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Guys how did you overcome your addiction to prostitutes?

Boku_

Boku_

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
949
Location
Melbourne AU
I'm a self confessed sex addict who craves interaction with hookers, If i work I have at least two bookings a week with sex workers, sometimes even more if i can afford it. Been addicted to sex workers since just before i turned 19, i'm 38 now.

I can afford a hooker habit for the time being but in 5-10-15 years time i may need to cut down how many bookings i regularly have with prostitutes. Sooner or later i won't be able to afford to visit brothels as often as what i do now.

I don't want a normal relationship with a woman in my league, getting sex for free isn't an option so it's pay for it or live the asexual lifestyle. At the moment i just want to visit brothels as often as i can afford it.
In all seriousness i fear the day i can't afford prostitutes more than death itself. I am fully aware many men end up living sexless lives regardless if married or single.

tbh i don't mind jerking off at home and i quite enjoy masturbating over pictures of girls either in Bikini's or topless/nude but only seeing a hooker fully satisfies my sexual tension.

I was told by people who don't approve of paying women for sex that real men jerk off at home instead of paying cash to a woman for sexual services.

Any bluelighter guys overcome an addiction to prostitutes?
 
I have never paid for a prostitute, but a guy I know was addicted to going to strip clubs and paying the hookers there for sex when he was traveling, or at home on weekends or work nights and bored and high.

I asked him how he stopped and this is what he told me he did:
-Add up all the money you spend on prostitutes, including how much petrol and train fare cost. Now add this up by the year or for even more time.

-Instead of going to a red light district, stay at home, or go somewhere else where you will be for the day or evening, and that you can't leave to go to a red light district or call up a hooker on your phone, or via an app to meet you at a motel, go to her place, to a public sex area, etc.

-Delete all the numbers and apps for prostitutes on your phone.

-Get a hobby or interest that will improve your self image or self esteem like exercising at a gym.

-See a counselor or therapist who specialises in compulsive issues, including addictions.

-You are going to slip up, at first. Don't beat yourself up about this. See it as a learning experience and not as a setback or failure.
 
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Hi Boku,

Sex addiction is not about sex. While it can be pleasurable, and thus, reinforcing, like all addictions tends to get worse over time. It is primarily about one of more of a lot of other things that can range from intimacy issues, wanting to avoid unpleasant feelings, work difficulties or interpersonal problems. Not getting to the root of what causes you to seek sex from prostitutes and dealing with what lies underneath, will make it extremely difficult for you to put a stop to it on your own. I applaud you for thinking ahead and trying to figure out how you are going to deal with this in the future, particularly when you won't have the funds to support this kind of addiction. You are obviously in touch with the reality of this long-term in that regard, which is the first step to getting this problem resolved.

I would advise you to seek professional help to deal with this problem while you still have the financial means to pay for help and before you get yourself into financial difficulties trying to support this addiction when you can no longer afford it.
 
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https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/03/shame.html
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/03/shame_is_the_desired_outcome.html

"The problem with sex addiction, unlike the other addictions, it is always framed as harm to you. No one uses the actual consequences as a reason to stop. Be careful: yes, you get to feel "shame", but the real problem with sex addiction isn't that it destroys your life but that it destroys everyone else's life. No wife has ever questioned her self-worth, let alone killed herself, because she found a vodka bottle in the back of a toilet. Try and "admit you have a problem"-- this problem-- to your daughter, and see how fast she gets a neck tattoo. And the risk of sex addiction isn't that you contract a disease, the risk is that you spread the disease. How can you stand there and pretend that any of your hundreds of partners are more likely to be infected than you?"
(Bold mine, italics in original.)

It's amazing that you wrote a whole post about being "addicted to prostitutes" without a word about the effect of your actions on those prostitutes, who are human beings.
 
atara said:
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/03/shame.html
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/03/shame_is_the_desired_outcome.html

"The problem with sex addiction, unlike the other addictions, it is always framed as harm to you. No one uses the actual consequences as a reason to stop. Be careful: yes, you get to feel "shame", but the real problem with sex addiction isn't that it destroys your life but that it destroys everyone else's life. No wife has ever questioned her self-worth, let alone killed herself, because she found a vodka bottle in the back of a toilet. Try and "admit you have a problem"-- this problem-- to your daughter, and see how fast she gets a neck tattoo. And the risk of sex addiction isn't that you contract a disease, the risk is that you spread the disease. How can you stand there and pretend that any of your hundreds of partners are more likely to be infected than you?"
(Bold mine, italics in original.)

It's amazing that you wrote a whole post about being "addicted to prostitutes" without a word about the effect of your actions on those prostitutes, who are human beings.
Click to expand...

You make it sound like all prostitutes don't want to do what they do. Many enjoy their trade, sex work is a profession and many people enter into it willingly.
 
w01fg4ng said:
Just because you relapsed doesn't mean he will.
Click to expand...
I have never paid for any sort of prostitute, stripper, etc. The man I mentioned is a friend of mine and he is an addict, not just to multiple drugs, but he also told me about how he would compulsively pay for sex with hookers/prostitutes. He apparently wanted to take me to a prostitute as a teenager when I was 14 or 15 and he was much older-I would hang out with him since he would sometimes share weed and beer with me, but I said no thanks, as I wanted to date people where myself and the other woman or mam have mutual sexual and romantic attractions to each other. I am also not an addict and despite dabbling with soft and some hard drugs, I never became addicted and quitting was extremely simple.

A lot of prostitutes where I grew up IV hard drugs and share needles, and have HIV, Hep C, and other STDs.
 
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I sometimes see two females who I give money to for companionship a week- Sometimes just one. Rarely have I gone much longer than a week in the past couple of months it seems, without seeing one. I am starting to become turned off by it, because my "favorite" ones are really hard into heroin, and I suspect other drugs, as has become clear.

I can't really expect much different, though.

I don't think that I am ready to just write it off completely- I have met a few that seem to at least be in control of their lives, who aren't drug-addicts (I've honestly never seen people as bad as I've seen in my adventures). I won't go see one, in part, because when I touched her instinct said "wife"; She is very pretty, only smokes weed, and I want to be on my best performance around such a creature (and able to enjoy her presence, and be enjoyable), but this is why I see prostitutes in the first place (and I intentionally see ones I am less likely to think are absolutely gorgeous...I'd rather not fall in love that way, because...)--I am not ready for much else, I have chronic illnesses (allergies, and dental pain that dentists can't seem to narrow down)-- I'm a bit of a wreck, and why would I lust after a real "relationship" if I am not in the position for it? But being honest with myself, this isn't the best substitute. And it's dangerous, and it puts us into weird situations. No matter what, why we do this is completely normal-life stuff; We seek to be normal, with others, to fulfill our function, and none of this is really the best way to provide that. We just seek. And we seek again. And we need more of this same. And no matter what, those we want to return to, emotions form, and there's not a lot of options to go from them.

It's really not a good situation.

People- I have met at least one ("wife") who say they really enjoy what they do. This one told me multiple times. She had plans to go to act in adult films, in December, but she is still where she was. I consider it's more likely that one like her who says this - that it's more a result of her circumstances, and limited sight/options. I'm not saying she doesn't like sex (she does), but I doubt she really wants to live in a hotel room, looking over her shoulder, etc. if there are other options. She grew up in foster care, has epilepsy-- I just don't think she's really in the position to know what she wants (or/and what she needs), especially if she thinks she wants this.

The reason why I do it is as I stated: I am no longer kidding myself about a relationship, or finding the one. I'm 36, and have issues that have not gone away since I remember. I don't want to fake it with some beautiful display in the beginning, to reel someone in, and then not have the energy to keep it up, which is about all I could have ever done (thank God I said nevermind about marriage with one). That's not fair to me, or them. So my options are, most safely (safe) sex with a prostitute, or celibacy, or finding someone "sick" like me.

I can't say I'm addicted. It is sort of like "fuck-it".

I am curious/interested, and it can be fun. I can't or don't really want to try to explain it all here, but I am definitely building a case against it (continuation of)...at least like I have been doing it. It's anti-good. It exists because neglect. Rot.

PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Get a hobby or interest that will improve your self image or self esteem like exercising at a gym.
Click to expand...

I think that self-esteem is definitely involved. Priest gives good advice. If we have more to lose...if we're upward/upright.
 
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Priest comes off as looking for a moral high ground while having little to nothing to offer because of his lack of experience.

About 20 years ago I was a driver for an adult service (aka a pimp) for short lived time period. The Johns never knew that I listened to EVERYTHING. That was my job, to protect the prostitutes. She would hide a wireless mic in her purse and I would listen to every detail from the parking lot. I stopped because it got too dangerous for my liking. That was 20 years ago. Can you imagine the technology pimps have today?

You guys have NO privacy.

Just FYI
 
On the contrary Priest is the only person who even claimed to have any experience with "hypersexual disorder". OP hasn't returned to the thread, though.

Also I've seen a lot of weak excuses for forsaking relationships but I think allergies and tooth pain might take the cake. I can only assume What_23 is using those as a euphemism for something else.
 
Let's just say you haven't had my personal experience with allergies and dental pain. I'm not talking about sniffles. I went through much of my life drinking and eating things I am allergic to- Like milk. It caused chronic infections, a tumor in my inner ear, from repeated ones, that were linked to inflammation, and in my 20s, chronic facial sweeping and pain until I figured out for myself what was causing it. Try interacting while your body is having a near 24/7 fairly severe IgE immune reaction that in some cases leads to death. Try being an enjoyable person, or being able to pay attention. No- I hid in my room and smoked weed and played videogames that required all my attention. Doctors misdiagnosed me from an early age, but I have chemical/substance allergies.

Also, dating, my options are much narrower than most, to start; Perfumes and lotions with perfumes or even certain extracts cause me to some pretty severe effects.

Much of my tooth pain stems from allergies, directly or indirectly, and the use of splints which weakened teeth or caused me to put most pressure on some areas.

It's more complicated than it sounds.

For perfumes/lotions, and all that, I can handle it in small doses. I seem to be doing better now in that area - although I'm still sensitive to chemicals. With a prostitute, we are done in short time. With a girl that I might explore being with, she might wash her sheets and things in regualar Tide (nausea, blah). Her shampoo might have "fragrance". And this makes my lips burn (etc. Headache, other issues).

My options are severely limited. I haven't entertained a relationship in years because I don't think I'm in a comfortable position. I also don't want to burden another with what I am burdened with, and I don't expect people to understand- Most people in my life, even after my head was drilled into twice to remove a tumor that was sparked by inflammation caused by allergies, tend to ignore or think I'm making things up, or that it's "all in my head".

I also don't ever want to complain, and I have allergic reactions quite frequently. I don't want to be the downer. I have been so much better, and it makes me sad that I can't be that - and that's the only self I want to share.

I have felt suicidal because of my allergies, inflammation, and dental (and facial) pain. The lack of connection - being distracted, trying to act like it's not there. I have considered it would be selfish for me to enter into a relationship. I would be glad to step aside to let a better man with the girl I wanted. I am happy that an ex is now with children, with a husband. I just would have been faking it.
 
OK, obviously those are some pretty severe "allergies". You might say "autoimmune disorder", it sounds a little more precise. I hope you have good healthcare available.

One thing I've heard in the past that has made me question my disquiet regarding prostitution is that disabled people may have no other choice. I could easily see you qualifying as disabled. In fact, you may even qualify for the parking.

There may be social events or websites that help people with similar conditions get to know each other. I would advise you to consider this avenue. It means you may find a partner who is also carrying a heavy burden. It's not exactly idyllic but you deserve to try.
 
My last engagement (girlfriend relationship) actually stopped right after I was stung by a bee on my wrist while putting up a fence at a security-training center, which I had an allergic reaction to-- my arm swelled up for days (and other symptoms, like heart rate and blood pressure changes). I went that night/weekend after being stung, to visit my girlfriend, and Saturday I was to help install her fence.

We had an argument that night.

I was stung only a couple other times that I remember.

-----

I was unaware of your reply. Thanks. Yea- I have considered some of those things-- like narrowing the search parameter to people who also carry a burden, like me.

You are right, too-- Language does matter. Something I struggle with.
 
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atara said:
On the contrary Priest is the only person who even claimed to have any experience with "hypersexual disorder". OP hasn't returned to the thread, though.
Click to expand...

i've been paying attention to my thread, reading all the posts and taking all the info and advice in.
 
pofacedhoe said:
OP

are you so unnattractive that you cant get a woman?
Click to expand...

It's not always a question of looks. Perhaps i have a troubled past and a bad reputation among females my age in my local area due to emotional problems causing me to treat women i have been involved with when younger rather poorly. I wasn't violent i just said some hurtful things to girls when not thinking straight that in hindsight i should have treated better. Like the song goes "it hurt's when you hurt someone"

All those events happened over 16 years ago plus i have PTSD from the drug related death of a girl 20 years ago i was friendly with and maybe even in love who i first met online and and we had a whirlwind online romance and relationship then in real life we met up leading to us both really liking each others company but tragically she was taken from this earth at age 17 due to a total fuck up with a bad ecstasy tablet, Needless to say i have shell shock and all sorts of mental demons.

Maybe staying with sex workers is part of my mental illness but in all honesty i enjoy seeing hookers and never regret bookings once they're over. The reality is i'm shallow and i simply can't get a woman as attractive as the Asian sex workers i currently pay for sexual services.

Believe me i've tried when younger to meet and date an nice Asian-Australian girl or even a nice Australian girl but it didn't happen.

As i said in my Original post i can afford to book my regular sex workers for the time being it's just sometime in the future i will need to change my lifestyle.
 
I'm from melbourne also, and I have a gf and still bang hookers a few times a month, it's like a sport for me and I don't think there is a cure for it
 
Boku_ said:
The reality is i'm shallow and i simply can't get a woman as attractive as the Asian sex workers i currently pay for sexual services.
Click to expand...

so there is an element of punching above your weight

as a gay man on grindr ive had lot of men i thought were hotter than me some younger by a large margin, you literally have to be relentless and once in a blue moon it works out. do it often enough and then one will bite, i think u just cant be arsed so rather pay cos less mental effort.

some people gamble, some drink, some hookers etc.

but is it going to prevent you doing something you want to do with your life?
 
I've been to prostitutes quite a lot.
Originally because I was a sailor and when you come ashore, you really need to fuck.
Later I realized I was doing that because I was subconsciously trying to assert a hetero identity.
Later on in life I was going to prostitutes 2 to 3 times a week for about 3 years, until I fell in love with one.
TBH I found that many the girls were rather uninteresting. I would go back to the fun ones, or the ones that put on a good show, and the ones with a bit of personality.
Lost track of them now, but I often wonder how they are all getting on.
 
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