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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Getting things in line for the end.

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You can have an alcohol problem, even if it didn't count then. It's chicken and egg with rehabs: I think the recovery industry creates addicts. But anyway, you want to try the "weak" angle?

You don't want to seem weak? That's too low a fruit for my late-nite psychotherapy.

And it's bullshit anyway. Who the fuck maintains sobriety for five months just to kill themselves?

(Sorry, I suddenly channelled Dr. Phil there [shudder])
 
TheOpposite, you've come to the right place to air out your feelings, I find that most forums tend to give out trite advice regarding suicide.

@ Scrofula: lol waiting to see the end of Game of Thrones!! I'd like to hold on until The Last of Us 2 comes out for PS4 sometime in the next couple years.

The main thing that has kept me going is setting small little goals in the future, things I would like to do or see. Whenever I'm feeling suicidal, I always tell myself to give it a couple weeks... if there's any semblance of happiness or optimism within that time period, the counter gets reset.
 
I know the days I've been sober because my father texts me it every day. Also I was on Antabuse and knew my pill count etc.
i do feel proud, that I am not addicted to a bottle and shaking like a sad, loser after only a few hours without any. Yeah.
 
TheOpposite said:
I thought some of the people sounded intelligent enough to carry a conversation . . . .
Click to expand...

There's a few people here who can almost do that, yes. It is a ~sophisticated~ site to get advice on how to shoot meth into your eyeball, yes. But the site has a goal of not killing them, unfortunately.
 
Too low a fruit? Alcohol did make me weak because I physically depended on it. That's what's bullshit. I don't want anything in control of my life besides me.
 
starting_over said:
TheOpposite, you've come to the right place to air out your feelings, I find that most forums tend to give out trite advice regarding suicide.

@ Scrofula: lol waiting to see the end of Game of Thrones!! I'd like to hold on until The Last of Us 2 comes out for PS4 sometime in the next couple years.

The main thing that has kept me going is setting small little goals in the future, things I would like to do or see. Whenever I'm feeling suicidal, I always tell myself to give it a couple weeks... if there's any semblance of happiness or optimism within that time period, the counter gets reset.
Click to expand...


Thank you for responding. I am new to this whole thing. But I am from Idaho and needed a way to communicate without the backlash. I don't like how I worded that. I'm tired and my head hurts. So much stress.

Anyway... your suggestion? I have two goals to get done before anything.
 
starting_over said:
I always tell myself to give it a couple weeks... if there's any semblance of happiness or optimism within that time period, the counter gets reset.
Click to expand...

What do you do for those times when you don't have the energy or patience to wait, or the rationalizations pile up?
 
You're begging us to ask what your two goals are, you should share.

(I remember driving through Idaho. It was a straight never-ending highway with steep mountains on both sides and like 150mph winds.)
 
Scrofula said:
Too low a fruit, because lots of people call "ending it" weak.
Click to expand...


every situation differs, I guess is what it boils down to... if a man blew his head off so as to not face prison for raping a minor? That's weak.

Someone taking their own life honestly, as respectfully as they can because of true real unwavering pain? There's nothing weak about it. In fact I do personally believe suicide takes tremendous strength.
 
Scrofula said:
You're begging us to ask what your two goals are, you should share.

(I remember driving through Idaho. It was a straight never-ending highway with steep mountains on both sides and like 150mph winds.)
Click to expand...

Finish school.
Finish my book.

Idaho is beautiful. I strongly suggest traveling it.
 
Scrofula said:
What do you do for those times when you don't have the energy or patience to wait, or the rationalizations pile up?
Click to expand...

Hmm that's a good question.. if the rationalizations really piled up, I wouldn't be here right now. Mostly I abuse prescription drugs or alcohol and see if I feel any better the next day, it's been working for the last 6 years. Seems sort of like a band-aid, but hopefully things turn around with my health and life in general.

TheOpposite said:
every situation differs, I guess is what it boils down to... if a man blew his head off so as to not face prison for raping a minor? That's weak.

Someone taking their own life honestly, as respectfully as they can because of true real unwavering pain? There's nothing weak about it. In fact I do personally believe suicide takes tremendous strength.
Click to expand...

I believe that it takes strength too, but in your case, most will only see it as a mother abandoning her child.

TheOpposite said:
Finish school.
Finish my book.

Idaho is beautiful. I strongly suggest traveling it.
Click to expand...

Hey I'm in school too! Trying to be an RN if my health doesn't keep going downhill
 
OK, so your book blurb, I so hope this wasn't just to get to that, as I've been delaying precious gooning time.

I mean, I hope you're sincere.
 
Nice chat. Both of you. Thank you.
it is past 4am where I am. If either of you care, or are interested I can check back in on this later. If not, I wish you both well. And @starting_over good luck in school.
 
Heartbreaking. I hate that you have to live in severe pain, a lot of people do though. I'm sorry you don't see any other options. Transplant?

As a man that had to grow up without his mom ill tell you it will reshape the person you are. It left me devastated for a very long time. I self medicated and still self medicate to this day because my mind for whatever reason only seems to remember the bad. It recalls shit out of the blue that I desperately want to forget.

Sorry, this thread is not about me.

Are you sure you have exhausted ALL resources?
 
I get it.

I am only alive for my kids. I relapsed on Heroin recently because it was either that or die at my own hand and I couldn't do it to them. Me, I don't care.

As for going to hell. What are your beliefs. From my own, believing in Jesus is the way to heaven. That's it. There is no mention in the bible of what happens to someone when they suicide and nobody knows what happens in someone's last moments. I believe God uses every single opportunity to get someone to turn to him, even the moment of their last breath. Some heavily organised churches believe suicide is an unforgivable sin but there is no way they can know that.

Finish your book, finish school, why? They seem like great goals for a future.

Your daughter, whether you have been her main caregiver or not, lives you as you are her mother and leaving will leave an irreplaceable hole. I feel bad for my kids too as they see me so sad and sick so much of the time and its easy to convince myself they would be better off without me. But they wouldn't....and as little as I think of myself, I do believe their worst day with me would be better than a life without me.

I get it. It's a blackness with seemingly no end.
 
Im a mum too. It seems when you have kids that you become disposable. Your own needs and wants dont matter. Just as long as your kids are happy then what cost you bear is just your problem.

It doesnt have to be that way.

You have to put your health first to be the mum they need.

Im worried about you.

We face similar problems.

Please dont give up. You are what matters to your kids and you should matter to yoursrlf.

Keep your chin up mate. You have to keep on going ok
 
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