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HELP! driving myself insane with jealousy over gf's meth sex

As long as she believes she's a victim, she will always be one. If you want your relationship to survive, I encourage couples therapy for you two and then individual therapy for her to help her deal with her past demons and not be so dependent on men, sex, and drugs.
 
bad advice from all of you

Pretty_Diamonds said:
As long as she believes she's a victim, she will always be one. If you want your relationship to survive, I encourage couples therapy for you two and then individual therapy for her to help her deal with her past demons and not be so dependent on men, sex, and drugs.
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thank you pretty diamonds. these fools do not have any clue what ive been through.a life long of sexual tramas. and "pinkclover" still loves me,we experienced this "meth sex" and both agreed we dont want that horrid shit. and for the record you stupid ignorant judging fools, its the creeps like you who prey on women when they are weak.and when you are raped as a 17 yr old you are a victim. but today i choose not to let what sick fucks did to me rule my life.wasnt ever addicted to meth and for the record...when you are sexually tramatized from a young age,women tend to not be able to have a orgasm.so it wasnt like i was all high on that shit and looking for dick to get off.so my only fucking fault was being weak.so none of yalls lame ass advice worked. we are still together,stronger than ever and can i just say DAMN his sex is the best...because he makes love to me.asshats! that is all
 
thank you pretty diamonds. these fools do not have any clue what ive been through.a life long of sexual tramas. and "pinkclover" still loves me,we experienced this "meth sex" and both agreed we dont want that horrid shit. and for the record you stupid ignorant judging fools, its the creeps like you who prey on women when they are weak.and when you are raped as a 17 yr old you are a victim. but today i choose not to let what sick fucks did to me rule my life.wasnt ever addicted to meth and for the record...when you are sexually tramatized from a young age,women tend to not be able to have a orgasm.so it wasnt like i was all high on that shit and looking for dick to get off.so my only fucking fault was being weak.so none of yalls lame ass advice worked. we are still together,stronger than ever and can i just say DAMN his sex is the best...because he makes love to me.asshats! that is all
 
angrybiotch said:
thank you pretty diamonds. these fools do not have any clue what ive been through.a life long of sexual tramas. and "pinkclover" still loves me,we experienced this "meth sex" and both agreed we dont want that horrid shit. and for the record you stupid ignorant judging fools, its the creeps like you who prey on women when they are weak.and when you are raped as a 17 yr old you are a victim. but today i choose not to let what sick fucks did to me rule my life.wasnt ever addicted to meth and for the record...when you are sexually tramatized from a young age,women tend to not be able to have a orgasm.so it wasnt like i was all high on that shit and looking for dick to get off.so my only fucking fault was being weak.so none of yalls lame ass advice worked. we are still together,stronger than ever and can i just say DAMN his sex is the best...because he makes love to me.asshats! that is all
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You WERE a victim, but you can't be one anymore. You're a survivor, and you will push through. There's a point where you gotta be in control of your life. Baby steps, you know? Past trauma is hard to deal with and it's easier to turn to drugs and sex for that instant relief. It's instant, but as you know, it's not permanent and only creates more problems further down the road.

Long-term solution: Get into therapy ASAP. Do a simple google search using your current insurance and locations near you. You're looking for someone who is experienced in substance abuse, and sexual trauma. You'll need to do the work and get the right type of help. If you feel more comfortable around woman, then find a woman psychologist. Also, couples therapy would be with a couple's therapist who also has experience in substance abuse and sexual trauma. This is a different therapist.

Short-term solution: Cut this toxic guy who takes advantage of you out of your life. Right now, you may not be strong enough to just say no and he knows just how to tempt you and take advantage of you. He's no better than a pimp, exploiting his workers. Block his phone calls, don't answer. If you need to get a restraining order. Do it.
 
angryB - sort your life out and treat this poor fucking bloke with some respect from now on. i'm amazed he's still with you. you need to cut this meth head out of your life both for your sobriety and your relationship's sake. you can't blame this awful behaviour on childhood trauma. pretty diamond's advice is all good. get help for your own sake and your boyfriend's.

pinkclover - i'd seriously reconsider. if you must stay with her, then just one more stray from her should surely be enough for you to end things. there's plenty of fish in the sea, mate. i know you don't want any other fish at the moment, i know this from my own personal experience, but getting out of my fucked up relationship has allowed me to find someone SO much better. plus your current girl sounds a bit racist and hostile. and i would deffo get tested for sti's.
 
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angrybiotch said:
thank you pretty diamonds. these fools do not have any clue what ive been through.a life long of sexual tramas. and "pinkclover" still loves me,we experienced this "meth sex" and both agreed we dont want that horrid shit. and for the record you stupid ignorant judging fools, its the creeps like you who prey on women when they are weak.and when you are raped as a 17 yr old you are a victim. but today i choose not to let what sick fucks did to me rule my life.wasnt ever addicted to meth and for the record...when you are sexually tramatized from a young age,women tend to not be able to have a orgasm.so it wasnt like i was all high on that shit and looking for dick to get off.so my only fucking fault was being weak.so none of yalls lame ass advice worked. we are still together,stronger than ever and can i just say DAMN his sex is the best...because he makes love to me.asshats! that is all
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You're not a victim, but coming on here to make sure and explain to us why you are the victim...hmm, okay. None of us said you were a meth addict, your man did, so maybe take that up with him. I'm also failing to see where we are being creeps and preying on women, but by all means, please continue to tell all us "ignorant fools" about how you are the victim.
 
what to say? nothing.

the OP will do what hes gonna and the girlfriend will cheat when shes in a mood.

you yourself are your own behaviour
 
Thank u diamonds.yes im looking into counseling to heal and get better.but pinkclover and I have been together on and off for 10 yrs, he never did me wrong.i was the one that messed up.and im willing to do anything in my power to keep him by my side.hes not toxic at all, if anything he is levelheaded and is lifting me up.thank for taking time for advice
 
^ That's good. Therapy will def. help you to deal with your past and also give you better coping strategies. The toxic guy I was referring to was not pinkclover, but that other random guy pinkclover referred to. The one who throws meth in your face and starts fondling you? I was saying, he's toxic to your relationship with pinkclover. You guys aren't going to be able to move forward with that other guy coming back into your life and tempting you with drugs.

Also, I definitely also still suggest couples therapy. You do have personal issues to work on but I think you also have issues that need to be dealt with as a couple. Pinkclover could also probably use the help dealing with these jealously issues, past experiences, etc. You should ask pinkclover if he's willing and wants to.:)
Goodluck girlie & OP.
 
For all your excuses...... Stop. Seeing. The. Other. Dude. Just stop. It's hurting someone you supposedly care about to a great degree. Is it really worth it? Drugs is one thing, but you are making the decision to cheat on him each and every time. No one is forcing you. You need to own up to that.
 
Hi angry, I just had a few thoughts that might be helpful for both of you. First, try hard to start thinking of yourself as a Survivor instead of a victim. I am in no way downplaying all you have been through but thinking of yourself as a Survivor will be a positive way to think of yourself moving forward. Also, consider how much pinkclover has gone through due to all the above discussed issues, yet he is STILL with you. That is another positive for you to concentrate on, a reinforcement that he sees good in you and you can honestly believe that he truly loves you. It sounds like he has proven that over and over again. Real love is a very hard thing to find, and even with all your falling back after trying to clean up you have the real thing, his love, to hold tight to.

IMO the first important step would be to get to a place where your supplier, the other guy(s), are not easily accessible. Would it be possible for you and pinkclover to move to a different city, or even a different state? If so, that would give you both a new start, together. Second step would be to begin the process of getting clean. Go to an addiction clinic and have your boyfriend go with you just as support, as this is something you will be working at together; also start individual therapy plus couples therapy. It goes without saying that it will be very difficult and trying for you but every time you feel like you just can't do it, reach out and physically touch pinkclover..take hold of his hand or his arm, anything to remind you that there is a real, physical strength standing right next to you, and that strength is yours just for the taking. Feeling that strength can be a very important part of staying strong when all your body wants to do is quit. Also, keep reminding yourself of how devoted he is to you, how he hasn't given up on you and use that to help you not give up on yourself. And think often of how awesome it will be when you are completely clean and the two of you can start making plans for your future together. You really can beat this even if you feel like you can't right now. Just lean on pinkclover, that's what he wants you to do...use his strength when you run out of your own.

You are VERY fortunate to have someone who loves you so much, and believes in you. Some people spend their whole life looking for it and never find it. Go for the brass ring, it's yours if you just reach for it! Remember, you are a Survivor. Many good wishes for both of you!
 
I'm new so I apologize. You sound perfect! Do what makes you happy and not others! If she makes you happy buy KY it kinda does the same. mammatiger
 
angrybiotch said:
Thank u diamonds.yes im looking into counseling to heal and get better.but pinkclover and I have been together on and off for 10 yrs, he never did me wrong.i was the one that messed up.and im willing to do anything in my power to keep him by my side.hes not toxic at all, if anything he is levelheaded and is lifting me up.thank for taking time for advice
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You are one lucky gal that he stayed around for you. The way you treated him in the past leads me to believe you will do it again. I hope I'm wrong but I doubt it. Good luck to both of you.
 
pinkclover said:
Yes she is getting help and we both agreed that she needs to fix herself and get her life straight before we can be together.
I believe she can change. It has already taken years and I am still here. I am dealing with getting this stuff out of my head and letting it go. I don't want to bring it up anymore with her when she is trying to put it behind her. I know now what I needed to know. Sux ass but not the end of the world. If she gets help and shoots straight with me then I will be here.
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I am just now skimming myself for answers and desperate, enraged, devastated. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and is addicted to opiates and on my last straw. However he did meth a few nights ago and was gone for about 48 hours. He sent his location (he was making sure I knew he wasn’t in Charlotte where his dealer is). I went to the location to prove he was using. Well this time it was not opiates it was meth. I made him pull out his pockets and he pulled out condoms. I was so shocked and confused and made him give me his phone. He said it just died and I said I am buying a charger. He said I didn’t want to see what was on there. He said he wasn’t cheating. When the phone was back on there was about 30 videos of him touching himself and sending to 2 guys and basically cyber sexing. To me this is cheating. Why couldn’t he send me any videos and why would he need condoms if he wasn’t having sex? He said he likes how it feels running himself with a condom on. He refused to leave the gas station with me. He was making a video in the gas station he said he would be home at 10. 3 am rolls around and still not home. Finally comes home at 3 pm after I chucked his stuff out of the house. He has never not done this to me before. He had no money and I am sure he did some sexual favor for more meth. Am I not good enough for him to come home and fuck?? I couldn’t feel more worthless. I got nothing from him for Christmas because he used all his money on drugs. Promised this would be the best year ever and get me this cheap $6 necklace from Walmart. But oh wait he finally bought me a real necklace but then sold it for drugs before he even had the chance to give it to me. He’s called
From
Detox I have so many questions but only get 10 min to talk. I’m sick of his lying I don’t know if I can ever forgive this. The night he left for detox he went back and got more meth and made more videos and sent them to the other guy but none for
Me. I Made him stop the car and make me one and it was pathetic compared
To what he sent to these other people. Like he wanted nothing to do with me. No passion or enjoyment like was in the other ones. I am crushed and will be more crushed if he actually did some kind of sex act to get the drug. He said he would live out of his car just to be with me because he knows I’m not about to let him back in the house. I love him so much and a great connection. After this I feel like nothing, no self esteem and have this gut wrenching heart ache. Are you still with your girlfriend?
 
@roper79 my advice to you, as hard as this is to hear, would be to go no contact with him. Cut him off COMPLETELY. He is an addict; he needs to hit rock bottom before he will voluntarily start to recover. And even then, recovery isn’t linear; total abstinence usually isn’t an option for most of us. My drug use wrecked my marriage, but I wouldn’t recover fully until AFTER the divorce and a few ODs where I almost died, but I still use SOME drugs, just mainly the non-addictive ones. So keep that in mind if you ever do decide to accept him back. Drugs may be a part of his life always; or they may not. But for now, you should cut him 100% out of your life. Focus on you. Heal. Maybe in a year or two or five, you could reassess, see where he’s at and how you feel about it. But probably by then you’ll prefer not to allow him back.
 
xtcgrrrl said:
@roper79 my advice to you, as hard as this is to hear, would be to go no contact with him. Cut him off COMPLETELY. He is an addict; he needs to hit rock bottom before he will voluntarily start to recover. And even then, recovery isn’t linear; total abstinence usually isn’t an option for most of us. My drug use wrecked my marriage, but I wouldn’t recover fully until AFTER the divorce and a few ODs where I almost died, but I still use SOME drugs, just mainly the non-addictive ones. So keep that in mind if you ever do decide to accept him back. Drugs may be a part of his life always; or they may not. But for now, you should cut him 100% out of your life. Focus on you. Heal. Maybe in a year or two or five, you could reassess, see where he’s at and how you feel about it. But probably by then you’ll prefer not to allow him back.
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Thank you for the feed back
 
I am going to comment, only from a very judgmental and self protective way, being I got anxious reading this, anywho,
Walk away. It's easier to get 30 years sober, ( seemingly impossible for me) or, get recognized for performing in a band called, psychedelic horseshit, at the Grammys, rather than pull a relationship off like this.Elements of chemicals, and your obviously very loving intentions for her, will leave both of you mentally spent and drain you of life and happiness.
My best friend, and former"special lady friend", complained to herself out loud, "why do I wind up with old men, who are over medicated, drug addicted, morons?" I dont talk much, and said nothing," I understand. But something is wrong with her "picker" and mine as well. It seems with my limited view, that something might be wrong with your choice of personalities...
I know this as absolute fact, that taking care of you, and your needs.are your best known, and most qualified self care advocate.This is a cheesey reference, though sounds really true is,
"The way you choose to self talk in a deprecating manner can affect your mental as well as physical health,...correcting this is you first and most effective form of self defence".- Bruce Lee.
Protect yourself and dare to be selfish.Walk away. And allow room for growth. And a future with someone who feels for you, as you feel for her. She might need a catalyst for her to choose as well. My God, I sound like my therapist.🥶
Practice peace and take care of YOU

Phobophobic.
 
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