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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Horrible ex I'm in love with and how it went to shit THIS time

The difference between NPD and ASPD is largely academic, they are both cluster B personality disorders with very similar and mostly overlapping symptoms.

The main difference between the two is that narcissists feel an intense need for external validation. Whereas those with ASPD (colloquially known as sociopathy) already have huge egos and don't care what others think of them.

But as far as people who actually associate with them are concerned, they might as well be the same and the answer is to get the fuck away because they won't ever change no matter what lies they tell you.
 
PrincessDiz said:
My advice, go the compo route and burn them bridges. Fuck that guy, he’s dangerous and not worth your time.
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You're right. Absolutely.
Larny said:
And lmfao! Tim Winton was aggravated boredom.
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Larny said:
Rating narcissistic traits is common, but narcissistic personality disorder is usually co-morbid with anti-social personality disorder. Such people can be very dangerous.

You must be a proud mama! :)
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PS if you care to, I'd be honored if you'd read "In the Shit", which is a parody Tim Winton thing I wrote today, with some help from daughter....

see: https://www.bluelight.org/xf/threads/in-the-shit-classic-aussie-vietnam-war-novelette.887510/
 
I must get my compo, of course everyone is right.
I am a little worried that because I very briefly got back with him on the "down low", despite existing restraining order etc ... when he's contacted about my claim he might use this against me ...

Which would be very spiteful, because whatever I got out wouldn't come out of his personal pocket ( he's classed as indigent becaus he's on welfare: in such cases the government pays the plaintiff apparently).

But still, am a bit worried about that ...if you apply for criminal compo and the court thinks the criminal might end up benefitting, they won't pay it. So if he said we'd briefly gotten back together ... it might appear we were in cahoots.

Anyone know much about criminal compensation in Australia?
 
schizopath said:
Ive read some studies that about 33% of antisocial people change at adulthood, cause they learn and also cause they are fucking immature.
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Antisocial behaviour and antisocial personality disorder are very different things. People with ASPD won't just change.
 
I've got diagnosed BPD. I think it has improved slightly as I have gotten older, though. Like, if this weeks shit with the ex had happened to me when I was 23, I'd be on a mental ward right now from some sort of stupid self-harm incident.
 
MrsGamp said:
I must get my compo, of course everyone is right.
I am a little worried that because I very briefly got back with him on the "down low", despite existing restraining order etc ... when he's contacted about my claim he might use this against me ...

Which would be very spiteful, because whatever I got out wouldn't come out of his personal pocket ( he's classed as indigent becaus he's on welfare: in such cases the government pays the plaintiff apparently).

But still, am a bit worried about that ...if you apply for criminal compo and the court thinks the criminal might end up benefitting, they won't pay it. So if he said we'd briefly gotten back together ... it might appear we were in cahoots.

Anyone know much about criminal compensation in Australia?
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Is there evidence you got back with him? Txts or whatever? Tbh it’s common knowledge that a victim of domestic abuse will return to the abuser as they are manipulative so I can see you being able to use that as reasoning why it happened. We are in a lockdown and you’re already stressed so it’s easy to be manipulated which you were. I don’t know if you have citizens advice or anything there but it’s worth checking out to see where you stand.
 
MrsGamp said:
I've got diagnosed BPD. I think it has improved slightly as I have gotten older, though. Like, if this weeks shit with the ex had happened to me when I was 23, I'd be on a mental ward right now from some sort of stupid self-harm incident.
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Very glad to hear about that improvement. BPD does very often get better through life if the patient wants to get better and especially if DBT methods are applied. In fact DBT has a very high success rate for BPD. The odds are in your favour there.
 
Ps also for some reason I was WAY more stable when I had a small child to look after. Another ex of mine, whom I've known for over 20 years really was a textbook narc when in his 20s and 30s. Not especially malignant but a real bullshit artist, compulsive name-dropper etc. Very self important about being president of an animal rights group, which got him laid all the time, as well as on the news now and then.
He seems a BIT better now that he's 50 and has a young son. A tiny bit.
 
PrincessDiz said:
Is there evidence you got back with him? Txts or whatever? Tbh it’s common knowledge that a victim of domestic abuse will return to the abuser as they are manipulative so I can see you being able to use that as reasoning why it happened. We are in a lockdown and you’re already stressed so it’s easy to be manipulated which you were. I don’t know if you have citizens advice or anything there but it’s worth checking out to see where you stand.
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Thanks ... yeah unfortunately he's got texts and emails and voice mails from me ... Some written during the very brief honeymoon phase of the recent reconciliation, and some written since we have fallen out.
Unfortunately some of these texts/emails make references to me buying and using drugs, and there's a couple of boozy voicemails I left ...
But you know, you are damned right about victims returning to the abuser ... I wanted to give it a shot again just because I couldn't bear how horribly he'd behaved towards me. "Cognitive dissonance" and everything. Trying to reconcile my memories of all the fun we had together (my God, could he make me laugh!) with the ugly abuse and all the lies was impossible.

I wanted him to be fundamentally a nice person.

But he's not able to be a "nice person" .... something is missing.
 
He’s gaslighting you. I’d punch a man without thought if he punched me or I was under threat. I wouldn’t need to be on drugs to do it.

I get you may think you love him but honestly love is a two way street and he clearly doesn’t love you. I think your self esteem must be incredibly low, you need to take time and learn to love yourself. Give yourself a break. He is clearly dangerous and yes a very big risk for seriously injuring or killing someone. You should have him charged. Burn all the bridges so you can’t weaken and go back to him. He is no good for you and no good will come out of it. Men like that never change. They may wear a mask for a while but it soon slips.

Get yourself help, put yourself first and forget about anything to do with him in regards to a relationship.
 
Thanks!
Actually I better delete some of what I've written ..now I am nervous he might read it ... Guess that says a lot in itself ..,,
 
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