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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

hydroazuanacaine said:
when i close my eyes i see things that are not there. it confuses me and i don't realize that my eyes are closed. the things i see are crazy or sometimes they are somewhere else; that makes things very scary and confusing. i'm curious if it's permanent. if so, it's a big problem. that's the kind of thing doctors definitely cannot fix.
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Careful what doctors you tell that to...
 
oh my gosh that subxonone is so good for depression but i'm gonna have to let myself get a little sick so i can go number two. i'm not asking for a million personal strategies; i just will let myself get sick for a second and then dose again.

pick up some generic miralax before work gets out for the day and they empty the grocery shelves store again. i don't get why people are freaking out. they all restock each night. trader joe's even restocks twice a day. gonna eat me some fucking dried mangos.

if you ever wanted a mossberg 500, now's you're excuse. i'd rather spend the money on macaroons. and those green powdered tea ice cream things.
 
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Oh shit brains I did not need to get that stuff the other week. Dab wax binge.

I always wanted to acknowledge and experience the value of cannabis but what seems more real for me are the awful side effects like can't stop using it and eat a whole bunch of crap because it makes me lazy and awful like that.

I also get so comfortable baked that I like to drink on it now for synergy but like drinking and smoking can be terrible addictions, heck they have been for me, horrible things have happened and minimizing a weed habit is easy to do for many people because essentially it is a benign weed but it can colonize your entire life and mind for better or worse I guess.

I just am not meant to be a perpetually stoned Rasta. Like I get it cannabis is culture and people enjoy it as medicine and as a social activity even but this rant is truly uncalled for.

These last four days of using are now at an end. Today I will be sober.

Today I will find a way to be happy without craving to booze or smolder.

Hey a kid I met on the streets introduced me to wax. Shatter. I never tried it. Wish I never met this kid but I had to try it I told myself. What good did it do for me? Lol not the good that it does for Rastas spiritually? Not hating just isn't for me.

Audiobook said:
Now I had heard that the coronavirus thing is gonna last until August...I cannot take this anymore as is.

I work retail and these people are going nuts over toilet paper.

Our shelves are almost empty and we sre restocking throughout the week but they keep hoarding.

I am canceling everything I have to do on Wednesday and if I can find any pure DXM after work doing that (one place I know has it locked up so they might have some). (Pls don’t tell me not to bc that does not help me tbh, thanks)

Yes people have been hoarding cough syrup also...like no you are not dying tomorrow chill out FFS.

I worked 11.1 hours (was at work for about 13 hours, had lunch and stuff so that is not counted as hours worked) on Sunday and it was madness.

They are ordering toilet paper online FFS, like staph.

I am so over this.
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It is getting crazier for sure. I quit my job and was glad I had this virus thing to make me feel better about it or give them something to chew on as to why I quit without notice.

The thing about this time of messing up and not wanting to go into work is that I am hired at another place so when my family asks where are you working I can still say I am!

As for pure DXM are we talking just that or mixed with a lot of gross inactive crap in cough garbage?

I had some DXM containing only syrup myself the other week. Funny how it seems to realign me psychologically. Or maybe it is only psychological hahaha. I hate taking cough crap because it feels gross but the DXM is obviously pure in it since they are government regulated labs making it? Anyways hope it is just a once in a while thing if you must or it is pure DXM because your body isn't asking for that cough junk too often. Heck try not to get hooked on DXM either I won't preach though. It had a time and place for me and I am not addicted I just think this society lacks the right medicine for me right now.
 
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i've never been so confused in my entire life. i wanted this local needle exchange to switch from cottons to wheel filters. they're not going to. there's so many girls working there and they keep on texting me one thing or another. i can't keep them straight. i don't even know if i have a job right now or not, what i am addicted to, or what this virus means. my psychologist cant see me in person anymore because of the virus.

i need some clarity. i feel like things are ok but i'm not sure. and people keep on sending these things called memes which make no sense to me. i need to figure out what i'm physically dependent on so i can taper off. i don't even know what drugs i'm using.
 
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I feel so much better now that ive been clean for a while but the fear of using again is always with me, especially because of the people around me who use. It makes me very sad to think that I will never really make it out of addiction and failure.
 
hydroazuanacaine said:
i've never been so confused in my entire life. i wanted this local needle exchange to switch from cottons to wheel filters. they're not going to. there's so many girls working there and they keep on texting me one thing or another. i can't keep them straight. i don't even know if i have a job right now or not, what i am addicted to, or what this virus means. my psychologist cant see me in person anymore because of the virus.

i need some clarity. i feel like things are ok but i'm not sure. and people keep on sending these things called memes which make no sense to me. i need to figure out what i'm physically dependent on so i can taper off. i don't even know what drugs i'm using.
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Are you ok?
 
i'm relatively fine. thank you for asking.

it sucks that the girls who work the needle exchange dislike me because i suggested wheel filters instead of cottons, but we were never gonna be great pals. still, in a city where i know no one it was a nice resource to have without thinking the people there hated me. i'm still going. everything they pass out is cheap, but it adds up.


strangeaeon said:
It makes me very sad to think that I will never really make it out of addiction and failure.
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why won't you? not using is a huge step in the right direction. the fear of using again will certainly always be there, but during times where i've made it a couple years without using, the noise fades to the point of no longer being annoying let alone terrifying.
 
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the only thing real is love and that will die with us. or i don’t know. maybe love doesn’t die.

i do know love and grace are what matters. i can’t give grace. i can give love. that is what i will focus on.
 
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Really fustrated with my job. We opened a new quarantine ward, and my supervisors aren't giving the workers or the sick patients masks to wear,along with other safety equipment.
Kind of bummed out about it too.
I can't seem to find any masks or safety equipment.
They do provide us with gloves but that's it.
 
Yeah yesterday when I went to sleep after an amphetamine binge I was psychotic and half hallucinating. When I woke up my head still felt weird. It feels the same that it does when I do heroin = too much dopamine? Im fucking taking more antipsychotic today.
 
i have not been a good person. using drugs that make you confused while my dad is sick in a confusing way. from this point on i will not use anything except to taper off what i have to. i am sorry. all i want is for my dad to be ok. all i want is for my dad to be ok.
 
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My spiritual nausea with the human race has finally crossed over through my blood-brain-barrier and down my spine into literal, guttural nausea. Gudrun Von Tevenar, some Northern European fagioli sounding intellectual, published a journal article on Friedrich Nietzsche's conceptualization, and intellectual discourse of hurling vomit. Reading the papers abstract, something abounds to a moonstruck conclusion of fanciful bullshit: i.e., Nietzsche literally had bouts of severe nausea and worked it into his writings. And now here I am, nauseated from my hyperthyroidism complications, name dropping and throwing shade at Northern Europeans. "Eternal Reoccurrence" anyone? Ya ... no one will understand that reference ...

On top of being nauseated, my insomnia has gotten so bad that i'm bearing difficulties holding my mental faculties to its frayed ends. Thank glad-happy-smiling -buckets-of-kittens im on copious amounts of Klonopin. My .... *says affectionately* ... Klonie's. Come here, Klonie! Oh Klonie! Sing to me! ♫♪♫ Meow! Meow! Purrr. :3

And oh ya, my $900 worth of cannabis has all been smoked (medicinally — $900 of medicinally charged, you know ...). And the dispensary I get it from is closed for about a month or longer due to Covid-19. So we're on the freight train to Fuck-All Borrough's, baby! Straight into the fucking dirt! We're not going anywhere, anymore, ever. This mindset garners only the unzipping of my pants. I refuse to let other peoples ineffectual misery override my effectual volition of my own misery. I call it, "Nausea's Novelties." I can go on all night long confusing suffering for sex, but I don't think many-a-women's 'lipped, moist lady parts' would last a minute or two. I am a fucking monster.
 
hydroazuanacaine said:
i have not been a good person. using drugs that make you confused while my dad is sick in a confusing way. from this point on i will not use anything except to taper off what i have to. i am sorry. all i want is for my dad to be ok. all i want is for my dad to be ok.
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Your dad wouldn't happen to watch iCarly habitually on Nickelodeon, would he?
 
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