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How High Are You? v. America's in flames, take all the drugs, this is not a test

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Took my first paid sick day from the gig today to catch up on sleep and chores...I work in a fast paced, competitive, and intense corporate job and it takes it's toll on your brain and body.... Took the last few days off of Adderall and it's amazing how it ZAPS the life out of you...

-90mgs Adderall IR total (60mg upon waking and 30mg 3 hrs later)
-Haven't taken any Clonazepam yet today but will take 3mg before bed.
-Rolled up a 3 gram blunt for tonight which contains God's Gift, Banana Green Crack, Grapefruit--I also slopped some Bubba Shatter hash on the blunt before adding the flowers, and then also added .25 a gram of Super Blue Dream carbon dioxide wax on top of the sticky string of shatter.
-3x IM injections of 1000mcgs of BPC-157 in right deltoid and left thorax.
-125mgs Testosterone Propionate
-125mgs Masteron Propionate
-75mgs Proviron
-Pre-workout injection of Testosterone with no ester (TNE), and some injectable dianabol and anadrol...INSANE WORKOUT!
-50mgs MK-677
 
rolllinlikeroyce said:
Kinda off topic so skip if you want:

Sup everyone. Not sure if many of you remember me. It's been a really long time since I've been on here. A lot of majorly traumatic events have happened to me in the last six months.

I moved into a new house with my best friend S in June. It was everything we could have asked for. It wasn't the nicest place but we finally had our own crib. My friend got into some questionable activity (I'm sure you can guess) and ended up becoming a target for people to rob.

A month after we lived there, someone broke into his room and stole 9 grand while he was gone. Months of hard work down the drain.

Not a month after that, our house got raided. He lost even more with that one and now faces serious charges. I got charged with paraphernalia...

The next month, we became the target of a home invasion. Two ghetto ass motherfuckers forced my friend inside, beat the shit out of us with guns and lost a lot of valuables. They took our phones, keys, and wallets, and left us stranded at 2am in our home.

Two months later, a couple weeks ago. On Christmas Eve, he and I decided to take some acid with our other good friend L. And he decided to pop ~15 super strong pressed Xanax pills to abort his trip. He was awake for hours still in a horrifyingly delirious state. L and I were really scared because he had been depressed and was talking about ending things in a very vague way. Eventually he passed out. My other friend and I took a few bars to calm down and try to enjoy our trip.

The next morning, the other friend L, took my car to get some food but he was still so fucked up he fell out at the wheel and totaled my car. I woke up to the news and was still so fucked up I didn't know what to do. I had to go with L's dad to bail him out of jail.

When I got back, S was on the bed barely breathing. He tried to OD himself with roxis and Xanax, and was unconscious for several hours.

When he woke up he was in an absolute rage. He put the dog out in his car, loaded up his .38 revolver and shot himself in the head without saying anything. L and I ran into the room, and he was bleeding profusely but still alive. We pulled him onto the floor while calling 911, turned him on his side and tried to get him to stop choking on his own blood. I thought he was going to bleed out without a doubt. He struggled to stay alive.

When paramedics and cops got there, they had L and I stand in separate areas. I was still tripping and so barred out that my memory was shot. They kept asking me questions and I'd get the facts straight but not the order or time. The whole thing seemed so surreal. Like I was waiting any moment to wake up.

He's still alive and making slow recovery but he'll never be the same again. That's my best friend. And it happened on Christmas. These last couple weeks have been so difficult. I miss the fuck out of him, we've been best friends since 1st grade. One of the things that's hurt our friendship recently has been our inability to quit roxis. I'm trying to stay clean for him. This is my fifth day without one.

Admittedly I did take some benzos last night to ease my mind and get some sleep, so I guess with further ado-

OT:
3mg Clonazepam
2mg Alprazolam
Bong rips of some pretty good nug

Sorry to bring any negativity to the thread, just had to get some things off my chest.

Peace BLers. Hope all is well with everyone. %)
Click to expand...

Jesus fuck this is blog worthy TRAUMATIC material. How are you now? Take my advice- STOP USING ALL DRUGS FOREVER. It's ok to continue benzos for a while as you definitely will have PTSD (I do from reading this story). Think about it...Every traumatic event that happened in your life was all linked to drugs...Delete that one factor out of your life and live the life of your dreams that you deserve..
 
Felonious Monk said:
Damn rollin, sorry to hear that, that's really rough. I hope you can use it as motivation to make a change, that's all there really is.

Hope everyone is well, I just got word that I got the job I wanted in the Emerald Triangle! Gonna be moving up there in a few weeks--I'm expecting it'll take some getting used to, from the 2nd biggest metropolitan area in the U.S. to one of the most isolated and rural areas of the U.S. Fucking beautiful, and having something I care about means I can feel some of my depression lifting already.

ot: dope and dabs and soon lunch
Click to expand...

That's good, hope you like it. I know all about isolated and rural parts of the USA...there are good things and bad things about that way of life, honestly. Although I've lived in that environment for so long that I'm kind of jaded, if I had a fresh perspective I'd probably appreciate it more.

And yeah, RLR, that is a crazy story. It sounds like your friend made some very poor choices (hard to imagine how it could be otherwise with the burglary/police raid/home invasion in such a short timespan)
 
rolllinlikeroyce said:
Kinda off topic so skip if you want:

Sup everyone. Not sure if many of you remember me. It's been a really long time since I've been on here. A lot of majorly traumatic events have happened to me in the last six months.

I moved into a new house with my best friend S in June. It was everything we could have asked for. It wasn't the nicest place but we finally had our own crib. My friend got into some questionable activity (I'm sure you can guess) and ended up becoming a target for people to rob.

A month after we lived there, someone broke into his room and stole 9 grand while he was gone. Months of hard work down the drain.

Not a month after that, our house got raided. He lost even more with that one and now faces serious charges. I got charged with paraphernalia...

The next month, we became the target of a home invasion. Two ghetto ass motherfuckers forced my friend inside, beat the shit out of us with guns and lost a lot of valuables. They took our phones, keys, and wallets, and left us stranded at 2am in our home.

Two months later, a couple weeks ago. On Christmas Eve, he and I decided to take some acid with our other good friend L. And he decided to pop ~15 super strong pressed Xanax pills to abort his trip. He was awake for hours still in a horrifyingly delirious state. L and I were really scared because he had been depressed and was talking about ending things in a very vague way. Eventually he passed out. My other friend and I took a few bars to calm down and try to enjoy our trip.

The next morning, the other friend L, took my car to get some food but he was still so fucked up he fell out at the wheel and totaled my car. I woke up to the news and was still so fucked up I didn't know what to do. I had to go with L's dad to bail him out of jail.

When I got back, S was on the bed barely breathing. He tried to OD himself with roxis and Xanax, and was unconscious for several hours.

When he woke up he was in an absolute rage. He put the dog out in his car, loaded up his .38 revolver and shot himself in the head without saying anything. L and I ran into the room, and he was bleeding profusely but still alive. We pulled him onto the floor while calling 911, turned him on his side and tried to get him to stop choking on his own blood. I thought he was going to bleed out without a doubt. He struggled to stay alive.

When paramedics and cops got there, they had L and I stand in separate areas. I was still tripping and so barred out that my memory was shot. They kept asking me questions and I'd get the facts straight but not the order or time. The whole thing seemed so surreal. Like I was waiting any moment to wake up.

He's still alive and making slow recovery but he'll never be the same again. That's my best friend. And it happened on Christmas. These last couple weeks have been so difficult. I miss the fuck out of him, we've been best friends since 1st grade. One of the things that's hurt our friendship recently has been our inability to quit roxis. I'm trying to stay clean for him. This is my fifth day without one.

Admittedly I did take some benzos last night to ease my mind and get some sleep, so I guess with further ado-

OT:
3mg Clonazepam
2mg Alprazolam
Bong rips of some pretty good nug

Sorry to bring any negativity to the thread, just had to get some things off my chest.

Peace BLers. Hope all is well with everyone. %)
Click to expand...

I'm very sorry to hear this happened to you, it must have been a very traumatic trip for you.. I'd lay of the psychs for a while, and quitting roxies is probably a good idea too.

OT: 6 days off opiates, with no more steady supply. Feeling depressed as hell and still got some nasty w/d symptoms. But I got a bunch of lorazepam, bromazepam and some diazepam & prazepam. I'll manage to kick it, I hope.
 
Pill2Chill said:
I'm very sorry to hear this happened to you, it must have been a very traumatic trip for you.. I'd lay of the psychs for a while, and quitting roxies is probably a good idea too.

OT: 6 days off opiates, with no more steady supply. Feeling depressed as hell and still got some nasty w/d symptoms. But I got a bunch of lorazepam, bromazepam and some diazepam & prazepam. I'll manage to kick it, I hope.
Click to expand...

Isn't it crazy and irritating that ALL the benzodiazepines and GABA-A and B agonists still aren't enough to smooth out opiate wd to the point where it's semi-manageable?

I actually just took opiates for the first time in 8 months 2 weeks ago..I ate four 7.5mg Hydrocodone and 16 (10mg/325mg) oxycodone in roughly 48 hours, and even just that amount and duration gave me 5 days of withdrawals.. Took 8mg of Clonazepam and still couldn't sleep. After revisiting them after 8 months, opiates just aren't enjoyable for me like they were when I was much younger.
 
Yes, very, I haven't eaten in days and slept maybe 3 hours a night. But it's far from the first time.. I have suboxone but am reluctant to take that tbh. Maybe in a few days, just for a few days, if the w/d hasn't gotten better by then.
 
Feel better everyone... dysphoria among other circumstancial terrors afflicts too many of us. When in doubt... lay off the drugs. That's my motto anyway.

My roommates (awesome as they may be) enabled my alcoholism again today. So I am buzzed. And hoping to regain control soon. It's so very very hard to accept that I no longer have complete control. It's been the hardest thing to accept in my life so far.
 
I had some drinks tonight too. Friend of mine got back from the south and we went out for some drinks...sobering up now, man I don't like booze, hate how it tastes and hate the psychoactive effects. Yet I still drink when offered! I am stupid.

A friend of my friend is someone I don't like, either...tonight I had enough of that dude's shit and just snapped at him. Hate losing control of my emotions like that but sometimes it's necessary...as someone once said, "better to be pissed off than pissed on" :|

Today was actually pretty shitty. I hope tomorrow is better.
 
Pill2Chill said:
Yes, very, I haven't eaten in days and slept maybe 3 hours a night. But it's far from the first time.. I have suboxone but am reluctant to take that tbh. Maybe in a few days, just for a few days, if the w/d hasn't gotten better by then.
Click to expand...

I remember those days..I'm a fitness model too so the constant water retention compounded with the constipation while using would destroy my physique... Then during withdrawals I would look at food and gather all my willpower to shove calories down..The insomnia shit is just nuts...I had to take 20mls of G once to get that much needed REM, and I was NEVER a daily user.
 
Burnt Offerings said:
That's good, hope you like it. I know all about isolated and rural parts of the USA...there are good things and bad things about that way of life, honestly. Although I've lived in that environment for so long that I'm kind of jaded, if I had a fresh perspective I'd probably appreciate it more.

And yeah, RLR, that is a crazy story. It sounds like your friend made some very poor choices (hard to imagine how it could be otherwise with the burglary/police raid/home invasion in such a short timespan)
Click to expand...

Thanks, it's what I think is my "dream job" though I'm not really sure what that is or what that even means anymore. But I've been thinking about Humboldt/Trinity since I visited there last year, so if I can move there and have a job I feel like I should at least try it. If it doesn't work out than it doesn't rule out any of the other possibilities I've been considering lately (going back to school, teaching English abroad, killing myself).

And seriously about your friend RLR, I was in a dark place after getting arrested too, sometimes I think rehab wasn't the worst idea cause at least it was something to do.

high af, didn't go out tonight cause I hate driving in LA in the rain, sorry frands, dope and dabs
 
@rolllinlikeroyce: That is some heavy shit, almost surreal. Hope you can sort it out somehow, it's going to be hard but you should definitely reconsider your life choices.


Kinda forcing myself to eat some snacks. I snorted 3 small lines of meth, the last one was 1h30min ago, also took like 0.125mg of clonazepam.
I cleaned my entire appartment, feel so proud hahah. Going to ride this high for a bit and then I'll eat more clonazepam (and later kratom), clonazepam takes at least 1h to kick in, if not more IME, so I prefer to take it just before the comedown.
 
Rabidrabbit said:
been smoking crack for a few hours and sniffing bags of heroin in between, also klonopin & suboxone probably in my system.

how has everyone been? recognizing a few names....
Click to expand...

Heya! I've been pretty shitty. Got back on the hard opiates and just lost my steady source (dr. retired, he was very generous with scripts).

Anyway, don't wanna be a downer. So how've you been? Haven't seen you post in a long time!
 
Felonious Monk said:
Thanks, it's what I think is my "dream job" though I'm not really sure what that is or what that even means anymore. But I've been thinking about Humboldt/Trinity since I visited there last year, so if I can move there and have a job I feel like I should at least try it. If it doesn't work out than it doesn't rule out any of the other possibilities I've been considering lately (going back to school, teaching English abroad, killing myself).
Click to expand...

Yeah unfortunately I'm familiar with having the "kill myself" option in the ol' backpocket ;)

I didn't spend much time in northern California but I do remember seeing some sketchy tweakers outside a Dollar General in Crescent City, and also a woman who was very visibly intoxicated on methamphetamine in a diner. The impression I got was that the drug scene there looks very tweaky, LOL
 
Thanks for the support guys. This is the biggest eye opener I've had in my entire life. I cut off a lot of good friends when I was focused on nothing but drugs. I'm honestly blessed that they are all still there for me after all of that. I just started something with a really amazing girl who I've wanted to be with for years. She's beautiful inside and out. And I still have my other good friends for me and they have been wonderful. If it wasn't for them I'd be right on the edge of giving up too. Getting through this one day at a time. I miss my dawg everyday but I'll get through it. I've built up a shell of armor after the last few years, I have confidence that I can pull through and make something of myself. It's what my boy would've wanted.

Thanks again for the kind words of encouragement and empathy. Thanks everything y'all. I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. <3
 
I'm glad your luck has turned and that you're in a new relationship. I'm sure that this will help a lot to keep you motivated to stay positive. Good that you haven't let this tragedy drag you down even further, but instead used it to come to important insights to make necessary changes. Nice going man. Keep it up!

ot: Took 4mg sub yesterday and 20mg diazepam on top of my lorazepam & bromazepam. I finally had a long night's sleep. Aside from the waking up soaked in sweat, it was refreshing.
 
So nice to NOT take Adderall. Embarking on a full 90 day break from all stims to reassess as Adderall began to give me the opposite effects in regards to work productivity and maintaining muscle mass...Wish me luck!

-(4) 7.5/325 Hydrocodone - 30mgs total
-1mg Clonazepam
-Joint slabbed with melted shatter and rolled with grapefruit flowers
 
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