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How do you guys fight?

Pretty_Diamonds

Pretty_Diamonds

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
3,382
Location
USA
How do you and your partner fight?

1. Do you yell?
2. Do you swear?
3. Do you name-call?
4. Do you leave or get kicked out?
5. Do you break things? Throw things?
6. Does it violent?

I'm curious.... how do other people fight? What's normal; what's acceptable; what's tolerable?
~~~~~~

1. He yells most of the time; I don't.
2. He swears sometimes; I don't.
3. He indirectly name calls (ex. you always believe your own lies) -- which I take as I'm delusional and a liar.
4. I leave as soon as he swears or says anything that I feel crosses a line (ex. you better shut your fucken face)
5. He used to punch things, but doesn't anymore after we went therapy.
6. No, but it's my fear.

I have general fighting rules: No yelling, no swearing, no name calling.
He feels that he has passion and emotion so how can someone NOT raise their voice, or throw some swear words in there?
I'm so sensitive to fights escalating because my father was abusive and they are triggers for me. He understands this as me being selfish, and it's all about MY feelings, not his.
 
Great thread :D

1. Do you yell?
No - I'm normally a loud person anyway so really no need to raise my voice to be heard (that and after living in an apartment building you had to learn the quiet arguments) fuck you, no fuck you, fuck you and your toothbrush etc

2. Do you swear?
Fucking yes ! He does not and if fucks me off all the fucking more - cunt

3. Do you name-call?
Nothing major or personal - the odd cunt or bastard.

4. Do you leave or get kicked out?
I have left, been kicked out, and kicked a few people out (thanks for the sex now leave already :D)

5. Do you break things? Throw things?
Once - I was so annoyed that I wanted to hit the person I couldn't and strangely smashed some random object (It was a chest of drawers that we were having a quiet argument about :D) (I should really add this was over 15 years ago and was with my ex partner)

6. Does it become violent?
Again once - we had just had a very heated argument about nothing (benzos and alcohol) I walked away and went to bed to sleep it off as didn't want to lose my temper. I awoke to my partner shaking me and shouting (we can't remember what was said or why) - I didn't know what was going on so grabbed him, pinned him against the wall and was about to punch him before I came around. (We both sat up crying).

(my partner is a pretty big guy I'm 6'2 220lbs and he is a bit shorter but a lot bigger build - we both got a fright more than anything else.)
 
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She used to bitch and nag me constantly as her narcissistic self - and I would remain patient for a while but inevitably respond with extreme borderline outbursts, completely destroying her emotionally with no filter until she would run away. Pretty stupid for a narcissistic woman to provoke a borderline male in my view, although I suppose I am a piece of shit. Yes to all questions except physical violence, unless you count self harm upon myself such as cutting my arms with scissors or hitting myself in the head. I broke a lot of shit, still do. Happy that she's gone but I don't think she feels the same way.
 
We cuss at each other for sure
Stonewall
Give one word answers
I don't pack his lunch (I usually do it 5x a week)
I don't answer his texts at all
We do yell at each other when it gets ugly and heated.
No hitting ever
No leaving the house ever
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
How do you and your partner fight?

1. Do you yell?
2. Do you swear?
3. Do you name-call?
4. Do you leave or get kicked out?
5. Do you break things? Throw things?
6. Does it violent?

I'm curious.... how do other people fight? What's normal; what's acceptable; what's tolerable?
~~~~~~

1. He yells most of the time; I don't.
2. He swears sometimes; I don't.
3. He indirectly name calls (ex. you always believe your own lies) -- which I take as I'm delusional and a liar.
4. I leave as soon as he swears or says anything that I feel crosses a line (ex. you better shut your fucken face)
5. He used to punch things, but doesn't anymore after we went therapy.
6. No, but it's my fear.

I have general fighting rules: No yelling, no swearing, no name calling.
He feels that he has passion and emotion so how can someone NOT raise their voice, or throw some swear words in there?
I'm so sensitive to fights escalating because my father was abusive and they are triggers for me. He understands this as me being selfish, and it's all about MY feelings, not his.
Click to expand...

Do we yell? Absolutely.
Do we swear? Yep.
Do we name call? Somewhat, mostly him. Usually something like "you fucking junkie" given that's what most of our fights relate too.
Do we leave or get kicked out? We live together and the apartments in both our names. So we can't kick each other out but i do leave sometimes
Do we break things? He does sometimes. More like punching a wall, I don't.
Does it get violent? No. Not more so than the above. He doesn't put his hands on me or I him.
 
1. Do you yell? Only when she keeps interrupting me and the kids are not in the room
2. Do you swear? Yes, only when the kids are not in the room
3. Do you name-call? yes....mostly I call her a child or a Christian because Christians believe in things they cannot prove and children need someone to take care of them and are not mature enough to deal with the stresses of life and they often create imaginary scenarios that don't exist to make themselves believe things that aren't true just like Christians.
4. Do you leave or get kicked out? I pay the bills....every time we argue I tell my wife I can give her the money for a ticket back to California and she never leaves.
5. Do you break things? Throw things? I pay the bills so no I don't but she has broken my phone before because like a dumbass Christian she created an imaginary scenario where I was talking to my ex who I met on a student VISA who is no longer even living in the United States who I haven't talked to in 5 years.
6. Does it violent? I'm 6'7 and 295...she is 5'2 and 135. She tries to get in my face and hit me however I don't believe in being violent in front of my kids. I always give her ultimatums like If you hit me one more time I'm going to heat a knife on the stove and euthanize you
 
theredgiant said:
1. Do you yell? Only when she keeps interrupting me and the kids are not in the room
2. Do you swear? Yes, only when the kids are not in the room
3. Do you name-call? yes....mostly I call her a child or a Christian because Christians believe in things they cannot prove and children need someone to take care of them and are not mature enough to deal with the stresses of life and they often create imaginary scenarios that don't exist to make themselves believe things that aren't true just like Christians.
4. Do you leave or get kicked out? I pay the bills....every time we argue I tell my wife I can give her the money for a ticket back to California and she never leaves.
5. Do you break things? Throw things? I pay the bills so no I don't but she has broken my phone before because like a dumbass Christian she created an imaginary scenario where I was talking to my ex who I met on a student VISA who is no longer even living in the United States who I haven't talked to in 5 years.
6. Does it violent? I'm 6'7 and 295...she is 5'2 and 135. She tries to get in my face and hit me however I don't believe in being violent in front of my kids. I always give her ultimatums like If you hit me one more time I'm going to heat a knife on the stove and euthanize you
Click to expand...

Number 4. You pay the bills so anything you say goes or she can leave? Can she financially look after herself and the children? Sounds like your playing on a weaknesses here to control her.

Why would you heat a knife up first? Get yourself a decent dab rig (then kill her) 8(
 
Bearlove said:
Number 4. You pay the bills so anything you say goes or she can leave? Can she financially look after herself and the children? Sounds like your playing on a weaknesses here to control her.

Why would you heat a knife up first? Get yourself a decent dab rig (then kill her) 8(
Click to expand...


I don't control her....I work from 6-1230pm Monday-Friday and she has my car, cellphone and bank card/credit card all day long. She does all the grocery shopping and holiday shopping and has no limit on her spending. She can go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants without question. I am not religious so I don't believe rules work on people. I believe people will do what they want one way or another. It's just the jealousy...my wife is jealous but I believe jealousy is a disability. It is a creation of the imagination that malevolent activity is taking place without proof and torments a person. I do not acknowledge jealousy because it only exists in her own mind. When she says jealous things I tell her to "Legitimize your feelings by getting the fuck out or else you are selling wolf tickets. Prove you really believe the fucking stupid groundless bullshit in your mind and get on a plane back to your parents house where all you have is a 12 inch TV and stuffed animals. I will pay you 1700 a month to go and stay gone" She never leaves.
 
theredgiant said:
I don't control her....I work from 6-1230pm Monday-Friday and she has my car, cellphone and bank card/credit card all day long. She does all the grocery shopping and holiday shopping and has no limit on her spending. She can go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants without question. I am not religious so I don't believe rules work on people. I believe people will do what they want one way or another. It's just the jealousy...my wife is jealous but I believe jealousy is a disability. It is a creation of the imagination that malevolent activity is taking place without proof and torments a person. I do not acknowledge jealousy because it only exists in her own mind. When she says jealous things I tell her to "Legitimize your feelings by getting the fuck out or else you are selling wolf tickets. Prove you really believe the fucking stupid groundless bullshit in your mind and get on a plane back to your parents house where all you have is a 12 inch TV and stuffed animals. I will pay you 1700 a month to go and stay gone" She never leaves.
Click to expand...

So that is yes ?

You don't think rules work on people - is that other than the rules you apply ?
 
Bearlove said:
So that is yes ?

You don't think rules work on people - is that other than the rules you apply ?
Click to expand...


I don't make rules man....my wife says she feels like I don't care about her because I am not jealous and I don't make rules. My parents divorced when I was seven because my mother had two kids with another married man. From that I learned rules are for people who are naïve. Rules never work for anyone. I don't make rules I make opportunities. If you are in a relationship with me and you have complaints that means you imagine a better scenario exists and I invite you to find said scenario with financial support because I know for a fact that there aren't men out there dying to pay all a woman's bills and be given rules to obey by her in the house they pay for....rules don't work on children or adults.
 
^ Just the way you talk makes me uncomfortable. :shudder:


*BUMP* I'm enjoying everyone's responses. :)
 
theredgiant said:
I don't control her....I work from 6-1230pm Monday-Friday and she has my car, cellphone and bank card/credit card all day long. She does all the grocery shopping and holiday shopping and has no limit on her spending. She can go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants without question. I am not religious so I don't believe rules work on people. I believe people will do what they want one way or another. It's just the jealousy...my wife is jealous but I believe jealousy is a disability. It is a creation of the imagination that malevolent activity is taking place without proof and torments a person. I do not acknowledge jealousy because it only exists in her own mind. When she says jealous things I tell her to "Legitimize your feelings by getting the fuck out or else you are selling wolf tickets. Prove you really believe the fucking stupid groundless bullshit in your mind and get on a plane back to your parents house where all you have is a 12 inch TV and stuffed animals. I will pay you 1700 a month to go and stay gone" She never leaves.
Click to expand...
I don't think you value your wife much.
It's very condescending how you talk/treat her.
 
Hurhel said:
I don't think you value your wife much.
It's very condescending how you talk/treat her.
Click to expand...

You cannot know the intricacies of anyone's relationship except your own. I hate my mother with all my heart for having two kids with a coworker and destroying her marriage to my father and our family. The hatred for my mother has and will affect how I treat all women. From age 7 to 19 I really missed my Dad and wanted to have him in my life but I couldn't because everytime he found out where I lived my mother would move. Now I am 32 and married with 3 kids and my wife is very jealous. I will honor her jealously if it has evidence or even mere logic as a foundation but it never has.
 
Bearlove said:
So that is yes ?

You don't think rules work on people - is that other than the rules you apply ?
Click to expand...

I'm too old to makes rules man. Rules are for people who think they can control things. We as people are wild animals who are unpredictable and cannot be controlled. The only thing that can yield obedience is fear and all we fear is death some of the time. If I was trying to control my wife financially I would tell her not to spend so much but I don't. I would tell her who she can and cannot talk to but I don't even know the names of her friends. I am not sitting on a high horse of morality, however my conflict resolution in every scenario is to end the relationship because that's just the way my mind works. Happiness is an inside job so if you are unhappy it's not my fault and if it is my fault get away from me and be filled with joy.
 
Ill do the initial snappy responses, beyond that im one to make a seen. If the issue is worth it ill make the offer to step out or around the side unless im pissed or been up for too long. That when i do a half ass smirk, smile and laugh usually followed by a right shin to the outer thigh
 
1. Do you yell?
Nope. I tend to get very quiet and and eerily calm.
2. Do you swear?
Rarely.
3. Do you name-call?
Nope, but I have in the past been known to bring up sore subjects like "that's why mother always hated you" or "and you wonder why nana kept trying to set me up, even though she was there when you proposed!"
4. Do you leave or get kicked out?
Neither. Though I have kicked exes out before.
5. Do you break things? Throw things? Nope. Main reason I have kicked exes out.
6. Does it get violent?
Nope, though the one night I did go to bed angry I apparently slapped the fire out of my now ex when he tried to kiss me after getting in bed. I thought he was sleeping on the couch or gone. Plus, Nana always told me that the day I try to hit like a man is the day he may forget I'm not a man.

I have zero tolerance for violence, throwing or breaking stuff. I also can't stand a guy that gets physical by grabbing me during a fight or following in an intimidating manner and trying to keep a fight going. With maturity I have stopped verbally hitting below the belt as well.
 
How do you and your partner fight?

1. Do you yell?
2. Do you swear?
3. Do you name-call?
4. Do you leave or get kicked out?
5. Do you break things? Throw things?
6. Does it violent?

Oh fun, fun. I am divorced, but I'll answer from the perspective of when I was married. Jolly good!

1. We really never would yell unless one or both of us were drunk.
2. I swore more than she did at first. Roles reversed towards the end.
3. We never name-called each other, ever. We didn't degrade each other as a human.
4. Shortly before the divorce I had a pill problem that was getting out of hand I found out that I was bipolar. I would sooooo very often (sober or influenced) tell her to just leave me, why does she stay etc etc. eh, one day she did.
5. There were a handful of occasions that we broke things of each other's. Never anything expensive or sentimental, that I know of.
6. I was never violent towards her, she wasn't to me either. There were three times she slapped me, first time she did it because I called her bluff on doing it... She packs a helluva open palm left by the way. All three times I deserved much more than just a slap.
 
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