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TDS Women vs Men -- I need to voice some thoughts

JessFR said:
Seems like these sorts of comments always assume everyone always meets in a bar setting.

Things aren't all roses over on team nodick, sometimes you don't want guys hitting on you, sometimes you like a guy but the same social etiquette tells you not to make the first move. There are plenty of girls who feel too nervous to approach a guy they like. Not to mention all the pressure girls have over their appearance. Also if you ask my mom, after you get old enough if you're a woman society comes to completly ignore you.

Society fucks us all over with these stupid gender roles. But don't think women have everything in their favor. Me and my best friend are panhandlers. I don't hear him getting guys offering to pay them for sex or offering him somewhere to stay to be their boyfriend like I gotta deal with. I've prostituted myself for money for drugs, but it's never been cause I sought it out as a job. Everytime some asshole tried to take advantage of the fact I'm obviously desperate, and sometimes I've been too desperate to tell them to go get hit by a car and die like I wish they would. and the world is full of predators like them. The point I'm getting at, is what you're talking about is due to differences in sexual motivation and drive between men and women, and it isn't something all to women's benefit, far far from it.
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Thanks for the advice, I definitely need it. I am not doing too bad but my girlfriend of 5 years ran away from me and I've been freaking out over it. I haven't had any practice in years and it is overwhelming being single. I am beginning to understand better. I don't hit on women I just wait for flirting cues and try to do something about it, screw up every time and learn from it. Sorry that you have been desperate like that. I'd never hit up a prostitute for the exact sentiments you posted.

I know for sure that I will never meet my girl in a bar setting, I am too different for that. I never even go to bars since I'm on too many benzos to drink. I didn't meet my last girl that way and when I am out and about town, I talk to girls as much as I can. When I am high on H I am very social like that (I haven't been high in 4 days, I've been thinking about what my past girl is up to and honestly just freaking out she was my first real breakup).

Thanks though. It's more that I'm hysteric at the moment from not having my fix, probably feeling the same desperation you felt when you were taken advantage of. I am sorry that happened to you. Those people = shit.
 
Vazkor said:
I'm 46 (male).
Never played the dating game, cause I suck at it.
There are a lot of girls not playing the game for the same reasons we aren't.
If a girl dumps you because you said one thing wrong, it wasn't the right girl for you anyhow. Be glad you found out then and not after several years of an unhappy relationship.
Girls are people too... when they talk to you they feel the same fear of rejection, fear of being not interesting enough, fear of their dirty secrets just being too dirty, as you are.
Don't think you're hopeless in this area, cause, well... you aren't.

I do think you need to address your benzo/heroin problem. Relations tend to get a bit unstable when these drugs are involved.

Wishing you much love,

Vazkor
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Thanks as well! Wishing you a great day.
 
JessFR said:
Seems like these sorts of comments always assume everyone always meets in a bar setting.

Things aren't all roses over on team nodick, sometimes you don't want guys hitting on you, sometimes you like a guy but the same social etiquette tells you not to make the first move. There are plenty of girls who feel too nervous to approach a guy they like. Not to mention all the pressure girls have over their appearance. Also if you ask my mom, after you get old enough if you're a woman society comes to completly ignore you.

Society fucks us all over with these stupid gender roles. But don't think women have everything in their favor. Me and my best friend are panhandlers. I don't hear him getting guys offering to pay them for sex or offering him somewhere to stay to be their boyfriend like I gotta deal with. I've prostituted myself for money for drugs, but it's never been cause I sought it out as a job. Everytime some asshole tried to take advantage of the fact I'm obviously desperate, and sometimes I've been too desperate to tell them to go get hit by a car and die like I wish they would. and the world is full of predators like them. The point I'm getting at, is what you're talking about is due to differences in sexual motivation and drive between men and women, and it isn't something all to women's benefit, far far from it.
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So, someone offered you money for sex and you accepted... and noone gave your friend money for sex so you consider him lucky for that. No girl, you had a choise your friend never had, that makes you the lucky one. It's not like someone forced you, you had a choise there. As for the drugs desperation that drove you to accept those offers, it has nothing to do with your gender. So yeah, as a girl, you got it easier.
 
A true 'choice' can't be made under duress. I didn't say anything about luck.

Propositioning an obviously desperate person for sex in exchange for money is a despicable act. If they weren't horrible excuses for human beings they wouldn't do it. And if they didn't, people like me wouldn't be put in that position to start with. In short, them doing that is bad. Forgetting that I said yes on rare occasions, the very offer itself is undesirable. And it wouldn't happen to me so much if I were a guy.

So it's s negative experiencre that is gender specific.

The vast majority of people don't want to be propositioned, and neither do I. So me saying yes is irrelevant.
 
Well, to be honest Im a guy and have had propositions for paid sex, so no, even if you were a guy you could get such propositions, but the chanses wouldn't be the same of course. But why is the propotition it self an unwanted expirience? I mean, you can just ignore it if you want to. But pls tell me something. Do you think the desperation it self or the paid sex for getting out of it is worse?
 
Second that. I actually worry about having those propositions as a guy too. I'm a good looking man I'm sure a bunch of dudes would like me to do shit for a bag. Even though I am straight and find the thought fucking repulsive, even if being straight in this case matters all that much. Since you don't want to do it anyway obviously. I like to think I'd say no but when I'm this fuckin desperate and broke? I can't think straight. I understand how it happens. There are lots of male prostitutes and they probably started their "career" when one guy made them an offer they couldn't refuse one day when they were broke and sick. Watch "Brian on the Boulevard" on youtube it's actually a realy good documentary.
 
I agree. Don't listen Jess! I can even see myself doing that in a desperate situation which is fucked being who I am and my personality. Soon I will be making good money again in engineering that's what I keep telling myself. I just need to keep applying when I'm high and functioning. Taking five days off "sick" really isn't helping...
 
What about the double standard of hyper sexuality? If men sleep around with multiple partners they are called players but when women engage in the same behavior they are called sluts or worse.
 
I don't think which is worse is relevant, but in answer I'd probably say the latter. Desperation ends but I'll remember what I did for the rest of my life.

I can ignore someone calling me a thieving junkie whore too but that doesn't make it not negative. If you can't see why it's a negative experience self evidently then I don't think I can explain it. Again I don't think it's relevant either. All that matters is if I and most people would think it is. It objectively being negative or not is irrelevant to the issue.

Yes men are propositioned too, but much less often. Most issues like this that predominantly affect women also happen to guy's to a much lesser extent.
 
I made a similar comment to that a page back. Totally true and something to think about.

The one thing I disagree with Jess about is that it is gender specific. One of my greatest fears in life is being propositioned for sexual acts by a man in exchange for heroin. I can't trust that I'd say no if it was for a lot of heroin like a half ounce or something. And I am sure at one point it will happen being a handsome guy and being so god damned hooked. It will just take some strength to say no - I could never forgive myself for that, especially (in my mind this makes it a lot worse) since I am not gay or bi. I would be kicking myself over it for the rest of my life.

Now, a girl making that same proposition? LOL. I'd probably be all over that even though I am picky. Sounds fun. That's something to think about too, because it would probably never ever happen and the chances of it happening with a guy propositioning a heterosexual male (to prey on him, to get off on degrading him) are soooo much higher. A girl giving you dope to fuck her? Maybe in my dreams... but not in reality. But then the opposite of that is considered just awful (a guy giving a girl dope to screw her). So I guess it is gender specific in a way.
 
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When I say it's gender specific I mean that it's substantially more common. It doesn't have to happen exclusively to women to be something where women are much worse off.

Breast cancer isn't exclusive to women but we consider it a women's health issue.
 
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I honestly think that any male addict is going to come across this proposition though at some point. By some sort of predator guy. And all it really takes is one mistake. I know it's going to happen to me and it scares the shit out of me. I will have to say NO. There are so many male prostitutes out there who are not gay or bi - it's as common as dealing to support your habit, or stealing. That guy on the street corner or on the boulevard. The money is just too good for a lot of guys, and they do it once and it opens the door.
And that is going to fuck a straight guy up for life. I could never ever forgive myself, it's not something I would normally never do. Not to say it doesn't mess with women too, of course it does. But there is something about a straight dude sucking a dick for heroin that is completely fucked up in my mind. I honestly think that every single male heroin addict will either think about this as an option, or be propositioned by some sick bastard fuck of an old man. It doesn't have to be common when you are constantly buying drugs and getting sick.
 
It's on the person I guess. Personaly not having a choise so that I can avoid a bad one is something I'd never want. But everyone is diferent after all. And also, the fact that ctugles tried to defend you,Jess, kinda gives me the hint that I offended you somehow. Im not sure if and how I did that, but often I become dickish without realising it, so sorry if I did that.
 
I'm a straight female and I'd say it's still something I'll hate myself for for life. I'm especially vulnerable to being propositioned cause I panhandle to support my habit. It happens to me all the time but it has yet to happen to my male friend. Again, it's the prevalencey that I'm saying makes it more an issue for women.
 
Yeah like I don't think if you are attracted to that sex matters much if it is a greasy thing for heroin. What if, 7 years down the road into my habit a man propositions me though? Does it really matter, that it took so long? If anything I will be good and solid hooked by then, depressed, fucking miserable and just self loathing and highly vulnerable. After watching Brian on the Boulevard I have honestly thought about it too, like setting myself up with it, which is pretty fucked up to me. I am supposed to be an engineer. I know that I could just as easily get into it if I wanted to - there is probably even more of a demand for men. I bet you, I could find someone in a day if I wanted to.
 
DoctorMolecule said:
What about the double standard of hyper sexuality? If men sleep around with multiple partners they are called players but when women engage in the same behavior they are called sluts or worse.
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You are completely right. I get pissed when people judge women for having an active sex life. Like what, is it bad for a woman enjoying the most pleasurefull thing in the world the same time she gives pleasure to someone else while she is not hurting anyone? Sex is so beutifull, but people with stupid social standards fail to see that. And most likely there is kind of jelosy in those people. If they had a better sex life they wouldn't feel the need to judge women that do have that. Plus, they would fuck any of the girls the judge with out any second thoughts given the chance.
 
The discrepancy makes it really hard on some men in my opinion. I can't get shit it's been like 2 years since I've had any sort of good sex and it makes me fucking depressed and feel worthless. It is also the #1 thing fuelling my drug use, because on heroin and klonopin I am not so hurt by it, I don't spend my days crying my eyes out staring at a wall. I'm happy then. Being as good looking as I am, if I was a chick this just wouldn't be a problem because at this point I just need it. Although there is still compatibility to take into account and you have to find the right match it is way the fuck easier when guys are all over you (I'm just saying if I was an equally attractive female, guys would be all over me, and I'm lucky to flirt with maybe one girl a week if that). And can't get it. It is the most miserable aspect of my life. It is worse than my chronic pain, heroin and benzo addicts, borderline disorder, and panic disorder fucking combined. I can't get shit and I fucking TRY. God do I god damned try.
The only sex I could get right now is suckin an old mans dick for heroin or oxy. I could do that tonight if I wanted to, put up a craigslist ad and within the hour I'd have a connect.
Girls, I'm not even texting anyone right now. I have zero prospects. It's pathetic. It makes me feel like a worthless bag of shit. I have zero prospects and when hot women flirt with me like they did this spring I just didn't know what the fuck to do, they would stop talking to me with no explanation after great conversation if I just said one wrong thing. I cannot even describe how fucking worthless it makes me feel and it impacts every single aspect of my life, from my drug use to my career to my friends and family life to even my ability to find a good girl. It has made me depressed. I try really hard, I strike up conversations with women as much as I possibly can. I have always been this way, I'm just not that guy I guess. It makes me want to fucking kill myself to be honest. It makes me downright suicidal. I am 6'1 200lbs great looking good guy and I am going to be an engineer running my own company one day, I should NOT have this problem. I should NOT and it is just god damned HELL. It's the whole reason I even touched drugs! I am not even a drug person, I just need to escape. I don't give a fuck about experimenting.
I can't see myself being a good looking girl who does yoga 3 hours a day and is a vegetarian like me, having this problem. It's a miserable fucking hell and heroin or not I cry myself to sleep every night. And to be honest I really think that it will be the death of me. It haunts me constantly, and I honestly think that I am going to shoot myself up with a lethal dose over it. I feel completely worthless compared to other men, and I'm not. I'm a god damned engineer I should be able to get a girl but I'm just a piece of fucking throwaway genetics trash I guess. And I do have the confidence, just not the social skills.

I literally spend half of my existence crying my eyes out over this, so there is a problem. I know I'm going to kill myself, that's why it's no problem for me to go from sniffing to shooting afghan #4. I overdose off this pure shit as it is and all it takes is one hit too large. I know this, and I just want it to be over. I can't take it anymore. I have been out of heroin for 5 days, during this time I haven't left my basement and I've been slashing my arms with scissors until there are cuts all over whenever I think about how fucking worthless I am too useless to hit up a girl I like.
 
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ShroomySatori said:
The discrepancy makes it really hard on some men in my opinion. I can't get shit it's been like 2 years since I've had any sort of good sex and it makes me fucking depressed and feel worthless. It is also the #1 thing fuelling my drug use, because on heroin and klonopin I am not so hurt by it, I don't spend my days crying my eyes out staring at a wall. I'm happy then. Being as good looking as I am, if I was a chick this just wouldn't be a problem because at this point I just need it. Although there is still compatibility to take into account and you have to find the right match it is way the fuck easier when guys are all over you (I'm just saying if I was an equally attractive female, guys would be all over me, and I'm lucky to flirt with maybe one girl a week if that). And can't get it. It is the most miserable aspect of my life. It is worse than my chronic pain, heroin and benzo addicts, borderline disorder, and panic disorder fucking combined. I can't get shit and I fucking TRY. God do I god damned try.
The only sex I could get right now is suckin an old mans dick for heroin or oxy. I could do that tonight if I wanted to, put up a craigslist ad and within the hour I'd have a connect.
Girls, I'm not even texting anyone right now. I have zero prospects. It's pathetic. It makes me feel like a worthless bag of shit. I have zero prospects and when hot women flirt with me like they did this spring I just didn't know what the fuck to do, they would stop talking to me with no explanation after great conversation if I just said one wrong thing. I cannot even describe how fucking worthless it makes me feel and it impacts every single aspect of my life, from my drug use to my career to my friends and family life to even my ability to find a good girl. It has made me depressed. I try really hard, I strike up conversations with women as much as I possibly can. I have always been this way, I'm just not that guy I guess. It makes me want to fucking kill myself to be honest. It makes me downright suicidal. I am 6'1 200lbs great looking good guy and I am going to be an engineer running my own company one day, I should NOT have this problem. I should NOT and it is just god damned HELL. It's the whole reason I even touched drugs! I am not even a drug person, I just need to escape. I don't give a fuck about experimenting.
I can't see myself being a good looking girl who does yoga 3 hours a day and is a vegetarian like me, having this problem. It's a miserable fucking hell and heroin or not I cry myself to sleep every night. And to be honest I really think that it will be the death of me. It haunts me constantly, and I honestly think that I am going to shoot myself up with a lethal dose over it. I feel completely worthless compared to other men, and I'm not. I'm a god damned engineer I should be able to get a girl but I'm just a piece of fucking throwaway genetics trash I guess. And I do have the confidence, just not the social skills.

I literally spend half of my existence crying my eyes out over this, so there is a problem. I know I'm going to kill myself, that's why it's no problem for me to go from sniffing to shooting afghan #4. I overdose off this pure shit as it is and all it takes is one hit too large. I know this, and I just want it to be over. I can't take it anymore. I have been out of heroin for 5 days, during this time I haven't left my basement and I've been slashing my arms with scissors until there are cuts all over whenever I think about how fucking worthless I am too useless to hit up a girl I like.
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woaa chill m8. Yeah girls can get laid just by looking good, but it doesn't work like that for as. You need the right attidute to atract them. For fuck sake, don't kill your self for that. Find a way to improve your attitude, fix your confidence problems and GIVE IT TIME. Planing to kill your self for not having a chick is not the kind of attitude that will help attract girls. You gotta learn how to be ok with your self first.
 
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