Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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BK38 said:
It was not easy. Basically, I knew the cycle would just keep going if I kept getting high and I was so sick of myself at that point that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. So down the toilet it went, as incredibly painful as that was.
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I would just stop after doing the last stuff. I would get super angry if I threw my stuff away. I would punish myself severely, by taking my leather belt off and slapping my back with it.
Hurts like hell, but it's a good punishment if you fuck up.
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
I would just stop after doing the last stuff. I would get super angry if I threw my stuff away. I would punish myself severely, by taking my leather belt off and slapping my back with it.
Hurts like hell, but it's a good punishment if you fuck up.
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I wanted to take advantage of my brief moment of clarity; that things could not continue as they were and I was sick of living that way. Did I hate myself for it when I was dope sick as hell after that? Yeah. Was I miserable as hell and pissed off that the percocets the doctor gave me to tide me over until I could fly to the California for rehab did fucking nothing with my big habit? Yeah. Was it the right decision? Yes, without a doubt. The belt would have been far less painful.
 
BK38 said:
I wanted to take advantage of my brief moment of clarity; that things could not continue as they were and I was sick of living that way. Did I hate myself for it when I was dope sick as hell after that? Yeah. Was I miserable as hell and pissed off that the percocets the doctor gave me to tide me over until I could fly to the California for rehab did fucking nothing with my big habit? Yeah. Was it the right decision? Yes, without a doubt. The belt would have been far less painful.
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Yeah, I know the withdrawals are the punishment for using dope.
It's good to hear you're doing great now. You have been through a great journey and you've done it better than most.
People who get into the game, usually don't leave after staying for 2-5 years - from what I have seen.
You however did, well maybe not completely - but you did the right thing.
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
Fuck @DeadManWalkin' he’s a bitch
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Dude, you reported me to mods last time I reacted to your posting.
You're trying to bait me to get banned.
I got notification from them, because of you. I don't want to associate with you, since you brought authority into our discussion.
I wish you will comply with the rules, stop attacking me and we can ignore each other.
I would be ready to even shake hands and stop acting like 14-year old, but hey - it's really up to you.
 
BK38 said:
Lol, are you two still feuding? How come you guys are so pissy at one another anyways?
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Nah, he's spamming me derogatory private messages attacking me - but I'll keep myself under control.
He baited me hard. Don't want that to happen again.
Anyways, I was just breaking balls and he got super offended, involved mods in our discussion and ended up being the "victim" in this situation of ours, while in fact he was the one who started it.
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
Yeah, I know the withdrawals are the punishment for using dope.
It's good to hear you're doing great now. You have been through a great journey and you've done it better than most.
People who get into the game, usually don't leave after staying for 2-5 years - from what I have seen.
You however did, well maybe not completely - but you did the right thing.
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Well, it did take another 2 rehab stints to get to some sort of sanity. I was on opiates like tramadol, low dose oxy etc from 14-19, then from 19-22 I was on heroin. So 8 years on opiates in total. Yeah, I don't go for that 100% clean deal, but I know my limits now and I don't fuck with heroin at all or even weaker opiates for more than a week or two. Ironically, I have a bad shoulder and I get prescribed Tramadol or Hydrocodone when it's giving me trouble, or sometimes low dose oxy if I have a particularly bad dislocation. It has been a long road, but I haven't done heroin in 8 years.
 
BK38 said:
Well, it did take another 2 rehab stints to get to some sort of sanity. I was on opiates like tramadol, low dose oxy etc from 14-19, then from 19-22 I was on heroin. So 8 years on opiates in total. Yeah, I don't go for that 100% clean deal, but I know my limits now and I don't fuck with heroin at all or even weaker opiates for more than a week or two. Ironically, I have a bad shoulder and I get prescribed Tramadol or Hydrocodone when it's giving me trouble, or sometimes low dose oxy if I have a particularly bad dislocation. It has been a long road, but I haven't done heroin in 8 years.
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Stay on the tracks. It's an achievement and virtue what you've done. I wish I could do the same with my opiate of choice.
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
Stay on the tracks. It's an achievement and virtue what you've done. I wish I could do the same with my opiate of choice.
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You can too, you just have to want it bad enough and have some serious discipline. I like the Rumi quote: "The cure for pain is in the pain"
 
BK38 said:
You can too, you just have to want it bad enough and have some serious discipline. I like the Rumi quote: "The cure for pain is in the pain"
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I know. It's just that I need to give myself time and not demand so fucking much.
I'll fucking succeed next time, but I'll do it home. Wont go to that rehab place.
 
BK38 said:
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This is one of best songs telling about addiction.

And maybe if I just drink half
I'll be half-buzzed for half of the time
Who's the mastermind behind that little line?
With that kind of rationale, man, I got half a mind
To have another half a glass of wine
Sounds asinine, yeah, I know
But I never had no problem with alcohol
Ouch, look out for the wall, aim for the couch, I'm 'bout to fall
"And maybe if I just drink half
I'll be half-buzzed for half of the time"
Who's the mastermind behind that little line?
With that kind of rationale, man, I got half a mind
To have another half a glass of wine
Sounds asinine, yeah, I know
But I never had no problem with alcohol
Ouch, look out for the wall, aim for the couch, I'm 'bout to fall
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
Go fuck off
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Be more creative with your attacks.
Aren't you like 50? How come you're so bitter and can't just shake hands like a man?
You're the one who keeps re-offending and then playing the victim.
Who started this? Who started posting real funny pictures?
You must suffer the consequences of your actions and we'll both have real good consequences if you don't stop this shit.
I don't want to be punished, because you can't control yourself.
You're good to open your mouth but soon as the shit goes down you're the first to run to cry for help from moderators.
Playing the victim card - hell, you can probably even blame all the shit you say to me on your tourettes.
@BK38 Come here I want somebody sane.
 
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