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Someone please help me concerning oxycodone and methadone addiction.

N

Notsoprettyinpink

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2016
Messages
141
Hi all. I feel like I'm about to bombard anyone who kindly reads this with too many questions but I'm scared and I have trusted this site for years. Please excuse me if I'm all over the place. I can't even think straight right now.

My bio; I began using oxycodone for "fun" over 3 years ago but my dose was very small and only random. I had someone close to me giving them to me for free and I'll never forget at one point I had more then 50 in a bottle saying to myself, "We'll I guess I'll keep what she gives me but I'll never take more then 5mgs no more then 3 times per week and only to enhance a good mood." I'll end that there cause what a joke.

Fast forward to 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with multiple disorders and was prescribed them but still got my "extras" for free on the side. At my peak (about 3 months ago) I was taking upwards of 100 mgs per day but still withdrawing so she had methadone and I used that at night to sleep more then 5 hours and when I always ran out of the oxycodone and I had none nor did she.

To the present. I decided I was sick of running out early and having my heart pounding (I have severe high bp), throwing up, the hot/cold sweats....I know I need not say more. I had ALL wd's possible and BAD even if I just had to wait a day (the longest I ever had to)......so I decided I'm done. I won't say how because it involves things that may not be safe for some people.

I was SO proud though when I made it past day 3 (it's now been 8 days). I was going out, doing things and had REAL emotions. My only symptoms after day 5 was no sleep. Then BAM! I slept, had horrible drug related dreams and woke sweating and feaning BAD. I also felt angry and as if I hated the world. So there's my 1st question. Is this normal??? Now I don't want to even try to sleep.

I'm so sorry. I wanted to keep this short but I feel no one can help me unless I tell all for the 1st time to anyone. My next question is my pain is legit. I have a rare disorder that is said to be the worst a person can have. I see multiple doctors....including a pain management one. To tell you how much I got for free? I'm only prescribed 20 mgs per day. I feel I need that and have a responsible person to "dose" me. Plus, I was saving this for the end...the source I had was cut off 3 days ago for having too little in her body and also another substance unprescribed showed (mine!). So I can't overtake them in any way bexcuse NO ONE besides her knows how bad I was and I want to keep it that way. I just wonder if it's possible for me (as an addict) to ever take a prescribed dose)?

Anyway my last methadone was taken exactly 8 days ago almost to the hour (I took 5 mgs...1st every 8 hours, then 12, then 24, then done...I did it over a 4 day span). Again, I was then shocked at how happy I felt. Anyway, I have a pain management appointment this coming Thursday (meaning I'll be 11 days clean) and I'm worried as I'm not prescribed it plus no oxycodone will be in me.

So even if I don't get them now I may never by not abiding to the zero % tolerance act. But then it's scaring me because alls I keep thinking about is wanting them to feel "warm" again.

I would so much appreciate any responses I get and I want to end by saying that as HORRIBLE as I've felt this entire time? I've had 4 ten mg methadone throughout but never gave in even though my body was "crying" for them. And again, I'm so, so sorry for the long message. Love to all <3
 
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I also want to add that I did not just do the methadone that way to "kick"....most of all else I guess (?) it's ok to say. I also overtook loperamide (4 every 6 hours) and dramamine. The dangerous part is that I overtook my bp meds, baclofen (muscle relaxer) and xanax (prescribed for 7 years and I suppose due to that fact didn't help me much with anxiety).
 
Actually I should have looked more before posting as this probably should've been written on The Dark Side forum. I'm really praying to hear back from someone yet I understand that this is a busy website.
 
Notsoprettyinpink said:
I have a pain management appointment this coming home Thursday (meaning I'll be 11 days clean). Will the methadone still show? I know it depends on many factors but I'm just asking for opinions. This will be my 1st urine test (last month I beat it by using a reply that I'm shocked they bought into) since I just recently switched to him. And even if so how do I explain why there's no oxycodone in me?
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It's not going to look good if you don't have oxycodone in your system, especially since it's a new doctor. If it were me, I would reschedule my appointment another week so it doesn't look like you ran out early, and hopefully buying you some time for the methadone. With it's long half life, it's hard to say how long it would take to clear. That being said, Bluelight does not allow drug testing discussion so I have to close this. What you're going through with the dreams and symptoms of withdrawal is normal. Hang in there, and I hope it works out for you.
 
Chances are the methadone will be out of your system if you haven't been using it every day for long periods of time or at super high doses. Depending on your doctors, try and be forthright with her about how you feel methadone is the better option for you - it is often used to treat chronic pain conditions these days.
 
First of all, having using dreams while early in quitting is very common. I used to have a dream that I had morphine ready to go and I would either lose the syringe, not find a vein, or miss...basically any situation in which I end up not using. I wake up freaked out and sweaty. I don't ever want to go back there and the dreams are very very lucid. Those will get easier to manage as you go along.

Secondly: There is no way for any person online to know if you are going to pass or fail a drug test. In order to keep us out of any of that trouble that comes along with failing, or to not give you false hope, I can only say this: You will have to take a drug test and noone can tell you if you will pass.

The question I ask, as you are kinda all over the place in your post, is what do you want? Do you want to stop using completely? Do you want to just take your meds as prescribed? The first stage of any sort of recovery is deciding what you want.
 
manboychef said:
There is no way for any person online to know if you are going to pass or fail a drug test. In order to keep us out of any of that trouble that comes along with failing, or to not give you false hope, I can only say this: You will have to take a drug test and noone can tell you if you will pass.
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Ain't that the truth!
 
manboychef said:
First of all, having using dreams while early in quitting is very common. I used to have a dream that I had morphine ready to go and I would either lose the syringe, not find a vein, or miss...basically any situation in which I end up not using. I wake up freaked out and sweaty. I don't ever want to go back there and the dreams are very very lucid. Those will get easier to manage as you go along.

Secondly: There is no way for any person online to know if you are going to pass or fail a drug test. In order to keep us out of any of that trouble that comes along with failing, or to not give you false hope, I can only say this: You will have to take a drug test and noone can tell you if you will pass.

The question I ask, as you are kinda all over the place in your post, is what do you want? Do you want to stop using completely? Do you want to just take your meds as prescribed? The first stage of any sort of recovery is deciding what you want.
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I revised my thread as it was wrong of me to even ask and I fully understand why.

Thank you so much for sharing your dream experiences with me. Mine was similar in nature the only time I slept for a long amount of time in these past days. I had methadone in my purse (and do) but I was out looking for oxycodone (never have done that) and I ran into people I knew in the past and some I never met. They were all withdrawing too. I finally admitted I had them and they promised to find me oxycodone if I gave the methadone up but when I tried to they just crumbled and kept disappearing. Another brief one was just odd. I moved away and kept changing my appearance to start a new life. But in crazy ways such as dying my hair purple and cutting one side short and keeping the other side long.

As for what I want? Eventually only as needed for when my pain is just unbearable. But a part of me is just wanting to skip this months appointment altogether because I'm also supposed to get epidural shots for my legs and I just don't feel I can deal with that right now. Actually, I know I can't. Plus I'd like more clean time.

Also, I'm not understanding my emotions. At days 3, 4 and 5 I was cleaning, shopping, taking great care of myself. I had emotions. Laughing and even crying about past events. Now? I'm not doing any of what I just named and I feel just anger and almost rage. And I do feel like I'd take 5 oxycodones at this point if the person I was once close with (she's mad cause I told her I'm not giving up my meds anymore) had them but she never will, my town is small and I don't want anyone knowing the real me so there's no chance of me getting any. Plus I'm pretty much a homebody and secluded myself from all my friends within the past year. My Facebook friends probably think I'm dead. I know all about PAWS but I didn't think it would be this bad if that's what this is already.

I'm sorry for the long reply but I've even been writing poetry (something I once loved to do but now all my poems are dark).....talking to people helps me even more but right now I have no one but people on here and I know due to reading things on this site for years (mostly how to help withdrawals of course) and everyone is just so very supportive.

I'm also not a "one way street"....I'd also like to help others too.
 
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good luck Pink, btw methadone is the top dog for pain :)
 
And I apologize if I've now made it seem even more "all over the place". I just wanted to make sure that the question I asked was gone. Writing, as I said, or even typing and talking to people is just very therapeutical for me.
 
CfZrx said:
good luck Pink, btw methadone is the top dog for pain :)
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Thank you. I really appreciate it <3. And it is but it makes me so tired to the point that 5 or 10 mgs makes me sleep 12 hours. But then maybe that's because I only ever used it for withdrawals?
 
I'm on day 5 and feel like I got hit by a truck! Haven't slept in 3 days sleeping pills make the legs jerk 10x more. I'm cold turkey n it off of 120mg of dome shit sucks . Good luck you gotta want to quit let that chase go
 
Damn Justin, that does sound hardcore. How do you manage? I couldn't imagine coming c/t off that high a dose! 10mg compared to that is NOTHING!
 
toothpastedog said:
Damn Justin, that does sound hardcore. How do you manage? I couldn't imagine coming c/t off that high a dose! 10mg compared to that is NOTHING!
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Simple answer..I don't have a choice it sucks and it's gonna get worse it's actually scaring me reading these post. But in the other hand, to be honest when your life hits rock bottom you kinda just get use to the pain and get your shit together if that makes sense. This is longest I've been sober in 7 years almost kinda happy yet sad at same time lol
 
Well damn, isn't that the best fucking attitude in the world dude. My hat is off to you sir. Most people would be basically saying "fuck all this shit" and then going and doing whatever they need to do to get well, whether it involved skinning their grandma's cat or raping their sister. This isn't going to be easy (I'm sure it hasn't been easy), but you can totally do this shit. Can you get your hands on any comfort meds like loperamide, kratom or DXM?
 
Thanks bro I guess you too man people places and things well see what happens. Good luck my friend
 
True, although given my taper I didn't feel much pain at all. Actually, with the comfort meds I had it was not nearly as bad as my mind made it out to me, but that is all because I had the opportunity and motive to do it smart.

I agree though, one cannot compare one's suffering to another's, because we do all live in our own particular brand of hell in a sense.
 
toothpastedog said:
Well damn, isn't that the best fucking attitude in the world dude. My hat is off to you sir. Most people would be basically saying "fuck all this shit" and then going and doing whatever they need to do to get well, whether it involved skinning their grandma's cat or raping their sister. This isn't going to be easy (I'm sure it hasn't been easy), but you can totally do this shit. Can you get your hands on any comfort meds like loperamide, kratom or DXM?
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Haha if I had a sister she'd be already on the block haha jk sorta
 
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