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The bonnie and clyde dynamic

sdxyln said:
This dynamic is usually referred to in psychiatry as the dance. Without therapy things are hopeless more often than not. I would look into trauma bonding, were I you.
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Thank you for the reply.

The dance because we'd but heads? Or the dance because it's electric.
 
It is enabling doomed to be on repeat till the male (usually) is dead.
 
Oh i see.

So the trauma is codependency on a potential narcissist.

Can't it be two similar core personalities with similar beliefs? Dancing side by side?
 
Doubt I can put it that way. One bonds over the trauma. One seeks it out. The other gives it back, the enabling has started, self-destruction ensues all the way. There is no third option I am afraid.
 
Two little (and wounded) kids in a (very) romantic idea of love. Romeo and Juliet etc. It is trope more than anything else really. Psychiatric diagnoses like NPD, BPD etc. function more like (highly glorified) horoscopes.
 
Welp.

All i am trying to say is i can't handle dealing with delicate flowers any longer and need a "cold hard bitch".

I wonder if two "cold hard" individuals get make a good couple.
 
I don’t think you would want to date a cold hard bitch tbh. You don’t like the way women like that speak to you.

Get yourself a girl who’s laid back and easy going. Someone who has a good sense of humour. You can mostly find that stuff out in the first 5/6 dates.

What your dad said about same core values is very true. If they don’t have the same core values it’s just a ticking clock until you both start arguing over shit that means something to yous.
 
Yeah maybe laid back is better.

I thought the expressive emotional types were.. Fun. But maybe i didn't respect them because they were so easily triggered. In reality i think you might be right. Someone who doesn't take my bull shit personally, at the very least.
 
Also just to say, Bonnie actually was married to someone else. She was still wearing her wedding ring when she was killed and she had a tattoo with his name on her thigh. The whole Clyde thing was self destruction.
 
PrincessDiz said:
Get yourself a girl who’s laid back and easy going. If they don’t have the same core values it’s just a ticking clock until you both start arguing over shit that means something to yous.
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There should be a wee-bit of room left insofar as the value-compatibility is concerned because then the chemistry works. I think today inter-cultural (country) marriages have a higher chance of success for that reason. If arguments are to erupt, then if one argues in Polish and the other in Hungarian then there is room to learn and bond in a positive manner. Things usually devolve to the level of dumb beasts otherwise. In theory this should have a decent success rate, but in practice only a couple can tell.
 


I must admit that the reason why I first came into the thread here is because the title kept gnawing at me time and again. I have to put this obsession to sleep. Bonnie and Clapton have jammed at the same time!
 
Have you tried meeting women while robbing banks?
madness00 said:
But maybe i didn't respect them because they were so easily triggered. In reality i think you might be right. Someone who doesn't take my bull shit personally, at the very least.
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I've been a wisecracking sort of person for most of my life, but I did along the way learn what kinds of things not to say. I spent >20 years learning to be funny, so I think it was fair that I put a fraction of that effort into not kicking below the belt (or whatever analogy with women). Actually I lost a few friends before I figured that out. I'm not saying that's you, but there is an old saying about how if one of your exes was crazy, she's crazy, but if all of your exes were crazy...
 
Well, the good news is that those who do not die end up changing by quite a bit.
 
atara said:
I'm not saying that's you, but there is an old saying about how if one of your exes was crazy, she's crazy, but if all of your exes were crazy...
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I mean i didn't just randomly generate my username :p

The most put together woman i dated was the first girl i said i love you to who took my virginity. She was a senior going to college and i was a sophomore so it didn't work out and i was heart broken.

Everyone since has been more or less big drama.

My first girl was wicked laid back. We'd smoke weed in her car during lunch breaks etc she was wicked cool.
 
Hey--the part that sticks out the most to me from your original post is the "low self esteem" part.
No matter what their other traits are, I think relationships are healthiest when both people have OK/healthy self esteem.
Your girl should like herself and be comfortable with who she is. We all have our down days and moments of doubt but overall she should like herself, otherwise you'll be stuck always having to pick her up, dealing with insecurity, etc.
Look for good self esteem & confidence in addition to the initial attraction, and I think the rest will fall into place!
 
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