Notsoprettyinpink
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 15, 2016
- Messages
- 141
Hi all. I feel like I'm about to bombard anyone who kindly reads this with too many questions but I'm scared and I have trusted this site for years. Please excuse me if I'm all over the place. I can't even think straight right now.
My bio; I began using oxycodone for "fun" over 3 years ago but my dose was very small and only random. I had someone close to me giving them to me for free and I'll never forget at one point I had more then 50 in a bottle saying to myself, "We'll I guess I'll keep what she gives me but I'll never take more then 5mgs no more then 3 times per week and only to enhance a good mood." I'll end that there cause what a joke.
Fast forward to 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with multiple disorders and was prescribed them but still got my "extras" for free on the side. At my peak (about 3 months ago) I was taking upwards of 100 mgs per day but still withdrawing so she had methadone and I used that at night to sleep more then 5 hours and when I always ran out of the oxycodone and I had none nor did she.
To the present. I decided I was sick of running out early and having my heart pounding (I have severe high bp), throwing up, the hot/cold sweats....I know I need not say more. I had ALL wd's possible and BAD even if I just had to wait a day (the longest I ever had to)......so I decided I'm done. I won't say how because it involves things that may not be safe for some people.
I was SO proud though when I made it past day 3 (it's now been 8 days). I was going out, doing things and had REAL emotions. My only symptoms after day 5 was no sleep. Then BAM! I slept, had horrible drug related dreams and woke sweating and feaning BAD. I also felt angry and as if I hated the world. So there's my 1st question. Is this normal??? Now I don't want to even try to sleep.
I'm so sorry. I wanted to keep this short but I feel no one can help me unless I tell all for the 1st time to anyone. My next question is my pain is legit. I have a rare disorder that is said to be the worst a person can have. I see multiple doctors....including a pain management one. To tell you how much I got for free? I'm only prescribed 20 mgs per day. I feel I need that and have a responsible person to "dose" me. Plus, I was saving this for the end...the source I had was cut off 3 days ago for having too little in her body and also another substance unprescribed showed (mine!). So I can't overtake them in any way bexcuse NO ONE besides her knows how bad I was and I want to keep it that way. I just wonder if it's possible for me (as an addict) to ever take a prescribed dose)?
Anyway my last methadone was taken exactly 8 days ago almost to the hour (I took 5 mgs...1st every 8 hours, then 12, then 24, then done...I did it over a 4 day span). Again, I was then shocked at how happy I felt. Anyway, I have a pain management appointment this coming Thursday (meaning I'll be 11 days clean) and I'm worried as I'm not prescribed it plus no oxycodone will be in me.
So even if I don't get them now I may never by not abiding to the zero % tolerance act. But then it's scaring me because alls I keep thinking about is wanting them to feel "warm" again.
I would so much appreciate any responses I get and I want to end by saying that as HORRIBLE as I've felt this entire time? I've had 4 ten mg methadone throughout but never gave in even though my body was "crying" for them. And again, I'm so, so sorry for the long message. Love to all
My bio; I began using oxycodone for "fun" over 3 years ago but my dose was very small and only random. I had someone close to me giving them to me for free and I'll never forget at one point I had more then 50 in a bottle saying to myself, "We'll I guess I'll keep what she gives me but I'll never take more then 5mgs no more then 3 times per week and only to enhance a good mood." I'll end that there cause what a joke.
Fast forward to 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with multiple disorders and was prescribed them but still got my "extras" for free on the side. At my peak (about 3 months ago) I was taking upwards of 100 mgs per day but still withdrawing so she had methadone and I used that at night to sleep more then 5 hours and when I always ran out of the oxycodone and I had none nor did she.
To the present. I decided I was sick of running out early and having my heart pounding (I have severe high bp), throwing up, the hot/cold sweats....I know I need not say more. I had ALL wd's possible and BAD even if I just had to wait a day (the longest I ever had to)......so I decided I'm done. I won't say how because it involves things that may not be safe for some people.
I was SO proud though when I made it past day 3 (it's now been 8 days). I was going out, doing things and had REAL emotions. My only symptoms after day 5 was no sleep. Then BAM! I slept, had horrible drug related dreams and woke sweating and feaning BAD. I also felt angry and as if I hated the world. So there's my 1st question. Is this normal??? Now I don't want to even try to sleep.
I'm so sorry. I wanted to keep this short but I feel no one can help me unless I tell all for the 1st time to anyone. My next question is my pain is legit. I have a rare disorder that is said to be the worst a person can have. I see multiple doctors....including a pain management one. To tell you how much I got for free? I'm only prescribed 20 mgs per day. I feel I need that and have a responsible person to "dose" me. Plus, I was saving this for the end...the source I had was cut off 3 days ago for having too little in her body and also another substance unprescribed showed (mine!). So I can't overtake them in any way bexcuse NO ONE besides her knows how bad I was and I want to keep it that way. I just wonder if it's possible for me (as an addict) to ever take a prescribed dose)?
Anyway my last methadone was taken exactly 8 days ago almost to the hour (I took 5 mgs...1st every 8 hours, then 12, then 24, then done...I did it over a 4 day span). Again, I was then shocked at how happy I felt. Anyway, I have a pain management appointment this coming Thursday (meaning I'll be 11 days clean) and I'm worried as I'm not prescribed it plus no oxycodone will be in me.
So even if I don't get them now I may never by not abiding to the zero % tolerance act. But then it's scaring me because alls I keep thinking about is wanting them to feel "warm" again.
I would so much appreciate any responses I get and I want to end by saying that as HORRIBLE as I've felt this entire time? I've had 4 ten mg methadone throughout but never gave in even though my body was "crying" for them. And again, I'm so, so sorry for the long message. Love to all
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