F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Bugger me! This place has hit the doldrums again innit? Let's try and liven things up with some sex!
Tell us about your disastrous sexual experiences - the worse, the better.
I'll start with mine.
I was in my early twenties and was staying at a mates house to look after his dog while he was away. I'd had a good night suppin' Newcy brown ale and smokin' spliffs, then went to bed, had a wank, and crashed out.
In the early hours, I was woken up by a banging on the front door. I groggily fumbled my way to the door and when I opened it there was this pissed up blonde bird in a skin tight black mini dress, black stockings and high heels standing there. She said "is Ady (my friend who's house it was) here?"
"No", I replied, "he's away for the weekend".
"Oh, can I come in?" She said. "I'm just walking back from the nightclub and I think someone's following me".
So I asked her in and went to make us a brew. When I sat down talking to her it transpired that she knew Ady was away and that I was staying there, and she'd fancied me for ages. Next thing I knew we were rolling around on the floor getting nasty.
I led her into the bedroom (she was wearing nothing but stockings and sussies by this point) where we could continue 'the business'.
However, the combination of booze, weed, earlier wank and the total weirdness of the situation meant I couldn't fuckin' get it up for the life of me. I mean for fucks sake, this was all my fantasies rolled into one. Pissed up bird in sexy gear, big tits 'n' ass, fuckin' gaggin' for it, and I couldn't perform. I had to make do with giving her a good noshing, but it still didn't feel right.
Although she seemed quite appreciative as she sent me a card into my workplace the next day saying "thanks for looking after me last night" (much to the amusement of my mates), I still felt like an abject failure and somewhat dirty for taking advantage of a lass in a vulnerable state.
Now if that happened tonight, it would be a completely different story...
Tell us about your disastrous sexual experiences - the worse, the better.
I'll start with mine.
I was in my early twenties and was staying at a mates house to look after his dog while he was away. I'd had a good night suppin' Newcy brown ale and smokin' spliffs, then went to bed, had a wank, and crashed out.
In the early hours, I was woken up by a banging on the front door. I groggily fumbled my way to the door and when I opened it there was this pissed up blonde bird in a skin tight black mini dress, black stockings and high heels standing there. She said "is Ady (my friend who's house it was) here?"
"No", I replied, "he's away for the weekend".
"Oh, can I come in?" She said. "I'm just walking back from the nightclub and I think someone's following me".
So I asked her in and went to make us a brew. When I sat down talking to her it transpired that she knew Ady was away and that I was staying there, and she'd fancied me for ages. Next thing I knew we were rolling around on the floor getting nasty.
I led her into the bedroom (she was wearing nothing but stockings and sussies by this point) where we could continue 'the business'.
However, the combination of booze, weed, earlier wank and the total weirdness of the situation meant I couldn't fuckin' get it up for the life of me. I mean for fucks sake, this was all my fantasies rolled into one. Pissed up bird in sexy gear, big tits 'n' ass, fuckin' gaggin' for it, and I couldn't perform. I had to make do with giving her a good noshing, but it still didn't feel right.
Although she seemed quite appreciative as she sent me a card into my workplace the next day saying "thanks for looking after me last night" (much to the amusement of my mates), I still felt like an abject failure and somewhat dirty for taking advantage of a lass in a vulnerable state.
Now if that happened tonight, it would be a completely different story...
