☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Tripping Thread: Viruses Can't Penetrate Hyperspace

[xammy]

couldnt do more than 6 days
its impossible

its my birthday today so maybe its ok
good night fellas

 

[Cream Gravy?]

couldnt do more than 6 days
its impossible

its my birthday today so maybe its ok
good night fellas

Belated best wishes on your day of birth celebrations Xam

 

[Xorkoth]

My trip was strong, too strong I think, at some point the magical haze disappeared and I felt cold, empty and alienated. The same I've been feeling these past few weeks, earlier it was easy for me to say I shouldn't be a bitch but I'm reminded once again by reality. Painful day, started off amazingly but emptiness caught up to me, and I was lost from that moment on. I was hoping mescaline would get through but I failed.

I've been suspecting that I have a bipolar mood disorder for years now, loaded term, I am aware, but ''''symptoms''''' have been getting worse ever since I was 19 or so. I don't know how to handle my depressive periods, I always panic and make questionable decisions when it comes to relationships with people, it's not like I'm actually depressed because I'm normally very energetic, talkative and full of love for everything. But I'm a complete mess each and every time, and it always feels different and I somehow never learn a thing. I'm at a loss as to what to do, I kinda want to make something out of it, but there's nothing to grasp at, I range from complete sadness (crying) to pure nothingness. I can get distracted for some hours but it's always hanging right there.

This is all quite personal but it's been fucking me up man. Don't get too hung up on the bipolar label, point is that I have been feeling god awful for two weeks and I want it to stop.

It's worth checking out, man. If you are bipolar, there's nothing to be ashamed about, and you may be able to get some help with how to deal with the depressive episodes. And if you're not, then you'll know too. ❤

 

[cosmic charlie]

I'm bi-polar and become manic or severely depressed to the point of being suicidal if I dont take my Lamictal everyday. That stuff balances me out so well it took me years of trying meds to get the right one. Best part about it is that drug doesnt interact with Psychs or Empathogens so I can still trip and roll. When using Tryptamines and Lamictal I feel so Happy and Loving that medicine changed my life for the better.

Last time I stopped taking it I was Manic and awake for 9 days high on crazy, not taking any drugs. Do you ever have manic episodes like that. My illness started in my early 20's and progressively got worse as I grew older and was unmedicated for periods. But I'm doing so much better now, Wife said she would leave me if I ever stopped taking my Lamictal. You should talk to a Psychiatrist soon, it's going to be okay.

Feel Better Buzz, we all LVe you here.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I have never had full blown mania but I'm often hypomanic, I don't always realize until later. Most of the time it only lasts a couple of days and it often follows up on a down period. Great feeling, I become incredibly talkative and love everything, and I can shout it out from pure euphoria.

I went to a psychologist last year and it was a disaster, I was hypomanic and bullshitted 45 minutes non stop, and then I had to pay like 40 or 50 bucks lol. I will be making an, appointment with someone, I feel even worse today, I can't recall a time where my depression was this bad.

 

[Chris Timothy]

There's someone with a bipolar diagnosis in my extended family. Normally these diagnoses aren't valid when there are substances involved (he's been a speed freak), but sometimes they go with it anyway just to excuse the medication.

But if you believe you need a psychiatrist then you definitely should have your head examined.

 

[Vastness]

if you believe you need a psychiatrist then you definitely should have your head examined.

LOL, not sure if you actually intended this sarcastically but it sure reads funnier if one chooses to interpret it this way.


Sorry to hear of your struggles Buzz, definitely though see someone if you feel you need it. One session usually isn't enough for any mental health professional to evaluate much of anything though, you should really be looking at at least 10 sessions to be making any real progress. You might be able to get given a diagnosis sooner but IMO seeing a psychiatrist and being medicated should always be accompanied by some kind of more traditional talk therapy - at least in the beginning - or, really, throughout - I think everyone, medicated or not, should get some kind of psychiatric assessment and meet a therapist a few times a year, in an ideal world - navigating the landscape of mind is tricky and people often stray into treacherous territory without even realising. I appreciate that may be practically difficult for many in the world today though.

Medication has it's place though for sure. I know the part of the world a lot of y'all are from mental health doctors are a lot more "prescription happy". In my own locale it's kind of the opposite, people are very reluctant to prescribe psychiatric medication except in the most extreme cases, a few times I've wondered if I should be medicated, for various reasons, but it's next to impossible to get myself referred for an actual psychiatric assessment and diagnosis and I just end up getting endless talk therapy, I guess I'm not sick enough. As I say though, that still has a lot of value, I think. All the best to you anyway and best of luck getting something sorted.

 

[Chris Timothy]

Trying to lighten the mood a bit yeah. But the statement does go deeper than that.

Because thanks to Campbell's monomyth we know that materializing a senex into one's experience is kinda just like a low-level demand of the psyche which insists on defining itself as a victim of the world instead of as the world itself. So if YOU decide you need a shrink, then obviously you need a shrink. If you decide you need a zen master, then you need a zen master, in order to psychically beat you up for believing you needed a zen master. So it becomes a blatant truism at one other level, and a koan at yet another.

I knew all this and I still engaged with the system, only to confirm the obvious. That's just what despair does. It ignores statistics, for one, as they too rapidly lead to the conclusion emotional prostitution isn't very healing..

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Medication has it's place though for sure. I know the part of the world a lot of y'all are from mental health doctors are a lot more "prescription happy".

With SSRIs maybe yeah. Most psychs are cracking down on drugs even as boring as lorazepam or methylphenidate here... had to go to a general practitioner to get treated for anxiety. He's old as fuck, I worry that when he retires I'm gonna be put in a difficult situation vis-a-vis my mental/physical health.

Psychiatrists are quacks. Psychologists actually try to help, if you find the right one. My wife got her degree in psychology and I find her to be a much better bouncing board for my struggles than any psychiatrist. I can respect a psychologist/therapist, but psychiatrists in the US just push SSRIs on anyone and everyone as a cure-all snake-oil fix and it's dark-agey as fuck.

 

[Xorkoth]

I don't think all psychiatrists are quacks, but it does seem like there are a lot who are. My girl is trying her third therapist now. This one says she specializes is trauma and does CBT, but so far (in only 2 sessions) she has just talked and said she has to do the emotional work first. My girl comes back crying every time and says she hates it, that she already knows what her problems are, it's not like she's unaware of why she's traumatized, and why she feels this way and it just hurts to dig it back up, and that her problem is that she knows she should think more positively about herself, she just can't make herself do it, hence wanting to go to a CBT practitioner. She asked me if I could go with her this week on Wednesday. I said yes of course, I'm kinda nervous about it though. She tends to have a problem communicating what she needs to people, and then thinking she did communicate it effectively, and then being upset when they don't get that message. Last week she was crying when she got back and I talked her through it for an hour or so and she told me I'm 10 times better as a therapist than her therapist. She is really concerned that she is dragging me down too much. I told her (truthfully) that I feel that it is my role in life to be emotional support for people and help people through things... I have always been that role for my loved ones and I even seek it out on here in my free time. But of course it's the hardest with someone you're romantically involved with.

At least she's trying, so that's good.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

But of course it's the hardest with someone you're romantically involved with.

It really is. My wife struggles with nameless depression, and it can be very difficult to help her see the bright side of things some times.

We tripped psilacetin together this weekend though, and I think it did some good for her. I cried more than she did, she thought I was having a bad time, I was like honey, this is like my 1000th trip, I'm not freaking out I'm just needing a change of scenery lol. Anyways, I think psilacetin has good potential for aiding in therapy. We did a lot of talking about our problems and both felt much better the next day.



Don't be surprised if CBT doesn't help her; it didn't do squat for me when I was in CBT as a teen. I think they inflate the success rates of such therapy, as they can charge you a few thousand bucks for 5 CBT sessions...

 

[Chris Timothy]

Last time I checked, effect size of CBT was at 0.3. Which is better than the average effects size of therapy which is 0.2 something. If they're inflating those numbers, they're not doing a very good job at it!

And that's of course the most superficial view still. I talked about packing up vs unpacking recently... CBT is basically the skill of packing back up. Everybody kinda realizes the deepest value lies in the unpacking bit, otherwise all you're doing is coping and masking.. by which psychotherapy has been measuring its biggest "success".

So that's about the state of therapy. These are conclusions I arrived at a decade ago, but I doubt anything significant has changed in the meanwhile, apart from introducing psychedelics into the therapy sphere.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Personally I don't do any sort of talk therapy aside from dumping some of the shit that's on my chest in social threads on Bluelight. Find that Psychedelic Drugs are the best thing to supplement my medication. They make me feel so much more grounded and positive about life. When I stop tripping for too long the world becomes pretty grim and grey. But is this the recipe for everyone out that certainly not but I do think it's what can help a large sum of us.

On my way to a trial shift at this new restaurant hope that it goes well if not I have a couple more interviews lined up this week for positions that are beneath this one. But it's getting to the point I just need to take anything just for the money right now. My Wife is able to pay the rent on our own but we are stretched so thin and can't buy the amount of groceries we are used to. And we only been going out like once or twice a month together when it is usually weekly.

Can't go out buying a bunch of sweets, chips and ice cream like I normally do every single day. That may be the only positive thing about me being broke. Just spent my last 20 bucks yesterday for McDonald's dinner with my Daughter and her Sister when I visited yesterday. Had a really good time and took a bunch of pictures by the Ocean it was so beautiful. I was high as a fucking kite like usual but I've been doing good most days. Wish I could be happy just being sober all the time but I guess that's just not in the cards for me. But I was so Euphoric and Happy so it was good for me and we had such a fun time together like usual

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Best of luck with the job hunt Charlie don't feel bad that you feel the need to be high all the time... I think the vast majority of us on this site struggle with the exact same problem. It's not addiction, it's escaping the horrid reality of this painful existence.

 

[Chris Timothy]

Oh creamy.. that's why you get me worried.. yer going human paraquat on us every so often. I didn't intend to throw a presumptuous offer into your face, I just was honestly worried about the mind state you sometimes assume, and in my naivity assumed you needed a friend. I was wrong, I'm sorry it came across as an insult as it obviously has. But I'm sure I don't have to point out how painting reality as but horrid and pain doesn't help preventing that?

Addiction starts at the level of ideas, not at the behavioural level.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I'm often in a negative state of mind due to physical pain lately, so I apologize if I'm unreasonably pessimistic. I'm not suicidal but I'm real sick of chronic pain.

No insult was perceived on my end, friend

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

There's someone with a bipolar diagnosis in my extended family. Normally these diagnoses aren't valid when there are substances involved (he's been a speed freak), but sometimes they go with it anyway just to excuse the medication.

But if you believe you need a psychiatrist then you definitely should have your head examined.

I have had these symptoms since before I started taking drugs, apart from some weed and shrooms but it never felt related.
Anyway, I coud see someone about this, but the thing is, I am not unhappy, my life is good, I like myself and I enjoy living. It's also not worth taking medication for since it's only a couple times a year I feel bad, and I really don't want to tbh. I also don't have much to tell these people...

I feel much better today, I feel warm and full of emotions I kinda regret making such a big deal out of it on here but such is life yeah.
So about San Pedro, I took 50g and it was quite strong, but not overly so, distinctly unvisual though, and in a dreamy euphoric state (+3/4 hours or so) I took 30g more hoping to make it last longer, get some more visual activity and just see how it evolves. Then almost suddenly after the redose the magic disappeared and only emptiness remained, I got very uncomfortable and just sad in general. Too large of a dose though, even in a good headspace it would work counter productive.

 

[Pfafffed]

Cactus is just the best. I often think that I'm wasting valuable time and tolerance on novel psychedelics when I should really just stick to cactus and pharmahuasca. But all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

I revisited 4-AcO-MPT yesterday. It reinforced my sentiment that it's a good material, but I was surprised to find that the experience was more mixed with the common dose than it was with the light dose. Still super warm and good - humored, but surprisingly less deep. The comeup-peak-plateau periods were not very clearcut. I basically just ascended quickly and smoothly to a space with weird, restless energy and twisted organic visuals. It felt like a little more than I wanted. After some time, this mellowed into a rich, fleshed-out "peak" that was really short and a little too light. That ended abruptly, becoming a long, pleasant plateau. I'm going to have to revisit it to characterize it better, but I think I might like it better if I dose it like 4-AcO-MET. That's one that I like better if I take 30mg over the course of an hour rather than 20mg all at once

 

[Chris Timothy]

I needed to do phonecalls, so I went like drunk.

But I'm not used to drinking anymore, cuz I silently quit drinking.

So now I'm finally drunk enough to do phone fluency, but now they're not at the desk anymore.

That's just obstreperous servant behaviour, we need to stop this. Shenanigans, guffaw, shenanigans.

 

[Chris Timothy]

Also, @Pfafffed reacted to my anal joke as "sad".

Could I please call you to the stage, Pfaffed, and ask you what's troubling you? Huh?