Waiting til another relationship is over to Spring into Action?

[RhythmSpring]

Have you ever missed a romantic opportunity, and then your crush start a relationship with someone else, which turned into a long term relationship? Did you wait it out, til their relationship was over, to make another move? Did you make a move despite their relationship? Did you merely state your feelings and see where the cards fell?

How'd that go for you?

There is someone very special to me that has been with a S/O for about 10 months, now. They started their relationship after we had a brief fling, but geography and health got in the way. Then she moved on, and clearly, I didn't. But I can see her being open to a relationship with me, if this person were not in the picture anymore. She's said she likes me, misses me, etc., before that LTR started.

 

[iridescentblack]

Whom I deem to be my Soul Mate, is with another guy. Of course, she's - what seems like - a world away...

Despite this, I'm in no special hurry for them to break up, nor do I wish anything on her that she's not already... privy to(?) so to speak. What does bother me is that it doesn't seem that she's particularly satisfied with the relationship. Not because abuse or manipulation, but because a lack of commitment I suspect. Of course that could just be because she's working hard at school (and dealing with her own problems at the same time).

But I've never known anybody who knows me like she does... I've never known anybody to give me the same amount of inspiration. I feel like if she didn't exist, I would be exactly half the man I am.

 

[RhythmSpring]

Whom I deem to be my Soul Mate, is with another guy. Of course, she's - what seems like - a world away...

Despite this, I'm in no special hurry for them to break up, nor do I wish anything on her that she's not already... privy to(?) so to speak. What does bother me is that it doesn't seem that she's particularly satisfied with the relationship. Not because abuse or manipulation, but because a lack of commitment I suspect. Of course that could just be because she's working hard at school (and dealing with her own problems at the same time).

But I've never known anybody who knows me like she does... I've never known anybody to give me the same amount of inspiration. I feel like if she didn't exist, I would be exactly half the man I am.

Wow. We feel similar ways about these people. I'm in no hurry for them to break up either. In fact, I really (really) just want what is best for her. As for the status of their relationship, it's unclear. I am afraid to ask, though, because it might disrupt what she has with this guy and also ruin future chances with me, because I'll be seen as clingy and disrespectful of the integrity of the monogamous relationship.

Does she know how you feel about her, even while she's with this other guy?

 

[iridescentblack]

Does she know how you feel about her, even while she's with this other guy?

Oo, that's a hard call. I guess you could say there are subtle clues. I could be dead wrong about her feelings for me, but at the same time there are just these glorious moments where I'll text her at the right time or she'll text me at the right time. So even if we aren't meant to be together, I think our souls are fated to assist each other through life (or at least life's hardships).

 

[Bearlove]

Have you ever missed a romantic opportunity, and then your crush start a relationship with someone else, which turned into a long term relationship? Did you wait it out, til their relationship was over, to make another move? Did you make a move despite their relationship? Did you merely state your feelings and see where the cards fell?

How'd that go for you?

There is someone very special to me that has been with a S/O for about 10 months, now. They started their relationship after we had a brief fling, but geography and health got in the way. Then she moved on, and clearly, I didn't. But I can see her being open to a relationship with me, if this person were not in the picture anymore. She's said she likes me, misses me, etc., before that LTR started.

She has given you no signs that she is interested in a relationship with you as she is now in a relationship with somebody else. What makes you think that she would want to leave her S/O for you ? You have tried and it failed so what has changed ? I really do not know why you would want to try and spoil her relationship if she is happy.

I have had ex's move on to other relationships, I have moved on from Ex's - I have also moved on when still with somebody, I have also moved on with somebody who was already in a LTR etc

 

[RhythmSpring]

She has given you no signs that she is interested in a relationship with you as she is now in a relationship with somebody else. What makes you think that she would want to leave her S/O for you ? You have tried and it failed so what has changed ? I really do not know why you would want to try and spoil her relationship if she is happy.

The question isn't about trying to spoil her relationship, it's about waiting til it's over. I have not made a move on her while she's in this relationship.

 

[Mysterie]

i think its pointless to wait, who knows how long the relationship will last anyway. how long would you wait for anyway? 1 year? 5 years? all that time disregarding all of the other women that appear in your world.

also whatever sparked your initial connection, it may have simply created an illusion of how your perceive this girl, and once it disappears, you just see her as a person and it doesn't live up to how you idealised her.

sometimes it is being understood by someone who is on a similar wavelength or sees life through a similar lense, it creates a strong response in your system and this sparks passion, but people's trajectories are shifting and changing all the time and after some time you might have grown to a point where you don't really feel like you are both on the same page anymore.

this is all my assumptions because you don't provide much information about your relationship with the girl in question in OP. i have been in similar situations quite a bit, and i think i have a habit of falling for girls that are unavailable. my deep fear is of rejection and abandonment, this eliminates that possibility. the first time it took me around a year to get over her, the second time it was a month or two and i lost interest. i live such an isolated life that if any girl shows me some attention or truly listens to me, i'll fall in love right then and there. i won't even see if they are just hungry for attention sometimes.

 

[Bearlove]

The question isn't about trying to spoil her relationship, it's about waiting til it's over. I have not made a move on her while she's in this relationship.

You asked several questions though including 'did you make a move despite their relationship' - you also stated that you think she would be open for a relationship with you if she wasn't with the other guy. Your post made me think that you were open to asking her out again and I was asking why and what had changed.

 

[placid space]

^^thats a good point.
If you say shes open to a relationship with you and you basically both see that there is more happiness to be had if you two were together I say go for it, dont wait and waste time. But dont just tell her, get together in person, then say something in the lines how you know how great you would be together or something you feels right and make a move. I just wouldnt go telling her you love her or sth too overboard. But you know the situation best.
And of course, she needs to break it off with her bf immediately if it works. I hope you wouldnt allow her to cheat on him with you behind his back. Thats low, you wouldnt want it done to you.

 

[ScroogeMcDuck57]

I think of relationships like jobs: I don't leave one until I have another lined up.

I think what makes me attractive to women is I have my shit together and I do interesting things. That's independent of them, that's how you keep from being needy. How i build attraction is by devoting interest and time to the girl. There's an element of charisma that is beyond my language skills to describe.

Anyways, the reality is that 99% of all relationships do not work out, and even the ones that do in USA only 50% last till death. We've all missed out on relationships, but that how life is. Dwelling on it might feel cathartic, but I think it keeps you from the next relationship.

 

[nygiants1313]

Well if you make a move while they in a relationship and u get this person cheating on their s/o odds are he would hsve no problem cheating on you lol. So its a little catch 22ish if u ask me