Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Nice vortech, it feels so much better when you can spend your work time doing stuff you are really into. And also making a lot more than minimum wage. 
Sometimes you gotta make some hard or nerve-wracking decisions in order to make positive changes.
I just had one of the most fun weekends of all time. Saturday night was absolutely epic. Saw my friend's show in Raleigh, it was their best set I've seen yet, and I knew SO MANY people there, it was crazy. Met a bunch more too. I was having bumps of 3-MeO-PCP throughout, and some phenibut, and beers, and I reached this place of complete fearlessness. Hanging out with random people, in and out of the green room where all sorts of shenanigans were going down. I danced with a bunch of people, co-invented a new foot-shake, smoked weed with this dude that started telling me all about how he was about to get 100 pounds of it, got my ass grabbed a lot. Got propositioned by 2 different couples about some swinging-style action, one of them was this couple who has been married 10 years and has 3 kids, and this was their first time out in years, the other was my friend's cousin's girlfriend (they both have sex with whoever they feel like, actually that night he took MDMA and kept asking me to sit in his lap, so who knows where some sort of group thing with them would have ended up, might have gotten a little weird for me
But actually I think she just wanted to have sex with me alone). I didn't go with any of it since I love my girlfriend and we're monogamous, it actually wasn't even difficult, which surprised me because I find my friend's cousin's girlfriend very sexy, but it was really flattering. Afterwards I got a hotel room and the band came over, but somehow word got out and a whole bunch of people showed up. Everyone was totally respectful but the noise level got really high and there were drugs in there and so forth, and it was under my name, so I got pretty nervous but people cleared out and just a handful of people were left and it turned out fine. This guy who just moved to where I live brought some coke and me and a couple of my friends and him stayed up all night doing it and talking about anything and everything... exchanged numbers, he wants to jam and hike and generally hang out, that guy was awesome so I'll definitely take him up on it. Also he asked me to join the band he represents, or at least try out for it, which was the main act of the show (my friend's band was opening although they were the highlight to be honest). This other band is a pretty good jam-style band. I don't want to do it, I've got my own band and music thing, and just like why I didn't join my friend's band who we went to see, I just don't have the ability to travel around to various states and gig multiple times a week because I have a full-time job and a mortgage and bills. But it was cool that he asked, makes me feel good, since it was after we played a few tracks of stuff we have recorded.
Also my friend who I went there with (right before the show we ate a massive belated Thanksgiving feast at his grandma's house) has a recording studio in his house, he just finished recording the EP my friend's band is about to release and he's trying to transition from being a manager at a sub shop to a professional recording engineer. He did a truly wonderful job on the EP, and he was making a ton of connections at the show and the afterparty, members of the band were hyping him up to people too. There's at least one guy who will almost certainly be a client. So that's exciting for him, he hates his job, it drains his energy so much, but he loves recording and producing with a passion and he has a real gift for it.
We're building our music community more and more over the last 2 years, and it really feels like it's gaining some momentum now. It's kinda weird for me though because I'm not sure where I want to fall on various aspects. It's like, I see my friend who joined the band, and his band is doing great, and he's living the dream in many ways. He travels around, plays shows for really enthusiastic crowds (which is literally the greatest feeling in the world), meets tons of people, has a lot of sex, and plays music every single day. He has a girlfriend but they've got an open thing, they're both like, you're the one I want to return to but we don't own each other and sometimes we want to have a sexual thing with someone else. And that sounds really cool to me. But I am happy and satisfied with my girlfriend, and I don't think she'd want to go that route. Maybe she'd try it, but honestly when I think about it, I don't want her to have sex with someone else. I feel like I should be able to get past that sort of possessiveness thing, but it's just how I feel. And that's cool, I like that we have a thing that's special between just the two of us. As much as I sometimes want to have the experience of having a sexual relationship with more people, if it was between that and losing her there's no question which one I'd pick. And if I can't handle her having sex with someone else, then obviously I can't ask the same of her.
Anyway, besides that aspect of his life I think about longingly occasionally, the rest of it confuses me too. Like, I really want to have that sort of experience on one hand, of being on the road, playing a bunch of gigs, having a band that is increasing in popularity, might break through to a real place where you start to get a lot of attention/money and spread your music around to a lot of people. And I actually could do that, I've already passed up 2 opportunities to at least try. Thing is, I own my house, I have a mortgage, so I can't afford to have that in-between time where I'm making a lot less money than I do now. Plus, I'd see my girlfriend a whole lot less, and all my other friends too. I like my life the way it is, and my job doesn't make me unhappy at all. But at the same time, the thing I care about the most is music, by far. So it's kind of a confusing jumble. But the cool thing is, because I'm good friends with a band doing that, I get to sort of experience it and still have my life the way it is, they're always telling me I'm so lucky because I still get to play music but I'm also financially stable. So it's quite possible that I actually have the best of both worlds and it's just that "grass is greener thing" acting up that we humans seem to be cursed with.
Sometimes you gotta make some hard or nerve-wracking decisions in order to make positive changes.I just had one of the most fun weekends of all time. Saturday night was absolutely epic. Saw my friend's show in Raleigh, it was their best set I've seen yet, and I knew SO MANY people there, it was crazy. Met a bunch more too. I was having bumps of 3-MeO-PCP throughout, and some phenibut, and beers, and I reached this place of complete fearlessness. Hanging out with random people, in and out of the green room where all sorts of shenanigans were going down. I danced with a bunch of people, co-invented a new foot-shake, smoked weed with this dude that started telling me all about how he was about to get 100 pounds of it, got my ass grabbed a lot. Got propositioned by 2 different couples about some swinging-style action, one of them was this couple who has been married 10 years and has 3 kids, and this was their first time out in years, the other was my friend's cousin's girlfriend (they both have sex with whoever they feel like, actually that night he took MDMA and kept asking me to sit in his lap, so who knows where some sort of group thing with them would have ended up, might have gotten a little weird for me
But actually I think she just wanted to have sex with me alone). I didn't go with any of it since I love my girlfriend and we're monogamous, it actually wasn't even difficult, which surprised me because I find my friend's cousin's girlfriend very sexy, but it was really flattering. Afterwards I got a hotel room and the band came over, but somehow word got out and a whole bunch of people showed up. Everyone was totally respectful but the noise level got really high and there were drugs in there and so forth, and it was under my name, so I got pretty nervous but people cleared out and just a handful of people were left and it turned out fine. This guy who just moved to where I live brought some coke and me and a couple of my friends and him stayed up all night doing it and talking about anything and everything... exchanged numbers, he wants to jam and hike and generally hang out, that guy was awesome so I'll definitely take him up on it. Also he asked me to join the band he represents, or at least try out for it, which was the main act of the show (my friend's band was opening although they were the highlight to be honest). This other band is a pretty good jam-style band. I don't want to do it, I've got my own band and music thing, and just like why I didn't join my friend's band who we went to see, I just don't have the ability to travel around to various states and gig multiple times a week because I have a full-time job and a mortgage and bills. But it was cool that he asked, makes me feel good, since it was after we played a few tracks of stuff we have recorded.Also my friend who I went there with (right before the show we ate a massive belated Thanksgiving feast at his grandma's house) has a recording studio in his house, he just finished recording the EP my friend's band is about to release and he's trying to transition from being a manager at a sub shop to a professional recording engineer. He did a truly wonderful job on the EP, and he was making a ton of connections at the show and the afterparty, members of the band were hyping him up to people too. There's at least one guy who will almost certainly be a client. So that's exciting for him, he hates his job, it drains his energy so much, but he loves recording and producing with a passion and he has a real gift for it.
We're building our music community more and more over the last 2 years, and it really feels like it's gaining some momentum now.
It's kinda weird for me though because I'm not sure where I want to fall on various aspects. It's like, I see my friend who joined the band, and his band is doing great, and he's living the dream in many ways. He travels around, plays shows for really enthusiastic crowds (which is literally the greatest feeling in the world), meets tons of people, has a lot of sex, and plays music every single day. He has a girlfriend but they've got an open thing, they're both like, you're the one I want to return to but we don't own each other and sometimes we want to have a sexual thing with someone else. And that sounds really cool to me. But I am happy and satisfied with my girlfriend, and I don't think she'd want to go that route. Maybe she'd try it, but honestly when I think about it, I don't want her to have sex with someone else. I feel like I should be able to get past that sort of possessiveness thing, but it's just how I feel. And that's cool, I like that we have a thing that's special between just the two of us. As much as I sometimes want to have the experience of having a sexual relationship with more people, if it was between that and losing her there's no question which one I'd pick. And if I can't handle her having sex with someone else, then obviously I can't ask the same of her.Anyway, besides that aspect of his life I think about longingly occasionally, the rest of it confuses me too. Like, I really want to have that sort of experience on one hand, of being on the road, playing a bunch of gigs, having a band that is increasing in popularity, might break through to a real place where you start to get a lot of attention/money and spread your music around to a lot of people. And I actually could do that, I've already passed up 2 opportunities to at least try. Thing is, I own my house, I have a mortgage, so I can't afford to have that in-between time where I'm making a lot less money than I do now. Plus, I'd see my girlfriend a whole lot less, and all my other friends too. I like my life the way it is, and my job doesn't make me unhappy at all. But at the same time, the thing I care about the most is music, by far. So it's kind of a confusing jumble. But the cool thing is, because I'm good friends with a band doing that, I get to sort of experience it and still have my life the way it is, they're always telling me I'm so lucky because I still get to play music but I'm also financially stable. So it's quite possible that I actually have the best of both worlds and it's just that "grass is greener thing" acting up that we humans seem to be cursed with.
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You alright mate?
It would be a lot nicer if she was here right now...