Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 7.0
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SergeKolpa
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Ok, I will try to put club and my local postcode into google.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
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How you doing brother?
Moreaux
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I started off drinking at such a young age I was a drunk my entire adult life until I got sober. That essentially translates to I never built meaningful longterm relationships and passed time with other drunks because healthy people didn't want to associate with me :/ I not hugely social now, I've always been fairly reclusive, but I go out now and do dinner with friends and go dancing. It beats hanging out in a bar lol.
My problem is that I was left to do do nothing. Literally,Go from hardworking dental technician to being on disability schizoeffective disorder which I coud write a book on how that disorder effects relations with other human beings. So no social life is the path I've taken. I have no choice. I don't have any sober buddies I can just hang out with. Well, 2 but their always busy with their families. Once I left AA the mothership disowned me. Right now I have nobody!! Soon I move out west to be with my daughter and that's great and I'll have purpose. But it occurred to me to me today that that's a mighty task I'm putting on her. Be my daughter, buddy, high school friend, all this shit I'm gonna expect her to be. I'm fortunate I realized it today so I can correcty it. But I personally feel spending time by yourself is good. People who need other people around all the time are weak. I know who I am all thru spending time with myself. Problem is I don't like what I see. I hate myself so I'm really in trouble, eh? I guess it will balance out. Dam, that's quite a bit of writing. I think socializing is healthy for healthy people. I am not healthy. But I sure don't fault people getting together. I was always the first one at the pub and usually last to go but there was a period in my life where I savor wd companionship and romantic relationship. Maybe I'll enjoy them again, maybe not but things are who they are. I got me and my kitty cat and we hold it down. Too much socializing, bad thing. She wants to get together for margaritas and talk about greys anatomy or some shit every dam night. I think softball functions and golf outings with my AA folk when I went helpful. That was before shit went south medically now I can't golf or run or play ball. Def got a bad hand but other people do to. My thing is survive this brutal phase of my life. I swear every dude in AA would say first 5-10 yrs are hard and I used to think to myself how horribly depressing that is but its true. I testify. Been sober awhile but it has been chaos source I did. Oh well. Ride the wave in y'all and thanks for reading my ramblings
manboychef
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You have my number right? If not PM me. I will always talk.
SergeKolpa
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I am pleased you have a great social life without drinking. But many people's lives become grey and boring when they loose social life as they stop drinking. It should not be so. Hence, please, could you provide like a concise week diary of your social life (exclude online life though). Please, gift us an example of your week's social sober life and anyone could mimic and bring light and variety in the lives.
SergeKolpa
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Lucky you
Yeah if I had kids it would be brilliant and bring purpose to my life. Not everyone can have kids easily though, gays is one example.I would not say it is a weakness. I want to reframe it. We are just different some are introverts and others are extroverts. For example I am an extreme extrovert, I cannot go a day without seeing someone, watching a movie together with someone, going places... I could not be alone, a few days without human contact could depress deeply to a suicidal point. I try to avoid loneliness at all costs because it is a life threatening poison to me.
Moreaux
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Certainly. I will mention when I first got sober I had no clue what normal healthy people did, so I got on Facebook and friended just about everyone I went to high school with, whether I liked them or not. I wanted valid examples, and so many people post every aspect of thier life online I figured that was a good dataset. I studied them, I took notes, and noted down activities that were appealing to me. I don't have human children (do have kitties), so I am not as restricted as most other people my age.
I keep a set schedule where I wake up and go to bed at the same times. My life is routine, which keeps me healthy. I have free time in the weekday evenings from 6 until 10, unless there is a special event. The weekends I have free time from 12 until 10, unless I have big projects, but I plan those. The free time is when I socialize.
I enjoy cooking so I frequently make dinner and invite people over. Every other Sunday my parents come down and visit for two hours. Afterwards my husband and I go grocery shopping and we talk to people as we shop. We may go to other stores once in a while. Sunday night I get the food for the week prepared, fruits and veggies washed, eggs hard boiled, plan out lunches and dinner for the week. Monday evenings we have ballroom dance lessons after work so we dance and then do dinner. Tuesday - Thursday we go for an hour walk on the golf course and through the neighborhood and chat with people on the way, we have a circuit so it may take longer than an hour depending on how many people we meet. We alway tend to the vegetable gardens. Friday we go out to dinner and then go to a dance. If we're lucky we can schedule a couples massage late, but that seldom happens as they're always booked. Saturday I worked around the house until noon - now lawn, tend all the gardens, I have medicinal flowers and other plants that look pretty but serve a purpose (echineachia, chamomile, poppies, herbs, etc). In the afternoon we play a round of golf. We usually go for a walk and then I get dinner prepped so it's ready when we get back from massages. We schedule those late so we can come home, eat, and just relax.
This is an average week, not too exciting, and reading it sounds kind of dull but it's really not. We do a lot of manual labor. We do everything around the house ourselves, from yard maintenance to pressure washing to renovation. A few months ago I painted the entire house myself...it took a month working on it 8 hours a day. Part of my staying healthy is to be active, and work is not enough. I have to wear myself out so I go to sleep at a reasonable hour as my addict brain is always ready to stay up all night doing stuff I shouldn't. The massages help me deal with stress, and there are many times that we go out to dinner with friends in lieu of massages. Sometimes we drive down to Myrtle Beach and go one one of those five hour gambling cruises and spend the afternoon playing craps.
Since I have gotten sober I have not had a well paying or steady job so money is always tight, so our activities have to be low cost. We get ridiculous deals on golf and massages, and we collect golf balls at night from the course (our walk) so we never buy them, and actually sell some every now and then. I learned how to coupon so a lot of our staple groceries are free, and I sell stuff on Craigslist. I'm almost embarrassed to post this I'm certain that this isn't the type of life most people would want. Im an extreme introvert sober so I can only be around groups of people for a short period of time lol.
Part of the dullness of sobriety for people in recovery is lack of dopamine stimulation. We trained ourselves to want that instant rush of dopamine whenever we want it, and unfortunately sober life doesn't work this way for most of us. It takes time to retrain our brains to find pleasure in smaller amounts of dopamine. I think this is why I look forward to dinner so much as its one of the few things in my life that trigger a dopamine response. Some people also get that with exercise, I wish I was one of them but sadly I have to force myself to do it in the mornings.
I hope this helps. I do recommend connecting with a lot of people and Facebook and see how they live, and mimic the stuff that is attractive to you. It does get better with time
Take care!
Moreaux
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I wishing the best for you! Alcoholism is insidious, it would be best for you to quit now before it gets worse. I was similar to you at your age and man, it goes down hill fast. By my early thirties I was barely functional - please consider the progressive nature of this disease in your desire to quit as it can get so much worse than you can imagine. If you are having a hard time abstaining consider getting a naltrexone shot - it removes the cravings and helps with the anxiety. If you can't get the shot consider the pill, but that's easier to cheat and not as strong imo. Feel free to hit me up if you have questions or need to vent. It's awesome you see this as a problem while you're young - it sucks to wake up from a blackout in your mid thirties and realize you got a useless degree because it was easy and have to start life all over because you failed to make good decisions while setting the foundation. Don't get discouraged if you relapse as that is also part of the recovery process. With every attempt you are that much closer to your goal, and that is significant. Good luck!
SergeKolpa
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Wow, you managed to paint the whole house in 8 hours!!! Congrads. It would take me a month lol sometime I am lazy
I am really grateful you took some time to describe your activities in your sobriety, I will use it in my upcoming book, thank you
Xadem, good job sobering up. It's so important at your age. Like has been said, by my early 30's I couldn't hold a fork. Still didn't sober up till late 30's. So booze took my teens, 20's, and 30's. Now I have no colon bc an infection ate 8 holes in it. Now I have s permanant shit bag cause of booze. So stay sober and good luck in school.
Moreaux
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I think about your situation a lot closeau. After I got off booze my digestive tract is just destroyed, and it's so hard to live with the constant pain and discomfort. I keep getting test after test and everything comes back normal, yet the problem persists. I have gastroparesis for no discernible reason, and at times my intestines just shit down. Eating is always a dice roll on if something will trigger issues. I just had a CTscan last week and have a few more studies this week...so frustrating. The doctors keep dismissing my former lifestyle but I can't help but think drinking has caused serious nerve damage and that is why I am in the situation I am in. I used to have neuropathy really bad in my feet, thank god that has healed. I read up constantly on the bag because I fear one day that may be what I have to do, and I don't know if I can. I really commend your strength. It's so horrible to struggle with persistent mental health issues and addiction, fight endlessly to kick addiction and manage the mental issues, only to have to deal with major health issues in the aftermath. It's so hrs to stay positive and if you don't stay positive there's a good chance of falling back into addiction and starting the whole cycle again. The irony of the situation is that the world sees us as weak individuals, but we're so much stronger than most "healthy" people.
At anyrate - sending good vibes to you! Just wanted to let you know that I think about you frequently and hope all is well.
Thanks Moreaux. I appreciate that!! Means a lot. It's not easy to tackle the 3 headed beast of addiction, mental health, and physical health. I'm not perfect. I still smoke cigs. I haven't deprived myself of everything just yet. You're sit is tough. Just hang tough my man. Drs will dismiss drinking in a sec. It's crazy. They did it to me too. Just hang tough. Whatever the outcome, you have people around you, including me and bl. Not knowing sucks. Fortunately I didn't have to wait I found out right away. This bag is just...crazy. Lots of adjustment. I look at it sometimes and ask, was it worth it Mike? No is the answer. Look man you'll be in my thoughts and please PM me and keep me posted on your condition. You be alright buddy. Take care