Talking to strangers in person: yay or nay?

[zephyr]

I read an article that popped up on my feed that says NAY to randomly striking up a conversation with another person, particularly on commutes or other by chance times passing on the street.


https://www.theonion.com/report-its...ite&utm_source=theonion_copy&utm_campaign=top




However, there are other articles and websites that advise that it is very healthy to strike up chit chat to people you don't know, totally normal and I recall when I was younger people tended to do that a lot more than now.

https://upliftconnect.com/hidden-benefits-of-talking-to-strangers/



These days, maybe because I am an introvert by nature and don't feel the need for company all the time, I don't see the amount of general communal banter around where I live.


Everyone used to know their neighbors, used to know people through church or work or the PC committees at schools.

I dont know my neighbors apart from their names and shared protests at a highway built behind our street.



Has it become normal now to not even make eye contact or have anything at all to do with other people to the point of avoiding even acknowledging each others presence by concentrating on our phones?

Out and about, at clubs or bars, there are still some types of interaction between groups that don't know each other around pool tables or what not .


Is getting to know people through the internet by joining groups that gave meet ups the new normal?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yesterday on the train, i was the only one not on my phone. It was incredible. And after reading the OP, i wonder how they'd interact without the devices. The person sitting across from you: a friendly smile or do you ignore? The big guy next to you: let him take your space or tell him excuse me but you're enormous?

Do i stop to talk to strangers? No.

Does my face look inviting? No.

But i will nod, smile or say what's up to strangers passing by on occasion. But i too am introverted, and maybe that's why i don't chitter chatter.

On the other hand my obnoxious acquaintance picks up girls at grocery stores by asking if they want to hook up. I'm sure it will eventually work, but the types of people who will respond to you probably have SDTs no?

Anyway, in regards to this site and sites like it? Yeah i think it is becoming the normal. And as i am how i am, i like it, a lot - Due to my introversion. But i have better friends IRL than online, as in i know them better and such. But i'm still new to Bluelight. Although i already met a handful of cool people though. Had to clear my inbox 3 or 4 times i was not expecting that.

Peace and love.

 

[spacejunk]

I read an article that popped up on my feed that says NAY to randomly striking up a conversation with another person, particularly on commutes or other by chance times passing on the street.


https://www.theonion.com/report-its-...m_campaign=top

you know the onion is a satirical newspaper, right?

strangers are just fiends you haven't met yet

 

[alasdairm]

i live in a relatively small town (pop. ~22,000) and i speak to people out and about all the time: at the store; in the pub; at the oil-change place; in a lift line; etc. it's a pretty friendly, conducive place and i'd say it's (engagement is) the norm rather than the exception.

when i lived in boston and san francisco, it was pretty similar and conversations with strangers were commonplace.

i think it's healthy and friendly to make eye contact in public, acknowledge and engage people and be open to the acknowledgement and engagement of others. mileage obviously varies.

alasdair

 

[atara]

On public transit, most people don't want to talk to you. It's annoying enough being packed like sardines in a tin can that moves slower than all of the rich bastards' private tin cans, so there's no need to compound it by pulling people away from whatever daydream they're enjoying and back into the ugly, smelly train-car where you're probably close-talking them.

But anywhere else? Have at it!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well that's been debunked.

Now the number of times people have almost ran into me while on there phones is ridiculous.

 

[w01fg4ng]

Actual picture of my partner and I on a daily basis.

The onion is fucking hilarious.

 

[zephyr]

you know the onion is a satirical newspaper, right?

strangers are just fiends you haven't met yet

I wasnt aware of that so oops, but that article made sense to me.

I dont tak to people much unless I'm out relaxing having a drink (once a year).

I have fallen out of randomly talkin to people.

When I lived in Cairns in FNQ, the locals were far more open to conversation with randoms.

I met my flatmate in the laundromat. It was sweltering on there and I brought a 6 pack of stones ginger beer coz Cairns, she was folding her sheets so I helped and gave her a beer. We was mates from then on, she has schizophrenia, so it's a hard friendship but worth it.


But risks with strangers there are too much, with a neighbouring trying to kill me then killing himself, I dont talk to people much anymore.


The last time I did randomly connect with someone he eventually fathered my child and now has taken me to court for fraud/paternity denial.



So talking to someone on the street is great as it is, but too risky for me

 

[|~~ANT~~|]

On public transit, most people don't want to talk to you.

I used to catch the train home from work and I'd buy a slab (24 beers) on the way to the station and then distribute beers to other guys on the station or in the train carriage itself, and start up conversations with them (if they were interested)... Never had anyone refuse a free beer and most people were happy to converse. Although, I guess they might have felt obliged to talk in exchange for the alcohol.

This was about 15 years ago, though, before everybody disappeared into their phones.

 

[atara]

There is a third option: they were happy to talk because you brought them a beer, not in return. This distinction is important, because it's generally the essence of buying a drink for anyone.

 

[|~~ANT~~|]

Fourth option: They were happy to talk to me, regardless of the beer, because of how charming and handsome I am.

 

[exy34]

Actual picture of my partner and I on a daily basis.

The onion is fucking hilarious.

LOL, good one

 

[wallywogs]

In the big city I have resting asshole face, I am also pretty big so people just stay the fuck away from me. I am very polite and smile at parents with kids. couples, old people etc. I am social and friendly in places that aren't sketchy, once on the street then its back to the big fuck you face and I mind my own business. I will still help elderly etc but every time I let my guard down and was friendly to someone on the street it would be some crazy ranting away about something. I live in the country now, a small town of 2800 people in the mountains in Western Canada, I smile and wave at everyone. I am even friendlier in the city when I visit, more compassion maybe.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Smiling at parents with kids went right over my head the past 27 years. Thank you for that one. I get it now, it's like to say "you're excused for your child's lack of walking etiquette".

It's hard to explain the effect I have on people IRL, because I never get their feedback, but I find that if I mirror people things turn out fine. I am often not aware of how I am coming off to others, which is actually a huge blind-spot.

 

[Serotonin101]

Smiling at parents with kids went right over my head the past 27 years. Thank you for that one. I get it now, it's like to say "you're excused for your child's lack of walking etiquette".

It's hard to explain the effect I have on people IRL, because I never get their feedback, but I find that if I mirror people things turn out fine. I am often not aware of how I am coming off to others, which is actually a huge blind-spot.

Your last paragraph leads me to ask, and please don't be offended. Are you on the autism spectrum? The reason I ask is because I have similar issues and my ex's brother has high functioning autism (just graduated university with a degree in engineering and works for Raytheon now) and we are very similar in this area.

 

[w01fg4ng]

a neighbouring trying to kill me then killing himself, I dont talk to people much anymore.

The last time I did randomly connect with someone he eventually fathered my child and now has taken me to court for fraud/paternity denial.

So talking to someone on the street is great as it is, but too risky for me

I'm surprised noone responded to this, it's actually really depressing seeing that your thread isn't a joke. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Coming from someone who prefers to be alone, is introverted, avoids conversations at all costs when in public, please make an effort to connect with SOMEONE.

You are really good at the internet but it's important to have IRL people in your life.

Do you have family or co-workers that you get along with at all? How about a pet?

 

[zephyr]

I'm fine mate.

 

[w01fg4ng]

Sometimes risks are necessary.

Good luck.

 

[invegauser]

i'm sure it wasn't your fault, you turned him down as gently as possible, you just have that attraction to people zephyr. they like you, it must be rough to be you.

personal note: some people are crazy and you just can't tell until you get to know them. person next door seems on the up and up but hides that pscyho side very well. it's how they haven't been lost to history.

nice OP. depends on where one lives imo. in cities people have too many people around them, take it for granted having so many others around them and bad things tend to happen or get more hype in bigger cities. towns usually have more familiar setting, everyone knows each other, etc. suburbs suck because no one knows anyone other than by what drugs or bad choices you make.

everyone is a unique person but some people are more social than others, some naturally not (not even by choice) and the rest are making their way through life.

past experiences, our own shortcomings, craziness in the world today, the list goes on for influencing factors. plus it's a lot busier than 100 years ago; too much stress.

phones, creeps and being too into ones self is a given and wide spread but kinda downer to talk about.

strangers are just fiends you haven't met yet

satire: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

all comedy is based off an observation of life. humor, media, books; anything to do with fiction is based off the insight of something someone noticed in reality. doesn't make it any less real.

for contrast: "sometimes the truth can be just as interesting, if not more so, than the conspiracies that people come up with."

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Well depends on the context, right?

When I worked in retail -- I talked to strangers all the time. It was normal. Not weird at all. Also ok to talk to anyone who is working lol.

You can find social situations in which it is OK to talk to people. Try that first before you start approaching randoms on the street.