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🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

deficiT said:
Thank you for the encouragement 🙏 it truly means the world to me.
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Thank you mate. But really no thanks needed, only because I don't want you to feel slightly disempowered, just appreciative, accepting of, and happy with yourself.

I have always strongly believed in always, selflessly giving due commendation, supporting the "pillars" of us. But I promise you that everything I ever say truly comes from the heart and not just because I'm high on on LSD most of the time lol I promise.!

Stay strong and feel no prrssure I say, trust yourself, and keep bringing the pure positivity bro because what better way to leave by example and keep your own vibrations high no matter what and how else you see others behaving.

Sounds simple on paper I know but I do still believe in this as our way forward in Society.

Which may be Central to this actual thread but I'm a bit confused I need to check it again lol but on the subject of basically supporting each other this is what I feel we need to do but in that positive pillar since I mean.

Like to raise each other up and help us stay up as a normal way of being.
 
Audiobook said:
Ok, so to clarify, should we not talk about meds at all?

Like, for me ADHD meds are not recreational at all. Period.

Any positive talk about things such as Ritalin or Adderall from me is because I do benefit from them for a medical condition.

I will say I do take Ritalin intranasally (sp?) sometimes but honestly I would not recommend anyone do that as your nose can start to bleed and it can take months to heal.

I do try not to glorify drug use tho. Especially in this forum.

It’s just right now I am struggling to even get the right meds...and it really does suck.
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Hey, really sorry, I'm definitely still going to pm you with those tips and coping strategies we talked about. Intense 2 days starting a new course of really powerful homeopathy- hits hard first few days.

But I have not forgotten you my friend and I do care and really hope that I can help in some way and I will definitely come back to you as soon as I have some basic energy level and collected witts.

Please try and hang in there for the meantime and and keep some hope because that belief and feeling alone can be be very healing and calming on the biological level itself, as opposed to a state of permanent panic and anxiety which I concede I have vast experience with myself so I'm not trying to be a hypocrite.
 
Audiobook said:
Ok, so to clarify, should we not talk about meds at all?

Like, for me ADHD meds are not recreational at all. Period.

Any positive talk about things such as Ritalin or Adderall from me is because I do benefit from them for a medical condition.

I will say I do take Ritalin intranasally (sp?) sometimes but honestly I would not recommend anyone do that as your nose can start to bleed and it can take months to heal.

I do try not to glorify drug use tho. Especially in this forum.

It’s just right now I am struggling to even get the right meds...and it really does suck.
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Check out the "new social guidelines in TDS* in the sticky. No drug talk specifically only in TDS threads marked Social.

I will certainly not enforce this rule on you as you are speaking about your mental health and this is the place to do it.

Egregious examples of glorification + truly triggering content would be the exception.

The other TDS mods may feel differently but this is simply my verdict, I feel it is too strict. This rule far predates my modship, but as mod I have some discretion. Possibly an alteration of this rule is in order and I can bring it up w/ the other moderators if you would like.
 
Personally I feel it's hard to have much dark and social conversation if we can't even speak of the substances that have plagued us. But the logic is that there are other places in the forum to speak about these things.

My personal opinion but I just want ppl to feel safe and free to speak in all of the TDS threads. Just try and speak generally, no need to mention your ROAs or anything like that.

Like I said it could be something we could update or alter but it's not totally up to me.
 
It's amazing how different two lives can be while simultaneously the underlying themes of addiction run so parallel. I read people's stories around here and they feel so much like my own. I've only recently started posting on Bluelight again after no activity for 8 years. It's funny how I find myself lurking around TDS now and adjacent recovery-themed sections whereas when I first joined I was probably reading trip reports or literature on psychedelics. The progression of addiction all right there in front of you.

I've recently just ended (hopefully) my latest 3-year run with heroin. Definitely the darkest period of my life thus far. I have a little over a week now of being on subs. Feeling a little more hopeful today.

BTW does anyone know what happened to Mr. Scagnattie? I remember always identifying so heavily with his posts and now notice he hasn't been here for a while. I'm not sure if he was around TDS as much as OD, but I hope he's ok.
 
endlessnameless said:
Evening Darksiders - I hope you are all well.

Just thought I'd check in. Its been a long time since I've posted on Bluelight, and I honestly never thought it would ever again be under the circumstances I'm about to divulge, however after getting sober from Heroin (smoked) in December of 2019 I managed to remain clean until approximately 3-4 bloody weeks ago. The quarantine eventually got to me, I met up with some former drug buddies who just so happened to be using again and unfortunately it was less than an hour before I bought some. I've been smoking three or four bags a week for the whole or most of the month of July.

Anyway, I've stopped now so I'm just hoping the withdrawals wont be too harsh considering how much clean time I had and how relatively small my habit was.
I'll be feeling it all this week. Typically takes between 10 and 14 days for me to normalise back into a functioning state, however thats based off habits that lasted about four years at a time.
I know I'm in for a miserable week at least however I cannot go back to that lifestyle again and so after a month long run, I'm done.

Might pop in from time to time to have a chat over the withdrawal period. Take care folks.
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This didn't work out for me, and here I am in the first week of November and I've smoked three bags this week. Not a huge amount, but I'm so desperate to get clean as soon as possible. I feel so very low in myself having had all that clean time and then allowing myself to relapse. I feel without being stuck inside for all those months due to covid this NEVER would have happened but it did. Time to begin again.

I just wish I had someone I could tell. I have a girl in my life who I think will probably leave me if I tell her. If I tell my parents I'm worried they're going to throw me out on the street as I'm living with them at the moment. I dont know if they actually will but telling them has to be a last resort. I wish their reaction would be 'Thanks for telling us son, we're going to help you through this'. If I heard that I feel I'd have a better chance of getting over this.

I had three days clean before I smoked that bag today so I'm going to try again. This seems to be the pattern - I spend 3-4 days every week in withdrawal, then relapse for 2-3 days (two bags @ .2 each).

I'll try again and again and again until I get this done. Very depressed, very lonely, very scared

Just needed to share that.

Let's try this again.

EDIT: Thank you @BellaJewel - means a lot. This relapse has me thinking I'm some sort of a bad person who doesn't deserve happiness but at the same time I know I'm not. Thanks for the little heart. Hope you are well.
 
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Called today to schedule my first therapy session. I've only gone before when my mom made me during my parent's divorce but I was like 9 yrs old and didn't really understand fully what was happening.

I've been really stressed and anxious lately with keeping up school, work, and bills. A classic case of "impostor syndrome" of not feeling like i'm good enough and that everyone else is smarter than me and works harder. I just need to vent so hopefully these sessions will help
 
One day at a time, I'm getting my silly brain wrapped up into one piece. Still driving in the rain, searching for faded digits. At least there's money. $$$$$$$$$
 
I'm having a real mental block right now, haven't been able to work at all this week. I know what I have to do but just can't bring myself to do it, my mind doesn't want to cooperate.
My current works involves researching a few specific topics, reading the literature and writing stuff related to that. So I can manage my time pretty much however I want (in the short term) but I feel like I'm wasting it and I will probably regret it later.

I feel like I need some meth or any amphetamine, I had some meth the week prior and was pretty productive. My current block might be partly caused by some degree of dopamine downregulation due to using strong stimulants, but also has something to do with the covid lockdown (pretty strict here) and some family related stuff. A lack of sunlight may be contributing to it as well...

I'm gonna have to get some amphetamines again to kickstart my shit, but I probably won't be able to get them next week so that would mean another week wasted... I've tried other stuff but it's not working.

In the meantime I'll have to deal with it, give it time and maybe I'll be able to regain some motivation or whatever it is I'm lacking.
 
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schizopath said:
I make friends too easily. Gotta keep it low-key and shit.
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That’s actually a great thing unless you’re making “friends” and not actual friends. It’s good to have a variety of people to butt heads with about whatever and hang out.

You more an introvert generally?
 
I feel like that I have different categories of friends. Like whatever persona I am working with at the moment in time. I have you guys, my work friends, gamer friends, friends from back home and people I was friends with but haven't spoke to in years.

Between each set of my friends, is a list of people I don't care for very much. Wouldn't really say hate because it is such a strong emotion for me. Just say people I don't approve of lol.
My life has brought me to atleast 23 different states and 4 different countries, and each place I seem to make both lists, and eventually move elsewhere. Those people I once called friends are more like old acquaintances. It's hard for me to wonder how Jessica is doing (girl I met a decade ago).
I guess just keep it simple.
 
I'm still procrastinating... I should be able to get some kind of amphetamine this week though, hope the stim gods don't fuck me up.
 
8 months off suboxone. when do the awful mornings and low energy days fade away. fuuuuuuuuck!
 
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