Dating sucks

[dopamimetic]

Did it again, installed Tinder & co in a manic high to check whether my theories are correct and my use of drugs to suppress/kill feelings of lonelyness and insufficience is legitimated or not.

Result, yes it is.

Happened to stay in Mexico recently, there I got a crazy result of over 20 matches within 2 days and many of them actually responsed or even initiated a chat. But I had other problems, it was just an experiment out of curiousity which I assumed to fail.

Now in Amsterdam, whole 3 matches in 2 days. Just one of them wrote back, asked for my number but now radio silence.

In CH I made similar experiences. Some rare dates with foreigners, never locals.

Superficialities yeah. Here in Europe I am just average or individually dependent, below average (left the 20s behind, people estimate me to be younger but I am lazy, no sixpack or ). Have long hair which apparently some like and others hate, subjectively I like it on myself but it increases the androgynic touch.

Would rather like to convince people intellectually or through activity but that's not easy for a lone freak like me. People tend to be wary of strangers for a reason.

It sucks. So back to opioids?

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Eh leave the opioids alone. Online dating sucks for everyone but I think those with a penis have it worse. Instead of using Tinder start going to social clubs in your area and try to meet people that way. Any activity really. You sound a lot like me so I know what you're getting at. People estimate me to be a lot younger than I am so most of the girls that are interested in me aren't my age. I find it hard to relate to them. Most of the girls my age have ex-husbands and kids. I don't want to care for another mans kids and I don't want to deal with the ex-husband drama. So the dating pool gets more limited every year.

Dating sucks for everyone it's just part of the process. When you find one you can tolerate despite the bullshit you know you've got a keeper. I've not put myself out there in the last two years because I got burned out by it. Most women don't seem to want what I want so it's getting hard to find one. The older I get the less I desire the one night stands and the casual stuff. I'm trying to lock one down for the long term but it seems impossible most of the time. Most of the ones that were looking for the same thing already have it or aren't looking for someone like me (a fuck up )

 

[Flower Fairy]

androgynic touch

Yum lol, love effeminate men, camp gay men, androgynous men you know the Brian Molko type lol make up, eyeliner etc yummmmie, then again I just done a double take when I saw a sexy skin head, almost turned my car around to go for a second look lol

 

[dopamimetic]

There're some pics of me in the selfie thread @The Lounge if youre curious. After years of suppression I try to find peace with my appearance, I can't change much anyways, and it's feel stupid to have people likening me cause of superficialities if I'd ever manage to maintain working out but I get the concept, I'd say I value personality over appearance - with friends for sure and too about attraction but there are limits I have to admit I guess. Depends on the whole package.

Really don't know shit about how others see me. Somehow it interests me but I guess things are very subjective.

 

[Flower Fairy]

I remember yeah your hairs really long, I remember thinking heeeey he's not really Rick, that's pants lol

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'm fairly disenchanted by human existence but I cannot say that is a reason for me to use opiates, heroine/bupe or whatever.

But I'm a bitter ex-opioid user so don't let my lifestyle choice off that shit influence you at all; it's your life live it the way you want to.

People can be disappointing. I am sorry to hear about your experience.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Forget online dating join some club or organisation in line with your interests and find someone there eventually while having a good time. There is an app/organisation called Meetup that helps strangers get together in groups around different interests. If there isn’t a group that interests you you can start one in your area.

 

[dopamimetic]

Well yeah it's not that I like the idea of online dating. This concept of superficial parallel cherry picking is fucking disgusting to me but at some point I just got plainly frustrated by uber feminists shouting mad things at me just to see them hook up the next sixpack or rich asshole. Girls teasing the fuck out of me just to wait for an occasion to attack out of frustration about life. Or creepy people pretending to be asexual, to have fictive boyfriends, or real ones threating me. Plain old social anxiety, it requires heavy investment of energy for me to cross that line and approach somebody so I thought I might be better off in places where the intent should be already clear.

If sbdy on a dating site wants me to drive her and BFF around shopping, I can confidently tell them to fuck off. In other settings this is more complicated.

Also I'm a freak and I'm looking for a female freak probably. Not the awful picture book type of nerdy male though but some readily pack me into that category I guess.

You see my interests here. Science, tech, drugs, music (just not what 9/10 of the folks is listening to), food, travel, nature, movies, ok guess that's not too special but the absence of sports is a K.O. even though I not that of a couch potato but I'm just not the born leader. Not a follower either, just believe that everybody should follow his/her own instinct. I am pretty sensitive and empathic (yeah this can be better for others but doesn't have to be and yourself are certainly better off otherwise), hate extensive status related and rude behaviour, senseless violence - guess this fulfills the freak criteria?

I hate groups of people, especially unknown ones. It's just overwhelming and I need some drugs to cope with them. Adult ADD. These stims change my personality, I notice that and it again amplifies insecurity.

Just lack any real life friends. I have some rare people I know for years but they all have their own life and I see them maybe twice a year. Usually I am off alone, this is enough to make people very suspicious for a good reason I guess.
And it makes me feel heavily insecure when dealing with strangers. I like much more to deal with one individual at a time, after the initial getting to know it's ok to proceed to small groups but still I'm always the minority and have always been.

Hmm, strange that other opioid users with similar frustrations seem to use differently. It's the only thing that makes me to be comfy and happy on my own, it successfully kills my libido etc but it's also an antidote to life when continued so I cycle them with dissociatives, stimulants and rare periods of sobriety.

 

[CFC]

There are lots of routes to find fulfilment and satisfaction from being alive. But when I've tended to focus on the idea that some of that comes from dating and finding the right other person to be with, I've also tended to feel the worst overall.

I don't really have any useful advice, but I'd go with trying to not actively look and instead focus on all your other interests and hobbies, but also to make sure you're getting into many situations where you can meet people IRL and eventually hit it off with someone that way.

 

[Flower Fairy]

I hate groups of people, especially unknown ones. It's just overwhelming and I need some drugs to cope with them

And me it's to much, I used to go raving and the thought of all them people made me have BAD BAD anxiety in the weeks leading upto the rave, and my ex was always up for it as he didn't have social anxiety, thing is when he was high he would do embarrassing things and made me feel arkward, things like pretending to Dj by air mixing at people in the crowd or do it to me when I was trying to come up or enjoy the music, he threw up on someone's arm, told someone with brain damage they look fucked, he said no I I've had an accident that damaged my brain, he also told the owner of the night she looks off her face, she wasn't and it was her night, to much to mention, EMBARRASSING stuff! Oh and he was the most fucked up druggie gurner in clubs!

See this also heightened my anxiety and put me off raving knowing I'd have to put up with that lol!

Don't even get me started on pubs, that's a no no, I hate drunks and loud people

And it makes me feel heavily insecure when dealing with strangers. I like much more to deal with one individual at a time,

Yep, me too, 2s completely 3s a crowd, I like spending time with my best mate, just me and him

I used to be on heroin so long ago, and keep dreaming of it EVERY NIGHT lately its making me feel like I want it, I'm not sure what to do, can't throw away 19 years clean off heroin but your right drugs softens the blow if being single, K for me these days

I've only been single since March so I'm not really bothered about meeting anyone yet, the ex has been trying to get on contact twice so far, after what he put me through with his come addiction he can fuck off, I took him back 4 times, he didn't change, now I've ignored him, thats probably shocked him haha

I did try dating apps 2 weeks after I was single, tried most of them, had 2 dates with one bloke but didn't fancy him and the bloke that served us in the restaurant told him he looked like a FED which tickled me I laughed so much as I realised he did, that put me off him tottaly lol, plus other stuff like he don't dance and has only smoked weed once or so, I thought wait till he hears about my druggy life haha

Other men on dating sites was after a quick fuck, or would match then not talk, others would just want to chat to pass the time and I'd repeat myself over and over same answers to different men's questions it was BORING

and 2 others was obsessed wanting to meet ASAP, and another was a loon, went mad because I clicked end call on WhatsApp as I don't have my mic turned on and was about to phone him normally soon as I ended the WhatsApp call but he text a rude text before I had a chance, in seconds he got the ump, I blocked him!

And deleted all my apps

But if I did want to meet a man, how? Clubs ain't open, no raving as thats where I've met 3 long term boyfriends, I don't go out anywhere else to meet people, because I'm socially anxious

 

[Flower Fairy]

I don't really have any useful advice, but I'd go with trying to not actively look

This EXACTLY this, all my boyfriends have came along when I least expect it, honestly it seems the right person comes along when you don't go looking this is another reason I deleted my dating apps

 

[dopamimetic]

@Flower Fairy It's a nice concept but it just doesn't work for shy-ish guys. Yeah, I too met my ex relations when I didn't expect it at all but I was actively exposing myself, always during hypomania which really fucks me up. I've lost countless occasions to other guys being more in the moment.

K / dissociatives indeed make a good aid to cope with being alone and with social anxiety, somehow better suited than opioids cause the dissos can lead to activity and changes while opioids don't but the hypomania comes with a price. I never did things I couldn't explain to myself but some were just fucking awkward (this sort of things though that might well be very appealing to the right person in the right moment but is very offending to others and surroundings. Going over subjective social norms and borders etc. I fully get why psychopaths worsen on PCP but I'm not.)
Just that they fuck with memory and make sex feel like a fleshy mess. And I have some future use for my bladder

Yeah, alcohol is a no-go for me either. Guess I'd prefer a moderate drinker over a dogmatic abstinent one but both aren't exactly a match. Thought for long I could separate drugs and social life as drugs and driving (well, does this ever work really either?) and it doesn't. It's just a part of me but a relevant part, that offends others and hiding is destructive.

I'm always baffled to hear or read about the behaviour of men (people) on dating platforms. Logic would tell me if it really is like you say, and all the dick pics etc seem to confirm this, that being there open and just normal would lead to better results and the girls devrloping some sense for what they want and what not (guess they do but homo sapiens was never good in straight, open communication; here I still have much to learn about the art of seduction) and the reality is that many people are shizo and attracted by the same things they find offensive.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

"Let your fingers do the walking through the yellow pages"

Sorry a joke from my younger days. But i agree dating sucks plus the whole ( cant think of the right word) but just feels like woman arent open to getting to know a person and vice versa, feels like you get judge from the beginning on what you have and own and how thick your wallet or dick is. Or that is how i have found the dating scene here by me lately.

Reason i like milfs, and mostly pick them up at coffee shop, them doing groceries or when they just out and about in the mall walking around. Greet them and compliment them on something, maybe that will get the ball rolling. I dont know, for me i guess i have found people to be a lot more honest and open in a natural enviroment then the club or dating scene. maybe im of topic here. i am slightly "foooked" but just one of my own personal exp or accounts of what i have noticed.

 

[Flower Fairy]

the dick pics etc seem to confirm this

Oh yeah, I forgot about those lol, yep seen some of them too, yuk fucksake why do they do it, do they think I'm a slut and would then invite him round

I'm not into one night stands

 

[dopamimetic]

Guess I agree with you. My issue is that oversensibility and me being very wary about doing 'wrong' or behaving awkward which is just inevitable or I'll die looking back on a row of occasions not taken.

It's awful to have others go over your borders - unless its not your current border but one dogmated by society. Then you're actually longing for somebody appealing to cross it. But this is delicate and can escalate quickly when you accidentally trigger a past trauma.

@Flower Fairy Actually some months ago I watched a pretty heavyweight guy writing to random girls on FB and one (barely 18) agreed to send him a topless pic in exchange for a dick pic. Needless to say that he had no understanding or empathy at all of/for social anxiety.

 

[Flower Fairy]

Reason i like milfs, and mostly pick them up at coffee shop, them doing groceries or when they just out and about in the mall walking around. Greet them and compliment them on something, maybe that will get the ball rolling

I get chatted up and I'm to socially anxious to flirt back, can't even hold a conversation without drugs like valium if it's out and about in town, or raving drugs if I'm at a rave

I was pissed off I walked out of a shop the other day and I'm sure the bloke was trying to come on to me, he was good looking and was checking out all my tattos and trying to make conversation, I was polite but even found talking back to him difficult

Walked out thinking dam it, he might if been my next boyfriend but he did mention he go some if his tattoos "when he was away" meaning prison, so maybe he wasn't meant to be my new bloke

 

[Coffeeshroom]

I get chatted up and I'm to socially anxious to flirt back, can't even hold a conversation without drugs like valium if it's out and about in town, or raving drugs if I'm at a rave

I was pissed off I walked out of a shop the other day and I'm sure the bloke was trying to come on to me, he was good looking and was checking out all my tattos and trying to make conversation, I was polite but even found talking back to him difficult

Walked out thinking dam it, he might if been my next boyfriend but he did mention he go some if his tattoos "when he was away" meaning prison, so maybe he wasn't meant to be my new bloke

No offense but just because he was away "in the chookie" doesnt make him a bad guy. sometimes we make mistakes and we pay for it and come out better but damaged none the less. I can account to this personally but i myself am a shy guy but have gotten my convidence back and like going out making others feel better.

Like a few weeks ago i bought a female a bunch of flowers cause she really looked depressed and down. and when i gave her the flowers she smiled and blushed walking away with a smile and that made me happy. And sometimes doing these things for other people is a good start to get back your convidence and put back convidence in others at the same time. Fuck i hope im making sense here.

 

[dopamimetic]

@Flower Fairy Yeah this is part of the problem too. Much more people have some social anxiety traits than care to think about too. And even if you do, it's just the nature of it to interfere.

Now if you have two people with social anxiety, one needs to overcome him/herself twice. First to approach, carefully, then to deal with the (possibly just initial / precipitated or projected out of past experiences) refusal. And that's the guy in 95% of the cases.

This leads to frustration and over time changes personality. Is what we see pretty often I guess.

@Coffeeshroom How do you prevent feelings of being (ab)used, when you make others happy (rewarding for sure) but they just take the energy and move on?

 

[Flower Fairy]

Oh yeah, and I rarely wear make up, so why would I intice men with fakeness online,

so all these other girls with fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake tits, fake tan, loads of make up, face countering and then EDITING and putting a filter on photos before uploading makes normal people like me look inferior

But these girls are so fake, you'll meet up with a different looking girl to who you see online, real life doesn't have a filter, and say you take her home to bed, she takes all her fake hair extensions out, and her fake eyelashes wipes her makeup off and you're like ARRRGHHHHH WHOS THIS MUNTER lol, but by then you may aswell shag the munt as she's in your apartment haha

 

[Flower Fairy]

No offense but just because he was away "in the chookie" doesnt make him a bad guy

My brother set me up with an inmate when I was 16, he was writing me love letters all the time for months, he then used me for sex when he got out, had obviously strung me along saying all these lovely things

Then ended it with me not long after after shagging me

Funny thing is my brother was inside with a few years later and this same inmate asks if I'd write to him again ad my brother said no chance

So I think I've been put off thats all, I didn't men to offend ex prisoners, I was just treated badly as a 16 year old girl by one and if I dated one my sons dad would go ape shit