Psychologist wants me to go to rehab but I'm 76 days sober. What would you do?

[Jabberwocky]

As mentioned in the thread title, the psychologist wants me to go rehab for 3 weeks thinking it may be of some help.

Unfortunately I don't have the private health cover for this and would need to be paying for it for a few months before I could even go into rehab. I called the clinic to get a gist of what they do as they do outpatient as well but then they tried to upsell me some stuff on getting into inpatient for 3 weeks and then doing outpatient.

The whole thing has me baffled. The rehab clinic upsold stuff to my psych and now she's trying to upsell it to me. 3 months ago when I was struggling like crap I would of jumped but now am questioning what 3 weeks of inpatient would do for me? At the same time me wanting to use is still around the corner at the back of my head but every day it is getting easier to just say no to that thought.

So do I keep on going the way I am or do I jump into this and go to rehab for the sake of going?

Would appreciate some opinions on this.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

As mentioned in the thread title, the psychologist wants me to go rehab for 3 weeks thinking it may be of some help.

Unfortunately I don't have the private health cover for this and would need to be paying for it for a few months before I could even go into rehab. I called the clinic to get a gist of what they do as they do outpatient as well but then they tried to upsell me some stuff on getting into inpatient for 3 weeks and then doing outpatient.

The whole thing has me baffled. The rehab clinic upsold stuff to my psych and now she's trying to upsell it to me. 3 months ago when I was struggling like crap I would of jumped but now am questioning what 3 weeks of inpatient would do for me? At the same time me wanting to use is still around the corner at the back of my head but every day it is getting easier to just say no to that thought.

So do I keep on going the way I am or do I jump into this and go to rehab for the sake of going?

Would appreciate some opinions on this.

Even if it was free I'd suggest asking yourself if it's really necessary, if you have to pay for it then I'd certainly suggest not bothering. I would highly recommend doing some research on the particular rehab - most rehabs front like they're medical institutions beating addiction with modern medicine and psychiatry but then a little digging and it becomes obvious that it's full of 12-step proselytisers that will beat you over the head with the big book and then tell you its your own fault if you're struggling, so if it's one of those (which it really likely is) I honestly wouldn't bother. They are just trying to get money out of your insurance - a respectable treatment centre wouldn't be so pushy for your admission especially if you're over 2 months clean all by yourself. Admittedly, this is all speculation, but its grounded in my personal experience of the rehab industry, which really isn't as rosy as it appears.

How have you been recently? Have you been struggling a lot? Do you go to any groups?

 

[hikfromstik]

If you are clean now then it really makes no since. Sounds like it's a business trying to get money. I would tell them that you done the same thing in the comfort of your own home with out costing a dime .

 

[aihfl]

Depends. From the tone of your posts it sounds like you're white knuckling it. If you think you're likely to cave, rehab might not be a bad idea. What do you have in the way of a support network. I've found during my extended periods of sobriety that having people who will hold you accountable is the most important thing. Rehab, whether it's inpatient or outpatient provides that, if (like me) you don't exactly have a strong support network.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Depends. From the tone of your posts it sounds like you're white knuckling it. If you think you're likely to cave, rehab might not be a bad idea. What do you have in the way of a support network. I've found during my extended periods of sobriety that having people who will hold you accountable is the most important thing. Rehab, whether it's inpatient or outpatient provides that, if (like me) you don't exactly have a strong support network.

I have you guys as my support network

I don't really have much of a support network. I have found just keeping to myself and giving myself positive re-affirmations helps.

I have one friend who I can go to. I used to have another but it looks his psychosis has gotten worse and he's now fully cut me off. Even today when I saw him for the first time in over a year as I was off to see the Dr he didn't really want to talk. He was just like "yeah bah", he didn't even stop just kept on walking as he was talking. I tried sending him some messages on Facebook with no response after our catch up. I now see he has blocked me. Me and him were great support for one another. He used to have clean periods for months. Such a shame Our last memory was going out for a hike together. After that would chat sporadically on Facebook then he just went cold turkey and said I annoyed him. I guess people change. It just fucken sucks as I could use his support at the moment. It just fucken baffles me, when he got diagnosed with psychosis about 10 years ago everyone ditched him but me and 2 others. I always helped him and he would try his best to do the same. However then I fucked up, I tried overdosing on valium he gave me and he then cut me off and then eventually we re-connected but looks like he just doesn't want me in his life any more. Ah well that is life for you.

I have tried the support groups, i.e. AA but I don't like the whole holding hands and getting a sponsor and reading a book then being reminded you are a failure daily in group discussion. Am already battling bipolar and forcing myself into depression when positive sucks as I know when I have a bad month the depression is going to suck.

 

[aihfl]

BL is a great resource, but when you're REALLY white knuckling it and close to caving, you need more immediate support than an Internet forum can provide IME. I'd be happy to give you my Skype ID but there is the issue of literally living on opposite sides of the planet. But if I have a day off we could talk in the morning for me and nighttime for you. I know what you mean about how depressing 12 step meetings can be. Generally, I don't care for them either. But my advice would be (if you live in a populated area with lots of options) to keep checking out different meetings until you find one you're comfortable with. For whatever it's worth, I find the LGBTQ meetings the most comfortable, even though I am straight. People are nicer, less preachy and dogmatic IME. Also check out alternatives such as SMART Recovery and Refuge Recovery. I'm a huge Refuge Recovery fan, which is Buddhist-oriented approach to recovery.

 

[cj]

I would find a new phychiatrist. Rehab isn't some magic pancea for addiction. It's most useful if you need to detox. Otherwise I wouldn't bother

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I would find a new phychiatrist. Rehab isn't some magic pancea for addiction. It's most useful if you need to detox. Otherwise I wouldn't bother

Pretty much this.

noonoo; I would try to find someone who understands addiction a little better. If you feel like going to rehab will help prevent a major impending relapse, please by all means, go. But if you're already 76 days sober, it's OK to want to keep going on your own too.

 

[Jabberwocky]

BL is a great resource, but when you're REALLY white knuckling it and close to caving, you need more immediate support than an Internet forum can provide IME. I'd be happy to give you my Skype ID but there is the issue of literally living on opposite sides of the planet. But if I have a day off we could talk in the morning for me and nighttime for you. I know what you mean about how depressing 12 step meetings can be. Generally, I don't care for them either. But my advice would be (if you live in a populated area with lots of options) to keep checking out different meetings until you find one you're comfortable with. For whatever it's worth, I find the LGBTQ meetings the most comfortable, even though I am straight. People are nicer, less preachy and dogmatic IME. Also check out alternatives such as SMART Recovery and Refuge Recovery. I'm a huge Refuge Recovery fan, which is Buddhist-oriented approach to recovery.

Thanks for the advice. I have been close to starting SMART recovery then never made it to the appointments. At the time was after something more frequent. The meetings in my area are like once a month.

I appreciate you wanting to skype but where I am living at the moment that isn't an option for me. Everyone can hear everyone's conversation in this house if you know what I mean and the topic of mental health is not supported here.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I would find a new phychiatrist. Rehab isn't some magic pancea for addiction. It's most useful if you need to detox. Otherwise I wouldn't bother

Thanks CJ and Captain Heroin, you guys may be right although when I came back to see this psychologist I said I would do whatever is recommended by them. So far am doing a few of those things.

Unfortunately I didn't expect to be upsold visiting a rebah that the psychologist is affiliated to. I did some of my own snoping from before and found one of her colleagues / apprentices who did work at another rehab formed a sexual relationship with one of the patients there whilst she was married. More can be read about that here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4606000/Sydney-psychologist-31-banned-sex-client.html , I think this girl worked for my psych but my psych has since tried deleting her profile on the website although didn't do a good job of it.

End of the day I wouldn't be paying anything but the private health insurance to then get into the rehab program which is $20,000 something otherwise. She isn't the first psychologist to tell me to go to rehab either. When I rode my car off many years ago another psychologist I was seeing for 4 years didn't want to help me with my legal stuff unless if I went to rehab as at that point I was drinking daily.

Fast forward to where I am now 77 days sober from everything but junk food and I am confused about the best way to continue to go forward. I have genuinely begun assessing what would agree with me and what wouldn't, based on past experiences. Unfortunately some people don't like it when I reject their opinion on help, my psychologist included.

I think I will not go even though I feel myself craving at times. Am well aware of what the triggers are being this long into sobriety. Heck even Bluelight is a trigger at times. The reality is I just need to deal with it and take every day as it comes.

This has taken me too long to write but thanks for letting me synthesise my thoughts.

 

[aihfl]

Thanks for the advice. I have been close to starting SMART recovery then never made it to the appointments. At the time was after something more frequent. The meetings in my area are like once a month.

Yeah, once a month is no bueno. SMART here meets twice a month, but I really need to go to a minimum of three meetings a week to get out of my own toxic headspace. Refuge Recovery is one of those, and I go to two meetings at the local LGBTQ Community Center. Plus the SMART meeting is in a far eastern suburb and I live on the northwest side of the city, so it would be at least a 45 minute drive if traffic is bad.

I did some of my own snoping from before and found one of her colleagues / apprentices who did work at another rehab formed a sexual relationship with one of the patients there whilst she was married.

This is really no bueno. I wouldn't go under those circumstances either. The biggest con of rehab (having been multiple times) is that sooner or later, you do have to leave that nice, protective bubble, so you're going to learn how to deal with life, something rehab tries to do, but IMO, you can sit and talk about how to deal with shitty situations in group therapy for days on end but really, the way to learn how to deal with it (at least in my case) is to actually have to deal with it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

To be fair with all of this stuff, i.e. 12 steps, rehab etc I just hate being pushed around when I am not in the mood for it. I tried the whole sponsor thing in AA and it just didn't work for me. When i have a clear period of headspace even now when 77 days sober I just want to enjoy the peace and quiet and not be dragged down to talk about addicition etc..Maybe it's the easy way out but I do share but just not when it's forced. I get discomfort in doing that perhaps due to my anxiety?

 

[Rio Fantastic]

To be fair with all of this stuff, i.e. 12 steps, rehab etc I just hate being pushed around when I am not in the mood for it. I tried the whole sponsor thing in AA and it just didn't work for me. When i have a clear period of headspace even now when 77 days sober I just want to enjoy the peace and quiet and not be dragged down to talk about addicition etc..Maybe it's the easy way out but I do share but just not when it's forced. I get discomfort in doing that perhaps due to my anxiety?

I don't think it's necessarily the easy way out. The whole 12 step program is designed with the intention of bringing about a "spiritual awakening" - unearthing a subconscious belief in a benevolent omnipotent God and then using this belief as your foundation of recovery. That's why its success rate is a dismal 5% - I'd wager that many if not most people, especially atheists/agnostics, just don't have it in them to manufacture an honest belief in God, despite how undeniably useful it may be to get out of addiction. You clearly have some strength and resilience considering you quit everything around the same time and have already made it through some of the most common relapse times (the first 5 days in, 2 weeks, one and two months) then what you're doing seems to be working. Tell me, how the fuck do you quit smoking and your substances of choice at the same time!? I can't even imagine kicking cigs at the same time, it must have been so stressful!

 

[Jabberwocky]

I don't think it's necessarily the easy way out. The whole 12 step program is designed with the intention of bringing about a "spiritual awakening" - unearthing a subconscious belief in a benevolent omnipotent God and then using this belief as your foundation of recovery. That's why its success rate is a dismal 5% - I'd wager that many if not most people, especially atheists/agnostics, just don't have it in them to manufacture an honest belief in God, despite how undeniably useful it may be to get out of addiction. You clearly have some strength and resilience considering you quit everything around the same time and have already made it through some of the most common relapse times (the first 5 days in, 2 weeks, one and two months) then what you're doing seems to be working. Tell me, how the fuck do you quit smoking and your substances of choice at the same time!? I can't even imagine kicking cigs at the same time, it must have been so stressful!

Very good question considering I smoked 2 - 3 packs some days. Growing up as a teen I always smoked during the day on it's own, then couldn't smoke unless if I had a soft drink or something otherwise just wasn't a fan of the dry smoking taste if you know what I mean. I then let myself only smoke when I drank which was every day.

During the day I'd go through 12 - 30 beers / ciders. If I was doing coke I'd probably drink less maybe 16 / 18 drinks. However towards the end smashing 12 drinks was just an appetiser before going to the pub etc. Then 20 lines of coke in a go was just normal or just swollowing a gram with water.

In the end I taught myself alcohol is what opens the pandora's box. Take away the booze and none of the other things happen.

I must say the first few weeks were tough with smoking. Especially when I would drink a coffee in the morning, I would be craving it. Unfortunately now am still craving the coke. I guess I just want to use an upper to get out of my depressive slump but can see myself then smoking and drinking again plus making things worse.

I genuinely believe if I can focus on getting out of the comfort zone and creating new memories for myself that this whole boozey / drug adventure will be over with and will just be a distant memory. One that can be forgotten about for a long period of time. Unfortunately relapsing is just too convenient with the local shops selling alcohol and my coke dealer being someone I've known since I was 3 and them sharing some of the same family as me. So the ball is genuinely in my court.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Op, Id highly recommend outpatient as opposed to inpatient.

It sounds like you’d really benefit from support, but a long outpatient program 3-6 months) sounds infinitely more appropriate than a traditional rehab.

Plus, there is a growing consensus among professionals that outpatient is actually more effective than inpatient. Inpatient is great for drying out, but it’s not as effective as re-integrating into everyday life. Might as well skip that process if you’re already months into abstinence.

With outpatient programs, try to find one associated with a hospital, particularly one attached to a university. They tend to be much more up to date and helpful than private programs.

Finding a good therapist is also something I’d highly recommend. It can take some effort to find someone that works well for you, but it’s well worth it. Likewise a psychiatrist, especially if you’ve ever had mental health stuff going on.

If I were in your position, I’d try to find a program that provides Mindfulness Based Relapse Prevention. Compared to treatment as usual (abstinence only counseling and groups), MBHR is significant more effective at facilities long term sobriety.

Depending on where you live this kind of thing may be hard to find, but if you’re comfortable sharing your location PM me and I’ll see what I can find.

 

[Mafioso]

Yeah I'd have to agree with TPD. For most, beyond 1-2 months I'd begin to question the necessity and whether the treatment is worth it. IME, the treatment center will always vouch that their treatment is great value and stress that longer treatment is preferable. Inpatient is great for when you need constant care and support. But the goal of all treatment should be patient autonomy. Being that you have made it past the acute withdrawals on your own already, inpatient seems like a step backwards.

You need help integrating back into the real world at this point, which is what outpatient treatment is designed for. Finding a good counselor and getting involved in some type of group is what most outpatient treatment consists of. Very similar to inpatient, except you have an independent living situation.

I'm curious as to why your psychologist would suggest going to an inpatient drug rehab? for 3 weeks after you have made it to 77 on your own. My initial guess is lack of knowledge about addiction and suggestion of the treatment center. It would make sense if you have relapsed, or if he wanted you to go see a specialist for a condition. Did he give you any specific diagnosis? Like mood disorder?

 

[herbavore]

Hey NooNoo, have you thought about pushing part of your focus beyond the abstinence that you are really mastering phenomenally right now? What I mean is looking for ways to feed your soul. What parts of your life feed your soul and what parts drain it and weaken it? Can you look for ways to meet new people that do the things you like to do (if you feel ready to do that)? I find that a lot of times, I am focused on my unhappiness and the sources of my unhappiness when shifting that focus over to my moments of happiness can unearth a much more satisfying and sustainable path forward.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah I'd have to agree with TPD. For most, beyond 1-2 months I'd begin to question the necessity and whether the treatment is worth it. IME, the treatment center will always vouch that their treatment is great value and stress that longer treatment is preferable. Inpatient is great for when you need constant care and support. But the goal of all treatment should be patient autonomy. Being that you have made it past the acute withdrawals on your own already, inpatient seems like a step backwards.

You need help integrating back into the real world at this point, which is what outpatient treatment is designed for. Finding a good counselor and getting involved in some type of group is what most outpatient treatment consists of. Very similar to inpatient, except you have an independent living situation.

I'm curious as to why your psychologist would suggest going to an inpatient drug rehab? for 3 weeks after you have made it to 77 on your own. My initial guess is lack of knowledge about addiction and suggestion of the treatment center. It would make sense if you have relapsed, or if he wanted you to go see a specialist for a condition. Did he give you any specific diagnosis? Like mood disorder?

+1

It never ceases to disgust me how 99% of rehabs will do anything to convince and exploit people into giving them money (or your insurance). Especially considering how invasive something like inpatient rehab is, presenting it like the ultimate solution isn’t just disingenuous, it’s downright harmful. For ever benefit there’s at least one risk.

I’m actually writing a paper right now on my earlier experience with the recovery industry on this, topic being how to help (and how “help” can harm when it’s not firmly centered on a compassionate, client centered approach to care).


The paper will have some good quotes (heroinhelper ftw!), so I’ll try and remember to share in SL when I’m done

Hey NooNoo, have you thought about pushing part of your focus beyond the abstinence that you are really mastering phenomenally right now? What I mean is looking for ways to feed your soul. What parts of your life feed your soul and what parts drain it and weaken it? Can you look for ways to meet new people that do the things you like to do (if you feel ready to do that)? I find that a lot of times, I am focused on my unhappiness and the sources of my unhappiness when shifting that focus over to my moments of happiness can unearth a much more satisfying and sustainable path forward.

+

 

[Jabberwocky]

I appreciate the advice guys. It definitely means a lot.

I spoke with the psych yesterday and interesingly enough we didn't even discuss about rehab. I was discussing more of the positives I have been going through since I gave up the booze etc. Perhaps rehab was an option to pursue if I had a lot of free time and wasn't working?

Unfortunately yesterdays positive discussion does not resonate with how I woke up this morning. Unintentionally sad for no reason. Good thing I am seeing the psychiatrist next week. I have now been on anti depressants since mid 2009. At the moment it is not doing anything. I am just taking it for the sake of not getting withdrawal symptoms from the medication. I wish I never took it and then am glad I did other days. I guess it is hard to tell if it worked well or not because I was always drinking daily. The days I wasn't maybe the medication made me numb. Any how wonder what the psychiatrist will say?

The want to use is definitely leaving me. Those strong cravings are becoming now low in strength. I still fantasise about the day I go and get a hotel by the beach, get some drinks and bags of coke and indulge but it is too much effort to organise and I couldn't be fucked.

Hey NooNoo, have you thought about pushing part of your focus beyond the abstinence that you are really mastering phenomenally right now? What I mean is looking for ways to feed your soul. What parts of your life feed your soul and what parts drain it and weaken it? Can you look for ways to meet new people that do the things you like to do (if you feel ready to do that)? I find that a lot of times, I am focused on my unhappiness and the sources of my unhappiness when shifting that focus over to my moments of happiness can unearth a much more satisfying and sustainable path forward.

I am definitely getting there. I am waiting for the local basketball comp to start which is a big deal for me as I haven't done anything team based in donkey years.

Am really just getting a feel for myself at the moment being sober. I feel like a different person yet I know I am not. I have some ideas I am working towards unfortunately I have some days where I am just drained of energy. Am desperately trying to push through this and know I will.

I appreciate the advice.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sometimes I look at the biggest challenge in recovery as time. In a sense recovery is all about giving yourself enough time between the harmful patterns of drug use and whatever the next challenge life turns out to be. There is a lot to be said about the idea that people can age out of addiction given enough time/effort/exploration.

Thx time thing is probably why I’ve responded so well to the mindfulness stuff, as I’m learning how to literally how to deal with having “nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to be.” Learning how to be/relate with my thoughts and feelings seems like a crucial life skill regardless of whether someone’s in recovery or just trying to get healthier.

Apologies if you already spoke to this and I missed it, but I’m curious: what are you doing with your time right now? If you find you have a lot of time on your hands, either struggling or just without much going on, maybe we could help you brainstorm some ideas.

I don’t like the idea of keeping busy for the sake of keeping busy (just because that seems to push me in the opposite motivational direction), but finding meaningful ways to spend time is an absolute necessity for me. As long as it isn’t too controlling, structure can be great for that.

Thankfully it doesn’t sound like you’re starting at zero with how your time is structured. Are there any areas for improvement you’d like to explore?