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Quesitons about sobriety/ Detox

Crackpanda

Crackpanda

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 19, 2016
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Atlanta
This is in homeless because I was not sure about the sobriety/detox/OD thread which one to set it in.. Mods please help lol

So I relapsed last night from a heavy opiate/ Benzo habit last night, But I realized something, I am not trying to blame anything besides my addictive tendency but every time i relapse or even get high im drunk. Do I have an alcohol problem or drug? or both? I have been to AA as well as NA and honestly i hate going there because of how depressing those peoples lives are.. I think it might just be a preview if I continue like this but still i cant stand people talking about there problems it just makes me mad usually unless its on forums and such..

Also I think i should add, I actually used many drugs before alcohol. I didnt drink until i used it as a crutch to get off of opiates and benzos but now i feel like it has a bigger grasp on me than the pills and powder
 
I moved your thread to sober living.

What you described is common with relapsing when you get high or drunk.

It sounds as though, based on what you posted in this thread and other threads that you have both an alcohol and drug problem.

NA/AA are not for everyone, and despite what some hardcore NA/AA people claim, a lot of people do get sober without NA/AA, or or they use other support networks instead like a non-12 step program, family members/friends, etc. Or if your one NA/AA meeting is not to your liking you can go to a different AA/NA meeting, or non-12 step program like X_benzo_girl mentioned below.

Also, once a lot of people go to AA/NA, then get sober and realize that they can't use drugs anymore and can live a happy and successful life without any drugs or chemicals that going to AA/NA meetings was not useful for them anymore so they stopped going, and despite what the hardcore NA/AA people claim this does not make them a 'dry drunk' or mean that they are going to relapse or die.

But, there's nothing wrong with admitting you have a drug/alcohol addiction or problem and that you need help, and may possibly need to go to rehab/detox. Good luck.
 
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From the sounds of things, you're an addict. You can go to either meeting. I was a poly substance abuser - I was addicted to benzos, booze, opiates for a while, and did a lot of other drugs in between. It's in consequential to me if you call me a junkie, drunk, druggie, alcoholic because they are all true, and all of them imply I am an addict. I have attended both meeting types and the same principles apply, only in AA I have to reference everything as alcohol where as NA I could openly discuss other drugs. It depends on the AA group - some don't care if you reference other drugs some are adamantly against discussion of anything but alcohol.

I hated the meetings at first as well, and found everyone to be depressing also. But if you continue to use to the detriment of everything else, you will eventually be one of those people, or worse, you may not get sober and just live in that cyclic hell, or you could die. I haven't been to a meeting in ages as I used them for the commraderie. If they don't fit your philosophy check out Smart Recovery. In order to get sober and stay sober you have to address the issues that are driving you to use.

Benzos and alcohol are very closely related, and hit the same receptors in the brain. Think of benzos as alcohol in pill form. If you have had a problem with benzos, be very careful with booze as you will likely develop a problem, and alcohol is insidious to get off of, but not as painful as quitting benzos.

Good luck!
 
You have a problem with drugs, an "addiction problem", if you will. Alcohol is a drug, so you shouldn't think of it as anything but what it is: an addictive drug.

Let me know if you have any specific questions you'd like answered. :)
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You have a problem with drugs, an "addiction problem", if you will. Alcohol is a drug, so you shouldn't think of it as anything but what it is: an addictive drug.

Let me know if you have any specific questions you'd like answered. :)
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most defiantly alcohol is the worst drug in my opinion. I never did bat shit crazy things on opiates and benzos just kinda chilled out. Alcohol on the other hand... Lol the drunk tank was my second home when I turned 21 in December
 
Crackpanda said:
most defiantly alcohol is the worst drug in my opinion. I never did bat shit crazy things on opiates and benzos just kinda chilled out. Alcohol on the other hand... Lol the drunk tank was my second home when I turned 21 in December
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Things will probably get even crazier if you mix benzos and booze, and don't expect to remember any of it. Just a warning.

I got a DUI in 2010, my drunk friend crashed my car (I didn't realize he was drunk, otherwise we would have walked home) and it stalled out. I have a manual transmission RX-8, and if they stall when the engine is cold it's hard to get them to turn back over. My drunk ass jumped into the drivers seat to get the car on, and figure I could just limp it home. Nope, the entire right side suspension was busted and I did 360's across four lanes of traffic. Thank god it was 3 in the morning and no one was out, so no one got hurt. To this day I have no memory of any of that happening. I don't remember the accident, I don't remember getting booked, I don't remember my Dad getting me at the magistrate's office. I can thank Xanax and alcohol for the gap in my memory.

ETA - I also think that combo prompted me to try driving as I am avidly against intoxicated driving, and can count on one hand the number of times I have driven under the influence. Not an excuse, but interesting to note regarding that drug combo. I think it puts users in blackout mode relatively quick.
 
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Benzos and alcohol has led to many lost weekends for me as well. The worst for me is waking up in the psyche ward a number of times.

You might try talk therapy OP if you have an easier time talking to an addiction counselor one on one.
 
x_benzo_girl said:
Things will probably get even crazier if you mix benzos and booze, and don't expect to remember any of it. Just a warning.

I have had plenty of black out nights with benzos and alcohol , I am quite familiar unfortunately. I never truley black out from alcohol alone but mix with benzos? I wake up wondering what crazy shit i did the prior night. luckily I have no DUI's or chargers for that matter. My only charge came from some obscure RC that i thought was cocaine.. Learned my lesson there.

Back on topic. I honestly do not think I am ready to be clean, I have been sober and i was happy for a minute but I relapsed so.. It was ment to be or I am just not ready yet.. I really don't know
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Crackpanda said:
x_benzo_girl said:
Things will probably get even crazier if you mix benzos and booze, and don't expect to remember any of it. Just a warning.

I have had plenty of black out nights with benzos and alcohol , I am quite familiar unfortunately. I never truley black out from alcohol alone but mix with benzos? I wake up wondering what crazy shit i did the prior night. luckily I have no DUI's or chargers for that matter. My only charge came from some obscure RC that i thought was cocaine.. Learned my lesson there.

Back on topic. I honestly do not think I am ready to be clean, I have been sober and i was happy for a minute but I relapsed so.. It was ment to be or I am just not ready yet.. I really don't know
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What events lead up to your relapse? How had you been feeling say a month prior, a week prior, a day prior? Has anything changed recently? Have you been excessively bored, stressed, etc? Have you been obsessing about using the whole time clean?

Personally I think relapse is part of the recovery process. I would careful examine what motivated you to use. I would also ponder what has driven you to use in the past, and take steps to try to resolve it.

As for do you want to be sober - that is a question you have to ask yourself. Think long and hard. It's possible you may not be ready yet. There is no right or wrong answer. I would consider your life style now, and what your realistic ideal life style is, and make an action plan to work towards the realistic ideal. I can't say whther you should or should not use, as that is a very personal decision. I know people that are very happy using, but I know people like me who just can't handle it.

I went to rehab in 2010 for benzos and booze, and relapsed on booze shortly after leaving. Benzo withdrawal hit me hard. I was able to stop for about a year and then I relapsed back on booze again, and drank until I went back to rehab in 2014. I wasn't quite ready to stop drinking. When I went to rehab the second time, I was ready to quit. Since rehab I haven't missed using, but I was ready to quit though too.

You said you were sober for year - it's possible that benzo PAWS is still running it's course, and that can make it extremely difficult to stay sober.
 
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^ Deep inside, and from my experiences - we know we'll relapse way before actually using it. Anyway, nicely put benzo_girl.

You raised pretty good points. Thank you.


 
People are gonna eat me up for this but look, either you want to live ingesting alcohol and drugs or you dont. Ive never seen anything in my life so over analyzed and over complicated than addiction. There are, i admit, many factors with addiction but i agree with benzo girl and others here. Alcohol is a drug, a nasty one that kills people daily. But here in 2016 its a good time, if theres such a thing to be an addict. So much is out there in help with counclers to all kinds of recovery groups to treatment facilities. If the addict wants sobriety, take your pick. If the addict does not want sobriety, everything in the world will not help. In AA they say probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. Its true and you know, after an almost 30 yr battle with alcohol and drugs and countless meetings and rehabs and detoxes, i know some about it and if my daughter ever became addicted i would probably tty to make it go away for her like so many parents do. Human nature. I respect AA cause in 1939 they didnt have anywhere to go so its cool its still going. I have relapsed dozens of times in my life and i will say for me after awhile it makes it harder. But like i said at the begining, if addicts want help i think being simple as you can with them is best. No advice for OP except try rehab. It can really be helpful. So, sorry im all over the place and i dont know why yall would eat me up. Dont end up like me, lol. Scatterbrained from years of abuse. Benzo girl, i give you props. Ive seen you around the site and your advice is always sound. Toothpastedog, hope your good and crackpanda, good luck to you!
 
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