Will the demon ever leave?

[Vega89]

You probably already know this-so sorry if I am repeating previous advice. You spent 5 years developing habits to support addictions. Now, you are faced with unlearning behaviors, beliefs and coping skills designed to maintain the addiction. Not easy and certainly not going to happen over night. But you will have learn to recognize "addict think" as opposed what you would need as someone who is clean to get through the day. Maybe some therapy-talk or CBT as opposed to just a pill might help?

This is very true and also very difficult. This is something I think friends and family members of addicts need to understand as well.

 

[Vega89]

When I got sober everyone expected me to be 100% healed right out of rehab, like nothing ever happened. It was too much pressure, not enough compassion, empathy and support. I relapsed two months later. It took time for my friends and family to understand that being clean doesn't equal being healthy or fixed.

YES, EXACTLY!! It's extremely stressful. My mom is definitely compassionate and supported me through everything, but once the worst was over the first two months, she expects life to go back to normal. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple. She doesn't understand why anyone would still have cravings after going through horrific withdrawal, yet everyone does. I just feel so much pressure not to disappoint anyone so I just don't talk about it anymore. That's probably why I've been getting so angry.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

YES, EXACTLY!! It's extremely stressful. My mom is definitely compassionate and supported me through everything, but once the worst was over the first two months, she expects life to go back to normal. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple. She doesn't understand why anyone would still have cravings after going through horrific withdrawal, yet everyone does. I just feel so much pressure not to disappoint anyone so I just don't talk about it anymore. That's probably why I've been getting so angry.

It's really hard to explain to someone, but think of it like when people overeat. The food is delicious; being fat really isn't a deterrent to enjoying food. It might be a deterrent to not exercising, or a deterrent to eating a lot, but it doesn't matter, you'll always love your favorite foods unless you unnaturally pair an unpleasant event (a favorite meal before chemotherapy might negate your love for it).

Another example is when people get the chicken pox when you're young. Itching it makes it worse, but in that brief interim when you are destroying that layer of epidermis, it feels so good, and then you can't stop because it makes it more itchy.

Best parallels I can think of.

 

[Moreaux]

YES, EXACTLY!! It's extremely stressful. My mom is definitely compassionate and supported me through everything, but once the worst was over the first two months, she expects life to go back to normal. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple. She doesn't understand why anyone would still have cravings after going through horrific withdrawal, yet everyone does. I just feel so much pressure not to disappoint anyone so I just don't talk about it anymore. That's probably why I've been getting so angry.

I started to compare my addiction to cancer with my family. I would tell them just because someone has chemo doesn't mean they're cured. Just because the doctors don't detect any right now doesn't mean it's not there. Early on when I was frustrated I would snap sometimes and tell them you wouldn't be yelling at me right now if you thought I beat cancer only to find out it came back, my addiction behaves in similar ways. One round of rehab is a victorious battle, the war continues on.

It took a while for them to understand that my addiction wasn't just me being selfish and indulgent. When they finally understood that I didn't want my addiction anymore than they did, and I was doing everything I could, they backed off. It's such an insidious disease. It makes me sad to think people really believe that addicts want to live this way, that it's a lifestyle choice.

 

[Vega89]

Those are good ideas to use for explaining it. Not enough people are aware of the literal changes in an addicts brain.

A lot of people I know also judge by saying addicts chose to try the drug in the first place so it's their fault. Well, by that logic there are tons of health problems that are a direct result of lifestyle choices yet you don't see people making them feel horrible.

 

[manboychef]

When I got sober everyone expected me to be 100% healed right out of rehab, like nothing ever happened. It was too much pressure, not enough compassion, empathy and support. I relapsed two months later. It took time for my friends and family to understand that being clean doesn't equal being healthy or fixed.

I call this "Magic Door Syndrome"...you walk through the door messed up and hooked, and people without addiction problems seemingly believe something magical/medicinal happens and you walk back out the door a completely healthy, restored person without addictive behavior.

I too believe the stigma of drug use and the rampant dissemination of disinformation makes it harder to function after addiction. Most people that have never had an addiction have no idea what it truly does to you. They do not understand the shame and guilt that comes from it. It is like asking a pear to understand what being an orange is like.