How High Are You? v. America's in flames, take all the drugs, this is not a test

[Mmengel89]

Just got 5 grams of weed and just burned three joints to the face

 

[SirTophamHat]

walked 5 miles to pick up enough booze to last me another 12-16h or so. Got some Oskar Blues Ten Fidy and Bell's Two Hearted (if i'm going to kill myself slowly with alcohol i'm gonna drink good shit goddamnit)

Fuck that trek, though. Tomorrow I'm stealing a bike instead no joke. Glad I got my big val stash with me in case shit goes awry, too.

might walk the dog in a bit, for now just listening to ATCQ and trying to drown cognitive dissonance that's been building for far too long.

 

[gmlifer]

walked 5 miles to pick up enough booze to last me another 12-16h or so. Got some Oskar Blues Ten Fidy and Bell's Two Hearted (if i'm going to kill myself slowly with alcohol i'm gonna drink good shit goddamnit)

Fuck that trek, though. Tomorrow I'm stealing a bike instead no joke. Glad I got my big val stash with me in case shit goes awry, too.

might walk the dog in a bit, for now just listening to ATCQ and trying to drown cognitive dissonance that's been building for far too long.

Are you at war with yourself? If your not ready to drown it yet maybe you could tell us and let your drug family help you make a decision.

OT: nothing, nada, zilch. Been fighting a battle to keep myself from spending even more money to cop. I fear my knees are close to buckling and tomorrow may be feel good day.

 

[Pill2Chill]

Sorry about the late replies everyone, I had accidentally skipped the last page so I didn't see it until just now. But here they are, better late than never!

Im your close neighboor from France :D And well its not like the choice of beer in supermarket are really dense in "good beer" around , i love duvel and chimay a lot, there is a store close to me that sell them at really decent price but these last two beers are the kind i can finish pretty drunk after a night sipping them compare to the hoegaarden that is more chill and even cheaper so it for sure became my favorite after some years in all settings even more when it sunny outside but i dont mind that it freezing cold now , it feel quite cosy at home at the moment , but well we can trade place because as for the wine here it cheap and good so i do enjoy a good wine as well sometime, weirdly ill drink more beers though

Aha, un francophone. Well, enchanté.
I'm more of a wine drinker, and you guys definitely have the better stuff when it comes to wine.

Oh, you don't say? It was a joke. I know who captain is and I wish I didn't tbpfh >.>

On topic: I am sober and sleep will most likely be my drug tonight

Well 'xcuse me for missing that joke. I imagine I missed it because it wasn't all that funny.

I love Hoegaarden too. Well, whatever it is they call Hoegaarden here, but hopefully it has something in common with the genuine thing.

OT: 1 mg flubromazolam, 800 mg codeine, 128.35 mg caffeine.

I doubt they can just slap the name on another beer and say it's hoegaarden. Lawsuits would ensue... It is a lovely beer though, for sure.

Why not use subs for the w.d.?

The stuff just doesn't work well for me, for some reason I need to wait 36-48 hours at least after taking a full agonist (yes, a short-acting full agonist like heroin too..). And even then when I take it, it hardly gets rid of the w/d symptoms. Ok, it allows me to get out of bed while otherwise I am bed-ridden. But I still have tons of anxiety, aches and cramps, hot flashes and cold sweats. No sir, it does not make me feel w/d-free at all. It's just not a good medication for me. Unfortunately.. I really wish it was because I have it easily available and doctors prescribe it without too much trouble.. But it just doesn't do the job for me.

Good luck, P2C!! I'm also on the edge of a life-changing scenario (in my case get sober or die trying) It sucks not knowing which way things are going to fall!!

OT: buzzed enough to disregard my life circumstances, not drunk enough to disregard total and complete shame. man, do i hate shame. it can be worse than guilt.

Thank you! I had typed out a really lengthy reply to this but I accidentally closed the tab (destroying my entire post, so all the replies to the other quotes too.. Fml). Gonna try to capture the essence of what I wrote.

I'm glad it will finally be over with the 2 weeks high as a kite on opiates & 2 weeks sick as a dog from detoxing routine. It was destroying my body, but even moreso crushing my soul with severe depressed thoughts that are there even when I have opiates and am 'chemically' happy.

I am going to continue to use H, as I can only score it like 2x a month. Of course I could just buy big amounts on those occasions and get myself into detox every time I cop H (because spreading out my use and making it last is just something that I can't do, but I like to think that I can keep myself from buying large amounts each time, actually I'm pretty confident that I can). I know that buying 1-2g sporadically will make it the most enjoyable, since I'll be able to get high PROPER on my favorite drug class once or twice a month, while never again having to worry about coming off it.

I can't look in the future of course, but I'm pretty confident about this. So I'm crossing my fingers on that it'll all work out.

Good luck to you too on getting sober! Do you mean from alcohol? Or from all drugs?? Either way I wish you the very best of luck with it and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you as well m8. You're a good guy and you deserve to be happy, so here's to hoping it all works out for ya brother.

To a good and more productive 2017 for the both of us!

OT: Ate a lil' morphine. Also took 12mg bromazepam this afternoon and 2,5mg lorazepam earlier this evening. But I fucked up and didn't go to bed right after taking it. :D And now it's 4am all of a sudden. Whoops.

Good night my bl fam. Stay safe everyone.

 

[SirTophamHat]

gmlifer: Nah bro, I just have a lot of problems, and I am ready to drown. In fact it hasn't been wise for me to be so candid on this site.

P2C: Honestly I am not sure what I need to be sober from, and overall I'd rather never be sober, but lately it's more and more obvious that my rate of self destruction has been increasing. I can relate to what you were/are going through, with the yo-yo of being sober and high, and having bad thoughts even when we are chemically fixing/masking our issues. I wish the best for you in your adventures across the pond !!


I think I am going to do my best to cease posting on this site. I am beginning to regret advertising/broadcasting how messed up my day-to-day situation is.

And lastly, to be on topic, I'm filling my brain with GABA by blocking its reuptake so that I can continue to avoid facing reality.

 

[Felonious Monk]

^maybe it's the fact that I clearly don't have it all together myself, but you seem to do fine day-to-day from where I'm sitting. I mean, you have a job that you seem to go to and a place to live that wasn't with your parents. That's kinda the basics imo.

Been kinda feeling the same way myself though. I'm hoping that a major change of scenery is gonna help, Emerald Triangle is about as far psychically/environmentally as you can be from LA and still be in California. I don't have the job 100% yet but it seems pretty certain, my friend really wants to hire me and the job seems perfect for me. I don't think I'll live out on the ranch though, bit too isolated for me. But I may get a place with my buddy and we'll grow in an extra bedroom (and outside if we can). Either way, way more nature than southern ca.

P2C: I'm sorry about your doc, but it seems good you'll be making a change.

ot: dope and dabs and joints and bong rips oh my

 

[gmlifer]

gmlifer: Nah bro, I just have a lot of problems, and I am ready to drown. In fact it hasn't been wise for me to be so candid on this site.

P2C: Honestly I am not sure what I need to be sober from, and overall I'd rather never be sober, but lately it's more and more obvious that my rate of self destruction has been increasing. I can relate to what you were/are going through, with the yo-yo of being sober and high, and having bad thoughts even when we are chemically fixing/masking our issues. I wish the best for you in your adventures across the pond !!


I think I am going to do my best to cease posting on this site. I am beginning to regret advertising/broadcasting how messed up my day-to-day situation is.

And lastly, to be on topic, I'm filling my brain with GABA by blocking its reuptake so that I can continue to avoid facing reality.

I hope whatever you are dealing with comes to an abrupt and satisfying end. I always enjoy reading your post so hopefully if you do take a break it's a short one. Good luck sir!!!! And may the force be with you.

 

[Mmengel89]

Coffee and 100mg methadone

 

[Pill2Chill]

gmlifer: Nah bro, I just have a lot of problems, and I am ready to drown. In fact it hasn't been wise for me to be so candid on this site.

P2C: Honestly I am not sure what I need to be sober from, and overall I'd rather never be sober, but lately it's more and more obvious that my rate of self destruction has been increasing. I can relate to what you were/are going through, with the yo-yo of being sober and high, and having bad thoughts even when we are chemically fixing/masking our issues. I wish the best for you in your adventures across the pond !!


I think I am going to do my best to cease posting on this site. I am beginning to regret advertising/broadcasting how messed up my day-to-day situation is.

And lastly, to be on topic, I'm filling my brain with GABA by blocking its reuptake so that I can continue to avoid facing reality.

Same here bro. Now I feel like all I do is whine on here. But what's done is done I suppose. On the "bright" side, your posts on the subject have often helped me by making me not feel so alone with my problems.. And that has meant a lot for me many times. So despite you (and me both) regretting posting about it, it has made me feel less lonely many times.. So for that I thank you in any case.

If complete sobriety is your goal, then (eventhough I'd miss your presence here quite a bit) I agree it's best not to visit BL, more specifically DC too often, or even at all. I don't like giving you this advice because I'd miss your posts, but unfortunately it's the truth... So yeah..

OT: Ate some morphine (210mg XR) and did a small amount of amphetamines (~30-50mg). I took it to feed my needle fetish more than an actual craving for the drug. =/ Oh well.

 

[EphemeralOutlet141]

10mg dex/amp and hopelessness

A big part of why I want to start limiting my overzealous use of drugs is because like you guys said, no matter how much I do I still feel just as emotionally guilty and depressed and ashamed.

I thought staying medicated and burying my old shitty self was the answer but sadly it is not, and I'm naive for believing so. I want to slowly detox and use for recreation very occasionally. I'd even got so far as to give all my shit to my girlfriend, who has already tremendously helped me realize so much.

I just don't see a point to it any more. But I'm sure it's gonna be a Ouroboros (?) type situation and I'll be back at it again eventually. Such is fucking life. Good buddy is already offering me 30 oxys.

I wish you guys luck. Hopefully I get some too.

/end stim rant

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I'm sorry to hear that people here are struggling. Sometimes an absence from drugs and "drug culture" is something needed...you can always come back to it I know that, for me personally, having an extended tolerance break from May-September is invaluable for keeping me on an even keel.

 

[razordesignz]

Good island ipa, oxy soma, minor thx librium and ativan idk about the maker of the ativan 2's major pharmaceuticals never had them. I'm in a low nod from all ways

 

[EphemeralOutlet141]

I'm sorry to hear that people here are struggling. Sometimes an absence from drugs and "drug culture" is something needed...you can always come back to it I know that, for me personally, having an extended tolerance break from May-September is invaluable for keeping me on an even keel.

I was contemplating the same things for a bit today on the toilet. I think that's what I need. I'm in no way blaming any part of BL, but I've become too immersed in it and drugs themselves.

I still want to use but it needs to be a much smaller part of my life. No more "fuck it"s; only in specific situations. I just feel like the person in the driver's seat is slowly being replaced and a bad addiction is getting worse. (Along with new ones forming.)

That being said, I'm on these drugs ?
15mg oxy
1mg clonazepam SL
Remnants of that 10mg dexamp

 

[Burnt Offerings]

^ sounds like a good pharm cocktail to me

OT: line of gray powder dope into the ol' sinus, on top of some cannabis smoked earlier. feelsgoodman.jpg

 

[EphemeralOutlet141]

^ sounds like a good pharm cocktail to me

OT: line of gray powder dope into the ol' sinus, on top of some cannabis smoked earlier. feelsgoodman.jpg

Wish I woulda taken em at all at once, but there's time for that later This is my weekend, my designated "fuck it time".

Oxy is pretty damn good, I'm not disappointed. I got a decent high off of just the 15mg can't wait to try a bit more.

 

[Tryptamino]

eyeballed approximately 3g white vein maeng da kratom for breakfast, along with a few raw cacao beans, a kombucha, and some hashish.

feel very..

very...

good.

also day 3 no tobacco, so that might have a thing to do with it.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

He has gotten and remained clean from H for a pretty long time now, I don't think some DXM, let alone THC would cause many problems compared to heroin.

@c.h what kinda doses of dxm do you take?

Whatever the box said because I am sick

Can't find robitussin cough and cold gels anymore so I probably will never have an intense dxm trip again

Last time was a few years ago, I was in buprenorphine withdrawal and took 600mg dxm. Or was it 1200mg? It was two overdose those bottles of cough and cold gels.

I puked and felt dead for a while. Lots of introspection.

I have over 2 years off bupe.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

15mg X 20 ct. Per bottle would be 600mg for 2 bottles.

 

[RDP89]

Whatever the box said because I am sick

Can't find robitussin cough and cold gels anymore so I probably will never have an intense dxm trip again

You can order them off the internet, that's what I used to do. The generic ones are cheaper, too.

 

[Felonious Monk]

Had a little flare-up yesterday into today and felt like absolute death. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. Even opiates, zofran, and dabs don't help, just needs 24 hours.