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Travel ★ Dream Journal : Share your dreams ☯

Two nights ago I had a really vivid dream. I should preface it by saying that last week, I got a DUI, unfortunately. Was rather traumatized by dealing with my ex, blacked out at my friend's house after making plans with him to stay the night... his girlfriend came down and started abusively screaming at him over stupid shit just like my ex used to do, in front of me... I remember that and feeling uncomfortable, then I faded out, next thing I know I'm being arrested because I crashed into a parked car and was obviously drunk/got breathalyzed, I guess they hadn't noticed me leave. Obviously it's been on my mind a lot. So that said, the dream...

I was hanging out with my oldest friend in real life, B, and some guy who was supposed to be a new friend but who isn't a real person, I'll call him X. We had just spent a night out on the town drinking and we had taken my car. I was like, okay I definitely can't drive, I'm drunk and I just got a DUI, but we need to get back to my house. So this guy X was like no problem, I'll drive. I asked him if he was sure and he said yeah, he was fine. So he started driving, and he was doing fine, but periodically he would, for some reason, try to pull over to the side of the road and stop, and whenever he did this, he would swerve drunkenly and me and B would have to yell at him to keep driving. Well, we made it most of the way up the road leading to my house, until we got to this curve by a Baptist church that has a stone wall next to the road. He started swerving towards the side of the road again and I saw the worst sight... cop lights coming up behind us. X turned to me with wide eyes and said, dude, this is your car and you asked me to drive, this is on you. And in my dream that meant that I was culpable, and I was going to get a second DUI and go to jail and lose my license for 4 years.

I was so scared as the cop got out and started walking up to the car. But then, right when he was about to get to the driver's window, X gritted his teeth and hammered on the gas and sped off. The cop started scrambling to get back to his car and I saw his lights go back on, but we were way out in front. I was really scared and was yelling at X to stop because this was making it worse, but he kept going. He turned onto my street, and instead of individual houses like it really is, it was rows of townhouses where each house is and there was some sort of block party happening, lots of people out and tons of cars parked. We quickly pulled into my driveway, turned the car around so the license plate end was facing away from the street, and went into one of the shitty townhouse units that was supposed to be my house. I watched out the window covertly, filled with anxiety. Slowly the cop drove by. He pulled into my parking area, and I ducked down. Then I heard a pounding on the door... "open up, it's the police". But we all held our breath and didn't move and eventually he went away.

Then I woke up and shook it off. Always nice to wake up from a dream and go... "whew, just a dream!"
 
"Swallowing Impossible Objects"

(This isn't one specific dream report but rather a recurring one that I've had forever but seemed to peak around my late teens/early 20's when my night terrors were at their worst. Has anybody else here experienced this?)

It usually begins as a dream in which I'm attempting to chew and swallow some hard, ridiculous object like a 9-volt battery or a hand full of coins. Often it's even more impossible, like a hammer. The biggest item I remember trying to "swallow" was the front door of my house!

They often turn into night terrors, where I bolt upright in bed (sometimes even jumping to my feet) and start trying to cough it up or pull it from the back of my throat! I always seem to be breathing okay with no sinus/chest related issues present..

I actually did find a few accounts of it from people posting on other websites. One lady woke up in a panic after "swallowing" her washing machine, so now I don't feel quite so silly!

8(
 
^not sure about swallowing impossible object in my dreams, but I've definitely hallucinating swallowing impossible objects "tripping" on salvia...

I almost wish I enjoyed that stuff :\

My dreams have become far less catastrophic over the past couple years. Still vivid, but more interesting-weird than scared-shitless-weird.
 
I know I've posted this somewhere on Bluelight before but can't remember if it was in here... I don't think it was. This happened a long time ago but I remember it vividly... my only real "night terror" I can recall.

Spring 2002 - Falling Slab Window

I was in college, in my apartment, sleeping next to my girlfriend. I don't remember dreaming, but I suddenly came awake, absolutely panicked with a massive adrenaline rush, gripping the window frame next to my bed. I absolutely, 100% believed that the window frame was a massive stone slab that was falling and was going to crush us. I remember the sheer animal terror and the desperate strength I was gripping the window frame with, as I pushed back against it, trying to hold it up. This went on for several seconds, and it seemed to be inexorably falling down despite my best efforts. My fingers hurt badly from the strength of my grip but if I let go, I was going to be pulverized. My girlfriend woke up and was like "what's going on"... she said looking at my face terrified her because of how terrified I looked. I started to try to explain, and then I realized I was just gripping the window frame and nothing was happening. I sort of shrugged and went back to sleep.

The next morning my arms, hands, and core muscles were terribly sore, I could barely get up out of bed. And there were indentations in the wood of the window frame where my fingers had been gripping. I believe that I invoked the full capacity of my muscles because of an intense fight or flight response, like how women have lifted up cars off of their trapped children and such. I read about it, and normally we'er unable to use the majority of the strength of our muscles, but in life or death situations, we can use it all, but it causes some damage, which is why we can't normally do it. It happened another time in my life, too, but while I was awake. I was riding a big 4-wheeler and I hit a hidden hole and fell off of it, landing on my back. The 4-wheeler was coming down on top of me and I saw it in slow motion and caught it with my legs, and pushed it up and off of me to keep it from crushing me... it seemed to push up effortlessly like it weighed 50 pounds, and landed right side up. The next day after that my legs were super sore.
 
I had a dream last night that I was invited to a party and I offered the host help who then in turn had me wash buckets and buckets of brocolli
 
I woke up from a nightmare that I was traveling abroad with of all people my ex-wife (we were divorced in the dream) and only within a few hours of the flight back to the United States I realized my passport was missing and it became a mad dash around Okinawa, Japan to try and find it. When the stress became too much to deal with, I woke up, just seven minutes short of the time I had the alarm set for anyway.
 
I have a repeated dream where I am being hunted by people and I can't escape, I feel like a character in a zombie movie running all over trying to get away and I never get anywhere.
 
I dreamt last night that I was in Nashville, very obviously high out of my mind, and every other person was a cop... went on for what felt like hours. Talk about stress.
 
bptubbs said:
I dreamt last night that I was in Nashville, very obviously high out of my mind, and every other person was a cop... went on for what felt like hours. Talk about stress.
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I've had that dream too. Then I woke up in Metro-Davidson Detention and realized it had been real life.
 
I had a night of weird ass dreams and I didn't even take any Ambien, just my usual nighttime cocktail of 250mg magnesium, 900mg gabapentin, 15mg mirtazapine and 75mg doxepin. The first one was Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III himself sent me to prison, telling me he didn't care if I was innocent, as long as he kept saying I was guilty, eventually the jury would accept it as the truth whether it was true or not. The second was even more surreal, I was in Russia at a fine dining restaurant and the hostess was Svetlana from Shameless. I do remember enjoying the mutton entree though.
 
So a bit of background, my ex has been fucking with me bad this week. I had some PTSD from our relationship, she was very abusive and controlling, even thought police-style controlling. For about a month I've been trying to push the divorce through and get her to approve my mortgage refinance, which she won't do. It's been very stressful and has brought up a lot of old feelings... we've been separated almost 5 years and she always resists signing anything. Anyway on Sunday she and her mom came to get the stuff she left at my house, a big closet full of boxes and a bunch of furniture. I had to see her, it was very stressful at first. Once they got here it went from bad to worse as they decided they had to unpack every box and repack it all after sorting it, one tiny little knick knack at a time. Both of them worked for 9 hours 3 days straight, so 54 (wo)man-hours, and they STILL haven't gotten everything, somehow. Then yesterday they were supposed to come back and get the rest, but never showed, wouldn't return my calls. Finally she got back to me and said she won't tell me when she's coming back. I have reason to believe she might want to steal my cats and that's why she's being shifty. Anyway after they didn't show today, I texted her that I would be putting all her stuff outside under the carport and locking my door and alarming my house when I'm gone and they were not allowed back in, and that since she didn't uphold her end of the bargain in signing the divorce papers, I will be serving her with them and we'll have to go to court (where I live, 700 miles away from her). I decided last night I would do this and I figured I would have to.

A little more backstory, ever since she left, and I got together with my current girlfriend, I sometimes have dreams about her. It's always the same, I mean the circumstances are different but the theme is the same. In it, I drop into the dream realizing I have gotten back together with my ex, and I'm also still with my girlfriend. I go through a whole process of "fuck, why did I do that? That's so stupid!" And I feel really bad about my girlfriend, because neither of them knows about the other (in reality my girlfriend fully knows the situation and has from our first date, though my ex does not know about her). I feel awful and I always think to myself "you've had so many dreams about this, why didn't you learn?? What were you thinking?? But, I'm always scared to break up with her and I realize I just can't. Then I wake up to an immense sense of relief that it was a dream.

Anyway, last night I had a dream that started the same way. I realized I had gotten back together with her. I started feeling the same old cycle of bad emotions and then I just realized I could break up with her, I wanted to. So I said "fuck that, I'm breaking up with her, I can't wait!". Then I woke up next to my girlfriend and smiled. :) it made me realize that a lot of the fear and trauma has dissipated and she no longer has a hold over me. Hooray! Some good has come of this absolute clusterfuck of a week dealing with her.
 
^ It's weird that the only person I have sex dreams about is my ex-wife, which is kind of ironic because our sex life was the least satisfying of any of the serious relationships I've been in. Maybe it's because we've managed to become friends, whereas I have zero contact with the two women I seriously dated post divorce (the second, while turning out to be a complete psycho, was also a complete nympho - why do those two always seem to go hand in hand)? Anyway, I've been single for over a year and with the exception of an ill-advised one night stand I have been celibate after coming to the realization that I am a supremely fucked up person and I really need to work on myself before I'm in a position to offer a commitment to someone else.

Isn't it amazing too how nasty people can get over pets. I told my ex wife right after I moved out that I was coming over to get my dog next time I was on that side of town in two days, and the NEXT DAY she hits me with a fucking restraining order. I'm sure it was to prevent me from taking the dog.
 
aihfl said:
(the second, while turning out to be a complete psycho, was also a complete nympho - why do those two always seem to go hand in hand)?
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Not always... my girlfriend was absolutely insatiable for the first 2 years of our relationship. Like 6 times in one day was the record. It was totally typical for thrice in a day, waking me up for sex, etc. It's fallen off a lot since then but it's because she's getting older and has developed some issues that reduce her sex drive, but it bothers her a lot. And she's the least crazy woman I've ever dated. :)
 
^ I had a fuck buddy when I was living in Japan. We did five times in one night. It felt like my junk had gone through a meat grinder the next day. With the psycho I described above, we also went five times, but that was over a 24 hr period. Between her and my ex-wife, I will never ever ever ever date another musician, at least a classical musician. The exgf is an opera singer, and I don't know if you've ever spent any time around singers, but of all classical musicians they are the most fucked up. I think because they also have to have a thespian streak and they're always "on" if you know what I mean. She had a jealous streak a mile wide and I stayed in it as long as I could for the sex but I knew it was bound to implode at some point long before it actually happened. She got the benefit of the doubt because I met her kayaking and not on the job, but no musicians period, now. The ex-wife on the other hand was a fucking icebox. Going once was a chore for her. And while we're friends, it always makes me smile when people comment to me on how much weight she's gained.
 
I travel in most of my dreams. Usually to Los Angeles. I swear I have legit dreamed of that place since 2010 when I couch surfed there..

And I always am in some sort of institution thats like some kind of dormitory. Lately there has been a mysterious girl who always plays a part.
 
Wow I just had SO many false awakenings. I woke up for real, couldn't sleep, about 2 hours ago, got up, and took some L-theanine to try to catch a couple more hours of sleep. I dozed off and kept thinking I really woke up. Sometimes I was false awakening in my bed with my girlfriend like in reality, and sometimes it was into other situations. A couple of times I realized I was actually still dreaming and started trying to control it, and then I'd "wake up" and assume it was real and go about starting my morning and then I'd blink and be back in bed. One time I was reading a book but realized my eyes were closed, and if I stopped thinking about it, I could start reading it again, but only with my eyes closed, and it was a really cool story. And then subsequent false awakenings, a little later, I was living the story I had been reading, and I remembered that, but I didn't realize I was dreaming and I thought instead that I had had a prophetic dream earlier.

Wild! 8o
 
It won't be much longer (bit less than a month) and I'll have been clean from heroin for a year. Despite that, I still have frequent dreams of using or trying to get ahold of heroin to use. It's my most common dreams. I'm always back with the friends I'd use with, we're always trying to score. Usually I wake up just before I can use. But still, I'm a little surprised these dreams are still this common.

It's not just drugs though, even when that's not what I'm dreaming about, it's often the case that my dreams seem to be stuck in the time period when I was at the peak of my addition. I know this is a common phenomenon. But I'm a little surprised it hasn't seemed to have gotten any less common after nearly a year.
 
Congrats on that Jess, I've been clean a year in 2 weeks, minus one lapse of a few days.

I agree, I still have using dreams quite often, sometimes thier realistic enough to make me wonder if the sobriety is the dream...
 
After I did ibogaine and got off opiates I had opiate dreams every few days for a couple of years... they gradually decreased in frequency until now they're quite rare. However in my case, I got reprogrammed to where the dreams always only consist of the aftermath of me using, and the shame and guilt and fear and self-loathing, and I wake up like "thank GOD that was a dream, fuck opiates". I'm grateful for that. <3

But yeah, congrats Jess, that's awesome. :) It's been since April 2014 for me. I don't know how successful I would have been without ibogaine to interrupt it for me (and then removing the main source of pain from my life around the same time). I was on them for 10 years, my entire twenties.

I re-read all my entries in this thread this morning when I woke up, it was great to remember some dreams I had forgotten about. :)
 
August 26th, 2018: Ampheta-nugs, Phenibut and Phalse Awakenings

Early this morning I woke up at 7:30 and went back to sleep until 9, and went in and out of vivid dreams. In them, it was always the same storyline and I always thought I was awake. I was at my parents' house and had my oldest friend and brother over and I had just woken up and was happy to take some phenibut (today is a phenibut day). And I also had this unspecified amphetamine analogue, it may have been 4-FEA (I tried that a couple weeks ago, really nice stuff, rolly and not very stimulating). I was really excited to try it, but I had to get to the mailbox and my mom and grandma were there and I didn't want them to know about it. I kept having false awakenings and occasionally actually waking up. Every time I had the false awakenings I would be like, wait, did I already take a scoop of phenibut? Shit, I can't keep track with all this dreaming. I kept not getting to the "amphetamine" but then finally I did. For some reason it looked exactly like little tiny weed buds, but it wasn't. I finally ate some, and got high, it felt really good, pretty much like 4-FEA felt except I was much less coordinated. I was trying to hide it from my mom but I wasn't that concerned. I don't remember everything, a bunch of stuff happened, eventually I was in my grandma's old apartment building and laughing with my brother and my friend because she was talking so loudly that we could hear her and my mom coming in the car from like 3 blocks away (she does talk loud in real life, not THAT loud though obviously =D). Then I had another false awakening where I was positive I was really awake and I was pretty sure I took phenibut the last time I "actually woke up", but couldn't remember. Then I really did wake up and, like usual, it cleared up and I realized all of my confusion about that had been in multilayered dreams, and only now was I actually getting out of bed.

I've been having a lot of multi-layered dreams lately, in fact almost every time I remember my dreams (which has been more often lately since I haven't been able to smoke weed for a month). I also realized that a lot of my dreams involve drugs. But unlike in the past, I often end up actually doing them instead of just trying to, and feeling them, too.
 
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