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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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I definitely fall into the trap of binge drinking too. Honestly not really with my friends because they don’t drink much but with my family. Both my parents have a drink or two most nights (though my dad has been stopping that recently). I’ll think to myself “oh just one glass of wine with dinner” and next thing you know I’m raiding the liquor cabinet getting tipsy by myself long after the meal is done.

I probably should take a break but for now I’m focusing on quitting the weed. That one was really dragging me down and I would definitely binge on it when I did. Smoke a bowl, eat junk food, numb myself in front of youtube videos, rinse and repeat. With alcohol it’s more like I do it just because I’m thoroughly addicted to taking drugs and feeling my mind altered, not because I wanna kill time. It’s definitely not good for me to drink but damn it’s hard not to when everyone else around you is. And especially when it’s your relatives, some of whom I have troubled relationships with. The good old American way, relationships built on drinking.

Now that I write all that out I’m thinking maybe the alcohol is worse than I was giving it credit for. And the last thing I need right now is to be replacing weed with alcohol
 
I wonder if a phd grad student would make a small little MXE on the side somewhere in the world for their personal supply. Synthesis is very straight forward 5 step reaction. Im sure a rich enough international drug ring could pay the Indian police off and get a ketamine manufacturer to thus also pump out MXE in big amounts if only this would happen i want to experience it hell shit if somebody is making 2cb in this small as country im sure if they tried hard they could get the precursors for MXE.

Even if its illegal its not a hard thing to make so it makes no sense why nobody has started up production for it especially if they just supplied Aus and NZ since the profits would be huge since ket is already crazy prices here.
 
SunriseChampion said:
That's impressive. I've only ever stopped for 1-3 months at a time. I've done that maybe four or five times now in the last 15 years.

Did you find it easy to go 2 years without? I think when you stopped for five years during opiate use it was probably easy because you were busy with the opiates.
Kind of how I started drinking like mad for a bit after I quit meth and how a lot of my friends have been able to quit smoking darts because they replaced it with smoking weed. Do you think that was the case for you?

Yeah, I think what you went through would have driven me to drink as well.

8 years ago, after a really shitty relationship with a seriously abusive narcissist finally blew up in my face is when I almost killed myself drinking in Cuba so I've been there myself. I was like suffering PTSD from emotional trauma and drinking to cope. It was terrible because of course the drinking just made me feel even worse.
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The 2 years without as a youngin was easy, basically I got blackout drunk and then my friend convinced me to drive him to see this girl, I went into a ditch and 2 cops came up and I couldn't even say my name, I don't remember any of this but I escaped a DUI by dumb luck, my cousin on my dad's side had just married a police dispatcher and they recognized my last name and called my dad instead of arresting me. On the way home after he picked me up I pissed myself all over his BMW. Got alcohol poisoning and felt like I was dying for a week. Couldn't stand the thought of alcohol for quite some time. And yeah I just stopped liking alcohol during heavy opiate use, I always found that alcohol destroys the nicest aspects of opiates, I don't like the combination.

Yeah my marriage/relationship was also with an abusive narcissist, we were together from age 18 to 30. And then got divorced when I was 35, so just last year, but we hadn't seen each other or communicated much for 5 years then. She was so awful, obviously at first it was mostly good but by the end it was absolutely sick. Shit fucked me up in so many ways.

thegreenhand said:
I definitely fall into the trap of binge drinking too. Honestly not really with my friends because they don’t drink much but with my family. Both my parents have a drink or two most nights (though my dad has been stopping that recently). I’ll think to myself “oh just one glass of wine with dinner” and next thing you know I’m raiding the liquor cabinet getting tipsy by myself long after the meal is done.

I probably should take a break but for now I’m focusing on quitting the weed. That one was really dragging me down and I would definitely binge on it when I did. Smoke a bowl, eat junk food, numb myself in front of youtube videos, rinse and repeat. With alcohol it’s more like I do it just because I’m thoroughly addicted to taking drugs and feeling my mind altered, not because I wanna kill time. It’s definitely not good for me to drink but damn it’s hard not to when everyone else around you is. And especially when it’s your relatives, some of whom I have troubled relationships with. The good old American way, relationships built on drinking.

Now that I write all that out I’m thinking maybe the alcohol is worse than I was giving it credit for. And the last thing I need right now is to be replacing weed with alcohol
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I wish I could replace alcohol/other drugs with weed, weed just doesn't do it for me anymore, gives me anxiety and doesn't tickle that drug itch anymore.

TripSitterNZ said:
I wonder if a phd grad student would make a small little MXE on the side somewhere in the world for their personal supply. Synthesis is very straight forward 5 step reaction. Im sure a rich enough international drug ring could pay the Indian police off and get a ketamine manufacturer to thus also pump out MXE in big amounts if only this would happen i want to experience it hell shit if somebody is making 2cb in this small as country im sure if they tried hard they could get the precursors for MXE.

Even if its illegal its not a hard thing to make so it makes no sense why nobody has started up production for it especially if they just supplied Aus and NZ since the profits would be huge since ket is already crazy prices here.
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It is definitely weird, given what a cult following MXE has and how easy it is to make. It's not even illegal in the United States. It makes no sense to me that no one has made it available since it fell off the map. Hell, people have sold pre-ban MXE they had stored for hundreds of dollars a gram since then and sold out. Clearly someone could make a ton of money with it. So why not?
 
SunriseChampion said:
Super curious to know what your issue with caffeine is, if you don't mind sharing.
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Well, I was using staggering amounts of it because of depression there for a while. It got the the point where it was making my mental state really scattered and non-functional from about 1pm on each day. Then eventually I kept abusing it to the point where it just made me tired, but I kept using more anyway. That's classic addictive behavior, where the drug not longer produces the desire effect but the individual keeps using it trying to get the original effect anyway. Now it's to the point where very large amounts usually have no effect at all, but I still keep trying. It's no longer harmful like it was when it was causing me to lose functionality, but it's still unkind to my GI tract and blood pressure. As far as drug problems go, though, it's as innocuous as it gets.

My problem with alcohol started with my delayed sleep phase genetics and starting a job that required me to go to bed before sundown if I was going to get the hours of sleep I need to be functional. Daily drinking and building tolerance eventually rewired my brain. I never used to like alcohol, but now I'll use it compulsively if it's in the house. That said, my drinking would not be considered a problem by a lot of cultural norms. The issue for me is that it tears the ever-loving dog shit out of my GI tract, and the resulting bad inflammation and maladsorption causes fatigue, depression, and other neurological problems. And even if it does knowck me out in time for bed, it wrecks my sleep quality and causes me to wake up in the middle of the night with a GHB-like dopamine rebound. The comical thing is I get long-lasting hangovers from as little as 1-2 beers, wearing off by around 6pm, just in time for me to rationalize drinking again. :p So I don't binge drink or wreck my social and professional life with it, but my body/brain just really can't handle the stuff.
 
Started drinking more in an effort to get away from the heroin and it seems to be working. Usually just have like 6 beers a day and I buy an eighteen pack at a time because the liquor store is a far walk and in not up for that hike constantly. I can personally keep large amounts of alcohol around and not abuse it anymore which is mind boggling in ways cuz in my early 20's i was a hardcore alcoholic for years. But it's not my drug of choice my anymore and I can take it or leave it. Withdrawing from this Gabapentin/Lamictal is a bitch and the beer helps take the edge off a bit and gets me through another day. About to come into a nice chunk of money and plan on doing the right thing and pay for a months rent and not buy hundreds of bags heroin wholesale and going on another bender. Because we all know I'm gonna come back here a couple weeks later telling you how I fucked it all up and have lost more.

It's getting fucking old for real this whole addiction thing sometimes i feel like death would be a blessing cuz I won't have to drive this car anymore. It's gotten to be a battle for me to get of bed and I'm losing hope. But yeah I've gone 3 days and I have some cash and could buy some if i want but I'm not going to. She has been really in my corner again lately and I dont want to let her down again. More of the grit my teeth and push through kinda man ive done it before and will do it again. Have a Benz script waiting for me that I refuse to fill, small victories. I am doing okay have a nice buzz going off the three beers and I'm eating some lunch, it's gonna be alright.
 
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That's good man, one day at a time, as they say. Just be careful not to let yourself get too back into the alcohol. I know for me alcohol has kinda replaced opiates, not as an every day thing but it's been pretty long-term at this point. But it definitely helps with masking withdrawals from some things and that's important too so you don't go nuts.
 
Cosmic Charlie said:
Because we all know I'm gonna come back here a couple weeks later telling you how I fucked it all up and have lost more.
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No man, we all believe in you. You've been given so much chances, and the people around you really do love you if they intend to stick around even though you've consistently made the same mistakes. Realize how incredibly lucky you are. Many people have to struggle with the same problems while extremely alone. But also realize that gives you a responsibility. I hate to sound like I'm lecturing you, but I appreciate you presence here, and I want you to overcome what you are facing right now. I really do. You are a kind soul, CC. I know many of us here appreciate your swirly posts when you are beaming, the cheerful energy comes out of the screen. I know that's probably why the people around you appreciate you and wanna stick with you. Be responsible with that love you are receiving, live up to it. Don't destroy yourself. You deserve better. We all know you deserve better. Stay away from fucking opiates, stay away from drug abuse. Each chance you get may be the last one. There's certain things in your life that you obviously appreciate, you need to own them. Please don't blow up this chance. Stay strong man.

It's impossible to completely reinvent yourself, what you are falling into is the result of years of conditioning your brain into this behaviour patterns. But as Xork said, each day at a time. Step by step. Tapper off slowly, don't embrace death, dont embrace self destruction, choose life, choose love, choose the people around you, choose your talent, choose your projects, choose your hability to create and give instead of destroy and receive. Please walk away from that which kills you, one step at a time.
 
Img_9999 said:
No man, we all believe in you. You've been given so much chances, and the people around you really do love you if they intend to stick around even though you've consistently made the same mistakes.
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I make the same mistakes again and again. But try and try again. It does not matter what we did, it ony matters what we do going forward. That is for anyone anywhere.

I believe you are just going through a rough time Charlie, that is all. At these times taking it day by day is best. And no judgement in a sense that none of us like to preach or be a cop. God knows those peope can be annoying. I think you just have people here that like you and your posts and really, we all have alot of the same issues so we woud be judging ourselves not others. I think we all beat ourselves up a lot more than we could ever beat each other up. I actually am impressed at how kind members are here, shit if this were another board I could see some judgemental moron saying something dumb. Then a person woud be hesitant to mention anything.

I am not an AA/NA person. Of course I have been to the meetings having been in rehab/detox about 5 times in my life. As soon as I decided to not go to the meetings anymore no one wanted to talk to me. If you don't go to meetings the notion is "you are using" to the people that still go. And in my case it was true :) LOL but the meetings are only one way to get balanced. In fact my cousin is a big AA (as well as A-hole) guy and I he thinks it is a matter of time before I use heroin again because I like cannabis.(that is the brain washing part). And that too may be true. In fact I will play it up and say I am that person in the beginning of the AA Big Book that is "unconstitutionality incapable of being sober". But in a good way I aways say. lol I suscribe to the notion of "smarter ways of getting high". Total abstinence (besides whatever drug the rooms allow you to do) is not happening.

As soon as you continue reallly putting time into your well being watch the outside world shift and watch the attractions. Change is from within and it changes the outer world.
 
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ugh. those last 3 days after last weekend were pretty fucking harsh. I was dead. one of the worst effects of alcohol for me is insomnia. And anxiety. And I really feel like I'm dying, having a heart attack or something. I think my blood pressure etc is over the roof in those situations. It really feels like it is physically dangerous more than just something in my mind. At least after last weekend. Delirium is close but really so far. If I got DT after just a few days of drinking it would be a miracle, are there even cases like that? I just wake up in a sweat pond I see the most horrible nightmares but DT? No way, right? It takes months or years of non-stop drinking?
My doctor said that once you get your first Delirium Tremens it will get more and more easy to get it again. But yeah it can't be my case, I've seen my alcoholic brother drinking for over 10 years and I've been drinking like 10% of that amount. He never had DTs.

Xorkoth said:
I've never had withdrawal from alcohol even when I get drunk every day for weeks
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how is this possible? I go to mini withdrawals nowadays even after 1-2 days of drinking? I've never been drinking more than a week in a row (this is really the record, just once I did this. and it was only at night time. in my teenage years we drunk like 3-4 days in a row from morning to night but I can't do that anymore), but I've been drinking pretty constantly since I was 15. Do you use something GABA-related everyday so you dont feel it?

I think it is called Kindling. I get worse and worse effects every time I drink now. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindling_(sedative–hypnotic_withdrawal)
 
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xammy said:
ugh. those last 3 days after last weekend were pretty fucking harsh. I was dead. one of the worst effects of alcohol for me is insomnia. And anxiety. And I really feel like I'm dying, having a heart attack or something. I think my blood pressure etc is over the roof in those situations. It really feels like it is physically dangerous more than just something in my mind. At least after last weekend. Delirium is close but really so far. If I got DT after just a few days of drinking it would be a miracle, are there even cases like that? I just wake up in a sweat pond I see the most horrible nightmares but DT? No way, right? It takes months or years of non-stop drinking?
My doctor said that once you get your first Delirium Tremens it will get more and more easy to get it again. But yeah it can't be my case, I've seen my alcoholic brother drinking for over 10 years and I've been drinking like 10% of that amount. He never had DTs.
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Yeah once you've had withdrawal it gets easier and easier to get it again. It is indeed known as the kindling effect.

I dunno though, I think some people are more susceptible than others, maybe genetics? My bandmate drinks every night, he said he got drunk every night for 12 years (6 or more 7-8% beers or the equivalent pretty much every single night for 12 years), and got scared he was dependent so didn't drink for a week, like 6 months ago, and felt better for that week than he had in years. Personally I get withdrawals almost instantly from opiates after 10 years of dependence, even after 6 years of no opiates. And phenibut abuse means I get some rebound insomnia every time I use it, if I use it 2 days in a row I get legitimate light withdrawal for days afterwards, from any GABA-B agonist. Yet I don't get it from alcohol at all, in fact, though alcohol is super toxic, the one thing I like about it is that it seems like if I make sure to only do it at night, I can do it as much as I want and I don't get physically dependent on it.
 
xammy have you ever been dependant on benzos during you mental health crisis? maybe having a shot gaba system contributes to bad rebound effects after drinking...
 
I got the bill for my little emergency room misadventure... just under $5,000. Of course my insurance is covering all but $400, but jesus fucking christ, my country is insane. All that they did was give me a ride 15 minutes to the hospital in an ambulance, gave me a shot of narcan (didn't need but they suspected opiate OD since they didn't know), an IV, probably gave me fluids, then gave me a CT scan because I wasn't quite back enough yet to be able to remember what happened, and then I waited around in a room for an hour and a doctor told me to be careful, and I left. How the actual fuck does that cost $5,000??

Whoa and the CT scan was billed separately and was only $90 apparently... I figured that was the bulk of it after CG's horror story about getting billed thousands of dollars for one when he went to the ER. So... $5k for an ambulance ride, a narcan shot, and... 2 doctors talking to me? :|

Bagseed said:
xammy have you ever been dependant on benzos during you mental health crisis? maybe having a shot gaba system contributes to bad rebound effects after drinking...
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Yeah benzo addiction will kindle other GABA-A drugs such as alcohol.
 
Xorkoth said:
I got the bill for my little emergency room misadventure... just under $5,000. Of course my insurance is covering all but $400, but jesus fucking christ, my country is insane. All that they did was give me a ride 15 minutes to the hospital in an ambulance, gave me a shot of narcan (didn't need but they suspected opiate OD since they didn't know), an IV, probably gave me fluids, then gave me a CT scan because I wasn't quite back enough yet to be able to remember what happened, and then I waited around in a room for an hour and a doctor told me to be careful, and I left. How the actual fuck does that cost $5,000??

Whoa and the CT scan was billed separately and was only $90 apparently... I figured that was the bulk of it after CG's horror story about getting billed thousands of dollars for one when he went to the ER. So... $5k for an ambulance ride, a narcan shot, and... 2 doctors talking to me? :|



Yeah benzo addiction will kindle other GABA-A drugs such as alcohol.
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Insane, that's almost twice what they charged me for a small surgery I had to undergo last year.
On the other hand, average wages are also higher there in the US.
 
Yeah, not THAT much higher though. For some reason, at the emergency room everything costs like 10 times more than it would elsewhere. It just blows my mind that they could charge me 5 grand for a shot of narcan (that they give out for free if you ask, to try to help prevent overdose deaths), IV fluids, a pee and blood test, and talking to 2 doctors. The only thing of substance they did was give me a CT scan, and they only charged me $90 for that. It just blows my mind. It makes me angry to think of how many drug users without insurance have ended up in the ER and been financially ruined, I mean imagine if they HAD had to actually do something significant, and I had to stay there a few days? Or someone has an accident and needs intensive care/operations?
 
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