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Sober Living Social Thread

Oh yeah, I gotcha, I mean I must have had my wires crossed for thinking you were in CO. I was questions what Two_in_the_pink's comment was all about.

Busy week CH?
 
heya guys. just found this thread. going on blue light and reading about drugs and use is a guilty pleasure of mine in my sobriety, and I am psyched to have found this! I constantly have justified my reading on here by blaming it on the fact you guys are all so chill 8)

this is my first time getting sober. I am 21 and in a sober living in Utah. I've been thinking a bit about how I could probably drink like a gentleman or moderately. or just smoke pot. Or just get a casual gabapentin prescription >.< but then on the other hand if I really need to drink or smoke pot, I'm definitely a drug addict. I'm not thinking about going back out. I have a solid recovery, I worked the steps, I have sober friends, I have hobbies I love. It is just the ''alcoholic'' mind playing with me, I think. I know without a doubt I am an alcoholic and drug addict. But part of me wants to test the waters. if I had 93 days in rehab and five months sober after that ahead of me instead of behind me, I would definitely give it a go.

Do any of you share reservations like me? having gotten sober before realizing that you actually had an addiction, like, explicitly? I really did not know that I had an addiction. my use was very extreme and sporadic, i.e. 120 1 mg etizolam in two days, 3-4 days just taking my lyrica and ambien at high doses. (edit: of course this is addict behavior, I think. but honestly the thought never crossed my mind in a clear way. I was too concentrated on my own self pity I think.)

I am leaps and bounds better than I was, as I realize now that I was depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. ive been sober since may of 16, and I still suffer from anxiety that I think Is worse than average, but I think I can deal with it better than average! what can I say, I'm unique? :sus: just kidding. though it is extremely difficult for me to realize that others around me could share a similar experience to the one that I have. one of my defects I suppose is comparing my insides to others outsides! also being super entitled and also a jealous dickhead. :) congrats on having found this fourm. I'm guessing, it is not for no reason. :) and my guess is better than most! :p
 
thejbon said:
heya guys. just found this thread. going on blue light and reading about drugs and use is a guilty pleasure of mine in my sobriety, and I am psyched to have found this! I constantly have justified my reading on here by blaming it on the fact you guys are all so chill 8)

this is my first time getting sober. I am 21 and in a sober living in Utah. I've been thinking a bit about how I could probably drink like a gentleman or moderately. or just smoke pot. Or just get a casual gabapentin prescription >.< but then on the other hand if I really need to drink or smoke pot, I'm definitely a drug addict. I'm not thinking about going back out. I have a solid recovery, I worked the steps, I have sober friends, I have hobbies I love. It is just the ''alcoholic'' mind playing with me, I think. I know without a doubt I am an alcoholic and drug addict. But part of me wants to test the waters. if I had 93 days in rehab and five months sober after that ahead of me instead of behind me, I would definitely give it a go.

Do any of you share reservations like me? having gotten sober before realizing that you actually had an addiction, like, explicitly? I really did not know that I had an addiction. my use was very extreme and sporadic, i.e. 120 1 mg etizolam in two days, 3-4 days just taking my lyrica and ambien at high doses. (edit: of course this is addict behavior, I think. but honestly the thought never crossed my mind in a clear way. I was too concentrated on my own self pity I think.)

I am leaps and bounds better than I was, as I realize now that I was depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. ive been sober since may of 16, and I still suffer from anxiety that I think Is worse than average, but I think I can deal with it better than average! what can I say, I'm unique? :sus: just kidding. though it is extremely difficult for me to realize that others around me could share a similar experience to the one that I have. one of my defects I suppose is comparing my insides to others outsides! also being super entitled and also a jealous dickhead. :) congrats on having found this fourm. I'm guessing, it is not for no reason. :) and my guess is better than most! :p
Click to expand...

Damn, dude...that's awesome that you've been sober since last May! But also, damn, dude...it sounds like you're pretty rough on yourself. To each his own. But it strikes me that you've got a lot to be very proud of, and I say, own that!

Part of the reason I brought up being tough on yourself is that it sounds like you've got a good amount of time in AA/NA under your belt. I'm also active in NA. But there are plenty of things about NA that really make me cringe. And the fellowship's habit of self-flagellation is one of those things. Now, obviously, how you handle your recovery is 100% up to you. But I (gently) encourage you to consider a lighter touch when it comes to criticizing yourself. I'm sure that in fact you ARE unique. And regardless of your character defects, I also encourage you to let yourself meditate on your character assets, too. The fact that you posted on SL suggests that you're both inquisitive and brave (those first posts on BL can be intimidating).

Sorry for the rant. I know you didn't ask for it. There are many things I love about NA. But I feel strongly that NA some of the ways NA aims to humble us amount to humiliation. And unless you really benefit from that, I always like to encourage folks to claim a bit of personal space to feel good about themselves and their achievements. That doesn't mean leave AA/NA or other support behind...I only intend it to mean exactly what it says.

As to your questions about reservations, yes, I certainly have them, and I think many folks here on SL do too. That detracts precisely nothing from our (and your) achievements, though. I just try to be honest about my reservations. Yes, I often wonder if I really want to clean up at all. I occasionally chat up old connects b/c I don't want the relationships to die, just in case. Shit, at various points I've actually tested the waters...relapses of various kinds, substituting drugs for my DOC. Yep, reservations all over the place. But the presence of these reservations in my mind doesn't make it any less clear what I need to do if I want to get well.
 
thejbon said:
heya guys. just found this thread. going on blue light and reading about drugs and use is a guilty pleasure of mine in my sobriety, and I am psyched to have found this! I constantly have justified my reading on here by blaming it on the fact you guys are all so chill 8)

this is my first time getting sober. I am 21 and in a sober living in Utah. I've been thinking a bit about how I could probably drink like a gentleman or moderately. or just smoke pot. Or just get a casual gabapentin prescription >.< but then on the other hand if I really need to drink or smoke pot, I'm definitely a drug addict. I'm not thinking about going back out. I have a solid recovery, I worked the steps, I have sober friends, I have hobbies I love. It is just the ''alcoholic'' mind playing with me, I think. I know without a doubt I am an alcoholic and drug addict. But part of me wants to test the waters. if I had 93 days in rehab and five months sober after that ahead of me instead of behind me, I would definitely give it a go.

Do any of you share reservations like me? having gotten sober before realizing that you actually had an addiction, like, explicitly? I really did not know that I had an addiction. my use was very extreme and sporadic, i.e. 120 1 mg etizolam in two days, 3-4 days just taking my lyrica and ambien at high doses. (edit: of course this is addict behavior, I think. but honestly the thought never crossed my mind in a clear way. I was too concentrated on my own self pity I think.)

I am leaps and bounds better than I was, as I realize now that I was depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. ive been sober since may of 16, and I still suffer from anxiety that I think Is worse than average, but I think I can deal with it better than average! what can I say, I'm unique? :sus: just kidding. though it is extremely difficult for me to realize that others around me could share a similar experience to the one that I have. one of my defects I suppose is comparing my insides to others outsides! also being super entitled and also a jealous dickhead. :) congrats on having found this fourm. I'm guessing, it is not for no reason. :) and my guess is better than most! :p
Click to expand...

Greetings and welcome to BL and SL thejbon!

Have you considered starting your own Recovery Journal thread in SL? It would almost certainly help guarantee you more feedback on your questions. If you'd like I can just move your post here (and sim's response to it) into a new thread for you, or you can create one yourself.

Glad to have you on board (pun intended)! :)
 
Thank you CH. I've actually been on here for
a few years, every time I was dopesick (hundreds of times) , reading a lot of your posts especially. First time posting. I hope you are doing better, because you sounded pretty depressed for awhile there (although the posts are fairly old now). I checked out this thread because I found many of the others to be triggering.
Just trying to hear about how people live sober, because I just keep relapsing over and over, and I'm trying to find some positivity and hopefully some uplifting posts. I'm on day two, and I just can't go back, which happens as soon as some of the withdrawals subside. I'm sure many can relate.
 
Evenin' comrades,

I'm an alcoholic in recovery (a bit over a year) & think I look forward to chatting with people about various aspects - particularly the intangible stuff like acceptance, empowerment, ego/humilty, forgiveness, gratitude, anxieties, self-belief, all that jazz.

One thing is though, that I'm not - through choice - sober of some other things all the time. I know some folks find it best to steer clear of anything at all, but I've never had the slightest problem with the other things, so as long as I'm sensible I'm confident I can toke and have the occasional bit of mandy without issue.

Without meaning to sound defensive (!) but I'm not looking to debate the choice right now tbh - detailing what I've learned about myself etc is too much like hard work tbh (and probably as boring for everyone to read as it would be for me to type) - suffice to say that I don't take my sobriety for granted, and an intensive course of CAT is invaluable to me. I'm more after a feel, before I jump straight in with both feet, as to how the SL forum views that version of sober living? Don't want to accidentally piss a load of people off :) %)

Peace n love y'all
 
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