude in your house. Throw his shit in the street. He isn't your friend. Those people only pull you down. Don't fuck with dope either. Its garbage. Only from the doctor.

as i was afraid of suboxone i am also afraid of methadone so i only took about 20 to 60 mg every day only on the first 2 days after dope, but i used half a gram of pure everyday, once the 3 days of methadone were done, i switched to tramadol against medical advice because i am so fucking afraid of cravings and the anxiety of going to the plug she aint far
well, that dude i mentioned let me live like a year in his momma house so i feel for him ya know?
he will never quit
of course i take a small dose of tramadol, not planning on getting high with it, the shot i took intramuscular pissed me the fuck off
right now im on gabapentin, aspirins, vitamins, and carbomazepine (is that its name? for convulsions) i think thats it
i only take tramadol out of fear... i think
i mean of course its in my head, if it werent i woulda fucking kicked it all a long long time ago

 

[Rio Fantastic]

I agree with @chinup & @TheInvisibleStoner You are actively making your situation worse by going back & forth. You need to commit to either withdrawal or using for a while since it's 10x more miserable to constantly try to do both. Your back pain may flare up temporarily, but opiates actually sensitize you to chronic pain if taken for a long period and end up causing and exacerbating the problem that they were meant to treat. Do you have access to any muscle relaxers? That could help alleviate your back pain while you're kicking. Don't tell yourself that what you're experiencing during the early stages of acute withdrawal (and even in the period after the WD has ended) is just the life you're doomed to live without opiates. The cravings, pain & general unpleasant experience really is just temporary. You have to put up with that bullshit to get to the good part, but since you keep using you just keep putting yourself back to the beginning of the worst part. It's like trying to run an obstacle course where the first obstacles are the most gruelling and difficult, but instead of pushing through them you keep tapping out and going back to the beginning. If you persevere, you will see that things get easier.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

as i was afraid of suboxone i am also afraid of methadone so i only took about 20 to 60 mg every day only on the first 2 days after dope, but i used half a gram of pure everyday, once the 3 days of methadone were done, i switched to tramadol against medical advice because i am so fucking afraid of cravings and the anxiety of going to the plug she aint far
well, that dude i mentioned let me live like a year in his momma house so i feel for him ya know?
he will never quit
of course i take a small dose of tramadol, not planning on getting high with it, the shot i took intramuscular pissed me the fuck off
right now im on gabapentin, aspirins, vitamins, and carbomazepine (is that its name? for convulsions) i think thats it
i only take tramadol out of fear... i think
i mean of course its in my head, if it werent i woulda fucking kicked it all a long long time ago

You can't quit opiates and not have ANY cravings! Even when I went from heroin to like 10mg of subutex (a dose that was WAY too high) and consequently felt zombified/sedated, I still had urges to use. If you deprive yourself of what you're addicted to, you are naturally going to have cravings. Living in fear of them and continuing to take opiates doesn't make sense - I assume you're scared of cravings since you're worried they'll make you give in and take opiates, so you're just skipping straight to the negative consequences (taking opiates) to avoid something that could potentially cause those same negative consequences. We have to accept urges and cravings & find a way through them, unfortunately, but over time it really does get easier.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I agree with @chinup & @TheInvisibleStoner You are actively making your situation worse by going back & forth. You need to commit to either withdrawal or using for a while since it's 10x more miserable to constantly try to do both. Your back pain may flare up temporarily, but opiates actually sensitize you to chronic pain if taken for a long period and end up causing and exacerbating the problem that they were meant to treat. Do you have access to any muscle relaxers? That could help alleviate your back pain while you're kicking. Don't tell yourself that what you're experiencing during the early stages of acute withdrawal (and even in the period after the WD has ended) is just the life you're doomed to live without opiates. The cravings, pain & general unpleasant experience really is just temporary. You have to put up with that bullshit to get to the good part, but since you keep using you just keep putting yourself back to the beginning of the worst part. It's like trying to run an obstacle course where the first obstacles are the most gruelling and difficult, but instead of pushing through them you keep tapping out and going back to the beginning. If you persevere, you will see that things get easier.

how temporary? haha
aye i got good muscle relaxers
i just wish i had someone by my side, i envy anyone who was with their parents or whatever when they were sick
i have no one, zero, have to get the meds by myself idk i think thats not helping i like my alone time but not in this pain

 

[Rio Fantastic]

how temporary? haha
aye i got good muscle relaxers
i just wish i had someone by my side, i envy anyone who was with their parents or whatever when they were sick
i have no one, zero, have to get the meds by myself idk i think thats not helping i like my alone time but not in this pain

The very, very first time I had to quit opiates it was oxycodone after I'd been abusing the fuck out of my script. I'd been prescribed it for back pain after I fractured my spine, but truth be told I hadn't had any pain and the only reason I went to the doctor to start with was so I could get codeine to abuse (back in the good old days when 300mg of codeine was a few hours of bliss!) and then just figured I'd try and push it as far as I could. When they cut my oxycodone script off I had to go through a mild withdrawal, and noticed for the first time in months my lower back hurting, but not the actual vertebrae that I'd fractured like after the accident, but the muscles around it. It only lasted for the duration of the withdrawal and then was gone by day 6. Not saying you will have the same experience, but you will be in a position to improve your health (& life generally) when you're clean and find alternative ways to treat your pain, whether that be with regular NSAIDs (have you tried naproxen & diclofenac?), physiotherapy, stretches/exercises, saunas etc. There are many things you can try - it's not like the only choices are hard opiates or just live with untreated pain!

I hate being around anybody when I'm trying to get through WD. I'm too wrapped up in my own suffering to be present for anyone else, and at best I'll find them irritating and at worst I'll actively despise people that usually I really like. I become a real antisocial asshole for a few days haha. How come you're all by yourself? No friends, family etc??

 

[Jabberwocky]

The very, very first time I had to quit opiates it was oxycodone after I'd been abusing the fuck out of my script. I'd been prescribed it for back pain after I fractured my spine, but truth be told I hadn't had any pain and the only reason I went to the doctor to start with was so I could get codeine to abuse (back in the good old days when 300mg of codeine was a few hours of bliss!) and then just figured I'd try and push it as far as I could. When they cut my oxycodone script off I had to go through a mild withdrawal, and noticed for the first time in months my lower back hurting, but not the actual vertebrae that I'd fractured like after the accident, but the muscles around it. It only lasted for the duration of the withdrawal and then was gone by day 6. Not saying you will have the same experience, but you will be in a position to improve your health (& life generally) when you're clean and find alternative ways to treat your pain, whether that be with regular NSAIDs (have you tried naproxen & diclofenac?), physiotherapy, stretches/exercises, saunas etc. There are many things you can try - it's not like the only choices are hard opiates or just live with untreated pain!

I hate being around anybody when I'm trying to get through WD. I'm too wrapped up in my own suffering to be present for anyone else, and at best I'll find them irritating and at worst I'll actively despise people that usually I really like. I become a real antisocial asshole for a few days haha. How come you're all by yourself? No friends, family etc??

My family is in usa here I only have friends but just a few are close the others no its a big fucking city second to tokyo
They dont wanna give me visas because im a convicted felon
Idk if its the tramadol I shot in my butt yesterday but I dont feel as bad today I mean I feel like shit but its not as bad as yesterday, I have to train karate today in two hours
Imma take some ibuprofen and gaba

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

You should be feeling much better soon. I mean if you are able to handle a karate class, you are good. Each day gets a little better and better.

Just try and get more time away from the dope is really all you can do.

Good you are doing karate too. Moving around will help you the best.

Oh, don't worry about the methadone. Thought you were on a clinic or something. Just taking for 2 days, it probably helped you. You just cannot IV dope from here. You are at super high risk for OD to start. And when it wears off the withdrawal is horrible. The tramadol will start to help more. I can rarely feel any type of pills post heroin without some decent clean time. Not sure if the ssri part of it would be helpful, though. Gabapentin is helpful, and while its addictive probably not the worst of your concerns right now. Don't know much about the muscle relaxers, but the withdrawal from something like Baclofen could be rough. Also things touching your GABA will slow your brain from healing. While I drank and ate benzos through too many opiate withdrawals, I never came out of it. Only way was methadone then taper. Or the few times I was in jail would heal up in like a week, but always the worst withdrawal since you are coming off everything.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You should be feeling much better soon. I mean if you are able to handle a karate class, you are good. Each day gets a little better and better.

Just try and get more time away from the dope is really all you can do.

Good you are doing karate too. Moving around will help you the best.

Oh, don't worry about the methadone. Thought you were on a clinic or something. Just taking for 2 days, it probably helped you. You just cannot IV dope from here. You are at super high risk for OD to start. And when it wears off the withdrawal is horrible. The tramadol will start to help more. I can rarely feel any type of pills post heroin without some decent clean time. Not sure if the ssri part of it would be helpful, though. Gabapentin is helpful, and while its addictive probably not the worst of your concerns right now. Don't know much about the muscle relaxers, but the withdrawal from something like Baclofen could be rough. Also things touching your GABA will slow your brain from healing. While I drank and ate benzos through too many opiate withdrawals, I never came out of it. Only way was methadone then taper. Or the few times I was in jail would heal up in like a week, but always the worst withdrawal since you are coming off everything.

sorry u were in jail it sucks i was too many times many places
bro i went to get food before the karate class and my body just gave in i collapsed in my couch when i got home so no i am not ok.... btw gaba and pregabalin make me dizzy as fuck i trip and break things
so u doing dope too? fuck i got back from the pharmacy and forgot the muscle relaxers haha
tomorrow i see my doctor, my sleep schedule is hella fucked