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The bonnie and clyde dynamic

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
I've always attracted a certain type of women.

Sweet, but vengeful.
Good talkers, but low self esteem.
Independent, but likes to be dominated.

Recently I've been thinking..

What happened to that Bonnie and Clyde dynamic?

Do i have to settle for something mooshy gooshy?

Maybe someone "dominant"?

I had this relationship once with a couple chill ass younger women and it was very exhilarating.

We just don't seek each other out?

Do opposites attract?

I don't think i can protect the delicate flowers anymore.
 
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madness00 said:
Can you elaborate?

Do you have similar values, similar interests, or both?
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Well, I guess I exaggerate she's much more of a homebody.

But energy levels wise and shit I tend to be more extroverted;

But when we get down we can both get down at the same time and kinda poison each others moods

But nah same values and interests
 
Interests overlap I guess

She does photography and I'm more into music and read more

I def don't consider it exciting by any means
 
Most people have an idea of what they want and expect in a partner but few allow themselves to stray outside their own storyline. Nobody wants to get hurt so people tend to hold on to ideals even though it may hurt them even more in the long run. Some people think that they can get married and stop working on their relationship and then wonder why things go stale such as sex, romance, love, etc.

Bonnie and Clyde make a great Halloween costume for couples but every other day of the year it's important to recognize changes in yourself and your partner if you want a long lasting relationship to work.

The pitfall here is expectations. Love stories like Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, etc, are great to learn from but are dangerous to hold as a standard. There isn't a standard. Let go of expectations and embrace the unknown.
 
w01fg4ng said:
Most people have an idea of what they want and expect in a partner but few allow themselves to stray outside their own storyline. Nobody wants to get hurt so people tend to hold on to ideals even though it may hurt them even more in the long run. Some people think that they can get married and stop working on their relationship and then wonder why things go stale such as sex, romance, love, etc.

Bonnie and Clyde make a great Halloween costume for couples but every other day of the year it's important to recognize changes in yourself and your partner if you want a long lasting relationship to work.

The pitfall here is expectations. Love stories like Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, etc, are great to learn from but are dangerous to hold as a standard. There isn't a standard. Let go of expectations and embrace the unknown.
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Okay, so find a partner, not the cookie that fits in your cutter?

Do you think opposites attract?
 
madness00 said:
Okay, so find a partner, not the cookie that fits in your cutter?
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This is a healthy point of view because it shows you are capable of working with a partner and respect them enough to be seen as a human (not a food item, for example).

Do you think opposites attract?
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Yes, in many ways. It's healthy to also have some degree of similarities/agreements on some big issues too.
 
w01fg4ng said:
This is a healthy point of view because it shows you are capable of working with a partner and respect them enough to be seen as a human (not a food item, for example).

Yes, in many ways. It's healthy to also have some degree of similarities/agreements on some big issues too.
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I see. My dad always said same core values different interests?

So instead of a sweet heart i need someone a bit more insane, but who has a lot of differences otherwise?
 
madness00 said:
I see. My dad always said same core values different interests?
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That's interesting.

So instead of a sweet heart i need someone a bit more insane, but who has a lot of differences otherwise?
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I'm not sure. From what I've seen I think you have a really good idea of who is a good match for you, all I am pointing out is to not take that sweatheart for granted once she's yours. It's like watering a flower, it's a constant responsibility.
 
Damn that hit home.

That's what always happens.

I just want a woman who doesn't give a fuck about petty shit. It's just i find almost everything "not that deep". Like i enjoyed my exs for the most part, but i was walking on egg shells.
 
Personality is a long, colorful spectrum, and fortunately isnt always as simple as "harder girl" vs "delicate girl"

There are some very timid girls who do wild shit. There are some very hard girls who live quietly.

Whatever you are looking for, however weird, theres 100 different versions of it out there somewhere
 
RedRum OG said:
Personality is a long, colorful spectrum, and fortunately isnt always as simple as "harder girl" vs "delicate girl"

There are some very timid girls who do wild shit. There are some very hard girls who live quietly.

Whatever you are looking for, however weird, theres 100 different versions of it out there somewhere
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I'm sure there are very dynamic personalities. I just am looking at the core i guess.

Are you saying i should look to meet expectations in your last paragraph?
 
madness00 said:
I'm sure there are very dynamic personalities. I just am looking at the core i guess.

Are you saying i should look to meet expectations in your last paragraph?
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Just my experiences with it. I've always suspected I have aspergers, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, I am miles from neurotypical, and have dated all people in that same area, so I dont know how universally this applies.

I see "cores" as highly fluid and highly complicated, mostly based on my own, as I wouldn't fit in either camp well. I have some very hard attributes from my time as a drug addict, and in a hard corner I'm a very different person than when I'm on the couch. But overall I was born a soft person, I feel like a soft person, but I cannot live with a truly soft person, as I will terrify them.

I've met some girls like this, who are soft by birth, but hard by choice, If that makes any sense. It complicates the scene for sure

And meeting expectations, I'm not 100% sure what you mean, does that mean you wonder If you should change to be what your partner expects?

w01fg4ng said:
I think all relationships have arguments, some more than others obviously.
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IME theres a big difference between arguments and walking on eggshells. The latter usually implies an uneven relationship, likely with one party doing the most of the "arguing"

My relationship with a girl with borderline personality who was constantly threatening suicide because life or I had disappointed her so, now that's walking on eggshells. Your neighbors who always get drunk and yell at each other, that's arguing... at least to me
 
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RedRum OG said:
Just my experiences with it. I've always suspected I have aspergers, so take it with a grain of salt.

I see "cores" as highly fluid and highly complicated, mostly based on my own, as I wouldn't fit in either camp well. I have some very hard attributes from my time as a drug addict, and in a hard corner I'm a very different person than when I'm on the couch. But overall I was born a soft person, I feel like a soft person, but I cannot live with a truly soft person, as I will terrify them.

I've met some girls like this, who are soft by birth, but hard by choice, If that makes any sense. It complicates the scene for sure

And meeting expectations, I'm not 100% sure what you mean, does that mean you wonder If you should change to be what your partner expects?
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I see.

Yeah it's hard to know if someone might regress eventually to something we don't know.

By expectations i was asking if you have a certain type you look for. I clearly am in my OP but i question if these dynamics even work.
 
madness00 said:
I see.

Yeah it's hard to know if someone might regress eventually to something we don't know.

By expectations i was asking if you have a certain type you look for. I clearly am in my OP but i question if these dynamics even work.
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(Coming from someone who has years of emotional work to do, and has mostly been in semi abusive relationships): I don't see it so much as regressions, more like deep currents heaving up different layers of the sea occasionally. Theyre always part of the whole, just not visible.

I look for soft and sweet enough to be able to love a strange creature like myself, but hard enough not to go skittering off once they hear I spent most of my life being sexually aroused by needles in my arm. Mostly, if they can handle my foibles, work as a team under pressure, and they can truly love, they're a keeper for me. But again, this is all coming from someone with bluelight in their blood, normies may be different. Survival mode makes you appreciate the little things, and take what you can get.

A little note on the "bonnie and clyde" aspect that is definitely important to me is the "working together under pressure" part. A good relationship draws in closer when shit gets tough. That's one thing I'm sure of.
 
This dynamic is usually referred to in psychiatry as the dance. Without therapy things are hopeless more often than not. I would look into trauma bonding, were I you.
 
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