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Sponsors

There are sponsors for any of the anonymous groups. Usually when you are new they pass around a meetings list with numbers on it. Go to a few meetings and find someone you resonate with....make sure that they are the same gender as you. Once you feel like you have the lay of the land with the people in your homegroup, approach the person chairing the meeting and ask them to ask if there are any men or women willing to sponsor. During the beginning of the meeting he will make the announcement and people will raise their hands. Find the person that you most resonate with and talk to them after the meeting. Work with him a little and see if he may be someone down the line that you can be completely open and honest with. This is extremely important! You need to be able to be candid. If that sponsor doesn't work, part ways amicably and find one that does. It took me three sponsors to find one that I mesh well with.
 
One of the major points of meetings is to hook up newcomers with people with time, both as sponsors and as friends. The program itself is in the literature and the steps. Are meetings necessary for recovery? Many would say at least some attendance helps. I know that when I don't go to one for awhile I can tell.
 
I agree phactor. I need fellowship with other addicts just to understand myself and that I am not going crazy. Most people that are "normal" can't understand how the addict mind works, but other addicts know just how you feel, have been there, or are going through it currently.
 
I can't help but disparage the false dichotomy of "addict" and "normie," but I do understand how some find it a valuable concept.

Why were you thinking about getting a sponsor OP?
 
by normal I mean someone that has never experienced addiction/dependence. Like brain is still at a normal state as apposed to an addicted state.
 
Oh I totally understand what you meant. There certainly is a lot of utility in the idea, especially in the journey's early stages (for first the two or three years of recovery).

Any essential or intrinsic difference between someone with a history of addiction and someone who doesn't have the same history is ultimately illusory. Both people can learn a lot from each other. In particular, the addict can learn from the normie's experience of a life void of drug dependency, just as the normie can learn from the addict's experience of a life organized around their addiction.

The difference(s) isn't unimportant at all, but it's like the difference between the river, the rain, the clouds and the sea. They all look different, but they are the same. Their character may be different, but at their core they share the same essence. You and I are different. That difference is important, and is best respected. Would you not say who we each are is more than what makes us different? I am fairly assured that you are much more than addiction, as you've already made significant progress in moving beyond past dependency.

We are each so much more than just what makes us different, and that shared commonality is also important, and best respected. That's all I meant, that the addict and the normie are not essentially different beings.

I'm not advocating that people who share a history of addiction should not work together and learn together, or help each other. That is a fantastic thing. It is just very unfortunate when that happens at the expensive of working with people other than addicts. It is really unfortunate for both parties, although with the stigma of addiction it can't be avoided in many situations.

I have a feeling we both agree about this chef, even if our particular interests are distinct :)
 
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nuttynutskin said:
How do they work and are they only for AA or are there others?
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All the 12 step groups, the two big ones being AA and NA, plus all the smaller ones (pills anonymous, cocaine anonymous, gamblers anonymous) work from the same texts that originate with AA, so they're essentially the same thing only covering different addictions. And so they all have the concept of sponsors. NA is the one I have the most experience with, I've never been to AA since I don't think I have any problem with alcohol. NA covers just about everything in the way of substance addiction and is the 2nd largest of the various fellowships behind AA. A sponsor is just someone with more clean time with you that's been going to groups a lot longer who will help you work the steps, help you get to meetings, someone you can call when you think you might use/drink, etc.

Generally it's highly recommended that your sponsor be the same gender as you. To discourage relationships between members (known informally as 13th stepping). When I first started going one of the women there told me pretty clearly that generally the women help the other women, the men help the other men, and generally to avoid commingling. Having said that though, it's not strictly against any actual rules to have cross-sex sponsorships. So it's not out of the question.
 
I'm not interested in attending meetings, just talking to someone who could keep me in check.
 
nuttynutskin said:
I'm not interested in attending meetings, just talking to someone who could keep me in check.
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I totally understand that. I personally have a private therapist I pay and also the therapist the methadone clinic provides. I highly recommend therapy its possible to find one who has a clue and is nice to talk to.
 
That seems to be the route I should take. I'm just not comfortable in groups of people I don't know... The whole social phobia thing.
 
Do what works for you, the best kind of work happens in an environment we feel safe in. For me that meant seeing a therapist and not going to AA/NA type meetings, although I have been to plenty of good meetings too. I understand what you mean about phobia, it was a lot easier to make progress one on one with a professional that I got along with than strangers I just met. Never made any good friends in AA, perhaps one. My experience wasn't so hot though.
 
Yeah the meetings can be real hit or miss. Some are very cult like. I usually go when I am having a really bad day and I feel like using as a form of meditation. I usually just listen. Therapy really works well for me. When I had to do group therapy I didn't get into it...but I'm in florida and there was only one other person in my group that was my intellectual equal. I was the only person in there with panic disorder and OCD so like I couldn't control my environment enough to be able to heal...I was always on edge. I needed the time in there though to just be away from everything. I also had fun making fake quotes to put in the daily quote thing we read at night.

the quotes were usually like "you can't have everything because where would you put it?" "The journey of a million miles begins with a single step" as well as other platitudes from AA and NA.....so I added my own

"If life gives you lemons....FUCK it", "This quote will self destruct in 10 seconds", "I know what you do to yourself at night", "wasps are natures assholes","a silver potato to the exhaust pipe will take out todays modern irish werewolves"

Just little jokes because we had to try to relate it to our recovery. I wish I could remember some of them...I made new ones like every week and most people knew the color I would use and my handwriting so they would actively pick those out of the box. Everyone needed a little joke at the end of the night because sometimes everyone got a little wound up. There was a lot of really deep stuff shared...I even shared a little of myself there. I told a lot of jokes to help people through...and I definitely got in between a few fistfights.

Enough nonsense. I guess what I am saying is that recovery is a journey of self discovery. I liked to joke because my soul was so jagged from years of drug abuse and the things I saw because of it. Humor helped me and others. Take it piecemeal from everyone around you that is in recovery. There is no one truth path, only many pathways. I would suggest you try talk therapy though...and if it isn't for you try something else. As long as your are trying something.
 
That's such an important bit of the story chef! There are infinite paths to success in recovery, just as there are in life. Imposing one's own on another is paternalistic and selfish at best. Doing what we can to facilitate another's exploration of what may work for them, an supporting them when they find something that helps them move along, seem the best we can do.

Humor is very supportive too :)
 
Nothing is ever imposed at meetings though. People can get up and walk out at anytime. If the courts are forcing an individual to go to meetings then that is an issue with the courts and not the program itself. 12 step groups have no opinions on outside issues.


I have a sponsor, go to meetings, work steps and see a great therapist. I do all of this to stay sober, its worked for me for over a year and a half. I don't want to get into a debate about the 12 steps or meetings but a sponsor and a therapist are very different. They both help me in different ways. My first sponsor told me I was "very outgoing", I was shocked, nobody had ever called me that. Turns out when I am clean I find it somewhat easy to at least force myself to socialize. Now its easy to do so and I really have meetings and recovery to thank for that.
 
phactor said:
Nothing is ever imposed at meetings though. People can get up and walk out at anytime. If the courts are forcing an individual to go to meetings then that is an issue with the courts and not the program itself. 12 step groups have no opinions on outside issues.


I have a sponsor, go to meetings, work steps and see a great therapist. I do all of this to stay sober, its worked for me for over a year and a half. I don't want to get into a debate about the 12 steps or meetings but a sponsor and a therapist are very different. They both help me in different ways. My first sponsor told me I was "very outgoing", I was shocked, nobody had ever called me that. Turns out when I am clean I find it somewhat easy to at least force myself to socialize. Now its easy to do so and I really have meetings and recovery to thank for that.
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exactly why i keep in touch with my sponsor, and go to meetings every once in a while. It is just another tool in the box for me. I do tend to read the basic text, and the big blue book once a year. It keeps some of the ideas fresh in my mind.
 
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