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How High Are You? v. America's in flames, take all the drugs, this is not a test

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In order for today:

Coffee
50mg methadone
6% abv 12oz spiked seltzer
Coffee just an hour ago w/ my mom

Listening to podcasts in my bed, but debating on going to buy a 25oz can to end the night. Should be speedballing tomorrow if all goes as planned.
 
Coffee
50mg methadone

Going out soon to get the ingredients the recipe for a speedball calls for ;) yeah, I know it's only 2 essentials. I haven't done anything non-prescribed (other than alcohol) in almost 2 weeks and I came up on some cash yesterday so I'll treat myself after I take a piss test this afternoon.
 
earlier it was 1 bag (insufflated) and some weed. last couple bags of my stash, almost out.

Used my last unused rig last night. I'm making a resolution to stop being an IV user. Baby steps...not resigning myself to sobriety, just that I'm going to stop the IV usage, I think that is definitely doable on my part, long-term IV is just not a smart idea IMO...I hate how its seen by other people and I don't want to hurt myself
 
40 millzo grams of some super, extremely, 100% pure oxy lol. Feeling very nice and numb and happy.
 
*Please forgive me for the stimulant-fueld lengthy post. Similar desire to type as my amphetamine induced HYPERGRAPHIA-https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergraphia
^ interesting shit for those who experience it
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For some reason, I had a significantly more difficult time than usual waiting the 5 hours (12:00 noon to 5:00 PM) between the time that I copped (got my supplies ahead of time like the good little proactive drug user I am) and the time that I had my urine screen.

In fact, I potentially might have fucked myself over due to the fact that rather than wait till 5:00 PM to do the speedball I pre-prepped at 3:45 PM, I decided to tempt fate by doing my first speedball at 4:57 PM which was just minutes before I thought I'd be taking my urine, and risk the dirty based on a lab report I read about how fast it takes for various drugs to become detectable in urine via GCMS testing.

I thought that I would have taken my piss for the screen by 5:07 (roughly 10 minutes after doing my speedball, but between the guy who was the pecker checker taking longer than anticipated to fill out my paperwork and myself having difficulty getting my stream going, it was probably about 5:20 before I got my urine in the cup ready to go. That's a little too close for comfort for me and I have my fingers crossed that my stupidity and lack of patience doesn't leave me with a dirty urine.

Anyway, my intake today in order...

2 cups Coffee
Vitamin B complex for energy
50mg methadone
2 decent sized speedballs (.25g dope/fent in each)
1 smaller speedball (poor quantifying of the coke I know, but I'm not good with eyeballing the coke powder and tbh am not even sure how much product are in this guy's bags; I get a lot of bang for the buck for sure though)

Got a shot or 2 of coke left and like .25g dope left. Not sure when I'll use 'em. For now I'm chilling in my bed listening to podcasts.
 
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100mg methadone coffee and two joints I rolled up with the last of the quater ounce I got yesterday
 
340mg oxy, 180mg morphine, 5mg lorazepam, 24mg bromazepam & 20mg diazepam. About to spark a fat doobie, been a long time (over a month) since I smoked any weed. This is gonna get me so baked!

=D
 
yerba mate + unknown amount of kratom (i never weigh out my doses, just usually keep taking spoonfuls, this time was 2 large spoonfuls) which got me decently buzzed, especially since i smoked a fat bowl of true sour diesel, such a good strain, i wonder what the stuff that's not "true" is because sour d never did much for me before. Want to add cacao but don't want to be overstimmed.
 
Well on top of my daily methadone dose ive also eatin three magic mushrooms wavy caps my friend picked and have taken several large tokes of methamphrtamine
Only drugs that begin with the letter M lol .......this drugs session brought to you by the letter M
 
Been doing too much dope this week for my taste, just pushing the limits of what I'm comfortable with using every day ya know? But I was sick as fuck and then recovering so I'm trying to cut myself a little slack.

ot: dope dabs joints RSO
 
Nothing this morning but coffee...I ran through 2 bundles of dope in a week's time, this is my first morning of sobriety...

I left a bunch of torn wax papers in a old cup. Yesterday I noticed that my mother had taken the cup and cleaned it...I like to kid myself that she didn't take a closer look at the shredded paper that was in there (with fucking stamp markings on them) but I know she's not stupid. GOD! She didn't say anything about it though. One of the bags still had a little powder left in it...that was gone too. :(

When I bought that stuff, one of the dealers called me back into the house and showed me a big bag full of "base rock". I said no, I don't do that kind of thing, after which he voiced his opinion that I may be affiliated with LE. I said no, opened my jacket to show I didn't have a vest or a wire or a gun or whatever, thankfully he dropped the subject. That situation could've gone very wrong, although I suspect that he may have just been trying to "haze" me after I told him that I didn't want any of his shit.

That situation was insane, there was a steady flow of users flowing in and out of several run-down, stripped-of-all-furniture residences in a row. I was sold dope in plain sight right on the street by some black dude in a mask, no one was giving a shit. Some people are obviously very comfortable buying dope in such a situation, I'm still not used to it...I think it's similar to why some people like going trawling for prostitutes in the ghetto, the "thrill" of breaking the law in an open setting, but for me...I'd like to keep my chances of getting found wrapped in a tarp on the side of I-95 or going to county to a minimum

May be time for another period of relative sobriety
 
Felonious Monk said:
^maybe it's the fact that I clearly don't have it all together myself, but you seem to do fine day-to-day from where I'm sitting. I mean, you have a job that you seem to go to and a place to live that wasn't with your parents. That's kinda the basics imo.

Been kinda feeling the same way myself though. I'm hoping that a major change of scenery is gonna help, Emerald Triangle is about as far psychically/environmentally as you can be from LA and still be in California.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much for the kind words, dawg. I support you moving to a slower paced place of life if you want it. I'm rural raised and there's a lot that's great about it. No traffic ever, supreme privacy, the list goes on.
Below is a summary of the bullshit I've been muttering too much about recently.

[WARNING #2: PERSONAL BORING SHIT]

During my vacation back east I was diving too deep into the bottle and wound up essentially freaking out about the cognitive dissonance I've had since age 23. I've always been a Type B personality, convinced that life isn't about work and that money should never matter to me. At the same time, chicks don't dig broke dudes and everyone wants to have expendable income. Five years later, after moving laterally on payscales between jobs and telling myself I don't need financial success (when I do), the cognitive dissonance had grown too much. It was causing me to chase escapism via alcohol CONSTANTLY this past year. I want to live comfortably without checking my bank account before buying milk and always afford fun things whenever I please. Dealing drugs like I once did ain't attractive anymore. The good news is that I've finally found what I'm good at. By Spring 2018 I'll have the certifications under my belt to make that comfortable amount of $$$ and start living the life I want to. It's not tomorrow, but it's close enough that I'm able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope to never go into this much detail about my own psychology and broke-ass on the internet ever again ;) Too fucking embarrassing.

On Topic: Today I'm drinking coffee with crumbs of banjo, watching another snowstorm assault the PNW - climate change bitches - and contemplating a drift session. Lemons to lemonade.

 
^Good jod on finding something you enjoy doing which also brings you that much needed dolla' bill. Definitely not an easy thing to do.

Took some white vein kratom for the 2nd time in my life, it might be a bit more euphoric than green and red vein. I'm rolling a morning spliff of some very dank weed, properly cured.

I also kind of want to take some meth (not really a craving) but I don't feel like taking benzos and I need to sleep tonight for sure. I'll think about it after smoking the spliff.

EDIT: so I took 1 line and won't redose (hopefully), that was exactly 1h ago.
 
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Just kratom, maybe a little klonopin if this anxiety persists. (I missed BL so I had to come visit.)

Drank PPT last night and I'm fairly certain I came close to overdoing it. Even this morning I still felt like I was gonna fall out. I'll take that as a stiff reminder to keep away from the shit like I've been trying to do.

Have a good day yall
 
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