☮ Social ☮ [PD Social General Talk Thread] Observation Tank for Fractallized Redundancy Modules

[vortech]

I find it odd, psychedelics have affirmed my atheism to be honest. I don't really understand how these drugs often get people believing in such things.

Depends what you mean by god. I think the whole universe I'd alive and divine.

0,1, it's all the same really. Regardless if you are if one person or a zero person, it's two sides of the same coin, and as you said, the existence of God is evidenced in every thing in the Universe if you look at it the right way, and as I say, as absurd as it is, only 99.9999999999 infinitely repeating percent of the Universe is in this Universe. When God created the whole thing, he had to make a separate partition of the Universal Hard Drive to put room for his 0-byte ass, just in case he needed to reformat the entire thing. I doubt this makes any sense at all, but whichever way you see, it as making no sense or complete sense, It's just two ways of looking at the same thing.

 

[vortech]

I really feel like the one thing psychedelics have truly expressed in me is an uncertainty. Shit, when I take tests these days, I quadruple check my answers. I read over my posts on here multiple times. I was always a bit OCD but Christ, once I started tripping I really became uncertain of just about everything. It takes me hours of reading to decide what space set to run on my STO characters. It really kinda sucks, but at the same time, it's a strange humbleness that I feel makes me a kinder person.

Psychedelics also taught me that there is no black and white, only grey. All beings exist in between these two polar opposites. Sure some fall more towards black or white, but all... ALL fall somewhere within the grey.

I had always been uncertain myself. All these years when I was essentially playing a game with God when I was on my dissociative/psychedelic trips, I was never really certain if I was just talking to my own incredible mind or if there was a higher power outside of myself I was really communicating with. Up to this point in my 33.something years of my life, everything I have experience as improbable and divine as it all was, even with all that evidence I was still only 99.9999 something percent sure of it. But now after everything leading up to yesterday's experience in my eyes, I was given thorough evidence enough to say that indeed I am satisfied with finally saying it is for all intents and purposes 100%.

 

[vortech]

And the fact that I just wrote that whole post without even looking at it to see if I had made any spelling errors, I posted it with 100% certainty that it was all correct- lo and behold after hitting the 'post' button and reading it, in fact I saw no errors. Further evidence as far as I chalk it up to.

 

[InterestingFACT]

And the fact that I just wrote that whole post without even looking at it to see if I had made any spelling errors, I posted it with 100% certainty that it was all correct- lo and behold after hitting the 'post' button and reading it, in fact I saw no errors. Further evidence as far as I chalk it up to.

I've got all the love for you vortech but you sound a tad delusional. You been playing with dissociatives lately?

You're style of writing just strongly suggests a manic episode, to me.

But maybe I'm imagining things anyways, I'm in the camp that disbelieved in any higher power prior to my introduction to psychedelics, and "kept on keeping on" with that skepticism after that introduction. I wouldn't say that psychedelics have necessarily "reaffirmed" my skepticism, but they show me visually/emotionally what I already understood cognitively: that I can only interact with the universe through the gateway of my own subjective perception, and that perceived "acts of God"/miracles/serendipities/spiritual moments/"felt" presences are just that--perceived. Being able to "manufacture" the presence of a perceived entity or entities, just by taking a drug that affects my perceptions, really drove that point home for me.

But for what it's worth, that was my biggest sticking point before tripping my first time. I was terrified that the drugs might permanently impair my ability to think rationally/skeptically about the world, and I took the fairly ubiquitous reports of "post-DMT conversions" of atheists as manifestation of that risk. I told my friends at the time that if I suddenly started believing in a god, they should have me thrown in the loony bin--because that would just not be me.

(Edit: consider that question rhetorical: I see now from the previous page that you're coming off the tail end of a 3-meo-pce trip. Enjoy buddy but be careful not to make any important decisions for a day or two. It definitely sounds like it's left you in a hypomanic state. )

 

[vortech]

No doubt it is the lingering chemically-induced hypomania the lends to my current perspective and style of writing. however this state of consciousness has been a constant inspiration for me the past few years. I mean I spent two years writibg a book about MXE and my hypomanic observations that could easily be considered delusions in the clinical sense. Yet the fact that I followed through with the first book gives me some degree of confidence that I can follow through with the second book naturally inspired by what I consider to be MXE's, or Maxine as I anthropomorphically refer to her, 'big sister, 3-MEO-PCE...3 methoxyeticyclidine...I haven't thought of a name for her yet, but at any rate that is trivial. All I know is I have all the pieces I need for a great story based on a mix of undisputable events that have occurred in reality mixed with a heavy dusting of magical thinking as it may be called...the propensity to make connections out of absurd coincidences. 24 hours later since my trip I still feel a wonderful afterglow tail...I won't say that I will not be using 3-meo-pce again in the future...it depends how I feel in a few weeks, but in the meantime I plan to channel my afterglow into an abundance of words and dreams...by the way, I do love how dissociatives have consistently leveled-up my quality of dream-time. Has anyone else noticed this?

 

[xammy]

2.3mg of DOC was surprisingly strong trip, it's been almost 2 years since I've taken DOC.

It's funny how it comes in waves, one moment you feel so lucid and the next you're wondering what the fuck is going on haha.

DOC remains the best social and party psychedelic for me, super fun. I want to do a heroic dose like ~5mg one day.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah DOC is really strong stuff. Some trips are stronger than others too (like with any psychedelic). Once I took 2mg, when I was taking it 2-3 times a month last summer, and it was just really strong, stronger than my 3mg trips (which has been my usual dose). DOC, as Shulgin says in PIHKAL, is a "dyed in the wool psychedelic". It just really gets in there and suffuses things, and it goes on and on. I love it, I haven't taken it since before winter, I've gotta do that again. I don't like it so much being inside, I vastly prefer to be outside and exploring nature, during the first stage anyway, during the second stage is when I like to party and anything is great then.

My bass player friend and I had another tripping jam session this weekend... I think I posted about the other one. The idea is to combine dissociatives with tryptamines and play freeform music together. Last time it was the most incredible experience, we seemed to conjure up a living, breathing entity that was telling a complex and epic story through the music. It seemed to be guiding us in this process, my friend even spontaneously developed a jump in technique that he still has. Last time we were tripping so hard that I wasn't sure if the music was actually amazing, or if we were just tripping, but it felt like the best stuff we had ever played. Unfortunately some weird shit happened with the computer and it didn't record so we couldn't know.

Well, this time the trip was extremely lucid for both of us, and indeed, the music was phenomenal, it was not our imaginations. This time I have a Nord keyboard too instead of a cheap Yamaha so my sound was so much better and more expressive. The process happened just the same, we started playing, it began a little choppy and unsure but moment by moment we were swept up in the presence of something profound and beautiful that was guiding the music. I mean it wasn't like I had no input, in fact I had a lot of input, it was me doing it, but guided by something beyond my fully conscious mind. We were telling a story with music, through our musical conversation, a story we both just knew. The choice of what to do in the next moment for both of us was something entirely self-evident. Once again, the music was evoking scenes and places and people and interactions. I remember one part that was describing the desolation and pain of the starving people of the world, for example, at first by showcasing a particular woman and her children (we both described it the same during a break). I'm getting chills just remembering it. The music was constantly evolving, never remaining in any set progression of key or rhythm or tempo, yet we were always together. We played for 6 hours almost constantly, even after the trip was basically over. I believe that this is something the two of us will be able to do without the drugs, but the drugs certainly help to facilitate an extremely open and emotionally sensitive state. And my playing... easily the best I've ever done, better than last time or any other time I've played music in my whole life. I could not believe the complexity and beauty of what was happening, with virtually no flubs. Unfortunately, the computer got weird again, inexplicably, and we were again unable to record anything, which really bothers me now because the music is in my dreams, it was the best thing I think I've ever heard and we could have had it permanently recorded for ourselves and others to hear. At the time we laughed about it heartily because it seemed like some sort of cosmic joke that it happened both times.

But, this weekend I am going as a VIP with this friend and his band, to a festival they're playing 2 nights at. I'll be staying in the band's camp area and my friend and I are going to set up late-night at the camp when we and everyone else will be maximally psychedelicized, and play our music for hours, and tell beautiful stories with music for everyone who wants to listen. We decided that if anyone asks, our 2-person psychedelic music session band will be called Unicorn Horn Porn. And I hope someone asks. I'm intensely excited about it, of course about going to the festival at all (especially for free as a VIP), but mostly about playing there.

 

[vortech]

Dissociatives + tryptamines+ playing music together? Sounds like a revelation to me! Not a surprise the computer was having glitches and was unable to record...when I used to play keybaords in an ambient jam band a while back we used to joke how our best sessions were never recorded, whether it was because we had just ran out of tape or simply forgotten to hit the record button...whatever the reaso, it was as if recording it would have ruined the session due to some sort of quantum observation effect...in other words, capturing the spirit of a synchronous flow can't be recorded because listening back to it would cheapen the memory of the moment of divinity. Something like that, but it's funny how that stuff works out. I guess just remain humbled and greatful that the moment existed in the minds of ones channeling the music.

 

[vortech]

Xorkoth, just out of curiosity what was the model of Yamaha you were playing before you got your Nord? I played a Yamaha CS1X for years in my improve ambient jam band...eventually added a Yamaha EX7 to the mix, we didn't have a bass player so I often ended up playing bass lines with my left hand on one keyboard while playing pads, melodies and atmospheric effects with my right hand.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah, my friend and I feel that way about it too, it was like the moment could only happen without recording. I don't really believe that's true though, one day we'll get it recorded. I think I'm just spoiled because we record everything we do.

I used to play this Yamaha: http://www.americanmusical.com/Item...cplp12374074&gclid=CM3-wsiFvswCFVBhfgodxU0MCw

Now I have this: https://reverb.com/item/1831996-nor...id=pla&pla=1&gclid=CIW-sPmFvswCFcdhfgodM4cMQg

I also have one of these: http://www.sweetwater.com/store/det...e=&network=g&gclid=CK_AgZ-GvswCFVNqfgod4uIO4Q

Huge improvement, I am in love with my main instrument now instead of feeling like it's sub-adequate. That Nord is a beautiful, sexy piece of keys.

 

[Xorkoth]

I spent the night at my girlfriend's house last night, I never sleep as well there because she has a rather hard futon. I was half awake for at least half of the night, and I had a continuous dream that I kept going back into. In it, she and I encountered what seemed to be the spirit of a little girl named Emily. At first she inhabited 2 pieces of paper (yes, very weird). She would be in different innocuous objects and she would talk, you'd hear her voice like a normal voice. She was 4 years old but she was this brilliant soul, very well-spoken and conversational. After a while, she began to be there in body instead of inhabiting objects, and we decided to adopt her. I don't remember everything that happened throughout the entire night because it was a shit ton of dreaming and waking, but I remember the growing sense of bond and love, tucking her in at night, playing, etc. She was a beautiful little soul, like a child/adult, and so sweet. It also all took place in this house that was supposed to be mine but it's not a house I've ever seen before. Really strange dream, but very pleasant and it left me with very warm feelings. It was also one of the few times I have had a continuous dream that I kept going back into all night despite waking up probably at least 25 times.

 

[vortech]

I've experienced this sort of persistent dream world increasingly in recent years. I have heard somewhere that most people have dreams that last only about 10-15 seconds of real time. After that, the dream is unable to maintain persistence and the sleep cycle shifts out of REM, and when it goes back into REM it is basically a new dream. However in my case I have been experiencing dream worlds that encompess many days of dream-time within a time period that is probably more like an hour of real-time. There are definitely different stages of the dream, like when I leave REM stage and then come back I am still in the same 'world' I was in before with a number of things connecting it to the previous dreams, but the world is transformed in some way. I often find that these dreams take place in a multi-day festival environment, or a Burning Man event, a place where my mind understands anything can happen and nothing is unexpected, allowing my mind to basically have a field day. Me rooming with an incredibly beautiful woman who happens to always be nude and represents the ideal image of a perfect body? Sure, that's something I'm not surprised to see.
Anyway I can rant for hours about the subject of recent dreams...last night was particularly interesting, and Xorkoth you answered a question I asked on Bluelight in the last couple days, if anyone feels like their use of dissociatives or psychedelics have leveled-up the fantasticalness and persistence of their dream-time. Considering your history, I'm not surprised that your mind is able to conjure persistent dream worlds that continue between periods of sleep and wake.

Speaking of leveling up, I can imagine you are thrilled with the additional options with your new music gear. I'm not familiar with that exact model of Yamaha digital piano, but I'm pretty sure it is quite limited in sonic variables and controls.

 

[Xorkoth]

Oh my god yes, I'm as excited as I've ever been about anything in life. The Nord is a fucking beast of a piece of equipment, half the bands I go see have one, and they sound incredible. I can't wait to post some stuff where I was using it. We have a couple already but they're not mixed down yet. I've got band practice this evening so there will be at least one more.

And yeah my old Yamaha was extremely limited. It actually had a decent (only decent) grand piano sound, but it sounded tinny when played loud or really high or low. Besides the piano sound there were a bunch of cheap-sounding voices, and one pretty cool one that sounds like a combination of flute and saxophone that I used to good effect.

 

[Help?!?!]

Awesome Xorkoth!

I know what a lot of you guys mean, the one thing psychedelics truly illustrated for me was the nearly infinite amount of grey in the world and the subjectivity, of nearly all things. I'm not really that "religious", though I do love the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama. I love meditation and yoga, two things that help keep me grounded. I personally don't see the purpose of really believing in any "God"... An omnipotent being wouldn't, in my eyes, be worried about that sort of nonsense. I truly enjoy that others get something from it though! I'm more of a follower of the universal life. That all things are connected, and once life dissapates, we all return to the flow of "oneness".

Since tripping on DOC again, I remembered how much I love it/tripping I general! The feeling of connection and serenity, despite the insanity of life, that everything is okay. I've had some crazy dreams as of late as well. I've found though(I have terrible insomnia most times, so waking up many times a night is nothing new...)that if I really enjoy a particular dream, then awake during it, that if I focus heavily on said dream, whilst relaxing back into sleep, that the dream will most times continue!

Vortech, I defintely don't mean to sound rude, but it seems clear mania is overtaking you... That's the line you have to cross with heavy disscociative use... It's truly seductive and sometimes hard to ignore, but if you don't, you'll end up in a delusional downward spiral, consistently reinforced by delusion and mania, making it seem A-okay... Please watch this. It's a truly easy trap to fall into and unlike psychedelics, the delusions don't stop after the main effects wear off, and are coated in what seems like truly spectular brilliance. 95% of the time though(except maybe that you, yourself, feel great, and a few other things)it's all just a drug enducers facade, that will eventually cause you distress and trouble...

Take care guys!

 

[Yeetbeat]

 

[thelung]

I miss psychedelics ! haven't taken any in a lonnng time... those were the days!

 

[Yeetbeat]

I miss psychedelics ! haven't taken any in a lonnng time... those were the days!

Depending on what defines 'lonnng', same here

Mornings are getting colder, so it'll be mushy picking season very very soon....otherwise I'm still left with a little bit of 2C-B and some DOC

Actually keen on the DOC, despite wanting to try it for so long I haven't found the occasion I can commit to such an extended period of altered state...though living where I am now, I can more easily justify forgoing on the ability to drive for a day than where I lived at the beginning of the year. Especially after today as a large shopping centre opened in my suburb. Not being able to drive won't mean I'm stuck just outside the city away from everything haha

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I'm feeling more and more like my long term relationship is falling apart and it's killing me, and worst of all I don't think it's that I'm changing or moving away from her at all, rather that she is becoming increasingly mean-spirited and distanced from me. There isn't a time I see my girlfriend these days that she doesn't get angry at me for some petty shit, be it that I'm tired and falling asleep, or that I haven't any ideas for activities, what have you, she gets mad at me. I don't know what to do... I don't want to lose her but I'm so sick of her intolerance of my true self.

 

[theacidtest]

I know how you feel. I was stuck in a relationship like that for a long time. Unfortunately, there was no resolving it. We split up, she continued on a path if being mean spirited and selfish, and I had to move on and find happiness for myself. Not what you want to hear, I'm sure, but that's how my situation ended up.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm feeling more and more like my long term relationship is falling apart and it's killing me, and worst of all I don't think it's that I'm changing or moving away from her at all, rather that she is becoming increasingly mean-spirited and distanced from me. There isn't a time I see my girlfriend these days that she doesn't get angry at me for some petty shit, be it that I'm tired and falling asleep, or that I haven't any ideas for activities, what have you, she gets mad at me. I don't know what to do... I don't want to lose her but I'm so sick of her intolerance of my true self.

My ex did that too, your specific examples are even ones I might choose to use. Likely she feels like she can't be her true self either, I think usually that sort of aggressive angry behavior comes from that sort of place. In my opinion, relationships that begin when you're very young are difficult to maintain long-term, because people change and grow a lot during that period of time. For me and my ex, we were much more compatible when we met, but as we both got older, we became far less compatible. Daily life became a chore because neither of us was happy with how the days would go. We had issues beyond that too, but compatibility in daily life is of critical importance in long-term relationships.

If you truly think it should be over, then you should be able to recognize that despite probably also trying to deny it (which is only natural), and make the split. I felt like I was losing myself after 12 years in my relationship, because of her intolerance of my true self and my attempts to compromise myself to make it work. It caused a tremendous level of negativity and pain and depression in me, and I didn't even realize how much it affected me until it was gone and I was able to be free again. It will be hard for a little while but then you'll be able to live your life the way you want to again, and that feels indescribably good. I was feeling like life was drab and gray and that it was just going to be like that, and that the best part of my life was over, but that wasn't true, I'm happier than I've ever been now, and I found someone infinitely better for me too after a while (and the being single again part was amazing too). A relationship that doesn't work has a massive amount of influence over how you feel. You've only got one life to live, you've got to live it for you.