Songs you can barely listen to without losing your composure emotionally

Asclepius said:
Indeed it is. ;) vampires are an interesting trope and is interesting symbology, especially on here, and also, in RL. Yet we all have a little of that wanton in us, also, that needs to be tapered out. :)
It's from the Bram Stoker's Dracula Film. Annie Lennox, is a wonderful artist, her contribution to the album and the album in general, is wonderful to listen to.
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I think in the original post with P!nk I just said “someone close”. It was my younger brother. He was my only sibling.. Seven years apart but like twins in a lot of ways. The nightmare of it though, is being left with my elderly parents. That is not going well :(
 
^Understandable, that is quite a beautiful ode, Stark. :)

AbbeyLee said:
I think in the original post with P!nk I just said “someone close”. It was my younger brother. He was my only sibling.. Seven years apart but like twins in a lot of ways. The nightmare of it though, is being left with my elderly parents. That is not going well :(
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You did post about your losing your brother Abbey, but not with detail. Am so sorry hunny. :(<3
Elderly parent situation sounds tough but I hope its more of a seeming hell, that is just awful discomfort, or is it?

Prolly a million reposts of Eskimo friend.
 
Asclepius said:
^Understandable, that is quite a beautiful ode, Stark. :)


You did post about your losing your brother Abbey, but not with detail. Am so sorry hunny. :(<3
Elderly parent situation sounds tough but I hope its more of a seeming hell, that is just awful discomfort, or is it?

Prolly a million reposts of Eskimo friend.
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He was an occasional user and was found down the beach one morning in Feb 2014 with a needle still in his arm. 33yo, life going well. It was a good way to go though.. He was fishing on a Friday night in a really nice spot.

It wasn’t so bad at the time to be honest. Stuff I went through with my daughter/ex-husband was worse. But as the years go by you realise they aren’t coming back and the situation with my mother is getting desperate. My dad is ok but he seems to be getting more distant. Mum though.. That woman is the bane of my life. At least when my bro was around I had some moral support.

This is pretty relevant and last year I cried so much. My brother had a pet rat as a kid.

“Mother’s gonna put all her fears into you.”

 
@Asclepius

Oh the rat is in a different clip from The Wall. Comfortably Numb maybe.

I have a friend who’s a Pharmacist. I got him to take a look at the blood results in the Coroner’s Report (which are had to work out). This is what he was positive for:

--Heroin (Painkiller)
--Codeine (Painkiller)
--Paracetamol (Painkiller)
--Diazepam (Sedative)
--Temazepam (Sedative)
--Venlafaxine (Anti-depressant)
--Scopolomine (Anti-nausea)

Now, if I try to talk to my mother about this she literally tells me (yells at me) to shut up. I am trying to point out that both her children have/had drug and alcohol problems and it’s not because we were somehow just born with shitty characters.

I want to talk about our childhood and what went wrong (without being nasty). For example, I know she fed us sedatives to settle us down and small amounts of alcohol. We were sort of trained to use substances to calm down and never learnt to self-soothe.

Her ability for denial amazes me, whereas I’m the opposite and need to get things out in the open, no matter how taboo or uncomfortable. There are other issues I have with her, but this is one that makes my blood boil.

/rant. Thanks for listening :)
 
AbbeyLee said:
He was an occasional user and was found down the beach one morning in Feb 2014 with a needle still in his arm. 33yo, life going well.
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Nah, man - that's way too young. Not good. :(


^ Denial is the worst kind of crazy to deal with ( whether our own or, another -esp your situation with your mother)
I've dealt with a slightly similar situation myself with intimate others and you are figuratively banging your head off a brick wall, ugh.
It's easier said than done but if you can, it helps to accept that they just can not face or acknowledge your reality or, their obvious mistakes ( whether its too painful or, they are just ignorant or, belligerently fucked up beyond repair - for your peace of mind, it doesn't matter, as the mind-melting and frustrating, outcome is the same for you). Blaming is sometimes cathartic but when it is unresolved it just keeps everything stuck and inert and becomes a spiraling, self-defeating dependence, in itself.
However, yeah, you are still stuck, isolated with that invalidation and lack of closure, that has to be addressed, for sure. Have you had any opportunity to talk to anyone trustworthy about it, Abbey - counselor or, other friends/family member or, anything?

You can pm me, to move this from a public thread if you want.
I am not on here too often but will get back when I can. :)
 
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Asclepius said:
Nah, man - that's way too young. Not good. :(


^ Denial is the worst kind of crazy to deal with ( whether our own or, another -esp your situation with your mother)
I've dealt with a slightly similar situation myself with intimate others and you are figuratively banging your head off a brick wall, ugh.
It's easier said than done but if you can, it helps to accept that they just can not face or acknowledge your reality or, their obvious mistakes ( whether its too painful or, they are just ignorant or, belligerently fucked up beyond repair - for your peace of mind, it doesn't matter, as the mind-melting and frustrating, outcome is the same for you). Blaming is sometimes cathartic but when it is unresolved it just keeps everything stuck and inert and becomes a spiraling, self-defeating dependence, in itself.
However, yeah, you are still stuck, isolated with that invalidation and lack of closure, that has to be addressed, for sure. Have you had any opportunity to talk to anyone trustworthy about it, Abbey - counselor or, other friends/family member or, anything?

You can pm me, to move this from a public thread if you want.
I am not on here too often but will get back when I can. :)
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I don’t mind it being public. I was seeing a psychologist but honestly I don’t really like any I’ve seen and don’t like their style of psychology. I’ve studied a lot of Jungian psychology and things along those lines and they don’t get that. If I could see Jordan Peterson.. :sneaky: So I prefer books and things on YouTube etc. But really, I’m just sort of treading water hoping something shifts you know?

I saw my mother yesterday and for once I was pretty chilled out around her. Well she didn’t stop stressing about things the whole time. Ridiculous things. She wasn’t attacking me though, so I was able to observe her more objectively. She’s a nutcase. Not psychotic or delusional, just very dysfunctional thought patterns. She’ll go to the grave like that. At the end of the day I’d rather be who I am than either of my parents.
 
These lyrics always hit me hard. When you are so deep in withdrawal looking, and you find the plug in a hell like state. Reminds me of maintaining a xanax street dependence for over 5 years across 2 states. Its what it is. You get taken out of hell, but the devil is still there.

Looks like my penance is finding a plug at the bottom of hell
I been looking for PK's, been looking for three days
I woke up and then heard the priest say "the devil lives!"
 
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