Thanks to yepyep and Solitude for responding. I was quite high when I wrote that (this is the tripping thread after all) and just felt the need to exhaust something raw and horrible. Appreciate the kind responses, instead of the justifiable, "stop harshing my buzz dude."
This is the problem with posting while high. I didn't even manage to state that the reason my font size was that big (22pt actually, now that I check again) was because I was on MXM+weed. I do need glasses, but I was wearing them! For some reason though, I couldn't manage to read anything without pumping up the font size. I sometimes get weird visual distortions on dissociatives.
100% right. I went into this relationship with exactly the attitude you're suggesting. At one point I was meditating 1 hour per day, every day, for about two years. I stopped when my first son was born and then resumed, but only sporadically. A lot of my anger is at myself for ultimately finding out that I was not the person that I wished that I was. I pretend to accept what is, and then become angry at the state of my station. I've made some bad choices, and I'm slow to accept my responsibility. Finally, when I'm sad, I can't stand that I'm not everything that I could be for my son.
Before I had a kid, I never thought I would be the type of dad to get *too* close. I mean, I guess I never even knew what love was. Now I've been transformed and I'm all soft. By all rights I should want to scream at this kid, but instead I find myself being patient: waiting, ready to love again.
When my wife says something hurtful to me, I am broken in two. I lose faith. I am angry. I am resentful. I am not a great dad. I am very, very unhappy. I am paralyzed.
Then I start over.
My silly question: What is my intention? What do I wish for myself? Not that I assume that I will necessarily get what I wish for, but, at least I should know what I want, if I know that what I have now is not ok. At what point would it be ok? I cannot answer this question.
I've finally found love, and it has brought hatred with it. This life is self-destructive. Maybe all life is, but it can do it kindly. Perhaps I just wish it to do it kindly.
"Say something pretty while you can." This is what I want for myself and have not yet realized as my rainbow reality.
Is that you Carl? Or just some random internet user? Either way, you are loved.
Actually I got the DOET in a trade (25mg of it), along with a nice strong dose of MEM. Of course I traded some DOPr for it which is something I did manage to find on my own. Got some DOF and DOiP too. DOF is likely inactive or just a stimulant but really no one knows for sure. DOiP seems like it's probably lackluster, but I guess I'll find out. DOPr is a gem though. Looking forward to taking it at a full dose (I wrote a report on a low dose).
I, too, am jealous of some of these exotic finds. Here I am with only LSD, DMT, and 2C-B in my psychedelic stash like some kind of amateur 
