Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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DeadManWalkin' said:
I probably would have triggered your PTSD with my posts.
I was gonna do public apology regarding you, but the thing is that only thing I regard was not straight up start posting it to his PMS's and still fucking around here.
I still have it copy pasted
"Okay, this will be my public apology.
Sorry for everyone that my postings have caused psychological distress, PTSD or other conditions.
I wish I can control my anger in the future, since I got baited by this post.
I personally believe this was a targeted attack to me, trying to get me purposefully banned, because they knew that from unwanted actions there will be consequences that I could have not let go.
It seems some people have different ways of addressing their problems than me and that's completely okay.
I regret posting gore publicly, since I now do remember a dear BL:er having PTSD and maybe it could have triggered it.
However, I do not regret posting it in PM's.
Best regards - DeadManWalkin'"
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Eh, probably wouldn't have triggered my PTSD. It's more like someone getting physical with me or like cornering me or attacking me or something; something to trigger that fight or flight response, that I then get stuck in or overreact to. I don't think images would do it, but I can't say 100% it wouldn't. The hospital in Laos when I got attacked took photos of me when I came in because they thought I might die, so they needed to have stuff to show the embassy if I did die and they are FUCKED UP. Like, I look like I'm in a canoe of blood, lost so much fucking blood. Looked like a fucking slasher movie. My dad still has them somewhere I think, he showed them to me once and that was not a pleasant feeling, mostly because it must have been terrible for my parents to see those pics too.

But yeah, gore and stuff is no bueno, don't think it belongs on the forum publicly for sure.
 
I'm now fully remembering why I haven't done speed for over a year
Lying here sweaty unable to sleep even after multiple downers/sleepers
It is starting to wear off though, I can tell because my dick wasn't as shriveled as the piss before last when I just went toilet 😂
Forgot all about billy-willy. I hate seeing my dick all shriveled. Reminds me of the acorn dick mephedrone days lol *shudders*

Now is the time I'd normally struggle an hour long stim-comedown wank out but I'm at my mates and she's in the same state as me on the sofa bed next to me and her bathroom doesn't have a lock lol, plus I couldn't justify being in there for so long.

Man I hate this part of speed. Why oh why did I inject so much 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
What a fucking rush though🤘😈🤘
 
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BK38 said:
Eh, probably wouldn't have triggered my PTSD. It's more like someone getting physical with me or like cornering me or attacking me or something; something to trigger that fight or flight response, that I then get stuck in or overreact to. I don't think images would do it, but I can't say 100% it wouldn't. The hospital in Laos when I got attacked took photos of me when I came in because they thought I might die, so they needed to have stuff to show the embassy if I did die and they are FUCKED UP. Like, I look like I'm in a canoe of blood, lost so much fucking blood. Looked like a fucking slasher movie. My dad still has them somewhere I think, he showed them to me once and that was not a pleasant feeling, mostly because it must have been terrible for my parents to see those pics too.

But yeah, gore and stuff is no bueno, don't think it belongs on the forum publicly for sure.
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Yeah well, it's all in the past now.
I was just taking you into consideration anyways.
 
BK38 said:
Cuz you're junkie scum with no self control? haha. Jokes, but yeah, I hate speed or meth comedowns, so brutal.
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True dat. Fucking needle fetish 😒
I actually got my mate to hide my sharps bin once we'd used all the needles and I also poured about 0.5g down the sink just to make sure I didn't redose. Work tomorrow afternoon (about 12 hours time) ffs
 
jhjhsdi said:
I'm now fully remembering why I haven't done speed for over a year
Lying here sweaty unable to sleep even after multiple downers/sleepers
It is starting to wear off though, I can tell because my dick wasn't as shriveled as the piss before last when I just went toilet 😂
Forgot all about billy-willy. I hate seeing my dick all shriveled. Reminds me of the acorn dick mephedrone days lol *shudders*

Now is the time I'd normally struggle an hour long stim-comedown wank out but I'm at my mates and she's in the same state as me on the sofa bed next to me and her bathroom doesn't have a lock lol, plus I couldn't justify being in there for so long.

Man I hate this part of speed. Why oh why did I inject so much 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
What a fucking rush though🤘😈🤘
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I always end up regretting doing speed.
I hate what I used to be when I did lots of speed. Fucking scum.
I can't even imagine meth binges, the sulphate does enough for me.
I have done meth few times but always end up doing sulphate.
Sometimes people mix meth with the sulphate, don't like that.
 
BK38 said:
It's 4:24am and I still can't sleep and I think I deserve to get high, not even like...off proper drugs, but I think I deserve a Phenibut day. I haven't taken it for over 3 weeks and I've had a total of 8 beers in the past month. That's it, sobriety is too much. Why can't my fucking weed be ready already? I keep checking it every day like a crack head. NEED THC. Halp Captain.
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come on over bb
 
jhjhsdi said:
True dat. Fucking needle fetish 😒
I actually got my mate to hide my sharps bin once we'd used all the needles and I also poured about 0.5g down the sink just to make sure I didn't redose. Work tomorrow afternoon (about 12 hours time) ffs
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Ah, I'm glad I never fucked with needle. Actually, with heroin, the first go round, the day I quit is the day I stuck a needle in my arm and registered, but I didn't push the plunger down. Fucking glad I didn't, reckon I'd be dead if I had. Then I snorted a shitload, drank a couple bottles of wine, flushed the rest of the H down the toilet and went and told my parents I was a junkie and to send me to rehab.
 
I normally drink twice as much when I do speed but this time since I've been buzzing I've only managed to put 2 bottles of the 6 I bought down my neck.

Empty stomach is rumbling hard. Feel like I need to shit but I know there's nothing there, did 2 shits this morning and haven't eaten all day. Want to down my ciders but they're making me feel sick. I'm sure I'll appreciate them in the morning.

@DeadManWalkin it's so cheap here, 0.5g down the sink is like dropping some coppers on the floor and not picking them up
It wouldn't be worth the cost of the stamp lol
 
BK38 said:
Ah, I'm glad I never fucked with needle. Actually, with heroin, the first go round, the day I quit is the day I stuck a needle in my arm and registered, but I didn't push the plunger down. Fucking glad I didn't, reckon I'd be dead if I had. Then I snorted a shitload, drank a couple bottles of wine, flushed the rest of the H down the toilet and went and told my parents I was a junkie and to send me to rehab.
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Dancing with needles is fucking insane. Don't do it and don't give you any fucking excuses to do it.
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
Dancing with needles is fucking insane. Don't do it and don't give you any fucking excuses to do it.
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+1
As much as I FUCKING LOVE intravenously slamming drugs, I SERIOUSLY wish I'd never done it. The needle fetish is definitely worse than any drug addiction.

And I thought I knew what a love/hate relationship was like with my ex lol
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
Dancing with needles is fucking insane. Don't do it and don't give you any fucking excuses to do it.
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Yeah, I'm glad I didn't cross that line. Still took me a couple more years to get off the heroin anyways, needle would've made it harder for sure. I'm glad I quit before all the Fentadope became a thing.
 
Anyone know technical terms of how long 1500mg-ish iv speed will last? It's been about 12hrs since my first shot and about 6 hours since my last one.
With small tolerance but also take into consideration I haven't done it for over a year

Whats the half life of amphetamine paste? I feel like IVing it doesn't last as long as if I had taken it orally
 
jhjhsdi said:
Anyone know technical terms of how long 1500mg-ish iv speed will last? It's been about 12hrs since my first shot and about 6 hours since my last one.
With small tolerance but also take into consideration I haven't done it for over a year

Whats the half life of amphetamine paste? I feel like IVing it doesn't last as long as if I had taken it orally
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I think the comedown is just gonna get worse until you fall asleep.
It really depends on the stuff, IMO.
Do you have any antipsychotics which may knock you out?
Like ketiapin or olanzapin.
 
jhjhsdi said:
+1
As much as I FUCKING LOVE intravenously slamming drugs, I SERIOUSLY wish I'd never done it. The needle fetish is definitely worse than any drug addiction.

And I thought I knew what a love/hate relationship was like with my ex lol
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Hahah, I do love it too.
I don't have any specific fetish, or so called needle addiction. If I don't have drugs I don't shoot up.
Many females I know of shoot up water, but men do not. Mostly speed addicts anyways.
I don't know why is this, I even spoke about this with one female BLer.
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
I think the comedown is just gonna get worse until you fall asleep.
It really depends on the stuff, IMO.
Do you have any antipsychotics which may knock you out?
Like ketiapin or olanzapin.
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My mate actually has some trazodone although I took 2 once before and felt realllly weird and it didn't put me to sleep either.
I've had 5mg diazepam, 150mg pregab and 75mg dph, prob take another 25-50mg dph soon and force a cider down me and lie in the dark.
I would take more diaz/pregab but there is none left
DeadManWalkin' said:
Hahah, I do love it too.
I don't have any specific fetish, or so called needle addiction. If I don't have drugs I don't shoot up.
Many females I know of shoot up water, but men do not. Mostly speed addicts anyways.
I don't know why is this, I even spoke about this with one female BLer.
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I've shot water once. Drunk in a house full of needles and no drugs. Just wanted to see that beautiful rose come into the barrel.

I then proceeded to shoot 0.5ml vodka mixed with 0.5ml water, twice.
Didn't feel anything, although I was already pretty drunk.
Yes I know it was stupid. I don't recommend it. It made my vein pretty purple lol
 
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