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Welcome Do you believe that if you're in love you would never hurt or lie to that person?

OpiateKiller

OpiateKiller

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Feb 14, 2019
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I'm sure you have heard the expression, "If you loved me you wouldn't have lied, cheated, hurt me, etc)."

Do you guys believe that if you're in love with someone you would never lie or hurt them?

Because I feel I've been in love with more than one girl and all of them I have lied to, hurt, done things behind their back...

I mean I know basically that just makes me a shitty boyfriend and personal with compromised morals, but does it mean I never loved any of them?

thoughts
 
I feel that if you really, truly love someone, that you will go great lengths to avoid hurting them. Sometimes mistakes happen, but if those mistakes become habitual then I would say no, you don't love them. You love the idea of them, the personal closeness, you love having someone to call yours, the benefits of living together and having a partner, but you don't love them.

Maybe the reason you don't love them entirely and fully is because you're unable to love yourself. You have to love yourself first, or your "love" will be toxic. Loving another person requires sacrifices and compromises. If you are able to repeatedly tear out a woman's heart, that is not love.
 
LadyAlkaline said:
I feel that if you really, truly love someone, that you will go great lengths to avoid hurting them. Sometimes mistakes happen, but if those mistakes become habitual then I would say no, you don't love them. You love the idea of them, the personal closeness, you love having someone to call yours, the benefits of living together and having a partner, but you don't love them.

Maybe the reason you don't love them entirely and fully is because you're unable to love yourself. You have to love yourself first, or your "love" will be toxic. Loving another person requires sacrifices and compromises. If you are able to repeatedly tear out a woman's heart, that is not love.
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I wouldn't really say I rip woman's hearts out 🤧

Most of my pain and lies are caused by drug use. None of my girlfriend's or girls I have dated have used drugs. They all are normal, occasional drinkers. Nothing like me in the realm of substance.

A lot of my lies in the past have been related to hiding drug use, hiding addiction, hiding the pain of them knowing I relapsed, etc.

Now with my current girlfriend, we've been dating 4 years on and off we've broken up a few times, I am pretty honest. She knows I use drugs, she knows my situation. It's nice to not have to lie to her about any of that. I also have reached an age where pursuing other sexual relationships isn't of interest to me anymore.

She understands my situation and supports me. I also do make sacrifices for her as well, so I do understand the give and take that love requires.

I think I do love her, overall, I think sometimes I just loose sight of my life, and like you said, without myself being whole causes me to cause her pain through my actions
 
lying is a bad sign someone doesn't respect you, or doesn't value honesty (BIG RED SIGN NORMALLY HUGE AVOID).

just be honest about who you're with, who you're fucking etc. It's not so hard.

Some people don't want to know. Some get really mad if you try to have that "conversation" at least offer to put your cards on the table... etc. Just my 2c.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
lying is a bad sign someone doesn't respect you, or doesn't value honesty (BIG RED SIGN NORMALLY HUGE AVOID).

just be honest about who you're with, who you're fucking etc. It's not so hard.

Some people don't want to know. Some get really mad if you try to have that "conversation" at least offer to put your cards on the table... etc. Just my 2c.
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Hell ya man I agree completely. I'd rather just be open and honest about what's going on even if it's a complete shit show.

Like I've been in a relationship where I know she's fucking other guys and I mention I'm fucking other girls and its world war 3. It's crazy the depths some people will go to lie...

I'd rather just own the truth of it all and be like ... look, I'm fucking her, fucking you and I know you're fucking him but if you're OK with fucking me and him cause I'm fucking her cause you're fucking him....

It's a giant headache.
 
I tried full disclosure but when things go sideways it still ends up being my fault somehow. IME too many people are using "love" as an excuse to get what they want (the truth or a pretty lie)
 
Lizabeth said:
Amen.
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Wuuuut?
Where'd you come from?
lol
JK
=D
Did ya get a proper welcome here at BL?
If not: Welcome!
If so: Happy to have another soul aboard and more hopes that we save this wretched world together. :D Nah... let it all go the way of the dodo; 'cept this website. Ha!
Best,
Ptah
 
Haha. You posted on one of my question thingies on here. How’s that for proper and sophisticated english? 😊 Thanks for the welcome. These forums are new to me. But I highly appreciated this post strewn into the mess on here. To love was the greatest commandment ever given to us. It can heal any wound. Overcome any obstacle, and it’s light is can overpower any darkness. It definitely trumps all other things.
 
I've found that fucking up and lying, cheating, etc. can certainly build tons of resentments you'll have to work through, but if it's someone you really click with, you'll do the work eventually.

Some couples just get revenge back and forth for years and eventually stick together cause all that other shit is petty and they do love each other. But that one takes many fukkin years to get to
 
The person I'm having sex with right now won't date me and doesn't put terms on what we have like dating, etc. and has talked about how "I blew it" but what's the point if he thinks he's just doing me anyways and I don't buy it... and his on/off again thing (where he won't contact me for long periods of time) is highly unwarranted and that kind of bullshit pisses me off. I was then honest with him one night about who I would have sex with, like just a few people (of which I hadn't been with and will not see many of them for some time now...) and he was totally fucking very unhappy.

People want to be lied to. Every time I try to hold the mirror up at him and am like "...did you really want me to just do other people and LIE to you about it?!??!" he is like "...no..." but cannot see the dichotomy of if you shoot the messenger they will stop delivering news to you... because you shot them...
 
If you loved me you'd do/wouldn't do X is largely bullshit IMO.

Love is emotional. You just do it, you can't help it.

The choices you make however are just that, choices. Which love isn't, you can't choose to love or not love someone, you just do.

So the result is there are many bad decisions you can make that are entirely unrelated to how much you love someone.

If you love someone, you just do.

I lied to the man I loved many times, I made a lot of horrible mistakes (but then so did he). Never did I stop loving him though.
 
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