I had to make an account finally after reading countless hours on this site to reinforce that you are not alone on this one OP. I work for my family business and my grandfather (the owner) literally has to tell me to slow down 10+ times a day because I just zoom through everything incredibly fast whether I’m at work or not.
I have always attributed it to my severe ADHD and anxiety, but I have self-medicated with stimulants for 10 years now so it’s becoming a little foggy as to what point I got to how I am.
It’s incredibly frustrating working harder/faster than everyone around you, being efficient as possible in all things and it coming with no reward. That may have reinforced “your efforts still aren’t good enough” in the brain to try to do things even faster and more efficiently. Another mentioned speeding through tasks to get back to the drug cave, however I still speed through tasks when I have to be at work til 5:00 no matter how fast or slow I go. I feel like it’s my brain trying to convince myself and others that I’m worth more than what they pay me, but it doesn’t make any difference to anyone if I get 5 things done in an hour or 30 so it’s really an internal struggle if you ask me.
Thanks for having me Bluelighters! I’ve been an advocate of this site far too long without having an account and I’m looking forward to intelligent conversation with you brilliant, broken, bastards